I can't sleep

[Professor Smarmiarty]

So I can't get to sleep at all tonight. Normally I wouldjt get boozed and drunk post you suckers but I've got nothing at hand.
I'm really tired but can't sleep. What should Ido!

[Kim]

Write a subversive adventure novel.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

What kind of subversive? Cause any adventure novel I write is probably going to end with the hero realising the inanity of it all, maybe shooting some people and smoking a lot of cigarettes but it will end with me just writing "Fuck it" and stopping writing.

Have a wank?

You forget who you talk to. I have surpassed such primitive biological caveman rumblings.

E: Currentely trying to track a source for L'Incal. Comic book publishers are retarded.
Next up moving everything in my house 2 cm to the left.

[Geminex]

Make it a choose your own adventure. And all paths lead to failure. The good ending can only be reached by ignoring the arbitrary restraints placed upon you by the book (a metaphor for society, obviously= and cheating.

DO IT.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Make it a choose your own adventure. And all paths lead to failure. The good ending can only be reached by ignoring the arbitrary restraints placed upon you by the book (a metaphor for society, obviously= and cheating.

DO IT.

This is fucking genius.

You are Max Broadbent, a journalist for a school newspaper who one day discovers a terrible secret that promises to change everything. What is the secret of the newspaper room? Will YOU discover it in time? Can you escape the dastardly and mysterious Principal Sharp? Are all the questions secret rewordings of existential dilemmas played out against the looming influence of Saturn, the nightmare planet? Find out in the "Stop the Presses: A journalistic japery!"

Every page is going to have the option "Shoot a stranger, go to prison, smoke a cigarette, die content" but it just leads to a picture of some fatcats sitting round a table laughing while they smoke dollar bills. In fact I think that will be quite a common death page.


On one page you battle the dragon who lives in the printer room before become depressed upon victory because
A) Your fetishised violence is no longer being supported by a media superstructure due to your reckless disregard for journalistic practice leading to your firing
B) The dragon's aggresion was a product of his environment and a supportive system of subtle reincentives could have reintroduced him to the wider world
or
C) You gorge on dragon meat which now lacks the appeal of the unobtainable leading you into a spiral of ennui and liftless depression.
Which will you choose?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

D) Team up with the dragon to bring down some Milton Waddams-esque firey doom on the company before skipping off to Tahiti.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

E) Dragon slumber party!

[Flarecobra]

F) Ride the printer like a mechancial bull

[Shyria Dracnoir]

F) Ride the printer like a mechancial bull

^Changing my vote to this

[Bard The 5th LW]

Going with F.

[Fifthfiend]

I vote C: Ennui and Depression!

[krogothwolf]

Considering how much you've drunken over your life, either your blood or piss should substitute as an alcoholic beverage for you.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

F) You have fallen for the simplest trap of them all. Duringthe long school days as you counted yoru life being slowely subsumed in the milleu of your rudimentary education you often heard strange noises coming from the vents, dull rythmic thumps, slow purrs, gentle caressing wheeses, on those crisp winter days , small blasts of steam would tickle your back and fellate your nostrils. Principal Sharp has regulated you to the rythmic sexual pleasure of the machine- you will spend eternity locked in its caluculated embrace.

C) Bestruke by a sudden ennui you sprout a moustache and find in a closet a pair of Althusser's trousers, freshly preshed. You rename yourself Dick Sprocket but even such a dyanmo name fails to lift you. You sit in the corner. At some point you write some words but then you stop. You smoke a cigarette. The printer explodes and scorches Althusser's trousers- he would be upset. Your stomach attempts to contact you, it speaks in a chemical rumbling which lacks a register to disturb your rhetoric.
You die.
What happens to your remains
A) Many years later a cynical politician, Johan Marx, discovers your words, reinvents you as a hero and inters you in a national grave before he is discredited by his successor, Johannes Marx, and your are erased from mention through a sustainable campaign of prudent reeducation
B) Princepal Sharpe discovers your flesh makes a perfect newspaper replacement thus providing a month of massive profits and huge executive bonuses.
C) Some rapscallion teenagers find your body, poke it with a stick.

[BitVyper]

B! Good for the corporate masters is universally good for everyone.

Also I'd like to check my inventory.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

B)

[Professor Smarmiarty]

B) Fatcat smoking page!

[BitVyper]

B) Fatcat smoking page!

Yay! Everybody wins!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v229/BitVyper/fat2Bcat2Bcartoon.jpg

[Flarecobra]

No Fatcat smoking a Longcat?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

If I didn't just get back from an all-afternoon crunch session for Game Art homework, I would so Photoshop that.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Man I passed out about 5am, rolled into work at 11:45- nobody bats an eye. My job is stupid.

No Fatcat smoking a Longcat?
Totally in the final edition!

[BitVyper]

Can I develop multiple personalities and build a terrorist organization with one of them? Is that an option?

[Magus]

SMB you are going to get employee of the month.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Can I develop multiple personalities and build a terrorist organization with one of them? Is that an option?

Might be difficult to pile into a book.

SMB you are going to get employee of the month.

I'm the regional manager and you know it foo.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

Might be difficult to pile into a book.



I'm the regional manager and you know it foo.

Regional manager of your mother.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

My mother lives about as mathmatically far from me as is possible without leaving the planet. Thus any region that encompasses us both would be a fairly meaningless division.

[Darth SS]

Regional manager of your mother.

Assistant Regional Manager of your mother.

[BitVyper]

Might be difficult to pile into a book.

Oh, so you're quitting just because it MIGHT be difficult. Well nevermind then. I didn't realise I was dealing with a sissy.

I want you to open up your book and look at one of those fatcat smoking pages, and understand that that's the ending you just got.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

Assistant Regional Manager of your mother.

Sub director of the committee of your mother.

[Yrcrazypa]

Sub director of the committee of your mother.

Chairman of your mother.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

Chairman of your mother.

Majority speaker for your Mother.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Senior Ombudsman of Your Mother and her associated Interests

[Shyria Dracnoir]

La Marquise de Votre-Mere

[Wigmund]

God-Emperor of Your Mother

[Premmy]

God-hand of Your Mother

yup