Beards are freakin amazing

[Pip Boy]

This thread is dedicated to beards and their greatness. They've undoubtedly been the greatest advancement in human technology since they were invented in prehistoric times, when they were probably used for kindling. Made more famous by such prominent public figures such as Raptor Jesus and Honest Abe, its pretty much obvious that they're the best thing there ever was. Discuss.

EDIT: And also fuck nikose and his beard hating.

EDIT: Im kidding. I love you. Lever never fight again.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Every great thinker in history has had a beard.

[Azisien]

Every great thinker in history either is dead or will be soon.

Coincidence?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

They are having a rocking party in heaven.Why would they stay on earth

[phil_]

Every great thinker in history has had a beard.Does Descartes' silly little soul patch count as a beard?

[Pip Boy]

Beards are like constant hugs you wear on your face. Even the little ones count.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Does Descartes' silly little soul patch count as a beard?

Every great thinker in history had a beard.

[Fifthfiend]

Tiny Carl Jung says you're fulla crap.

Well I mean actually he says something wordy as fuck about you struggling in vain against your own unbearded shadow.

But I assume he means you're fulla crap.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Like Jung says some real good shit, and he says some real stupid shit so he ends up halfway- with a moustache.

[krogothwolf]

I almost always have a beard so does that mean I'm a super sexy great thinker? Cause if so, the world if freaking doomed.

[Nique]

My beard was in my heart all along! What an adventure!

[Seil]

I'm usually clean shaven. Does that make me less of a man?

[McTahr]

Oh look. A poll. I call mine my little chin kitten.

[Fifthfiend]

Santa Clause

I think we can all agree that we're better off keeping Tim Allen out of this.

[McTahr]

I'm running on two hours of sleep, forgive me!

[krogothwolf]

You probably watch a Santa Clause marathon every Christmas! Admit it!

[McTahr]

You probably watch a Santa Clause marathon every Christmas! Admit it!

You mean...you don't?

[krogothwolf]

You mean...you don't?

Of course I do man! Cheezy crapaticular Christmas movies are the only way to go during Christmas!

[Fifthfiend]

I'm running on two hours of sleep, forgive me!

On the assumption that it was you who changed the MSPA thread to "R41NB0W RUMPUS P4RTYT0WN", okay.

Otherwise NO, GET FUCKED, ALLENOID.

[Azisien]

I'm usually clean shaven. Does that make me less of a man?

People with beards would say yes.

However, they either don't care or aren't aware that they are carrying around a mass of pubic hair. On their face.

[Eltargrim]

I has beard.

[Pip Boy]

People with beards would say yes.

However, they either don't care or aren't aware that they are carrying around a mass of pubic hair. On their face.

You're just jealous that the pubic hair on my face is mine.

[Azisien]

You're just jealous that the pubic hair on my face is mine.

Ah yes, jealousy. That is the emotion I was feeling. That explains the night terrors, anyway.

[krogothwolf]

Ah yes, jealousy. That is the emotion I was feeling. That explains the night terrors, anyway.

Those aren't night terrors, those are wet dreams you're having about his pubic face hair!

[TopHatAssassin]

God damnit you guys. I had never considered beards to be pubic hair until this moment, thanks a lot. Up until now it was just hair too manly to grow somewhere normal.

I now pose to you a question: what style of beard should one wear to the classroom when one is acting in a teaching capacity?

[Fifthfiend]

civil war style sideburn-moustache.

[Krylo]

You're just jealous that the pubic hair on my face is mine.

Yeah, you keep on having your own pubic hair on your face.

I think I'll stick with your girlfriend's, if that's ok.

[krogothwolf]

This!
http://www.civilwaracademy.com/images/ambrose-burnside.jpg

[Nique]

Jesus, it's like two birds nests!

[Loyal]

It's a single bird's nest, holding the single ugliest egg ever lain.

[DarkDrgon]

I have a cross between lincoln and santa, so I went with lincoln.

beards be awesome, yo!

[Aldurin]

Beards are for real humans, men who don't have facial hair are aliens that will soon be executed. Women are exempt because we have a big enough workload sorting out the men as it is.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Right now it's an Abe Lincoln.

I normally sport a Goatee.

[Azisien]

Occasionally beards can be amazing, but only for spectators.

http://a3.vox.com/6a00ccff85312a985d00cd96fe9e0b4cd5-500pi

[synkr0nized]

"Santa Clause"?

Is this some kind of random, unnecessary section of law?


"Well, the flight would've been on time, but due to the Santa Clause we had to divert south a few miles to clear the air."

Hmm, no, that won't do.

"Your honor, as provided for in the Santa Clause, my client's descent down the chimney with jovial intent is permitted by law..."

[01d55]

"Santa Clause"?

Is this some kind of random, unnecessary section of law?

Yes. It says that if Tim Allen accidentally kills Santa Claus, he has to BE Santa Claus.

[synkr0nized]

Oh, shit, they did name the movie that, didn't they? Ah well.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

What, you think you can actually out-beard us dragons just because you're mammals?

BOOSH

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc230/Shyria_Dracnoir/Chinese_dragon15.jpg

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc230/Shyria_Dracnoir/w261e.jpg

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc230/Shyria_Dracnoir/Chinese_dragon_by_J_C.jpg

http://i417.photobucket.com/albums/pp258/viper_9/bearded-dragon.jpg

Wait...

