Wisdom from the "wise".

[Aldurin]

I wanted to see what kind of "wise" phrases or expert uses of logic you guys have. Try to use your own instead of somebody else's.

I'll give an example.

"Give a dog a turd and you'll feed him for an hour. Teach a dog to turd and you'll be cleaning up after him for the rest of his life."

[Magus]

"People who live in glass houses need to buy some blinds already, Jesus, I did not need to see that."

[bluestarultor]

People are stupid, opportunistic, and lack empathy. Damn, it's good to be something better.

[Premmy]

People don't realize there's already a dumb-ass thread for this and need to post there. Also, you guys smell.

[bluestarultor]

People Don't realize there's already a dumb-ass thread for this and need to post there. also, you guys smell.

Technically, there's a difference between advice and wisdom. Advice involves a call to action, where wisdom just provides insight.

[Premmy]

...... I Swear to GOD man
http://cdn1.knowyourmeme.com/i/7282/original/Facepalm.jpg

[Magus]

I thought the tone was set by us mutilating old sayings into parodies. This is now the thread where we mutilate old sayings into parodies.

"If you can't say anything nice, you're probably on the internet."

[Kim]

I fucked your father. I just thought you should know. I don't want to keep secrets from you. That's how much I care.

This has been a moment of wisdom.

[Premmy]

Wait.... So.... Does this mean I'm NOT a black man? Shit, all this oppression for nothing, I gotta turn in all my membership cards, I can't go to the friday-night African-American Conspiracy Cookout, I lose N-word privledges (And those are Niiiiiiiice). Shit.

[Magus]

I like how your original post was just "I fucked you father. This has been a moment of wisdom."

Perhaps the real wisdom was you felt the need to clarify your feelings on this, showing that you are truly the kind person we all thought you were.

By the way, I fucked your grandfather, thus pre-empting your fucking of my father by one generation. EAT IT.

Anyway, I tried to make this a thread that served an actual purpose and keep Evil Earl's first (well, maybe second) thread from being closed. You know, by making it into one of mutilating old sayings into parodies. Why is this so hard to do, guys? Why?

EDIT: I should have known those bake sales were nothing but cabals for discussing the perplexing use of racial epithets in an effort to confuse politically correct white people about what they can and cannot say. AND probably for your next insidious plan to foist another Tyler Perry film on the American public.

[Premmy]

Because the truth is you all just need to shut the fuck up.Always.

[Magus]

Alright, I'll change my earlier parody,

"If you can't say anything nice, you're probably Premonitions. Or Fifth. Or pretty much everyone else on this board, including me."

[Premmy]

You see that? that "not Shutting the fuck up?" that's what I'm talking about, tsk, Maaaaaaan.
*walks off*

[Magus]

Boy, I definitely see some great things in store for this thread. This is going to last forever!

[Premmy]

If by "last forever" you mean 2 pages and then you dorks shut the fuck up, then I hope so, I really really do.

[Magus]

Alright, Prem, you can have the last word. What'll it be?

[Geminex]

My advice, no, sorry, "Wisdom", is "When you have the last word, always say "Ni". Because nothing ends a conversation quite like an overused monty python reference. I second the point of view that you all smell.

[Magus]

Overused pop culture references as a rule are a good way to make people avoid you. Whether it's "Bueller, Bueller" or any of the myriad sayings from Super Troopers, or even the dreaded "YEAH! OKAY!", it's a good way to end conversations because people become instantly aware you are incapable of coming up with your own jokes and so mindlessly mimic something from the latest comedy you've seen.

[Amake]

My daddy always told me "Don't eat the yellow snow".

Okay I used that one recently. Something original:

Seasons come and go, but global warming is always just around the corner.

[Kim]

Perhaps the real wisdom was you felt the need to clarify your feelings on this, showing that you are truly the kind person we all thought you were.

I just didn't want you to go throughout life not knowing you were the progeny of gay sex.

[Green Spanner]

Never start a thread on an internet forum and expect it to stay on track.

Wisdom for the ages.

[Aldurin]

"Make a man a fire, and you'll keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life."

