The Will

[Hanuman]

Your relative dies and leaves you 8,000,000USD.
You get a written statement that you can have the money to spend as you want as long as you meet these conditions:
1) You cannot spend it in any way on anyone you know personally.
2) Within Gaining the funds you have 10 years to spend all of the cash and by contract spend them on non-refundable assets, returning of the assets into money in any way is in breach of the contract of the will and you will get in a heap of legal trouble.
3) At least 10% must go to a single charity.


So NPF, if this happened to you, how would you play this out?

[Kim]

I donate the ten percent to an AIDS charity or something.

I spend the rest on building my own micro-nation.

[TDK]

Ten percent goes to AIDS research or cancer or whatever, the rest goes to fixing the ALARMING DEFICIT OF JETPACKS IN THIS MODERN WORLD.

And I don't mean those pussy huge-ass 30 second flight ones. I mean sustainable flight, fairly lightweight, sci-fi movie jetpacks that everyone knows and knew we should have by now, but we don't because scientists wasted time on shit like hybrid cars and fuckin' ipods.

[Julford Hajime]

Wait wait wait.

If I can't spend it on others, can I spend it on things for myself that others would eventually end up using? For example, let's say that I buy a house; is no one else allowed to ever even set foot into the house? Would it be considered against the rules to pay my friends/family to work within said house?

I'm curious what would be considered charity. For example, I would donate a good 90% of the money to City Year, (http://www.cityyear.org/whatwedo.aspx) a non-profit organization that I've worked for; however, I don't know if they are considered a charity or not, as I don't know what definition we're going by >.>

[Krylo]

Make a pile of 8 million 1 dollar bills.

Apply gasoline.

Burn it.

That's assuming the 'you can't spend it on anyone you know personally' includes myself.

[Hanuman]

You can spend it on yourself.

[Amake]

I guess it's impossible to see any of the money in cash, meaning you can only use a card to pay for anything so you can't just dig a pit and dig a little sideways alcove near the bottom and hide the money. This is almost as contrived as the plot in "Go For Broke". But I'll buy it.

And then I'll buy an artist. I mean buy one, like a slave or a sports team. Figure it'll take less than half the money to get them for life, even a really good one. I'm thinking David Mack. I'll buy a big house where we both can live and make comics together. And when the ten years are up I'll donate the balance to Save the Children.

[mauve]

Send ten percent to cancer research.

Send a sizeable chunk to support various art and theatre organizations.

Send another sizeable chunk to local animal shelters.

Set up some kind of charitable organization to help relieve poverty and hunger in third world countries.

Send another chunk to scientific research to build me a fully-funtional Chozo varia suit because dammit I want one really badly! :(

[Nikose Tyris]

Buy a house. Prepay the government the property tax value for the next -as long as possible-.

Receive receipt.

can the 10% to 'a single charity', include the whole 'donate to webcomics' thing? cause I would totally dump it into Randy Mulholland's account.

Otherwise, I dunno, probably finding a cure for testicular cancer. Specifically that. Fuck all other cancers. Find THAT cure first.

[Krylo]

Revised plan:

Hookers.

Lots of them.

[Julford Hajime]

Revised plan:

Hookers.

Lots of them.

There'd better be a lot of them; after the first time, you know them!

Well, technically.

[bluestarultor]

All I'm thinking is that the inheritance tax is going to wipe out a third of that or more if you're in a state like Wisconsin that has its own additional inheritance tax. So assuming they leave you with 4 million (I feel like I'm being generous with that), it'll probably bump you up at least into the next tax bracket and-

Basically, the end result of my thought process is you end up with maybe a few hundred dollars and several nights of bitter tears. :P



Joking aside, I'd definitely donate to the animal shelters. They're having major rough times right now and I can't say no to fluffy critters. I mean, medical research would get some, too, probably a lot more, but I just wanted to mention that I wouldn't forget the animals.



Edit: ^^^ "Knowing" them is the entire point. ;)

[POS Industries]

10% goes to Charity, a lovely young woman working at a strip club a couple counties over.

The other 90% also goes to hookers, yes.

[Lyaer]

10% to science. Then I'd buy happiness.

[Dauntasa]

I would spend all of it on booze. And then hand out 10% of my booze to poor people.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I would fufill my lifelong dream to become the hobo king.

[Rejected Again]

I would fufill my lifelong dream to become the hobo king.

I'd vote for you.

That aside, I build a coliseum with 80% of the money, and then invite charities to send their best warriors to fight over the 10%. I would sell tickets for the fight and have a 3rd party collect the profit to be used for future contests. With the last 10 I would pay a lawyer to find a loop hole that would allow me to collect the said arena's profits. Oh, and hookers.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

10% to an actual charity, the rest on getting The Flying Car Project off the ground (lame pun intended).


