I Want to share something with you

[Sluggo]

Since Gred Giraldo just died I felt this was something I should do.

The million-dollar question: Will you go to Heaven when you die? Here’s a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God's name in vain? Jesus said, "Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Have you looked with lust? Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done those things, God sees you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer at heart. The Bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. God, who the Bible says is "rich in mercy," sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for guilty sinners. We broke God's Law, but Jesus paid our fine. That means He can legally dismiss our case. He can commute our death sentence: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." Then He rose from the dead and defeated death. Please, repent (turn from sin) today and God will grant everlasting life to all who trust in Jesus. Then read your Bible daily and obey it.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Can we define stealing? Like I'm secretely a massive corporate fatcat and I make millions despite my lack of productivity by using cheap foreign labour and resources and dabbling in complex financial transactions designed to increase my wealth at the expense of the world.
I'm good right?
And like some people die because they can't afford thier medical bills because I don't really pay them but I didn't stab them.

Like I need an update on the biblical commandments here. That Iron age shit ain't going to fly anymore. Like obviously what I'm doing is fine because the courts say so and God wants me to give unto caesar and all that and the church does it but you just had me worried and property is a bit of an arbitrary thing (except futures of course) so I thought I'd check.

[Jesus]

Oh dear, this is embarrassing.

Look man let's just say things have been greatly misunderstood and I'd just rather we didn't bring up all that old stuff, okay?