OkCupid is the funniest damn thing...

[Kim]

So, back in the day when I was actively interested in dating girls, I joined up with OkCupid. It couldn't hurt to give it a shot, more or less. It's been several years since then, and I haven't used OkCupid at all during that time frame, but they'll still send me emails talking about Quiver matches or some nonsense. I'm too lazy to mark the service as spam. ANYWAY!

http://i50.tinypic.com/2w3teu9.png

There are so many funny things about this I don't even know where to start. First off, they're saying I'm good looking. Somethin's broken. Secondly, all of this just feels so incredibly wrong. And then they end the ball of wrongness with "Go ask an ugly friend and see." Just... huh.

[Geminex]

BE PROUD, NONCON.
YOU ARE NOW PART OF THE ATTRACTIVE MASTER RACE.
BEAR YOUR ELITE STATUS WITH HONOR!
CAUSE MAN YOU ARE SO SEXY.

[Osterbaum]

Suddenly I feel so much more attracted to you.

[Amake]

It's a well-known rumor that attractive people are more attracted to other attractive people, and appreciate them on a level lesser, uglier people can't. Therefore we have divided the Earth's population in two equal parts, tentatively labeled "hot" and "not", reducing the number of potential mates for any given person by 50%. This should make it easier to find your soulmate.

[Lost in Time]

Well, didn't he just graduate from the top end bottom tier, to the low end top tier? He's now officially an underdog and will get less chances to find a mate!

[Geminex]

I just realized: Is this the thread where noncon is the most attractive man on the internet?

[Amake]

Well, someone has to be it. As the most attractive woman (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?p=1036978#post1036978), I endorse Noncon.

[Osterbaum]

It's a well-known rumor that attractive people are more attracted to other attractive people, and appreciate them on a level lesser, uglier people can't. Therefore we have divided the Earth's population in two equal parts, tentatively labeled "hot" and "not", reducing the number of potential mates for any given person by 50%. This should make it easier to find your soulmate.
I lol'd is what happened here. Wanted to give you rep, but couldn't.

I just realized: Is this the thread where noncon is the most attractive man on the internet?
He has a "new important elite status" at the very least. And since we're handing out titles here, I declare myself the most atractive finn on the internet.

[Krylo]

I just realized: Is this the thread where noncon is the most attractive man on the internet?

Nah, like Lost said, he just graduated up from the lowest 50 to the highest 50, so assuming OKC has a representative spread of attractive vs ugly internet users, and that 50% of the world's population uses the internet, he'd be, roughly, the 2,999,999,999th most attractive person on the internet.

Give or take a few thousand.

[Geminex]

Goddammit, Krylo. I wanted to get NonCon to talk about his pectorals, get him to name them, maybe even get him to hastily make up a sex life so he can talk about it, but noooooo you had to spoil it.

This is why we can never have anything nice.

[Amake]

Hang on, if 3 billion people use the Internet and Noncon is in the top 50%, that means he's at least the 1 499 999 999:th most attractive person. Disconting women, who obviously will be rated hotter, he's easily among the top 1 199 999 999 men.

[Osterbaum]

This is why we can never have anything nice.
Because of Krylo. Indeed.

Hang on, if 3 billion people use the Internet and Noncon is in the top 50%, that means he's at least the 1 499 999 999:th most attractive person. Disconting women, who obviously will be rated hotter, he's easily among the top 1 199 999 999 men.
I also don't think that 3 billion people have acces to the internet. The number is no doubt growing each year, but I'd say that about 2 billion people currently have acces to the internet.

[Krylo]

Hang on, if 3 billion people use the Internet and Noncon is in the top 50%, that means he's at least the 1 499 999 999:th most attractive person. Disconting women, who obviously will be rated hotter, he's easily among the top 1 199 999 999 men.
Yeah, I don't know where I went wrong exactly there. I blame the hour and the fact I didn't sleep yet. I'm not gonna try to go back and figure out where exactly I went weird there though. Forgot that I only divided once?

I dunno.

I also don't think that 3 billion people have acces to the internet. The number is no doubt growing each year, but I'd say that about 2 billion people currently have acces to the internet.
This is actually correct, there's roughly 7 billion people (upon my looking it up) of which roughly 25% have internet access, meaning roughly 1,750,000,000 people are online. Which would make Nonsie rank about 874,999,999.