(This is what happens when I post in random threads at 12 in the morning)

[phil_]

Blackbeard did the whole beard thing your dragons have going on there, and set it on fire without being immune to fire!

http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/images/news/photos/2008/11/21/f-pirates-blackbeard-getty.jpg

Consider yourselves out-bearded since the late 17th Century.

[POS Industries]

On the assumption that it was you who changed the MSPA thread to "R41NB0W RUMPUS P4RTYT0WN", okay.
Nope. All me, bitches.

And this thread inspired me to shave.

[Melfice]

I voted Mutton chops, but technically, all I have is a very light beard. Stubble evolved, really.
The kind you grow when you're either too lazy to shave daily, or get a nasty rash if you do.

But as soon as it starts getting a bit colder, I'm totally gonna grow my winter fur again. Mutton chops, ho!

EDIT: Huh. Might even try for a blend of my standard chops and the ones posted by krogoth. Assuming my moustache will cooperate.

[Mondt]

I can't grow a beard. A lot of the men in my family can't.

...

=(

[phil_]

I suppose, for all my beard defending, that I need to come clean. I'm a hairless land lubber. I shaved off my stupid chin-beard months ago. Like, in the spring. I constantly have stubble from laziness, but I never allow it to grow into a beard. I'm trying to become stronger without it, you see. It's training.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Where is the Solovyov on that poll?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Make sure they hand over the secrets of interplanetary space travel, currently mapped systems, and any kind of kinky alien porn they have on them first

[Wigmund]

I had a beard earlier this week, but the heat and humidity (and lack of decent AC in my car and west side of building apartment) made that a horrible thing to have on my face so I shaved it off and will wait until the weather gets cold before growing the thermal insulation again.

[Pip Boy]

Where is the Solovyov on that poll?

Thread poster is American bitch and we ain't gonna have none of that communist wannabe beard bullshit. Grow a man's beard or don't grow one at all.

[Geminex]

But communism produces the best (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Karl_Marx_001.jpg) beards!
Or do the best beards produce communism...

Edit:
I mean seriously, look at this guy:
http://i515.photobucket.com/albums/t359/bhadiegol/Marx.jpg
Did the founders of America have that kind of facial hair?
How about the proponents of capitalism?
No?
Well, then it SEEMS TO ME like SOMEONE has their ideological priorities mixed up!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Thread poster is American bitch and we ain't gonna have none of that communist wannabe beard bullshit. Grow a man's beard or don't grow one at all.

Solovyov was badass. Also not a communist as far as I know.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d5/Vladimir-Solovyov.jpg

[Archbio]

Make sure they hand over the secrets of interplanetary space travel, currently mapped systems, and any kind of kinky alien porn they have on them first

I'm pretty sure that if aliens do visit they'll be here to shop for porn and firearms.

[Geminex]

Though come to think of it, you could make a fairly good point that Karl Marx never died, he just went to the north pole and became santa, founding a collective for the common good of all mankind and now travels the world every christmas eve, spreading presents and joy and, well, socialism. I mean come on, Santa wears red, has a big beard, and gives out stuff for free! He's a communist, dammit and he is CORRUPTIN' OUR CHILDREN.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

I have a beard.

Look at my beard, my beard is amazing. Give it a lick!

Well, If you wanna see it there's that one picture of me in the camwhore thread, somewhere. It's the only picture without some crazy effects that make me look like not me. If you don't want to click through the camwhore thread until you see my angelic visage you're not worthy of my beard.

[Amake]

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Alan_Moore.jpg
I think I've made an argument based on Alan Moore's beard before.
Truly it transcends topics as well as topography.

I'm fine with myself and anyone I get up close to being smooth as a baby's ass though. Facial hair may look good at a distance, but it's really nature's armor.

[Pip Boy]

And we can never forget that beards give you magical powers. Thats why wizards always wear them. No exceptions.

http://hobbitworld.synthasite.com/resources/9838gandalf_profil.JPG

[Fenris]

I can't grow a beard. A lot of the men in my family can't.

...

=(

"men"

[Archbio]

Shaving has to be easy for a smiley.

[Azisien]

And we can never forget that beards give you magical powers. Thats why wizards always wear them. No exceptions.

Unfortunately the majority of beard owners get stuck with the low level cantrips, due to not practicing their magical powers.

I believe the default cantrip is "unknown crust-like material accumulation."

[RickZarber]

I wear a goatee because my face looks much chubbier without it.

It's convenient though, because I hate shaving that exact part of my face; my upper lip tends to break out when I shave there.

[Yrcrazypa]

Unfortunately I can't have a beard, as I was stupid enough to join the Air Force. Oh well, only four more years to go until I can grow a bitchin' beard.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Unfortunately I can't have a beard, as I was stupid enough to join the Air Force. Oh well, only four more years to go until I can grow a bitchin' beard.

If your codename is Iceman I'll let you off

[Krylo]

Unfortunately I can't have a beard, as I was stupid enough to join the Air Force. Oh well, only four more years to go until I can grow a bitchin' beard.

Yeah, I can't have one, either.

Not because I'm in the military or anything.

I just like kissing ladies.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Yeah, I can't have one, either.

Not because I'm in the military or anything.

I just like kissing ladies.

Some of us need the extra challenge- a handicap as it were.

[Krylo]

Feh. Challenge.

I just wanna get right to the kissin'.

[Pip Boy]

Krylo. You're such a slut. Some people are in relationships because they love each other. Take me and my beard, for instance.