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View Full Version : How would YOU end the world?


Pip Boy
01-13-2010, 06:14 PM
Bob the Mercenary's "catastrphic global meltwdown caused by laser" tabloid thread got me thinking. Even if that particular machine would never actually cause something like the end of the world, the Earth exists in a very delicate balance. If it tilts a little too much, END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. If the moon weren't in that particular rotation/position/size, END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. If we were about 10% closer to or farther from the son, END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. Hell, at any given moment a quazar could just come out of nowhere and fuck our shit up.

Given, say, a few billion dollars to build whatever crazy contraption you would like, how would you herald the end of the world as we know it?

What'll it be? I'll concieved tampering with the earths bowels results in geological instability? Wheather machine accidentally cause A category fuck you hurricane? Slow down the moon's revolution just a bit so it'll come slowly crashing down on top of us? Lets hear it.

P-Sleazy
01-13-2010, 06:58 PM
I would end the world by compulsorarily over populating it by forcing everyone over the age of 18 and before menopause (and the male equivalent age) to have continuous sex until impregnated, and then once pregnant the female could take a break, if she wishes, for a few months while she birthed and then shortly afterwards begin on the next child. The males during this time would move on to the next female to impregnate. Finally, every person over the age above listed ages of menopause (and male equivalents) would be responsible for raising and providing for all the breeding ages whilst the people between the ages of 13-18 will be our physical labor whilst the under 13 year olds will be in classes to learn about work and sex.

Finally, once the earth was so filled with humans that we literally fall off the land and into the water to drown. I find that the only survivors of this plan would be sea creatures as air born creatures would not have anywhere to land lest it be ontop of people procreating thier next child. On top of this, it would guarantee the fastest spread of STDs and AIDs as all forms of contraception and birth control would be banned.

Yes, a cruel ending to the human world that would be.

Pip Boy
01-13-2010, 07:01 PM
Wouldn't people... y'know.... just.. stop doin' it?

EDIT: I think I'd hijack a Space Shuttle (Who would see it coming?) And then fly it into space with a nuclear weapon onboard. Take it to the moon and then plant the bomb on the side of the moon that leads its revolution. Detonating the bomb there will hopefully slow the moon enough that it begins to accelerate towards the earth until it finally comes crashing down. The best part is that it will be a slow sing towards the ground. Could take days, weeks, or even months of watching the moon slowly grow bigger and bigger as the tital patters turn to chaos and weather goes crazy until the moment of final impact. Some Majora's Mask shit right there.

Dracorion
01-13-2010, 07:02 PM
Clone Fifthfiend, make an army.

Lost in Time
01-13-2010, 07:05 PM
I was going to go the opposite way of B_real and create a perfect android mate for every person where they forget of real human mates until they die off.

Mac
01-13-2010, 07:20 PM
Cancel WoW. Just straight up, cancel WoW. No reasons, no excuses.

Flarecobra
01-13-2010, 07:23 PM
Wouldn't people... y'know.... just.. stop doin' it?

EDIT: I think I'd hijack a Space Shuttle (Who would see it coming?) And then fly it into space with a nuclear weapon onboard. Take it to the moon and then plant the bomb on the side of the moon that leads its revolution. Detonating the bomb there will hopefully slow the moon enough that it begins to accelerate towards the earth until it finally comes crashing down. The best part is that it will be a slow sing towards the ground. Could take days, weeks, or even months of watching the moon slowly grow bigger and bigger as the tital patters turn to chaos and weather goes crazy until the moment of final impact. Some Majora's Mask shit right there.

Physics disagree with ya there.

Anyway, I'd pull some Wargames stuff, and hack into the Nuclear Launch Systems, and just fire them off, not really caring where they land. Just aim them in a random direction and let them fly. Then other countries would retalite, and MAD would occur.

The survivers would slowly meet their end as they struggle to make it though the nuclear winter.

K-Resh
01-13-2010, 07:24 PM
Flood of Cheeseburgers.

Thadius
01-13-2010, 07:42 PM
Not with a whimper, but with a big-ass bang.

First, I'd research and make a self-sufficient Ark-like ship. Into its memory banks I would download the sum knowledge of humanity. And then I'd work on the coolest weapon you ever did see.

