My kitchen is filthy [Terrible Roommate Thread]

[Nikose Tyris]

Backstory:

My roommate and his girlfriend caused some trouble and it led to the pair of them moving out. I wasn't here to supervise the move out cause I trusted him. Some of my things are missing, but that's not really the stand out worst part.

Every dish in the house was left filthy. I can't even begin to tell you how bad it is. My good wine glasses were left half full of milk, There was cat food in my GOOD china bowl (He took the cat), and the sinks were filled with old food instead of scraped into the garbage like they belonged.

And I saw the mess, felt lazy and said "I'm going to go to do all the work I have to do at my mom's place/Grandmothers place/ANYWHERE BUT HERE first."

Result: a month later, every dish is still dirty, and the smell is overwhelming.

I have an allergy to mold, and I'm pretty sure there's a severe health hazard to people WITHOUT allergies in that kitchen at the moment.


So basically what I'm asking is, are there any Torontonians that feel like lending me a gas mask?


I suppose this can be a "Terrible Roommate" Thread too.

[Corel]

Not being snide at all, but is this the same room mate whos girlfriend you called certain names a while ago?

As if not, I need to make a sitcom on your never ending quest to find the perfect room mate!

Not my personal roommate, but remember going to a person's house (which happened to be a student's house, you guys know where I'm going already) and the entire kitchen area was covered with...something. Rubbish bags, pizza boxes, beer cans; the lot. You couldn't even see the floor.

The worst part was that there were six of them in this house; one of them had a cat.

To be honest I've never had problem with room mates and leaving mess in the kitchen or bathroom (You can do whatever you want in your bedroom, as long as it isn't effecting anywhere else!) Maybe I've been lucky to have cool roommates in the past or that I'm kinda a firm/intimidating person on occasion.

[Nikose Tyris]

It's more the sitcom answer, Corel. :P

Edit: Also, girlfriend is moving back in soon so there's more hilarious hijinks coming, I suspect.

[7days]

I empathize. One of my old roomates moved out of the house when I was across the country going to a funeral. When I got back he had left the place a hideous mess but the centerpeice of it all was a full jug of milk he left in the living room. In july. Luckily it was capped, but it was swollen to the size of a beach ball. A beach ball filled with sour, fermenting milk. I picked it up to throw it away and it burst, covering me in the foul stuff. When I caught up with him a couple of months later and asked him about it, he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. Gah, just telling the story brings back memories of that stench.

[Bells]

wait... did i got it wrong or does it really seem like they did all that stuff on purpose?

Also, he took the cat?! Foul fiend!!!

[DFM]

It's more the sitcom answer, Corel. :P

Edit: Also, girlfriend is moving back in soon so there's more hilarious hijinks coming, I suspect.

Leave the kitchen like it is, this will maximize potential comedy when she gets back.

Edit: Poop on the floor.

[Seil]

Edit: Poop on the floor.

Make a Winnie The Pooh joke.

[Flarecobra]

Sometimes it's good to get revenge on messy roommates

When I was in the military, had one roommate that left her stuff messy the night before our room was to be inspected... I decided "fuck it. This needs to be done."

Then I discovered something disgusting on top of her room lockers: A used condom. After that, just took all her crap that was left out, dumped it on her bed, then made her come back in to clean up her shit. The Marine on duty even made note that I had to do that, and somehow convinced the inspecting officer to be extra harsh on her.

She ended up having to clean the squadron's hanger the Saturday after.

[bluestarultor]

My second college roommate wasn't messy in the normal sense, but he never wore socks and then would walk around the room barefoot. The place constantly smelled like feet.

Also, he was a walking mass of complexes. He had a deadly cocktail of social anxiety disorder and next-to-nothing serotonin levels. That basically meant he was always in the room and I took the brunt of all the nastiness he could muster. This culminated when he actually reported ME to the school psychologist and I had to go through a ton of hoops to get a letter saying I was sane and not a danger to myself or others.

[Nikose Tyris]

I sadly have no means of revenge. :( I have 2 friends coming to help with the kitchen tomorrow morning now, which is good.

Seriously it is a 3 man job, we're going to be throwing out some places just because of the pure 'wtf' of them. :/ I'm just going to buy new wine glasses, to hell with it.

[bluestarultor]

I sadly have no means of revenge. :( I have 2 friends coming to help with the kitchen tomorrow morning now, which is good.

Seriously it is a 3 man job, we're going to be throwing out some places just because of the pure 'wtf' of them. :/ I'm just going to buy new wine glasses, to hell with it.

You know, wine glasses are expensive and it would just be a matter of washing them.

Also, you could use the money you save to drag his ass to court and get your stuff back.

[Nikose Tyris]

It's $650 bucks for filing and legal fees to drag him to small claims court, where the court will say "Yeah you have to pay this." and then walk the fuck off and it's up to you to actually GET him to collect. Best I could do from there is go to the local police, then with them to his workplace, and get them to garnish his wages.

