Let's hit the US, SMB stylez

[Professor Smarmiarty]

So I've decided to go for my December/January holidays to the US but don't know where to go. Where is a rocking place to go in the US?
I have but one requirement:
It can't be balls-ass cold (balls-ass cold is below like 10 degrees C).
Also I have no car so will be reliant on like trains and buses and things.

[Melfice]

If I were a moderator, I would totally make the joke that you should go to General Discussion!
And then post a photoshopped image of a planeticket with just that destination on it, before I moved the thread.

Ah, the injustices of not being a moderator here.

In any case, the most logical thing for anybody not from the US to say would be "New York!".
So, yeah. You could go to New York!
Though I understand it can get balls-ass cold there, but you're pretty much assured of hobos with fires in every other alleyway, so you could warm up there!

[Krylo]

Vegas.

[Bob The Mercenary]

MAGFest!

If not there I would only recommend the major cities. For Christmas or New Year's I guess New York is a given. The city is really nice during the winter and the New Year celebration is pretty crazy. I could even visit you! Plus it obviously has all the trains and buses you need.

Depending on if we have a mild winter or not it could easily be balls-ass cold. If we do have a nutsy winter then, yeah, Vegas.

Or the west coast. I could think of a dozen different places you could go. Is there anything specific you want to do while you're here?

[TDK]

I dunno about Magfest, Virginia gets pretty balls-ass cold in the winter.

[krogothwolf]

Alaska!

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Gonna have to second Vegas

[Professor Smarmiarty]

In any case, the most logical thing for anybody not from the US to say would be "New York!".
So, yeah. You could go to New York!


I'm more inclined to trust you Europe-buddy, unlike those shifty Merkans who will lead me to a back alley.
New York is probably my backup choice.

Vegas.
I'm totally down to go make my fortune but I know how to card-count blackjack and as every movie on the subject has taught me, hired goons will take me out pretty much on arrival.
That said, anyone want to be my banker?

MAGFest!
That's in Virginia. I don't even know where the fuck Virginia is.


If not there I would only recommend the major cities. For Christmas or New Year's I guess New York is a given. The city is really nice during the winter and the New Year celebration is pretty crazy. I could even visit you! Plus it
obviously has all the trains and buses you need.

Depending on if we have a mild winter or not it could easily be balls-ass cold. If we do have a nutsy winter then, yeah, Vegas.
Or the west coast. I could think of a dozen different places you could go. Is there anything specific you want to do while you're here?
New York is total number one contender at the mo. I'm not too worried about the cold cause it's got plenty of hobos right? I'm like the king of the hobos so they'll look after me.
As for wha to do, who knows. What do you do in the US? Eat lots of shit and get real fat. That sounds like a plan.

I dunno about Magfest, Virginia gets pretty balls-ass cold in the winter.

If fatty nerds can handle it, I'm sure I can.

Alaska!

This sounds like a goo.... oh wait. This is one of those trick the foreigner games isn't it?
Well I've already ruled out Canada cause it's a shithole but not like a regular shithole, a shithole filled with frozen shit.

Gonna have to second Vegas

Man I'm just going to end up begging on the Vega sstreets aren't I?

[Krylo]

I'm totally down to go make my fortune but I know how to card-count blackjack and as every movie on the subject has taught me, hired goons will take me out pretty much on arrival.
That said, anyone want to be my banker?

Just make sure you lose often enough that it's not blatantly obvious that you're robbing the house, and move from Casino to Casino every time you start drawing attention/win enough that you think you might.

[TDK]

If fatty nerds can handle it, I'm sure I can.


Well okay except you said anything below 10 C was unacceptable. Virginia gets easily down to -10 C in winter. During the day.

And New York? Do you have any idea how cold it gets there?

I'M LOOKING OUT FOR YOU SENSITIVE NEW ZEALAND OR WHEREVER CLIMATE SENSIBILITIES

[Bob The Mercenary]

If you go to NY you have to promise you'll let me give you the guido tour!

And New York? Do you have any idea how cold it gets there?

Oh come on. A little skyscraper wind tunnel action never hurt anyone.
Seriously though, it could be cold as a motherfucker.

[Azisien]

Well I've already ruled out Canada cause it's a shithole but not like a regular shithole, a shithole filled with frozen shit.

