42PETUNIAS

[Kerensky287]

...I really don't feel like I should be the person writing this.

So, I'm sure a lot of you remember 42. He was one of the people who spent a lot of time on the Yaplet, getting it up and running... I think he spent a while in the games forum, too.

He passed away last weekend. (http://www.queensu.ca/news/articles/campus-mourns-death-student)

I mean, either that or it's an incredibly elaborate hoax he pulled. I dunno if I'm gullible, or if he just managed to trick me OVER AND OVER again, but when I first saw an e-mail from someone on Campus asking for obituary details I thought, "Haha, April Fools. Right?"

Jack and I weren't really all that close... he's on my MSN contact list. We spoke a number of times. Admittedly, a lot of the time he was kind of trying to invite himself over... he apparently wanted to "get drunk with an NPF member at least once." I kept pussying out because I'm underage, and I didn't feel right asking any of my housemates to buy me booze.

...I'm turning 19 in a week. He would've turned 19 in a little less than 3. The timing is pretty crappy... oh wow I really don't know what to say.

I'm still not 100% sure it's true. Gonna ask the administration tomorrow. Might be a "boy who cried wolf" scenario. If it's a hoax, pulled over facebook, with somehow an official bit of university news involved... You got me, okay 42? You got me good. Just tell me what an idiot I am, okay? I've got a midterm in 5 hours. I can't be thinking about this.

If it's true... I guess I'll raise a glass to him next chance I get.

RIP Jack Windeler, aka 42PETUNIAS

[Kim]

I'm very sorry to hear this, even though I didn't really know him.

[DFM]

Kerensky.




Kerensky.








I don't believe you.

[Kerensky287]

I know I don't say it often enough, but fuck you DFM.

[Corel]

I'm so very sorry for friends and loved ones of 42, and the (ir)regular chat goers on Yaplet who know of him.

I remember talking to him about his excitement going off to Unviersity, and a possible Ottawa meet up some time in the future.

Condolences all around.

[Si Civa]

The most depressing thing about this all is that he was so young. Death is always lost but his age just hit me more than anything else really.

Hopefully his family finds strength somewhere to live with this situation.

[Kerensky287]

Just verified it. He's got a half-page obituary in the school paper (not like they had anything else interesting to write about). He committed suicide last weekend and left a note asking his parents to focus their attention on other people. I just... I don't know what to say about it. Jack never struck me as the type.

Turns out I missed the memorial. It was held at his residence at some point and I guess I just wasn't connected to anybody who would have been able to tell me. That said, it feels pretty shitty that the first time I hear about it is in an e-mail that I didn't read for a day because I was being a lazy fuck and sleeping all afternoon.

I'm gonna take a break from NPF. Gonna focus on school, real life, and the people I know. Hoping to make sure I'm not missing any obvious signs that shit isn't going well... I've been such a self-centered ASS for a while that people might have been reaching out to me and I didn't even respond.

Turns out I had Jack blocked on MSN. Not sure how long that had been going on. Maybe I just forgot to unblock him after an argument? Doesn't matter. Now I feel partially responsible.

TTYL.

[Nikose Tyris]

I actually had his school information on me still, since I once snail-mailed him Goatse as a prank. I gave a call to talk to him.

Turns out yeah, this wasn't an April Fools prank. :( Shitty. He was a fun guy.

[greed]

Well shit. I spent more time on Yaplet than anyone other than him and Mumu, he was one of the first friends I made online. I never would have seen this coming he was always so lively you know. I mean a month or two back he was joking about suicides in general and we all thought it was just morbid humour. Shit. I mean shit. I mean now thinking that if we just knew him better, and maybe mentioned that conversation to RL friends this might have been avoided. But he did say he was fine and he was just joking around when asked so we just let it slide, he did have a pretty black sense of humour so it didn't seem that out of place. Hindsights a bitch I guess, or in this case a massive kick in the gut. I just don't know what to say, goddamnit I've never lost a friend before, let alone to something like this.

Also Meister in DFM's defence as someone who knew 42, or at least thought he did, this is exactly the kind of stunt he would pull on April Fools. Hell he has, last year he faked Kerensky's death on Yaplet actually. If Kerensky didn't link that university website I'd be thinking it was a prank myself.