Which is what I would do except he's unemployed and you can't garnish employment Insurance checks. I know, I've checked. (Welfare though? Fair game, somehow.)

[bluestarultor]

It's $650 bucks for filing and legal fees to drag him to small claims court, where the court will say "Yeah you have to pay this." and then walk the fuck off and it's up to you to actually GET him to collect. Best I could do from there is go to the local police, then with them to his workplace, and get them to garnish his wages.

Which is what I would do except he's unemployed and you can't garnish employment Insurance checks. I know, I've checked. (Welfare though? Fair game, somehow.)

Interesting...

Well, I stand by my statement that you can still wash the glasses.

[Nikose Tyris]

Interesting...

Well, I stand by my statement that you can still wash the glasses.

The milk is so sour it's like a cake of milk. I did not know milk could do this.

Also I have a set of wine glasses (and martini glasses) my mother gave me for christmas that I never unpacked, and there are more dishes here then the 7 of us will need. (We have potentially 7 people living between these two apartments and we eat together/share grocery bills.) I'm definitely cleaning out the shelves.

[Flarecobra]

If you know where he lives...

Sour milk bomb.

[Bells]

If you know where he lives...

Sour milk bomb.

Or if you are really evil, get his address, grab a box, fill with all the crap he left for you (in a triple plastic bag) and mail to him with no return address, and wear gloves during this whole process, also place a note saying "you forgot some of your stuff".

He may find out that it was you, and you might get a visit from the police just to check if you are insane, but MAN think of LOL factor.

Also, they will talk about you for years!

[bluestarultor]

Or if you are really evil, get his address, grab a box, fill with all the crap he left for you (in a triple plastic bag) and mail to him with no return address, and wear gloves during this whole process, also place a note saying "you forgot some of your stuff".

He may find out that it was you, and you might get a visit from the police just to check if you are insane, but MAN think of LOL factor.

Also, they will talk about you for years!

Issue: HE knows where it's coming from. It doesn't matter if there's a return address. Unless the guy has an aneurysm, the address to return it to either in the same package or against the front door will be readily apparent.

[Nikose Tyris]

I'm honestly tempted to go out and buy new dishes and do that, Bells. However I'm not a malicious person, despite really enjoying getting angry at people sometimes. :P The fun is in the explosion. Pre-planning any kind of revenge is boring.

Also, I don't think I could mail this filth. It's really, really bad.

[Loyal]

You have a mold allergy and yet you let it escalate to this point? Very irresponsible, dude. Especially with your recent hospital escapades.:ohdear:

[Nikose Tyris]

You have a mold allergy and yet you let it escalate to this point? Very irresponsible, dude. Especially with your recent hospital escapades.:ohdear:

I know, I know, I'm an idiot. I should have done them when I first came home instead of saying "Hey I have this great idea LET'S GO LIVE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES FOR A MONTH INSTEAD".

This is clearly where the mistake was.

Now on the plus side, I'm healthier then ever and I've just confirmed I have a Gas Mask and rubber gloves for tomorrow so I'm less worried.

[Magus]

I got a room in a house for really low rent, thought I was really lucky.

Anyway, the initial room mate was fine...to an extent, I sometimes found like whole rolls of paper towels missing and soda missing and such, but nothing big, I let stuff like that slide and just start keeping everything locked up in my bedroom that I can. He also had the annoying habit of sleeping on the couch downstairs with the TV at full blast (I used my fan to cover this up, as mentioned later in an other scenario). But the owner wanted to rent it out to at least four people since it had that many bedrooms, and the other two guys...okay, man, they had a lot of problems.

Girls over to the house. EVERY NIGHT. Keep in mind I had to get up early every day to go to college classes, and then to student teach, which was horrible enough without feeling tired as hell. This was annoying, to say the least. They would often show up at midnight too and make a shit load of noise, playing loud music and ping pong downstairs, bunch of stuff like that. But whatever, I had a fan so I turned that on, it cut the noise pretty good.

I rapidly discovered they were both slobs. Stuff would be left everywhere all the time, extremely dirty kitchen table, crumbs and food, that kind of thing, laundry all over it. Pretty damn annoying.

Turned out at least one them was a pothead, too, if not both. The pothead(s) was such a slob he'd actually leave marijuana leavings and ashes on surfaces like the table and such. Quite disgusting. But hey I'm getting such cheap rent, technically in PA I'm only responsible for what's in my room, that's what I rent. I'm technically not responsible for cleaning any public areas in the house, such as the bathroom, so I decide if they want to leave a huge mess and actually leave marijuana lying around it's their problem, I don't know about that shit, officer.