I'd work on a weapon that would 'flip' half of the Earth through some crazy-ass Q dimension or what have you so that it would become Antimatter.

Before pushing the button I'd make sure that everything/one I wanted to save had been saved, push the time-delayed countdown that couldn't be canceled or stopped, blast off, and watch the Earth explode into light.

And of course I'd videotape the whole goddamn thing. Best special effects ever, of course you tape that!

Bob The Mercenary
01-13-2010, 07:42 PM
root@god:~$ fdisk /dev/

bluestarultor
01-13-2010, 07:44 PM
I say it ends in ice. :p


Really, though, are we talking the end of the world or the end of humanity? The two aren't necessarily mutually inclusive. I say give it enough time and humanity ends both pretty effectively. All we have to do is keep doing what we are and global warming will eventually fry us, especially if we reduce particle emissions and stop blotting out the sun with global dimming. That should about unleash all the methane stored in the oceans and tundra and send us not just falling, but rocketing over the edge at breakneck speed into a fast death spiral.

Now, if we somehow manage to compensate with, I dunno, building a LOT of infrastructure really fast to save as many plants and animals as possible, humanity as a whole will probably be screwed, but a select few would survive and re-populate eventually, despite the loss of pretty much all wildlife. Highly unlikely, but I'll allow it.

In that case, the world is still pretty effectively ended. What with basically knocking the legs out from under the table.

Mac
01-13-2010, 07:48 PM
Oh oh oh I know how to end humanity. Get a recording of all of Bluey's posts and record them to the masses. Mass suicide for all :D

Bluey ya know I am kidding right. We still cool.
:p

Thadius
01-13-2010, 07:48 PM
root@god:~$ fdisk /dev/

C:\Earth is still running. Abort without saving? Y/N

Kyanbu The Legend
01-13-2010, 07:49 PM
Hide 100 Nukes inside the earths core. Board cast footage of the nukes all around the world and say I plan to destroy the world in 3 minutes. Blast "Let's see how far we've come" by matchbox 20 all over the world as everyone panics/ignores it. Then detonate the nukes 1 minute into the song for the evil lols and watch the planet break apart from a dome on Mars through a satellite feed.

Geminex
01-13-2010, 07:55 PM
Why not just do Blue's plan, but with more nukes? Blow up the moon! Let the wreckage fall to earth!

TopHatAssassin
01-13-2010, 07:57 PM
I would probably have giant rockets built into the planet (like in Shadow Raiders) and then shoot it into the sun. The alternative is cutting Earth in half with a giant space laser, but that doesn't seem as cool.

Seil
01-13-2010, 07:58 PM
Not with a whimper, but with a big-ass bang.

i h8s joo. Ninja'd.

Kyanbu The Legend
01-13-2010, 08:00 PM
Why not just do Blue's plan, but with more nukes? Blow up the moon! Let the wreckage fall to earth!

Yeah but that would only kill 90% of all life on earth. Sure the other 10% will die a slow painful death, but it just wouldn't be same. My plan involves breaking the planet apart.

Bob The Mercenary
01-13-2010, 08:00 PM
C:\Earth is still running. Abort without saving? Y/N

C:\> Y
Earth will now quit.
Running program 'apocalypse'...

Horsemen (1/4)...

Magus
01-13-2010, 08:20 PM
Some sort of virus that makes all organic matter rapidly melt into a nutrient sludge. Of course this would leave a lifeless rock still in existence, though.

Regulus Tera
01-13-2010, 08:30 PM
Obligatory inexorable sexual intercourse until body breakdown.

Jagos
01-13-2010, 08:37 PM
Nuklear launch detected...

Lost in Time
01-13-2010, 08:45 PM
I'm surprised no one goes for the simple "Kill it with fire" option.

Pip Boy
01-13-2010, 08:48 PM
The idea I guess is to go more into the idea of "If you are a mad scientist working to bring about the end of days, how would you do it?".

Somehow generating enough fire to burn the entire world is impractical unless you have some means of doing so. Perhaps if you were able to make the earth fall into the sun that idea would work, but otherwise it just seems like a half-answer.