[Osterbaum]

Good news NonCon. Seems like you've reached the top 900 000 000.

[Amake]

Ooh, research. But you forgot to account for women again. If we assume there's 10% women on the Internet, and all of them are in the top 50%, there's only 700 000 000 dudes to compete with. Less if we use factual amounts of women.

[Krylo]

Those statistics were for internet access, not common use. So you'd end up with the same amount of women with internet access as men, percentage-wise. I guess you could multiply it by the faction of the population that is men, but that seems to be getting a bit too involved just to figure out where he ranks on a specific gender scale instead of opposed to people in general.

[krogothwolf]

NonCon is now elite due to his attractiveness, awesome!

[BitVyper]

Haha, I got one of those too. It actually seems kind of insulting in a weird way.

So like, do we have to fight now? How does this work?

[Magic_Marker]

Good news everyone, I know have a crush on Nocon. The internet finds him attractive and I've been writing "Noncon Marker" on my binder all through French class.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Haha, I got one of those too. It actually seems kind of insulting in a weird way.

So like, do we have to fight now? How does this work?

Basically, its like the Highlander. You have to do battle with eachother in like a big sword fight or something. The Winner declares 'There can only be one!' and then becomes immortal. You jump off a cliff to.

At least I think that's what happened in that movie.

[BitVyper]

Okay, but Noncon has to be the Kurgan.

[Solid Snake]

...I wonder, do they send the ugliest 50% that kind of an e-mail too?
Also: How offensive is it that OKCupid arbitrarily restricts you from looking up attractive people based on how a select minority might rate your looks? Damn, man, all I have to say is I'd be awfully offended if I joined OKCupid and didn't receive that e-mail after a few months.

Also: Congrats NonCon, you hereby have been rated a sexy gent! This confirms our long-held suspicion that women are disproportionately attracted to gay men. Now change your profile so it says you like men and see what happens. XD

[Aerozord]

well the solution to me is obvious. While you are at the bottom of the "hot" ladder, that still gives you hot status. So just go slumming to all the "not" people, to whom you are now a glorious uplifted demi-god of physical human perfection.

Alternatively sell a bunch of self-help books and seminars, I became attractive, and so can you

[BitVyper]

Also: How offensive is it that OKCupid arbitrarily restricts you from looking up attractive people based on how a select minority might rate your looks? Damn, man, all I have to say is I'd be awfully offended if I joined OKCupid and didn't receive that e-mail after a few months.

Honestly? I've found absolutely no difference. I'm pretty sure it's more of a "you haven't logged on in forever. COME BACK TO US" email. Like the kind you get from MMORPGs.

[Nikose Tyris]

I somehow did not receive this email, despite having made 65 hookups out of 120 responses...

I wonder what all this is based on. If it's only appearances, then no wonder.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I somehow did not receive this email, despite having made 65 hookups out of 120 responses...

I wonder what all this is based on. If it's only appearances, then no wonder.

Why of course it is based on appearances! What else is there to a person?

[Ryanderman]

From the info I can find, supposedly this just increases the odds of another attractive person appearing on your OkCupid homescreen, in that bar of recommended matches. Maybe it'll alter the algorithm in the "special blend" match search too, don't know.

Also supposedly, nothing will change for the rest of us ugly schmucks. We'll still be shown attractive users just as often as we were before. And we'll still fail to get them to write back to us, just as often as we were before. (I actually don't know much about the success rate. I don't think I ever initiated a single conversation on that site. I created my profile, and then didn't do anything with it for years)

Though I'm actually pretty fond of OkCupid now. I met my girlfriend there, and things are going really well for us. It's looking like success is possible, even for a bottom 50% ugly guy.

[Krylo]

Okay, but Noncon has to be the Kurgan.
Why in the world would you ever want someone else to be the Kurgan? The Kurgan was totally the most awesome of all Highlander characters.

He kept his neck closed with safety pins, for god sake.
How offensive is it that OKCupid arbitrarily restricts you from looking up attractive people based on how a select minority might rate your looks? It doesn't, though.