Anyway, one day the one I know is a pothead goes to an ATM to get 1400 dollars in cash to pay off a vehicle, leaves it in his unlocked room, and goes to his girlfriend's over night. It disappears, and the other roommate disappears with it and his stuff. So of course we know who stole it, but there's no hard evidence, it's just circumstantial. One of their girlfriend's may have stolen it, maybe there never was any cash. It's cash, it's not traceable. So anyway this idiot actually asks me if maybe I took it, and I'm like, "lol wut" and he goes "well you know it wouldn't be fair if I didn't ask everybody." Apparently I'm a stone cold genius who psychically knows when one room mate is going to coincidentally clear out all his stuff and hit the road and the other is going to leave 1400 lying around for me to steal, and I'm going to just pretend I don't know anything about it. Yeah, real logical.

So anyway I'm pretty sure the pothead is sort of gone...he's hardly ever there, I don't know if he leaves his stuff in that room still or not. The one who stole the cash is long gone, since it was something like his rent for a year at the price we were getting. So I'm left with the one guy who steals soda and watches TV all night. Joy.

[bluestarultor]

Think of it this way: at least you don't have to deal with the other two.

[Magus]

Yeah, I kind of figured the one was going to kill the other one over it, but he high-tailed it out of there with the 1400 bucks. I'm not sure how stoned you have to be to leave that amount of cash lying around unprotected, but he managed it.

[Magic_Marker]

Never overestimate a stoner.

[MariusTwilight]

So Fitz, Nikose and I tackled the kitchen together. It was a 3 hour job. We cleaned it all up, but there's still a lingering smell- turns out at the bottom of the recycling pile, somebody had left a box of lettuce, just a crack open.

It had, err, composted, so to speak. That crate is sitting in the bathtub because nobody knows how to get rid of it without it being a biohazard.

[synkr0nized]

Hold on.

Your roommate(s) moved out and left you a mess. I get that it sucks, so I'm with you there.

But you didn't touch it for over a month? What the Christ?
You're lucky your friends agreed to help you clean it. Hope you're having fun with that.


e: lol at that, too, Meister

[Meister]

Whelp this vegetable matter is completely rotten and possibly hazardous, let's put it in the place where we clean ourselves for a while.

[MariusTwilight]

If you've known Nikose for this long and haven't figured out he's an idiot...

He's been living upstairs with us the last few weeks- he even has his own bedroom up here. He just didn't stay in his own place for a long while. Kind of emotionally bagging to be around what you thought was a good friend who ditched you in favor of a woman- he's still finding Ex-Roommate's things lying around.

Nik keeps his bathroom cleaner then any of us, too, which I've always found odd. He cleans it daily. Why the hell would he put rotting food in a plastic container in the bathtub?

[Toastburner B]

I am experiencing that unique joy of having a bad roommate who also happens to be family.

My sister is being kind enough to rent out a couple of rooms in the basement of her house. Since I am not pulling in much money, she is only charging me $100 a month, and 1/3 of the utilities. Not a bad deal any way you look at it.

Alas, my sister is married so I have to deal with my brother in law. And it is annoying enough that I am seriously wondering if it worth it to stay here.

Where to start...


He has yelled at me a number of times because I wasn't cleaning the messes he was kind enough to leave there so I could do something nice for him and clean up after him. Ahead and read that again, I'll wait.


He is currently unemployed...not because he got layed off or can't hold a job, but because he chooses not to. He claims he is too busy "fighting the man" to work. By "fighting the man", he means having a spat with the school he went to over money. He has been at this for a least 6 months, with no progress made. Seeming as in those six months he has had three meetings, you can see how with that blistering pace of hard work he couldn't possibly have at least a part-time job. So, instead, he is living off of my sister, including a trip to the Caymans my family went on a few months ago. I chose not to go, because I didn't want to make someone else pay my way.


While he is doing this, he is basically accusing me of being a leech because of the low rent is sister is charging me. True, I only pay my sister $150 to $200 dollars a month, but well...that's in comparison to the $0 my brother-in-law brings in a month. Draw your own conclusions.

The guy has a temper. No, seriously. When he was at the store or something once, a guy was driving fast through the parking lot, so by brother-in-law pulled out in front of him blocking the other guy off, got out of his car and tried to pull the other guy out of his car so he could, and I quote, "teach him a lesson." Apparently he considers the other guy "a pussy" because he locked his car door. Major pet peeves include bad drivers and people who talk back. Keep those in mind.

He has an overly developed problem with authority. That's the only way I can think of phrasing it, but it just doesn't do it justice. He believes a goodly number of government conspiracies (not quite Truther level, but close). For example, remember when that guy flew his airplane into a IRS office, killing someone? While brother-in-law didn't say the guy was in the right per se, he did use the opportunity to compare IRS office workers to Nazi concentration camp guards. "They're were all just doing their jobs, right?"