Revised plan:

Hookers.

Lots of them.


Or this. Haven't decided yet.

[Wigmund]

Deposit money into various shady offshore banks, move somewhere that doesn't give a shit about American legal contracts, live comfortably.

I would fufill my lifelong dream to become the hobo king.

A true hobo king doesn't require money to attain his throne.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

A true hobo king doesn't require money to attain his throne.

I'm gonna need about $20 to obtain a suitable hoboing jacket and some smokes.

[Geminex]

And don't hobo kings require a steady supply of alcohol? Or do they just generate it spontaneously?

Edit: On-topic... I think AIDS research is always a good charity to give to. Other than that... I dunno, how effectively could you contribute to sub-saharan african infrastructure or education? I'm sure that donations there could potentially go a long way, but how coordinated are efforts there, how likely is corruption?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I'd hate to meet the shoddy ass excuse of a hoboking who doesn't brew his own alcohol in the river.

[Hanuman]

All good answers, except the hookers... unless you're sadists or just want to help them (hookers often hate their jobs and can't quit), spend the extra buck and you get a porn star anyway (who love their job most of the time).

A true hobo king doesn't require money to attain his throne.
True, but having a team of bards to follow you around and do your bidding would be pretty cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-00zjEq9PNs#t=0m48s

[Preturbed]

Ok, so I put 10% in some random charity. The rest goes in stocks or whatever has a nice high interest rate for 9 years 11 months. The last month I buy as much property as I can find for the money.

[BloodyMage]

I'm assuming that putting the 8,000,000 into a high interest bank account for ten years, so that the interest is more than enough to cover the 8,000,000 that I'll have to give back after those ten years is a breach of #2?

Otherwise just do that, and you'll have more than 8,000,000 to spend for rest of your life, no limits, no rules.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Yeah but you would get mocked forever for being a boring fuck and come the revolution I would shoot you for our fiscal finagling.

[tacticslion]

Your relative dies and leaves you 8,000,000USD.
You get a written statement that you can have the money to spend as you want as long as you meet these conditions:
1) You cannot spend it in any way on anyone you know personally.
2) Within Gaining the funds you have 10 years to spend all of the cash and by contract spend them on non-refundable assets, returning of the assets into money in any way is in breach of the contract of the will and you will get in a heap of legal trouble.
3) At least 10% must go to a single charity.


So NPF, if this happened to you, how would you play this out?

Re: 1) and 3) - does this include a charity run by someone I know personally (like my father)?

So basically, the idea (the concept) is that I can live wealthily for 10 years before having to have nothing left that I don't have now, right?

Well, would turning it into a trust-fund that (by careful investments) makes dividend money and then invests all into charities be acceptable or a legal breach? 'Cause considering I couldn't keep the money anyway I'd probably do that with half of it. (aproximately 4 million)

If not, then...

I'd probably also go on a video-game/DnD book-buying binge, and donate 800,000 USD directly each to (in alphabetical order): Bless the Children (non-demoninational, loosely affiliated with Baptist charity mission organizaion), Blessed Trinity (local Roman Catholic Church), Christ to the Nations (international missions board, runs Bless the Children), Church of Hope (local "Baptist" church), and Food for the Poor (famous international organization for the aid of others).
Sub-Total (roughly): 3,300,000 US dollars

Another question, if I have distant relatives that I don't know personally, but know of via relatives I do know personally who are currently in financial difficulty, would it be considered a breach of contract to actually a) pay of all their outstanding debts, and b) give them 50k USD each?
Sub-Total (roughly): 1,100,000 US dollars.

Finally, would it be a breach of contract to completely pay all of my current outstanding debts (not necessarily making money, but eliminating monetary drains on my personal finances)?
Sub-Total (roughly): 400,000 US dollars

With my (roughly) 3.2 million dollars left, I'd probably live well but semi-modestly over the next ten years with an allowed "salary" of roughly 320 thousand, making a 20% annual donation (64,000) to the four charities listed above (16,000/year each) and 10% (32,000) to various medical cure researches, and 10% to various scientific institutions; leaving me with 192,000 per year - more than enough to live quite well with no house payments or the like.

Other questions, touched on by Jules earlier:
~ can someone else ever use the items I buy for myself (for example, could I buy video games, decide I don't like them or want them anymore and give them away)? In other words, what's the time/statistical limit of the purchases must be selfish? What about my wife? Can I purchase things for her, considering our finances are intimately connected (we both own everything)?
~ if I buy something for a hobby (like, say, wielding fiery sword-chucks) and later end up making money off of it (by, say, selling tickets to my performances) would that count as a breach of contract?
~ if I purchase, say, a lottery ticket (a form of gaining finance with no actual business or other legal "income") with the money and win, does that count as a breach of contract?
~ if I create a (macro-)micronation, like NonCon suggested, and that nation eventually comes with its own GDP/NDP, does that count as a breach of contract?
~ if I use my own funds (those I started with before hand) to gain additional assets at the end of ten years, does that count as a breach of contract?
~ if I use the new eight million to gain a large amount of money in the middle of the ten years, do I have until the end to spend it or is simply gaining more than the initial 8 million the breach of contract?