Breaking apart the moon DOES sound like a good idea. I mean, the moon has to be large enough to produce several hundred meteors the size of the one that supposedly killed Mr. T-Rex and pals.

Thadius
01-13-2010, 08:51 PM
I'm surprised no one goes for the simple "Kill it with fire" option.

Its been tried before. If meteors, volcanoes, and all the other crap Earth's been through before us are any indication, we can't kill it with fire. Trying to do so only makes it stronger.

Killing it with ice also didn't work. Things survived.

No, at this point, we're pretty much down to 'Kill it with acid/science.'

Then again, the last time we had a soup of acids, proteins, bases, etc., that just brought us to this day.

Shit. Yeah, we're down to 'kill it with science.'

Maybe we should ask other space-faring races/peoples if they destroyed their home planets. Maybe it's an initiation thing.

'You can't be part of the Galactic Coolness Club until you destroy your home planet. And you don't get silver status until you destroy your home star. Doing both at once gets you gold, and taking out the entire system for good measure gets you platinum. Doing it all at once will make you the new leaders.'

PhoenixFlame
01-13-2010, 09:16 PM
I would develop Seed AGI with the perogotive to "Defend Humanity".

I would then have them inhabit self-replicating shells (Bonus points: People).

Apocalypse is assured.

stefan
01-13-2010, 10:03 PM
generate a pair of wormholes, place one at the bottom of the atlantic and the other inside the sun. the end result will be that the planet earth will get steam cooked in a matter of seconds.

Eltargrim
01-13-2010, 10:05 PM
Von Neumann machines. Start with one, end with a pile of grey goo. Plus it doubles as a trap for any explorers who try to figure out what the fuck happened to us!

Masked Jedi
01-13-2010, 10:22 PM
Empty out the core of the earth in a way that doesn't destroy the earth (benefit of the doubt please)

Fill with baking soda

Pour vinegar down a hole to the core, then plug hole before it reaches core.

Commence rock out session as Earth explodes.

Loyal
01-13-2010, 11:18 PM
With a catapult that can launch things into orbit.

Throw the earth into space, one shovelful at a time.

Amake
01-14-2010, 02:20 AM
I'd like to end the world as we know it by erasing the concept of walls.

What do you think happens when no one can keep anyone or anything out?

Satan's Onion
01-14-2010, 02:32 AM
I'd make the principal cast of the Ghostbusters films cross the streams...for real.

Mirai Gen
01-14-2010, 02:44 AM
Really Pinky and the Brain's giant magnet on a cable idea is the best one of all time.

"...and then everyone will fly off the face of the earth!"

Hawk
01-14-2010, 05:51 AM
Hellgate.

Nothing more fun than opening up a doorway to a realm of infinite demonic entities in another universe and allowing them to ravage the earth.

Either that or nanites. Order them to replicate, using any and all resources. Eventually the whole planet becomes Grey Goo, then the moon, then all the other planets, eventually it works its way up galactic threat level.

If not either of those then I'd find some way of breaking apart the strong nuclear force with a blast of energy, make it self sustaining so that once it's set off it continues on through space never ending, then set of a Reality Bomb ala Davros and destroy the entire universe.

Geminex
01-14-2010, 05:54 AM
I'd make the principal cast of the Ghostbusters films cross the streams...for real.

Really, am I the only one to whom "crossing steams" sounds homoerotic?

Pip Boy
01-14-2010, 07:18 AM
Sounds like trying to pee on each other.

Kinky.

Meister
01-14-2010, 07:29 AM
by forcing everyone over the age of 18 and before menopause (and the male equivalent age) to have continuous sex until impregnated
You know, when you decided your plan would involve turning Earth into a planet-sized rape camp, you probably stepped out of any sphere of ethics where you'd still need to observe the age of consent.

Okay I get that someone needs to work but a little prepubescent child labour goes a long way.

Si Civa
01-14-2010, 07:37 AM
I for one will just wait until Kurt Vonnegut's Galápagos comes true.

You can made it happen brainiacs.

krogothwolf
01-14-2010, 05:39 PM
Large Global Scaled Mecha Combat. And just for fun, arm them all with Rail gun's that fire nukes!