What is most stupefying about the above two is that the man's goal in life is to be a a high school math teacher. I mean, he basically wants to put himself in a place where he'll have to deal with people in authority over him and a regular basis, as well as deal with high school drivers and of course, there will be at least a handful of students who talk back to him. In all honestly, I have a hard time picturing a scenario were this will end well. The best case scenario I can see is him getting fired, the worst case scenario is him trying to teach a student "a lesson", and getting charged with assault.

I want to be out of here before that comes to past. Otherwise he'll probably accuse me of being a leech because I didn't front lawyer costs for him.

[Krylo]

Yeah, that dude sounds like a douche.

On the other hand... is your sister cute, and can you give me a ring when the inevitable divorce hits?

[Kim]

I've had some good and bad roommates. The only thing that got on my nerves consistantly was noisy parties all the time. Now, I'm not against parties, nor drinking, nor loud music. Just, there are times when perhaps you shouldn't be having a party, and you should probably keep these in mind.

[Nique]

Haha, oh man... I feel pretty bad for you guys. I used to be in basically the same type of situation. I had two roomates; One an anal retentive mess who made unreasonable demands about our 'fair share' of the chores and general tidiness (this is after I did a massive cleaning job on the place RIGHT after moving in). This guy would also REFUSE to turn on the heat (that's right, not 'up', 'on') and if we did he would refuse to pay his fair share, yet he never complained or told us to turn the heat off when we did so.

The other guy... well, something in the house smelled. BAD. So I dug around frantically and found a full blender of moldy ice cream soup in his room.

I don't know how I wound up with guys on such opposite spectrums, but I seemed to draw most of their ire with me being somewhere in between obsessively neat and sloppy.

Now I am married and my wife keeps everything clean. Becuase she loves me. Possibly becuase I let her buy all the anime she wants too, but I'm pretty sure it's mostly the love thing.

[Funka Genocide]

I'm renting a room in a place with 2 40something dudes I work with. The place is a mess because 40 something dudes are incapable of cleaning up after themselves (they're both married and only stay at the place during the week, their wives live in their actual homes) and I'll be god damned if I go around vacuuming up 6 month old shed dog hair that belongs to a dog that's not mine.

Tried to clean it up once when my girlfriend visited, have since given up hope. I just stay in my room, moving out soon to my own place anyways.

Its kind of funny since the owner of the house is my boss, I feel bad for the guy. His wife is a total pig beast and he's got health problems related to stress and being overweight I think. Thing is, he's not that overweight really. They just had a kid too, no idea how he impregnated her, but the man deserves a medal.

[tacticslion]

While my living conditions right now are pretty sweet, I remember my first roommate in a dorm in college.

The guy seemed pretty cool at first, although we had little in common, he did enjoy him some Zelda games, so we'd share and talk about that stuff. Then the end of the first month rolled around and his girlfriend started coming over. That was fine until I started finding articles of clothes... on my bed (top bunk). Soon enough, I began repeatedly finding the two of them in various amounts of not very clothed, and they both seemed kind of cool with that. The problems started by the end of the second month when the entire bunkbed began to make repititious, semi-rythmic movements nightly. For nearly inhuman lengths of time. At ever increasing volumes. It progressed from there. By the end of the semester, I was consistantly sleeping in:
~ The common room of another dorm (generally the dorm where I showered)
~ The basement of that orther dorm
~ The cafeteria
~ The a friends room
~ ANYWHERE I FRIGGIN' COULD THAT DIDN'T HAVE TWO PEOPLE HAVING LOUD SEX UNDERNEATH ME EVERY NIGHT UNTIL THREE A.M.

Could I have complained to the RA? Sure. Oh, hey, I did. Turns out the RA didn't care. At all. Maaaaayyyybe twice he told my roomate "yeah, don't do that, I guess." Apparently my dorm was like that: the "party" dorm, it seems. I've no idea how I ended up there. It was difficult to get more powerful entities to do anything with such a dorm because if they started, they wouldn't stop until nearly everyone there was gone - very bad for business. Basically that was how they contained their 'undesirable' elements, into which I had been thrust. So, I switched dorms next semester, and roommates, and happily enjoyed the sex-free zone. And now I've got the best roommate ever!

Oh, funny note, my roommate consistantly wandered where I was every night. At the end of the semester he was like "Dude, you're never in the room. Where do you go? You shouldn't stay out all night - make sure to get your sleep. Your academic carreer depends on it." The worst part of that is, I'd told him before this (when I'd asked him to stop). Multiple times.

[Nikose Tyris]

My kitchen is definitely clean now. There is a glint coming off everything.

My bathroom is clean.

My apartment is spotless.

My girlfriend is here and threw her dirty old backpack on the floor, splattering mud all over the cabinet doors before hugging me.

SITCOM TIME.