It just changes whom they recommend you try to go out with. Basically there's a much better chance that they're going to suggest... oh who do the kids like these days? Justin Bieber? Whatever, they're more likely to suggest he ask out Allyson Hannigan, than they are to suggest the same to Bubba The Hutt. But Bubba The Hutt can still search her out and shoot off an e-mail her way if he wants.
I wonder what all this is based on. If it's only appearances, then no wonder.
Says right in the e-mail it's based on how many people rank you 4 or 5 stars on Quick match/when seeing you in quiver.

Which, given human nature... yeah, basically appearances.

[Kim]

Now change your profile so it says you like men and see what happens.

Already did. More or less going to go back to ignoring the profile again, unless they tell me I'm ugly again.

Suddenly I feel so much more attracted to you.

It's working already!

Is this the thread where noncon is the most attractive man on the internet?

That's every thread.

[BitVyper]

Why in the world would you ever want someone else to be the Kurgan? The Kurgan was totally the most awesome of all Highlander characters.

I don't want to shave my head. Also I like Chris Lambert's voice.

Edit: Wait, was the Kurgan bald? Now I forget.

[Osterbaum]

All you guys know just a little too much about OKCupid.

[RickZarber]

And not enough about Highlander! Except for Krylo.

Tangentally related story:

Y'all remember Hot or Not? (For those who don't, basically a site where you could upload your picture and people would rank you on a scale of attractiveness from 1 to 10.) Well, several years ago, when my brother had long hair, we took a picture of him in a fairly feminine pose and posted it to Hot or Not as a female. The only photoshopping involved was that I replicated an earring onto his right ear to match his left, and the removal of a few moles here and there. That's it. (EDIT: Oh yeah, and he was wearing glasses--which were his, but he didn't normally wear them.)

After a few weeks we checked back, and he had an average score of 9.7! Yeah.

The best part was that he then posted a much more masculine photo of himself up (listed as a guy) and it only got a 6.8 or something like that.

EDIT FOR BELOW, so as not to derail topic any further: What's the compelling argument for pretending everything but the first movie doesn't exist? Because I want to make that argument.

[mauve]

Why in the world would you ever want someone else to be the Kurgan? The Kurgan was totally the most awesome of all Highlander characters.

He kept his neck closed with safety pins, for god sake.
You make a compelling argument, sir, but Fitz was clearly the most awesome Highlander character.



Apologies for the interruption. You may now carry on with your OKCupid stuff.

[Krylo]

You make a compelling argument, sir, but Fitz was clearly the most awesome Highlander character.

Fitz was pretty cool and so's Robert Daltry, but I don't remember him keeping parts of his body on with safety pins, so he still ranks under the Kurgan.

I'd be tempted to give the nod to Ramirez, 'cause Sean Connery, but then the Kurgan cut his head off.

Speaking of, another point in favor of Kurgan > Fitz. Fitz never killed Sean Connery.

[Hanuman]

http://zs1.smbc-comics.com/comics/20030328-2.gif

[BitVyper]

You know, I've never once had that problem.

[Krylo]

[pithy image in lieu of actual relevant conversation]
That's twice. Are you becoming the new Seil?
You know, I've never once had that problem.
That's because you are that problem.

[Fenris]

That's twice. Are you becoming the new Seil?

He's becoming the new old Seil.

[BitVyper]

That's because you are that problem.

All of my pictures are pretty recent, and I don't do the extreme-angle-to-make-your-face-look-narrower thing. I'd really prefer to scare people away before I waste time on them.

Edit: Although to be fair, I did graft a pig to my face yesterday.

[Krylo]

He's becoming the new old Seil.
Of course, I missed you already referencing that an hour ago, until just now.

I feel all played out and old hat now.
Although to be fair, I did graft a pig to my face yesterday.
We've seen the camwhore thread.

We are aware.

[BitVyper]

Words can hurt, you know.

[Krylo]

Oh you mean that's not... that's your...

I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I feel just terrible.

Well... um... look at the bright side, Bit--some women LIKE ham.

[BitVyper]

I'll always have a spot with the bizarre fetishists.

[Geminex]

They think you're hamsome.

[BitVyper]

They think you're hamsome.

At least I'm not a porker.