I must confess that was actually from someone on the Dink Network. Let me give an original made-up-on-the-spot phrase.

"A single bullet is worth a thousand swears."

Okay, that wasn't really good. Let me try another.

"Tell me about the Rabbids, George" (Intentional spelling. Probably best as a caption for this.)
http://forevergeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/rabbid.jpg

[Magus]

As a corollary to that, giant mentally challenged men with a history of trouble are not the best traveling companions.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Life is like a box of chocolates. Only it's not sweet at all, maybe there's some cheap booze but that'll never be enough to make you happy.

Now I'd say to throw away the box of chocolates but I don't want to promote suicide.
Seriously, if you want to die you don't need my shitty adwisdom.

[Aldurin]

"A penny saved is a penny you still have, unless you find another on the ground, which would be a penny earned."

[Bard The 5th LW]

My word of wisdom is "the best kind of advice is the kind you don't listen to."

Interpret that as you wish. Keep in mind I consider wisdom and advise to be pretty much the same thing.

[Bob The Mercenary]

"When life gives you lemons, hurl them right back and add some of your own."

-Calvin and Hobbes

[Funka Genocide]

Love is like a sandwich, delicious romance and crispy conversation between hearty dedication. If you're envisioning a meatball sub, you are probably gay Noncon.

[Wigmund]

As a corollary to that, giant mentally challenged men with a history of trouble are not the best traveling companions.

Unless you need someone to be a scapegoat.

[Funka Genocide]

If you have a dime for every time you've reached into someone elses pocket, you're an unsuccessful thief.

[Krylo]

If you have a dime for every time you've reached into someone elses pocket, you're an unsuccessful thief.

Or a really cheap whore.

[Aldurin]

To test a man's character, give him power. To test a man's intelligence, give him grenades.

(It makes perfect sense.)

[Hanuman]

http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html
Tao == The Nature Of Things == The Universe == One == Infinite == Zero == Tao

[bluestarultor]

Never stop learning. Just don't be surprised when the stuff you know doesn't apply and don't expect people to be gentle in teaching you.

Never be afraid to be wrong, because if you are, you will never be right.

[Aldurin]

Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and most of them stink.

[Funka Genocide]

Don't be surprised if when your chickens come to roost and your cows come home that you don't have enough space for all those farm animals in your one bedroom apartment.

Seriously, that's just poor planning.

[bluestarultor]

Only ever trust people as far as you can throw them. A person thrown off a cliff can safely be assumed to not stab you in the back.

[Marc v4.0]

Opinions are like assholes, and you are one major fucking opinion

[Geminex]

Only ever trust people as far as you can throw them. A person thrown off a cliff can safely be assumed to not stab you in the back.

Aaah... but tell me, young apprentice...
Can you trust the cliff?

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Be pessimistic. That way you'll have more pleasant surprises.

[Amake]

Inject yourself with a disgusting, deadly disease. That way you'll have a pleasant surprise if you get well again.

[Funka Genocide]

A bird in hand is worth current market value.

[Aldurin]

If you don't judge a book by its cover, than you'll never leave the library.

[Funka Genocide]

You're more likely to get what you want with a few kind words and a gun than with just a few kind words.

[Green Spanner]

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.

[PyrosNine]

If you meet Joss Whedon on the road of life, cut him down.

[Funka Genocide]

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for an ugly man to get out of a traffic ticket.

[Aldurin]

Reality is subjective . . .

[Archbio]

Subjects are real.

[Hetsurin]

Life is a b***h, so make it yours. Rope that sucker up and make it work for you.

[Funka Genocide]

Chances are someone thinks you're a cunt. Don't let it get to you.

[bluestarultor]

There is always going to be a gay guy who thinks he can turn you. The best way to respond is to tell him you're already taken and walk off hand in hand with a friend, male or female.

If you're alone, you might want to reconsider what you're doing at a gay bar.

[Aldurin]

If everything you know is wrong, then aren't you wrong about knowing that everything you know is wrong? Which means it wouldn't be, but then everything you know is wrong would be wrong even though it shouldn't despite how it has to apply to itself on being wrong about not being wrong about being wrong?