And yet here I am, wondering why you have chosen the US. :)

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Because we're a shithole that actually gets some temperature variation in its piles of shit?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Just make sure you lose often enough that it's not blatantly obvious that you're robbing the house, and move from Casino to Casino every time you start drawing attention/win enough that you think you might.

Really I need a partner who does all the big bets based on my signals.
I'm assuming the casinos in Vegas have continual card shuffling things where decks are reinserted and shuffling in every hand so card counting is impossible. That what we got back home and it totally ass.

Well okay except you said anything below 10 C was unacceptable. Virginia gets easily down to -10 C in winter. During the day.

And New York? Do you have any idea how cold it gets there?

I'M LOOKING OUT FOR YOU SENSITIVE NEW ZEALAND OR WHEREVER CLIMATE SENSIBILITIES
hahahaha true. Where I'm from winter is basically "Maybe we should cook inside instead of the BBQ tonight".
Though I live in Scotland at the mo so maybe I better get used to it.
If you go to NY you have to promise you'll let me give you the guido tour!
That sounds...worrying.




And yet here I am, wondering why you have chosen the US. :)
Well it's non-frozen shit! Also I've been most other places I want to go in world but never done the US (not since I was 7 at least). And maybe I can ferment some labour activity.

[krogothwolf]

This sounds like a goo.... oh wait. This is one of those trick the foreigner games isn't it?
Well I've already ruled out Canada cause it's a shithole but not like a regular shithole, a shithole filled with frozen shit.

Didn't think you were such a wuss Smarty.

[Wigmund]

Just go road-tripping through the country, visit a bit of each region to get a decent view of how many kinds of fucked-up there are here.

[CABAL49]

The warmer places are going to be in the South where I live, but the best we have is an unreliable busing system. That goes from West Virginia to Arkansas to Georgia of having like, no real public transportation. So I suggest the Mid-West.

[TDK]

Oh yeah, the mid-west would be great. "Hmm I'm going to see the wonders of the US. I think I'll go to Missouri."

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Didn't think you were such a wuss Smarty.
It's more like " I could go poke around in the blasted wastes of human misery or I could go to somewhere nice".
Just go road-tripping through the country, visit a bit of each region to get a decent view of how many kinds of fucked-up there are here.
No car/driver. I don't have a driver's license and I don't know many peeps in the US.
The warmer places are going to be in the South where I live, but the best we have is an unreliable busing system. That goes from West Virginia to Arkansas to Georgia of having like, no real public transportation. So I suggest the Mid-West.

Isn't the midwest just like empty?

[Sky Warrior Bob]

San Diego, CA is a pretty neat area. With a great tram/trolley system that can take you a lot of places. Great weather, and good food. I go there for Comic Con & thus I haven't really explored. I've gone to Legoland (overpriced hole of a kiddie oriented theme park, plus its requires a complicated system of trolley-train-bus to get there) & the Zoo (really big & has lots of animals, but that gets boring). There's museums & junk as well.

Seaworld, Disney & Universal Studios advertise there, but I think the last time I tried looking into it, none of them seemed that close. Maybe at least 30 minutes of driving, if not an hour. I'd have to look into it again.

SWB

[bluestarultor]

Oh yeah, the mid-west would be great. "Hmm I'm going to see the wonders of the US. I think I'll go to Missouri."

Hey, speaking from experience, St. Louis is pretty nice. Places to go include the Arch and the cathedral, plus they have a big park area with a zoo and golf. Although the course might be closed due to their annual two inches of snow. Bonus points in that they have the Metro there, with the Metrolink bus system to supplement it.



Or, if two inches of snow sounds like too much, you can always do Phoenix, Arizona and the surrounding area. If you can make it there, Old Tuscon is a hoot for family-oriented fun, and there's also all sorts of great stuff at the mall, including Gameworks: two stories of arcade with a bar up top if you want to blow off some steam and a bit of money. The mall also has a Rainforest Cafe, which has some pretty great all-ages atmosphere with all the animatronics, and several shops of note, like the mineral shop (also sells native masks and other junk), a couple Asian shops (lots of interesting statuary), a decorative weapon shop, and others.