Most of these questions center on the legal limit to how selfish the purchases must be and what, exactly, constitutes as a financial return based off of the purchases. Really the easiest thing to do with the money is simply turn it all over to charity, as the last rule is "at least" not "at most" - then you don't have to worry about legal stuff. Although you'd still not be able to enjoy the ten years of relative wealth.

[stabbity death]

It says that you can't return any asset to money. That leads to so many loopholes involving non-monetary assets.

[krogothwolf]

Buy an army and take over Iceland, they be to poor right now to fight me off!

[tacticslion]

It says that you can't return any asset to money. That leads to so many loopholes involving non-monetary assets.

True, but the question is how far does the "no money" rule extend? Certain legal "sanctions" (I'm not a lawyer, so I may be using the wrong term, here) require that non-monetary assets remain a non-financial-boon for X amount of "generations" (be that time in days/months/years, iterations of "purchase"/trade, etc.) of any sort of economic benefit. For example: substances, or goods purchased by the funds cannot be resold for ten years or traded for equally equitable goods. I'm just wondering how literal, legal, or specific this is supposed to be as, technically, this forum is marked as "serious", so I'm trying to treat it literally and seriously. Again, does the legal hold against monetary gain pass on to those whom I pass it on to? So could I establish a trust fund run by someone I know, but that only gains money for the express purpose of charities? Or would that be a violation of contract? Where is the limit? That's what I'm trying to ascertain. Loopholes are only valid if we're told the full disclosure of the agreement. Another example: if I have non-financial assets, like, say, housing that I keep for myself (and allow no one else, even my wife, to sleep/live/rent/buy/use for ten years), then after that time sell, have I breached the contract? I am attempting to be honest in this presumed transaction.

Buy an army and take over Iceland, they be to poor right now to fight me off!

Bah, Icelands for losers. Me, I'mma take over (http://spoonyexperiment.com/)* Molossia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molossia)!

*I could link to each video on TGWTG, but I'm lazy and Spoony's got it laid out so nice!

[Terex4]

I would donate one million to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster so the church could fulfill its dream of building a pirate ship as a mobile missionary base.

In case that doesn't count as a charity, I would donate 2 million to breast cancer research because my wife would kill me if I don't and another 2 million to buying U Hauls for people who live in countries where no food exists.

I would use the remaining 3 mil to buy myself a bitchin pirate costume and pimping out the pirate ship with cannons, booze, and pinball machines.

[krogothwolf]

I was actually being Serious in a humours way! Seriously, I would buy mercs and try to conquer a country. Iceland seems like a good bet, to poor for their military, isolated so no one will really care what happens to em, then after taking them, I can spark a new glorious age of Vikings!

[Amake]

Even Sweden's vikings bowed to the vikings of Iceland. You're going to out-viking the world's leading vikings? It'd probably be better if you managed to take over Iceland without violence, then you'd not only not be dead but you'd already have vikings for the new viking age. And they'd be Icelandic vikings.

[Julford Hajime]

Vikings, you say?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7laxgrAb-k

[Hanuman]

It's true, Norway wasn't as Viking famous as most think, my clan descended from farmers.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Never EVER will I give money to charity.
Maybe I'll go to some place in need and see that the 10 percent (Maybe even 11, if i's necessary) are put to good use, by spending it for them myself, if that counts.
That's way better than giving it to some random (who'd probably buy hookers) or even worse a faceless organization which sends me a letter with soooo tear-jerking pictures, a TV-spot with some random out of context bible quote about sharing or a Christmas card hand-crafted by poor little Baako or something. I don't even care about Christmas.

After that I'd be like a dog who finally caught a car. I would think about burning it, but that would be a waste.
Maybe I'd build myself a house or something. For a fraction of the money. Maybe some food. It would take some time to think about what to do with this shitload of monies. I'm not used to having money at all. It would be weird.

[tacticslion]

Never EVER will I give money to charity. If we're going by literal word instead of spirit, as seems to be the case, then I'd say that's not a choice.

That said, charities aren't the corrupt money-suckers people often make them up to be. The primary reason charities ultimate resort to such tactics? They work and simple conversation doesn't. I should know. I've been involved with Christ to the Nations (and the Bless the Children progam it runs) for the last two decades. I've seen what does and doesn't work. Bless the Children doesn't really do the whole infomercial, "aren't they so sad, it's pathetic" deal. But all too often, people just ignore the situation entirely. You attempt to speak with a person reasonably and the typical (but by no means constant) response is "I should handle it myself, not let an organization take my money" (news update: they never take care of it themselves!) or "well, that sounds important, but they don't seem as needy as these other kids". You point out how sad and malnourished and hungry a child is? Suddenly you get a lot more people to donate. It's silly, but it happens - guilt sells.