[32bit-RedMage]

If you are feeling depressed, and think that you are a worthless piece of crap.....
Just look in the mirror to confirm it.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

The other day I looked in the mirror and I thought. Hey Steven (that's not my name) you don't look so bad after all. And you're not the worthless piece of crap you thought you are. You are one of the best people to ever grace this earth, you're so good only a handful of people ever will be able to appreciate it. Then I looked down my sexy naked body to notice that the 30 kg I lost two years ago still aren't enough. I still have some excess fat here. I'm gonna get rid of it. Not tomorrow, not next week. Now!

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER AND YOU CAN DO IT! JUST DO IT! YOU'LL SEE!!!
NEVER FORGET! YOU ARE AWESOME!

CAPSLOCK AND EXCLAMATION MARKS ARE MIGHT!!! AND I FEEL MIGHTY!!!!!!!!

[Aldurin]

Give 1000 monkeys 1000 typewriters and infinite time, and you'll find 1000 dead monkeys, 1000 broken (or half-eaten) typewriters, and 1000 piles of monkey shit.

[GrandMasterPlanetEater]

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.

Quote attribution, Dom Hélder Câmara (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C3%A9lder_C%C3%A2mara)

[Aldurin]

A single bullet is worth 1000 words. Inversely, a single word is worth a thousand bullets.

[Aldurin]

People always seem smart until they open their mouth, because they are smart until they open their mouth. Intelligence will leak out slowly and takes a while to replenish.

That's why Steven Hawking is so smart. He's physically incapable of leaking intelligence.

[Magic_Marker]

People who change the color of their texts every post are assholes.

Science fact.

[bluestarultor]

People who change the color of their texts every post are assholes.

Science fact.

Which is why you simply use all sorts of colors in every post! It's the perfect solution to all life's boring color issues!

[Funka Genocide]

If Blues is baggin' on ya, you just need to pack it up.

[Green Spanner]

Which is why you simply use all sorts of colors in every post! It's the perfect solution to all life's boring color issues!

Needs more sparkle for maximum FABULOUS.

[bluestarultor]

If Blues is baggin' on ya, you just need to pack it up.

I'm not sure if this says that I'm the forum omega or that I just don't do it often or both. :J

[Magic_Marker]

that I just don't do it often or both. :J


there's a good reason you don't. (http://www.google.com/m/search?oe=UTF-8&client=safari&q=site%3Aforum.nuklearpower.com+bluespeak&hl=en&start=0&sa=N)

[bluestarultor]

there's a good reason you don't. (http://www.google.com/m/search?oe=UTF-8&client=safari&q=site%3Aforum.nuklearpower.com+bluespeak&hl=en&start=0&sa=N)

Hmmm, you're right. Thankfully, the word hasn't popped up in a while, so I must be doing something right. :J

[Aldurin]

Back on topic . . .

If all the wars were transferred into online flame wars, would there really be world peace?

[Amake]

Not unless you think Inter Net is Serious Business.

And now, a random clever quote:
"A cannon fires only once, but words detonate across centuries."

[Aldurin]

A simple test of your sanity is what you would name a monkey if you had it for a pet. If it's along the lines of Steve or George (Unless it's named after King Steve), you can be pretty sure you don't belong on the streets.

[bluestarultor]

A simple test of your sanity is what you would name a monkey if you had it for a pet. If it's along the lines of Steve or George (Unless it's named after King Steve), you can be pretty sure you don't belong on the streets.

An even simpler test is whether you'd want a monkey in the first place. They're nasty little buggers and have been known to maul their owners and cause all sorts of other damage.

If you want something little and cute and humanoid, have a baby. They scream just as much, cause just as much trouble, and lack teeth to bite your eyeballs out.

[Funka Genocide]

This thread has lost its luster.

[Aldurin]

This thread has lost its luster.

Not until Fighter sings!!

"A gun in hand is always better than a politician in office."

[Si Civa]

Cheat like it was Monopoly game.

[Aldurin]

"My results said that I have an outside perspective of reality, opinion uninfluenced by culture, and free will. I have been diagnosed with insanity."