Hanuman
01-14-2010, 08:14 PM
Hard question, I'd probably say that the best ending ever would probably be if the world suddenly got the same physics as Valhalla and every second hour (every first would be feasting) we play musical chairs, but instead of sitting down we'd have killing that feels like getting hit with 20lbs of awesome fun, and each city has one loser every hour that just doesn't get revived, everyone else pops back up, feasts, then we go back out and do it again and again until only two survive.

THEN

Everyone else raises back up and we have the most awesome tournament ever, then we have nationals and world wide, then we all fly to mars and blow up earth. Screw earth.

Mauve Mage
01-14-2010, 08:47 PM
Hmmm. I'm not sure how I'd end the world, seeing as it would be stupid for me to get rid of it before I have a chance to rule it. However, should the world end WITHOUT my help, I have some ideas on how I'd prefer it to go. Basically, I'm up for anything that ends with me fighting off demons/zombies/whatever in an epic duel for the fate of the planet; sawed-off shotgun in one hand and a glass of Reisling in the other, with a shirtless Hugh Jackman as my sidekick and an endless supply of molotov cocktails at my disposal.

Maybe a tank, too. Nothing too fancy.

That way, even if I lose the battle and the planet is lost, I still had a hell of a good time.

Azisien
01-14-2010, 09:24 PM
An unstoppable global loudspeaker that just read the Twilight series audiobooks.

Forever!

Wigmund
01-14-2010, 09:40 PM
You are all horrible people for not mentioning the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Mod-U-Lator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znrWp8bSyJU) as a means to end the world.

Jagos
01-15-2010, 06:08 AM
An unstoppable global loudspeaker that just read the Twilight series audiobooks.

Forever!

You evil evil bastard...

krogothwolf
01-15-2010, 10:07 AM
An unstoppable global loudspeaker that just read the Twilight series audiobooks.

Forever!

That could backfire if the voice selected is soothing or sexy. You'd have to make sure it is the most evil and annoying voice ever heard!

Magic_Marker
01-15-2010, 10:08 AM
I would kill myself. Seeing as the rest of the world is just a figment of my imagination it would die as well.

Tev
01-15-2010, 11:12 AM
That could backfire if the voice selected is soothing or sexy. You'd have to make sure it is the most evil and annoying voice ever heard!Twilight, as read by Dick Cheney....

bluestarultor
01-15-2010, 11:35 AM
Twilight, as read by Dick Cheney....

Shit, just get the movie cast to do it and allow them to bring as much hatred of their roles through as they like. They're already doing as much as they can get away with in the movies. Unlock it and the fangirls will kill everyone for pointing out how much the actors hate the tripe and then just wait for them to all go crazy and kill themselves for not being able to turn the travesty to their beloved tripe off.

Azisien
01-15-2010, 11:47 AM
That could backfire if the voice selected is soothing or sexy. You'd have to make sure it is the most evil and annoying voice ever heard!

Honestly, I personally cannot see this backfiring regardless of the voice...BUT

Twilight, as read by Dick Cheney....

In terms of world-ending effectiveness I cannot disagree with this.

Mirai Gen
01-15-2010, 01:38 PM
I always kind of knew Dick Cheney would eventually end the world. Just didn't think it'd be like that.

The Argent Lord
01-15-2010, 01:41 PM
Okay, this:
Shit, just get the movie cast to do it and allow them to bring as much hatred of their roles through as they like. They're already doing as much as they can get away with in the movies. Unlock it and the fangirls will kill everyone for pointing out how much the actors hate the tripe and then just wait for them to all go crazy and kill themselves for not being able to turn the travesty to their beloved tripe off.

But all the non-spoken parts are narrated by Morgan Freeman. The quality whiplash every sentence or so will make it even worse.

bluestarultor
01-15-2010, 02:08 PM
Okay, this:


But all the non-spoken parts are narrated by Morgan Freeman. The quality whiplash every sentence or so will make it even worse.

Or Meyer, herself. Think about it, the stark contrast between the author's loving meting of her own work immediately dashed by the seething hatred of others for every spoken line. It's the ultimate insult.