Also, I understand the potential to mishandle the money. But, as I said, I've lived with CTTN and BTC, and I've seen my father repeatedly pay for the income that isn't cared for by others. I mean, we make no money off of it (he's a full-time pastor, sells stuff on ebay - independant of his ministry -, and is a stock-market investor to make ends meet), and when we don't have enough sponsers to handle all the kids in BTC, he pays the rest himself. The money we do get - 100% of it - goes directly into feeding and caring for the kids specified by the sponser. The local churches (those in the area) are the ones who pay and/or support the BTC workers - the workers don't keep any of the money sent over seas themselves (and have to give careful accountings of it). Many other organizations are just as valid in financial departments. The problem is that people don't trust them because they're "faceless" or "impersonal" - they "don't know if the money is really going towards its intended goal". It's a terrible (if somewhat understandable) attitude.

Let's briefly imagine that attitude if applied to other businesses:
~ "Hey, I won't go to that hospital, because I can't see the head of the Red Cross - it's a faceless organization"
~ "I'll never buy from books from Barnes&Noble/Borders/Books-A-Million/Walden Books/whatever, because I don't know how much they pay for their books - it's too impersonal"
~ "Why would I ever buy new/used car? I don't know what percentage those factory workers' unions/used car sellsman are getting from this!"
I get the difference - and problem: with charities you don't see the end product. You rarely view what you've purchased. That's the reason for the "Christmas cards" or whatever hand-written by the person you're supporting: it gives you a sense of "ok, I see this is a real person I'm helping" instead of just placing your money in the void. Really, doing most anything yourself - without a non-profit organization - is a huge waste of money anyway, as you don't automatically have the infrastructure, communication, contacts, or other necessary resources and elements to make things run smoothly.

I would probably also get myself a top-of-the-line computer or two, perhaps set up some super-fast internet connections. Maybe refit the house with myriads of expensive-to-set-up, cheap/easy-to-maintain alternate energy sources to save even more on our bills. Perhaps also buy a place in the Bahamas and set it up the same way!

Krogo: I think Iceland would have people take notice of it getting conquered. You might have a better time conquering Greenland, and you'd (sort of*) get a better deal (area/population)!

*Hey, technically it's pretty big. I don't care that most of it's underwater ice!

[Ecks]

Send another chunk to scientific research to build me a fully-funtional Chozo varia suit because dammit I want one really badly! :(

This. And/or the Iron Man system.

I'll throw 20% toward the "Introduce Modern Children to '80s Classic Video Games" Fund, that I will start once said 8mil becomes available.

AND THROW A SIZABLE CHUNK TOWARD CABLE/INTERNET PROVIDERS TO FUCKING PUT CABLE IN RURAL AREAS. BECAUSE FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES AND THEIR NO-COVERAGE FOR THE BOONIES POLICY.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

1. Establish a charity entitled 'Grthwllms never has to work another day in his life fund'

2. Purchase fancy dart board.

3. Use the fancy dart board to pick out five charities.

4. 50% of the money goes to those charities.

5. The other 50% goes to my charity.

[synkr0nized]

2) Within Gaining the funds you have 10 years to spend all of the cash and by contract spend them on non-refundable assets, returning of the assets into money in any way is in breach of the contract of the will and you will get in a heap of legal trouble.

So, what, I have to waste all that money on food and drinks and services by ten years?

You can sell almost anything you'd buy.

May as well shove a lot of that off to charities. Tax write-offs may be nice.

Or gamble it to make more and keep that. Or bank it and spend it all right before the ten years are up, keeping the interest.

[Dauntasa]

So, what, I have to waste all that money on food and drinks and services by ten years?

You can sell almost anything you'd buy.

May as well shove a lot of that off to charities. Tax write-offs may be nice.

Or gamble it to make more and keep that. Or bank it and spend it all right before the ten years are up, keeping the interest.

Or spend a few mil on a team of lawyers so that you can keep the rest for yourself with no conditions.

[Magic_Marker]

1) College tuition baby!

2) Invest in my home city, alternate forms of energy n'shit. Build some jobs, invest in urban planning and density.

3) Donate to the school I grew up in, make sure it and it's teachers are there for the next gen, because they did a decent job with me.

[DarkDrgon]

1) by 6 permanent seats for every ranger game for every season
2) Personal jet, GO!
3) Open my own buisness, so i have something to do.
4) Donate 3 mil to breast cancer research cause fuck all those other diseases.