Phoenix also has the Superstition Mountains, and let me tell you, looking down on the city from there is beautiful at night. The stars in the sky meet the city lights, and there are more stars up there than I've ever seen before.

Then, of course, is the Grand Canyon. Let me say this: any picture you've ever seen of it? Worthless. An insult. See it yourself.

The only issue with all this is I'm not sure about transportation. My dad always just drove us everywhere, and while I imagine they have buses and stuff, I know they don't have any kind of rail system.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Decided, New York in January then wherever I can get to from their with public transport/ local women I seduce into driving/ body floating down the Hudson.
You better be cool US. Assuming you let me in. My flatmate went to bloody North Korea and didn't have to fill in as much paperwork as I do to go to US

[Fifthfiend]

Probably because who the fuck wants to go to North Korea.

[walkertexasdruid]

South Carolina is pretty warm throughout most of the winter, or at least it can be. My sister's wedding was at the end of December, and it was 75 F. Of course that was five years ago. As for what to do once you get there.........

If you want to brave the cold, and see lots of snow, try Cleveland, Ohio. Gotta love lake effect snow.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Probably because who the fuck wants to go to North Korea.

Nah but you see if you're a western tourist you get treated like a king because they want you to take word back to your filthy capitalist overlords that the country is overflowing. Also North Korean rice wine is something you should try before you die.- Only once,though.

[Wigmund]

No car/driver. I don't have a driver's license and I don't know many peeps in the US.

Travel by Greyhound (http://www.greyhound.com/) and experience this country's fine roadside motels and hotels (http://hotels.uptake.com/blog/worst-hotels-in-america-4119.html).

Also, most cities have some sort of taxi service available, you just might have to look it up in the local phone books.

Decided, New York in January then wherever I can get to from their with public transport/ local women I seduce into driving/ body floating down the Hudson.

You don't want to deal with the cold, yet you decide to go to the Northeast during one of the coldest months of the year?

EDIT: To get a real taste of good old fashioned Americana, visit the Faubus Motel (http://www.faubusmotel.com/) in lovely Huntsville, Arkansas.
It's Confederate American Owned and Operated!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

It's a city. They'll have heaters and people warmth and shit.
Is the greyhound bus powered by greyhounds?

[Darth SS]

Nah but you see if you're a western tourist you get treated like a king because they want you to take word back to your filthy capitalist overlords that the country is overflowing. Also North Korean rice wine is something you should try before you die.- Only once,though.

I will now put North Korea down as one of the nations I want to see before I die.

Actually, I've been talking with some of my friends that we should go to Pripyat this year's reading break. I think that would be a really cool trip, it's a little piece of 1980's Soviet Union that time can't touch.

(Wholly off topic:...when did I get sent to the cornfield?)

Anyways, if you're determined to go to the USA, I say just to somewhere in Arizona. I've always liked Arizona, and clearly you have no balls if you consider -10 to be cold.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Wait -10... I consider +10 cold. Why would anyone live anywhere it gets to -10. That makes no sense.

I will now put North Korea down as one of the nations I want to see before I die.

Actually, I've been talking with some of my friends that we should go to Pripyat this year's reading break. I think that would be a really cool trip, it's a little piece of 1980's Soviet Union that time can't touch.

(Wholly off topic:...when did I get sent to the cornfield?)


I'm pretty sure if you go therey ou'll got shot by some crazed amnesiac mutant

[Geminex]

Oh come on. You wanna have hobo cred, but you complain about the weather? What's next, gonna complain about the elementary inefficiency of centrally allocated production? Or the difficulties of having a beard?
You sicken me, you lousy excuse for a bearded, communist hobo.

[Bob The Mercenary]

If you're talking Celsius, then yeah, we could get down to -10C in January. But, that's a relatively rare event. I mean, unless you decide to visit New England.

[Darth SS]

Wait -10... I consider +10 cold. Why would anyone live anywhere it gets to -10. That makes no sense.

Dude, I live in Saskatoon. I play hockey in -40C weather during the winter. By comparison, I laugh at -10.