Well anyway I guess I'll have a drink in his honour, can't think of anything more appropriate right now. Keep yaplet alive I guess he really did care about that, and it would be a shame to see it die now.

Yeah, on second thought, I'm gonna reverse that infraction but run it past the others. Wasn't really feeling it, anyway. Editing instead of replying 'cause I'd rather hijack one post than make an off-topic one. -Meister

[Amake]

I only talked to him on the forum on one or two occasions, but I remember he always seemed witty and in good humors. To everyone who knew him, my simple sympathies.

[CelesJessa]

Geez, I talked to 42 on yaplet when I used to get on. I don't know what to say other than what everyone else has said. My prayers for his family and friends and everyone.

[synkr0nized]

abuh..??

I ..
What?

I wasn't as close to him as many of you were, but I have a LOT of fun memories playing WoW with 42 and givin' shit to other players and chatting now and again via IM or Yaplet.

I hadn't talked with him in a while, however, and had no idea what he had been up to lately, aside from school.

I understand that today being the 1st of April that there's some skepticism, but I am going to take this at face value, given the posts and links as well. I'll be sending my well-wishing to his friends and family in my thoughts. This is sad news, indeed.

[Mirai Gen]

Also seems kind of random considering he never seemed like the suicide type.

I am, however, extremely alarmed and saddened to hear this horrible news.

[Kim]

Also seems kind of random considering he never seemed like the suicide type.

Just as an aside, from my experience, the people who say they've been thinking about suicide or threaten to commit suicide are actually less likely to do it than the people who never talk about it.

[Mirai Gen]

Point taken.

[bluestarultor]

Well, I can't say we got along, but wow. I thought it was a joke at first, because he'd totally have pulled that kind of thing, but with the link there...

My sincere condolences to his friends and family. Rest in peace, 42. Make some noise up there.

[Donomni]

Man, many condolences and my sympathies.

Seriously, it's so unsettling to find out someone that was around here is gone for good... in the worst sense possible.

[Grimpond]

I never knew him, but I hope he finds peace in the great big forum in the sky.

[Ecks]

http://neoshinka.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/tear_of_joy_e.jpg

Sad to see him gone. I didn't know him as long as the rest, and probably not as close either... but still, 42 was a great guy. He will be sorely missed.

Aside: ignore the damn url for that image, there is no joy in another's passing... except maybe that he's gone beyond the mortal coil where there is no pain or suffering.

[Nikose Tyris]

I didn't think it would affect me so much but I've actually been crying off and on all day long.

[Bob The Mercenary]

I used to talk with him a lot when he was still posting, usually on AIM but occasionally on WoW. He used to play Diplomacy with us too. He seemed an all around good guy.

I'm joining Nikose in that I have no idea what to say other than I'll be praying for him and his family. Strange it should fall the day before Good Friday. Geez, I'm tearing up now. I wonder what drove him to this.

[krogothwolf]

I've been trying to figure out something to say, I'm never been good with dealing with suicide of those who I knew. He was a great guy from what I've talked to him with and I hope his family is dealing alright with this and my thoughts go out to them. I hope he's in a better place.

[phil_]

This has certainly colored my day. I was worried about work when I woke up, but then I got on NPF and this was here. I've spent the whole day thinking about what to say here. I mean, I didn't know the guy. He doesn't know me. His family might be creeped out if they saw that was aware of this but was writing about the last game I played. But, I don't know. I guess I feel like even saying "I don't know what to say" is better than saying nothing at all.

Thanks, Kerensky, for letting us know, even if it's sad news. At least we know what happened. At least he didn't just fade away.

[Bells]

This is trully something sad, saw him around here for quite sometime even though i never had much direct contact with him. I don't know much about him, but it seemed like a nice fella and i certainly do believe he deserved more than going out this way.

Googling his name will pop up a few entries this one of the Queen's Journal (http://www.queensjournal.ca/story/2010-04-01/news/remembering-jack/) has a tad more info about it. Strange enough, knowing more about the guy makes suicide seems even more weird.

Of course i'm not trying to pull some sort of shit-ass theory here, just saying that it makes you think of how many people we actually know and how the little things can make or break a person's spirit.

I trully hope his family can find peace eventually.

[mauve]

Wow. I don't really know what to say.

I didn't know 42 really well, but he seemed like a cool guy. I always enjoyed reading what he had to say.