A Zarkin' Frood
01-15-2010, 02:22 PM
First off, some up to now underdog political party opens franchises in every single country and by means of cleverly placed propaganda and some outright brainwashing would become the rulers of the world. They will be benevolent leaders and, among many other things, will create the best educational system that will ever have been. Soon each person will capable of things only the elite of our society would be able of. However even in that future society will have an intellectual elite. Now the process repeats. Some up to this point underdog political party opens franchises in every single country and by means of cleverly placed propaganda and some outright brainwashing will become the rulers of the world. They will be benevolent leaders and, among many other things, will create the best educational system that will ever have been, again, only better. Soon each person will capable of things only the elite of the previous society would have been able of. Now the process repeats again. Some up to this point underdog political party opens franchises in every single country and by means of cleverly placed propaganda and some outright brainwashing will become the rulers of the world. They will be benevolent leaders and, among many other things, will create the best educational system that will ever have been, again, only better. Soon each person will capable of things only the elite of the previous society would have been able of. Now the process repeats again. Some up to this point underdog political party opens franchises in every single country and by means of cleverly placed propaganda and some outright brainwashing will become the rulers of the world. They will be benevolent leaders and, among many other things, will create the best educational system that will ever have been, again, only better. Soon each person will capable of things only the elite of the previous society would have been able of. Now the process repeats again. Some up to this point underdog political party opens franchises in every single country and by means of cleverly placed propaganda and some outright brainwashing will become the rulers of the world. They will be benevolent leaders and, among many other things, will create the best educational system that will ever have been, again, only better. Soon each person will capable of things only the elite of the previous society would have been able of. Now the process repeats one last time. Some up to this point underdog political party opens franchises in every single country and by means of cleverly placed propaganda and some outright brainwashing will become the rulers of the world. They will be benevolent leaders and, among many other things, will create the best educational system that will ever have been, again, only better. Soon each person will capable of things only the elite of the previous society would have been able of. Now the elite council of this society will come to the conclusion that there is no benefit in existing for any life form because it's all going to end some day anyway. So what they do is to screw the universe over and speed up the beginning of the end. It will not only end the world, not just the universe, not the metaverse and whatever bogus terms I'll have to make up. No They will eliminate being. Of course, by this point those people will have abilities we would consider super powers. They can shape the world to a certain extent with their minds. So what they do now is to build a machine that amplifies their powers. The most brilliant minds of their time will enter this machine and be killed. Such a massively amplified outburst of people becoming nothing at the same time will instantly create a literal black hole where everything once was. Mindfucked-up existence.

Menarker
01-15-2010, 02:39 PM
This video from 11:39 to 12:29. That would be hilarious to me. *About a one minute scene. Tagged it so it starts you at the point of the video that I'm talking about.* (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ06RKGcPBI&feature=PlayList&p=1713269321A6D50C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=109#t=11m39s)

32bit-RedMage
01-19-2010, 02:17 PM
End of the world ?

I still think the most interesting doomsday scenario would be if 70 % of humanity contracts some kind of super secret engineered space virus, and the virus made the infected suffer of Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome

Now THAT would be a fabulous end of the world!

Or we could just summon the light warriors .......

Bahamutt
01-24-2010, 09:57 AM
Issue Wing-Attack Plan R

TARDIS
01-24-2010, 10:07 AM
set of a Reality Bomb ala Davros and destroy the entire universe.

DAMN YOU FOR BEATING ME TO THE DOCTOR WHO OPTION >_>

I suppose there's always;

1. Create device to make characters real.
2. Create cloning machine.
3. Create and clone off BM Evilwizardington repeatedly
4. HADOKEN!
5. ????
6. profit!
Nothing will survive except a horde of White Mages...(i assume BM would learn how the machines work, and do the same to WM as was done to him. Because there's only those 2 lefrt in the world, you can imagine what happens next.)

BitVyper
01-24-2010, 01:45 PM
Create a flawed universe and impose a rule of cause and effect on it, as well as some basic laws which will cause energy to be lost in every transfer, invariably reducing the universe to entropy even if nothing else happens to this one tiny world.


There, just got back. Woah, time feels weird. I made sure it would move in the same direction for everyone so that when it all comes down, we'd be able to see it together. How are you guys liking the suspense?