[walkertexasdruid]

Cleveland has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It also has the Browns, the Indians, and the Cavaliers...... Ok it has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Oh come on. You wanna have hobo cred, but you complain about the weather? What's next, gonna complain about the elementary inefficiency of centrally allocated production? Or the difficulties of having a beard?
You sicken me, you lousy excuse for a bearded, communist hobo.
If you are not ravaged by the elements how will you ever invoke enough pity to beg?
This is like homeless 101 here.

If you're talking Celsius, then yeah, we could get down to -10C in January. But, that's a relatively rare event. I mean, unless you decide to visit New England.
As long as they have heatersI'll be fine.

Dude, I live in Saskatoon. I play hockey in -40C weather during the winter. By comparison, I laugh at -10.
You do realise we're not cavemen anymore and we can jump on planes and move somewhere it's not stupidly cold?

Cleveland has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It also has the Browns, the Indians, and the Cavaliers...... Ok it has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Nobody cares about your silly American sports. As for the rock n roll hall of fame the Sex Pistols tell me its a piss-stain and I'm not going to argue with them.

[01d55]

Santa Cruz has pretty okay buses and while I don't know numbers I can tell you we never hit 0C. As long as you stay out of the water. Shit comes down from Alaska. Can help during summer if the wind is right but you don't want to go swimming if you're against being cold. The only time I would even be worried about it getting uncomfortably cold is December/January rain.

We have a university full of lefties. Most are boring liberals but there's some anarcho-syndicalists who run the kresge co-op. Also we have like a million pizza places, and if you want to get fat on American food American Pizza is the food to get fat on.

Also, we got hella hobos. Not like your boring modern day just-got-foreclosed beggars, genuine life-on-the road types.

[EVILNess]

If you have your heart set on New York, and don't want to spend money on a inter-US plane ticket you can hop on the Amtrack. While there aren't as many train tacks in the US as there used to be it can be a fun way to travel.

For example, you could start in Boston and then go down through New York and into Washington DC (http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer?c=AM_Route_C&pagename=am%2FLayout&cid=1241245664867).

Also, be aware that if you really want to hit the US SMB style that we have Drunk in Public laws.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Santa Cruz has pretty okay buses and while I don't know numbers I can tell you we never hit 0C. As long as you stay out of the water. Shit comes down from Alaska. Can help during summer if the wind is right but you don't want to go swimming if you're against being cold. The only time I would even be worried about it getting uncomfortably cold is December/January rain.
There are like a hundred Santa Cruz on Wikipedia including like 15 in the US. I'm assuming you mean the one in California which I think is the big one but that's like the other side of a rather large country.

We have a university full of lefties. Most are boring liberals but there's some anarcho-syndicalists who run the kresge co-op. Also we have like a million pizza places, and if you want to get fat on American food American Pizza is the food to get fat on.
American left these days is like centre-right. Fuck those dudes.
Also I live in the land of deep-fried pizza. You need to do better than that America.

Also, we got hella hobos. Not like your boring modern day just-got-foreclosed beggars, genuine life-on-the road types.

As long as they can play a mean harmonica and do a legless waltz then I'm down.

If you have your heart set on New York, and don't want to spend money on a inter-US plane ticket you can hop on the Amtrack. While there aren't as many train tacks in the US as there used to be it can be a fun way to travel.

For example, you could start in Boston and then go down through New York and into Washington DC (http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer?c=AM_Route_C&pagename=am%2FLayout&cid=1241245664867).
Thanks for the tip. I'll totally check it out.
Trains are the best way to travel. I challenge to come up with something that would not be improved by taking place on a train.

Also, be aware that if you really want to hit the US SMB style that we have Drunk in Public laws.
Like for serious? Is that just like you can't drink in public or can't be drunk? Cause that last one doesn't make sense. How are you supposed to get home?

[EVILNess]

Like for serious? Is that just like you can't drink in public or can't be drunk? Cause that last one doesn't make sense. How are you supposed to get home?

It's be drunk in public. Who says laws aren't supposed to make sense? Depending on where you are and how drunk you are they might just throw you in jail for the night and let you sleep it off. They do that in my home town for example, but I can't really speak for anywhere else.

Regardless I think they expect you to pay for a cab or have a sober driver designated.