He will be missed. My prayers are with his family

Rest in peace, 42.

[Premmy]

Oh, fuck, one of the few times I was on Yaplet, he was talking about suicide, like some of the other posters said here, Didn't even know he was serious, this is kind of a dark spot, NPF.

Didn't know him that well, It was good of you to let everyone know, Kerensky.

I hope his family is allright.

[Axl]

So I read this y'know roughly around 2am when I had come home, and I thought to myself "What the hell can I say?" I figured I should let it sit for a while and see if the daily grind brought anything out of me. I gave myself some time to have a little existential crisis, but other than that, there's nothing profound coming here.

I legitimately liked 42 (which I would always pronounce "forty-twosworth" both aloud and in my mind,) he was a good kid with a steady head on his shoulders. We would talk about every couple of months on aim or on faplet and more or less catch up on each other's lives. He would always show amusement at my crappy sense of humor and always stored away unimportant pieces of information I shared like my sister's name.

And he was Pro-"faplet", which I always HUGELY appreciated.

I truly regret not having the chance to meet him in person.

In y'know, real life, friends come and go, and those who are important to us stay with us - no matter where they may live or how they may live their life. The internet, is a bit more... solvent shall we say. The bonds made over a message board are much less tangible. I know that when we all become grandpas and grandmas, it's not very likely we'll remember the walls of text we called people here on NPF. I just hope everyone doesn't forget about Jack so quickly - that we try to keep him in the back of our minds at least.

That'd be nice.

[Azisien]

I didn't know him well either but damn...

This event has actually shown me I'm capable of definite empathy with people on these forums. I even thought of it and the fact that it was April Fool's Day while driving home yesterday. Also he was way too young, this is a fucking shame.

[shiney]

Given as it seems somewhat reasonably legit, maybe someone should send 42 petunias to his gravesite.

[bluestarultor]

Given as it seems somewhat reasonably legit, maybe someone should send 42 petunias to his gravesite.

Why just one person? I think there should be a central place to pool a small sum for that purpose. Just research what it costs, put up a link, and put how much money is still needed on a daily basis or something.

[shiney]

By all means, do it.

[bluestarultor]

Well, who's geographically close/knows where he is and has a PayPal?

[POS Industries]

Well, who's geographically close/knows where he is and has a PayPal?
Well, Kerensky's probably the best bet in terms of contacts, if I had to guess. I'd also like to contribute to funding this if we go ahead with it.

[Azisien]

I seem to recall he used to live in St. Catharines Ontario, which is near Niagara Falls. It's about 5 hours from me. I wouldn't have a clue if that's his actual hometown though?

Kerensky is probably closer if he's at Queens/Western.

[Nikose Tyris]

Kerensky, Azisien and I are probably closest- I live in Etobicoke, which is part of Toronto where he was going to school. I have his old home address, though. I was going to wait a while and then write a letter.

[bluestarultor]

Well, we have a few candidates, then, including Mac. I know jack about Canadian geography, but like POS, I'd contribute to the fund if someone would post a PayPal and take care of the details.

[Bells]

i can't do much, but in a few weeks i would be glad to contribute if you guys put up a paypal account for it.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I'm a bit late to the thread but just wanted to say I didn't really know 42 or talk to him but condolences to his family and it is very tragic to lose one so young.

[batgirl]

It's always sad to hear about a tragic death like this. I spoke to 42 a few times and genuinely enjoyed those conversations. I am deeply saddened by his loss. Condolences of course to all those affected and may he Rest In Peace.

[Nyx]

What a huge and unnecessary loss.
Sending 42 Petunias sounds like a great idea. His site is at Mount Pleasant Cemetery in Toronto near the visitation centre. There is a facebook page called 'In memory of Jack Windeler' with some info.

[Odjn]

Don't forget to put them in a bowl and bring a little whale plushie.

[Viridis]

Someone's got to call him a hoopy frood at least once. It's not right, otherwise.

I was honestly waiting for someone else to say it.

[Overcast]

Now I feel like a bit of a prick for restraining myself to the roleplaying section and missing this when it came around initially. Even if I would have doubted it for a bit, just for it to come back and slap me in the face like a boomerang.

I only caught him in off moments typically in forum games but all those general times were amusing. All worthwhile enough that seeing the name there warranted I click, and of course that major sinking feeling at the understanding that he really is eternally lost.