Also, if you end up in the southern US for some strange reason, hit up Shreveport for a day or two and then head on down to New Orleans. FYI Gambling is legal in Louisiana as long as it is on the water so you have this weird phenomenon where they casinos have built artificial ponds to put their casinos on. Shreveport has some nice hotels/casinos and not to mention has become a sort of second Hollywood.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Some of my best drinking times have been drunken stumbles home across the landscape, causingnmayhem on my way. That law just encourages people to drive drunk and cause accidents.

Fuckkkkkkkkk that.

[Fifthfiend]

What Barrel wants out of America:

-Hot
-Disgusting food
-Be drunk all the time

Where Barrel should go:

-Texas

[Professor Smarmiarty]

What about Vegas. I'm assuming I can be wasted all the time in Vegas.

[EVILNess]

What Barrel wants out of America:

-Hot
-Disgusting food
-Be drunk all the time

Where Barrel should go:

-Texas

Laws in the United States regarding drunkenness vary widely from state to state, since there are no federal laws about it. In some cases it can vary by town in a state.

I know for a fact Texas has public intoxication laws, cause I live there. In fact I am surprised that Fifth would suggest that since he usually is Righteous Indignation Man (TM) and in some jurisdictions the cops go into the bars and arrest people for being drunk in a public place.:ohdear:

Really SMB, I wouldn't fear getting thrown in jail for being DIP as much as being DIP in an unknown place where you are not only new, but a foreigner.

What about Vegas. I'm assuming I can be wasted all the time in Vegas.

I once asked a cop from Vegas that same question, he said they don't have DIP laws, but if you are causeing a scene they will arrest you for disorderly conduct.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

What the fuck America.

[01d55]

There are like a hundred Santa Cruz on Wikipedia including like 15 in the US. I'm assuming you mean the one in California which I think is the big one but that's like the other side of a rather large country.
Yeah, the one with a university.
While you are looking at your maps note that New York City is not actually that far away from Canada. It snows there. Just sayin'.

P.S. Deep frying pizza just gets in the way of eating more pizza.

ETA:What the fuck America.
AMERICA

That's what the fuck.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

What the fuck America.

"The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid." — Art Spander

[synkr0nized]

If you're looking to be able to drink and wander around without being harassed by the police, Penn State tailgates are great for that. Unless you attempt to walk into the stadium with an open container, you don't seem to get stopped for anything. I mean, if you sit there and vomit in front of the cops or something that's going to be an issue, but it's pretty damned relaxed.


But, that's just a subculture in part of America specific to the autumn, not December and January. Since you won't have a car, the bigger cities are probably the best choices for you, as they tend to have more to see within range of easy public transportation. I don't really know the things you like to do when visiting places, but NY of course has a lot as you know, and Boston wouldn't be far to travel to on train or something and has a few museums and other neat places to visit [and isn't that bad for food and drink]. DC would be good if you had any interest in seeing our capital and having access to plenty of museums. I guess someone mentioned before that you could do all three of these if you planned for it.

You could hit the other coast up for L.A., Holywood, and San Fran.

I mean, just skip the middle of the country. There's nothing there outside of Chicago.

[Fifthfiend]

In fact I am surprised that Fifth would suggest that since he usually is Righteous Indignation Man (TM) and in some jurisdictions the cops go into the bars and arrest people for being drunk in a public place.:ohdear:

Well it's not like I could be trying to con Pants into getting shitfaced drunk and, then, arrested.

I mean, not anyMORE.

[Bob The Mercenary]

If you're going to NY, I have to at least bring you to the best pizza place in town. Also, Jersey diners mmmmmmmm...

And night clubs. We could try the China Club, never been there before.

[walkertexasdruid]

One thing Northeast Ohio has is Fenando's Wedgewood Pizza. The best pizza I have ever had. Go to the one in Austintown and order the Original 13" with everything on it. The owner imports his ingredients from Sicaly and the pizzas are heavenly. One of my regrets is that I live 11 hours by car away.

[TDK]

13 inches? That's a tiny-ass pizza.

[Flarecobra]

I second the San Diego thing. If you want drinks, head to the Gaslamp district. Lotsa bars, and some good places to go to eat that isn't expensive.

And if there's a football game on, you could actually be able to snag some free food from the tailgaters.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Or...if you come to the east coast I can bring you to Newark's Ironbound District! Good eating there.

:D ?