Hoping there is something worthwhile on the other side of the veil, and my condolences to those who knew him better cause if I feel this off I figure they are still in a bad way.

And as that final thought. Damn...

[rpgdemon]

My condolences to everyone who knew him.

[Borealis]

I never met him, but it's always a shame to see someone die...

[RickZarber]

Oh man. Today (Monday) woulda been his 19th birthday...

Drink one for Jack today folks.

[Lord of Joshelplex]

Wow, I didnt even find out until just today. Some fucking friend I am. I havent even talked to him in a while and now I just feel like a piece of shit.

I really dont even know what to say, I just wanted to say something. I really wish I coulda known why, I feel like I shoulda been a better friends. Im so sorry 42, even though it's too late now.

[bluestarultor]

Wow, I didnt even find out until just today. Some fucking friend I am. I havent even talked to him in a while and now I just feel like a piece of shit.

I really dont even know what to say, I just wanted to say something. I really wish I coulda known why, I feel like I shoulda been a better friends. Im so sorry 42, even though it's too late now.

Not to stray off topic, but should I even ask how you posted this? You weren't seriously fake-banned this entire time, were you? >_>;

[synkr0nized]

No, it's quite real. I just fulfilled a request.

42 came up in conversation today [not just with Joshelplex]. Still affects me how this came out of nowhere [to me].

[bluestarultor]

No, it's quite real. I just fulfilled a request.

42 came up in conversation today [not just with Joshelplex]. Still affects me how this came out of nowhere [to me].

I see. Threadjack over.

[Fifthfiend]

It's kind of messed up that the first thing that comes to mind thinking of 42 is that one time he really got on my nerves about that thing.

But you know, it was the good kind of getting on your nerves, the sort of thing where you both at least give enough of a shit about something to want to make it cool for people and just have different ideas about what that should be.

What else I remember is he had excellent taste in videogames and webcomics. And novels, obviously.

You know what I remember thinking a bunch? "42's kind of a dork but whatev he's 17 or some shit, he'll be a pretty ace dude in like 5 or 6 years."

WELP

Dear everyone who reads this who's 17 or 18 or whatevs: whatever else happens, just, give yourself the chance to see if you're a pretty ace dude in 5 or 6 years.

I was gonna post in here earlier, but every time I tried I just ended up staring at the wall for a bunch of time.

No, it's quite real. I just fulfilled a request.

42 came up in conversation today [not just with Joshelplex]. Still affects me how this came out of nowhere [to me].

Ya'll should get an admin to do up a like "self-requested ban" group, cut down on confusion the once in a rare while it comes up.

[POS Industries]

I was gonna post in here earlier, but every time I tried I just ended up staring at the wall for a bunch of time.
That's mainly why I haven't been able to say much of anything. Not a particular strong suit.

If anyone's got the PayPal thing or whatever set up for buying those flowers, let me know how much I need to kick in.

[synkr0nized]

Ya'll should get an admin to do up a like "self-requested ban" group, cut down on confusion the once in a rare while it comes up.

There may be some confusion in what I meant. Joshelplex had already been banned, but I lifted it temporarily so he could post here before putting it back.


Also,

Dear everyone who reads this who's 17 or 18 or whatevs: whatever else happens, just, give yourself the chance to see if you're a pretty ace dude in 5 or 6 years.

I was gonna post in here earlier, but every time I tried I just ended up staring at the wall for a bunch of time.

The first bit is a great point/advice, and the second certainly captures the response to this well. It's a pretty sobering thing.


I had hoped the forum down-time wouldn't put this on the back burner, so to speak, so these bumps to this thread have the additional benefit of maybe getting that back on track. Did a Paypal get set up, and/or is anyone still behind these efforts?

[Bob The Mercenary]

Dear everyone who reads this who's 17 or 18 or whatevs: whatever else happens, just, give yourself the chance to see if you're a pretty ace dude in 5 or 6 years.

That was always the advice I gave a friend of mine. Sure, you could go through with it now. You could also do it tomorrow. Or you could wait a month and see what happens. Why not give it some time? The option of suicide is always open so why not see if things improve over the next few weeks or months? Why does it have to be now?

The very worst things to say are it's cowardly or the easy way out.

[Melfice]

*sigh*
I've actually told myself not to post in here, 'cause... well. I didn't really know the guy, aside from the name. I don't even remember any remarkable posts, or anything like that.

Still... he was one of NPF, and for better or worse... I've come to see NPF as a big disjointed family. (Well, at least the regulars, and 42 was a regular.)
So, I suppose... sweet dreams, bro.
See you on the other side. Sorry it had to go like this for you. Shame you couldn't try to hold on.

[katiuska]

I was going to say something about how 18-19 is a confusing and disorienting time in life, but I don't have anything enlightening to say about getting through it; I think we all sort of stumble our way there. I'm sorry to see this happen to him, though, and I'd be interested in contributing. Are people still doing the flowers as a separate thing, or should I just send something to the memorial?

[shiney]

Does anyone live near him? Near enough to get the flowers to his gravesite or whatever. If so I'm happy to let you guys go through my paypal but I have no idea how to do the delivery.

I swear to seven levels of christ if this ends up being a hoax the ban spree will not end until the world is bathed in flame.

[bluestarultor]

Does anyone live near him? Near enough to get the flowers to his gravesite or whatever. If so I'm happy to let you guys go through my paypal but I have no idea how to do the delivery.

I swear to seven levels of christ if this ends up being a hoax the ban spree will not end until the world is bathed in flame.

If it were a hoax, I'm pretty sure he would have been out with it by now. 42 wouldn't have let it run this long. I at least knew him that well.

Edit: Unless he had no intention to come back anyway, but even then.

Edit again: And even if he did pull a fast one, I have to say I'd be glad.

[Ecks]

If it were a hoax, I'm pretty sure he would have been out with it by now. 42 wouldn't have let it run this long. I at least knew him that well.

Edit: Unless he had no intention to come back anyway, but even then.

Edit again: And even if he did pull a fast one, I have to say I'd be glad.

Far too elaborate. Not saying I WANT him to be dead, but Facebook is a VERY public place, even for the internet. Someone who knew him or was in on the joke would've let slip something if it WAS a joke.

Again, gonna echo Melfice's comment, I didn't really know the guy, but we're all one big, not necessarily happy, dysfunctional family here at NPF. And its sad when a family member dies.

I hope 42's adventures in the Underwhere rival Mario's.

[Nyx]

I'll be going to 42's site at Mt. Pleasant in Toronto next week and will be happy to place petunias there for Jack. I'm sure they won't allow non-native plants to be dug in (I'll ask) but leaving them in containers should be OK. I'll take a photo. If anyone is nearby and would like to join me, you are more than welcome. Leave a post.

Jack had a final request... please help others, if at all possible, in a similar situation.

[bluestarultor]

I'll be going to 42's site at Mt. Pleasant in Toronto next week and will be happy to place petunias there for Jack. I'm sure they won't allow non-native plants to be dug in (I'll ask) but leaving them in containers should be OK. I'll take a photo. If anyone is nearby and would like to join me, you are more than welcome. Leave a post.

Jack had a final request... please help others, if at all possible, in a similar situation.

Thank you for this. I'm sure I speak for others when I say this will help give everyone closure. It's difficult to accept someone is gone when you don't have this kind of validation.

I'm sure everyone will take his request to heart.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Reading all of this made me cry. This isn't supposed to happen in real life.

[Bob The Mercenary]

I'll be going to 42's site at Mt. Pleasant in Toronto next week and will be happy to place petunias there for Jack. I'm sure they won't allow non-native plants to be dug in (I'll ask) but leaving them in containers should be OK. I'll take a photo. If anyone is nearby and would like to join me, you are more than welcome. Leave a post.

If you'd be okay visiting the site one more time in July when I'm up there I'd be happy to pitch in for some more flowers for the site.

[Lyaer]

The guy was a bit before my time, but I saw his name around a little before this thread came up. Thought I'd throw my voice in for solidarity.

Wish he weren't dead.

[Nyx]

If you'd be okay visiting the site one more time in July when I'm up there I'd be happy to pitch in for some more flowers for the site.

Sorry Bob, I live on the west coast and don't come east very often. No worries though, arrangements will be made to keep his site in bloom.
You should know though how much he enjoyed this forum. Please... we are our brother's keepers. Be brave and true to yourselves. Step up if you sense someone is lost... for Jack.