I will solve all of your problem for a buck (money, deer, whatevs)

[Torque]

So have at it! Tell me your problem(s), and I will solve it(them) in one post or less!

[Bard The 5th LW]

My problem is you.

What now?

[Fifthfiend]

My problem is you.

What now?
Torque--------\/
http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/reactions/2hd0as3.gif<------Bard

[phil_]

I forget who's little brother you are. That is my problem. I offer you this buck.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jy5RgVRNB-o/RgVRFNfFHII/AAAAAAAAABg/_qKOGzOTnYQ/s320/Custer%2520County%2520Bucking%2520Horse%2520high%2 520resolution%5B1%5D.jpg

[Nique]

Dear Torque,

I want money but don't want to work for it? How do I do this?

Signed,
Needy-in-Nepal

[phil_]

None of you are paying.

[Nique]

None of you are paying.

Very well. Torque may bask in my stag-or-buck-like glory for a brief moment.

[Torque]

My problem is you.

What now?

Take two bottles of Ambien and call me in the morning.

I forget who's little brother you are. That is my problem. I offer you this buck.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jy5RgVRNB-o/RgVRFNfFHII/AAAAAAAAABg/_qKOGzOTnYQ/s320/Custer%2520County%2520Bucking%2520Horse%2520high%2 520resolution%5B1%5D.jpg

It's "Whose", not "who's", payment accepted.

Dear Torque,

I want money but don't want to work for it? How do I do this?

Signed,
Needy-in-Nepal

I know of this Nigerian Prince you might be interested in talking to...... (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance-fee_fraud)

Very well. Torque may bask in my stag-or-buck-like glory for a brief moment.

No dice.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I want to know what rat poison tastes like, but I want to get another person's opinion on it first.

[Torque]

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100624165922AAzV05p

Your tab is quickly accumulating.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I want to experience life in a world where you got stabbed to death by a hobo, and I want a real hands on version of this.

Legit hobo stabbing. Like, right into the gut, wrenched sideways, pulled out, and repeated. Honestly, Smarty would know how it goes better than me.

[Torque]

Unfortunately, due to your billing account having lapsed into arrears, we can no longer provide you with service at this time. Furthermore, due to a poor payment history should your bill be fully resolved at any point further business will no longer be conducted. We regret any inconvenience this may cause.

[Tev]

We have heard time and time again that the mystical answer to life, the universe, and everything is forty-two. Is there maybe a way you could show me the work on that? I really feel that there may be a rounding error at work here.

http://deskofbrian.com/wp-content/uploads/BuckRogersDVD-box.jpg

[Bard The 5th LW]

He's just dodging the real issue here. I can pay him back, my word is good for it. He's just being a pussy.

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/madlewwtz.gif

Would this be enough to change your mind?

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/moneytile.gif

I can keep counting out more.

[Torque]

We have heard time and time again that the mystical answer to life, the universe, and everything is forty-two. Is there maybe a way you could show me the work on that? I really feel that there may be a rounding error at work here.


http://www.livephysics.com/gallery/d/672-2/Physics-equations.jpg

Payment accepted

edit: Please note that all values in relation to the initial question are currently undefined. This is due, in part, to the question itself, being undefined. Please also note that, since some values, being undefined, may affect the final solution. You will have to input these values yourself in order to confirm final solution of 42.

double edit: He's just dodging the real issue here. I can pay him back, my word is good for it. He's just being a pussy.

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/madlewwtz.gif

Would this be enough to change your mind?

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/moneytile.gif

I can keep counting out more.
http://www.cksinfo.com/clipart/society/police/policeman-cartoon.png

Sir, I feel the need to inform you that bribery in this country is punishable by large fines, and or significant jail time.

[Flarecobra]

My good sir,

There appears to be a body stuck in this woodchipper, and it has jammed. What do you suggest can be done?

[Torque]

If the unit is not discharging, then the discharge chute may be blocked or clogged. Stop the engine. Disconnect the spark plug wire and then clean the flail screen. Clean the inside of the discharge chute opening. In the future make sure to run your chipper with the throttle lever set to fast (if equipped with one). Otherwise do not force material into the chipper. Let gravity do the work. Forcing material can cause the chipper wheel to clog and/or jam.

[Eltargrim]

I am having difficulty focusing on this report regarding high-pressure liquid chromatography and as such need help with finishing. Payment upon completion.

[Flarecobra]

It is jammed, and the engine is off. The body won't get free.

[Torque]

It is jammed, and the engine is off. The body won't get free.

You will have to manually clean the apparatus out. I suggest a pair of heavy duty rubber work gloves, rubber apron, an axe, bonesaw if you have one, or have access to one, and several "Hefty" garbage bags. If no bonesaw, then a hacksaw will have to suffice.

I am having difficulty focusing on this report regarding high-pressure liquid chromatography and as such need help with finishing. Payment upon completion.

Research with thin-layer and column chromatography showed that separations are much more effective when the stationary phase is a very thin layer on the surface of very small and very uniform spherical beads. However, resistance to flow of the mobile phase is very much higher, and in order to get a useful flow of a liquid mobile phase, e. g., 1 - 3 milliliters/minute, pressures of around 15 Mpa (about 2,000 psi) must be applied to the mobile phase. It is possible to apply such pressure from a cylinder of compressed gas, but most systems use a reciprocating piston pump or diaphragm pump with some means of damping the pressure fluctuations from the piston. The sample is usually dissolved in the mobile phase before injection. Columns are typically 4.6 mm ID (6 mm OD) stainless steel tubing 250 mm long. A typical packing will have octadecylsilyl (C18-Si-) (ODS) groups bonded to 5 µm silica beads. The packing is held inside the column by “frits”, discs with pores about 0.5 µm in diameter.

Liquid-liquid chromatography began with samples dissolved in organic solvents and a stationary phase of water adsorbed on particles or fibers of the solid support. More generally, the stationary phase was more “polar” than the mobile phase. That is the so-called "normal phase" chromatography. But stationary phases such as ODS have been particularly useful for separating samples dissolved in water (and most HPLC is now done with bonded phases). Liquid chromatography with the stationary phase less polar than the mobile phase is called “reverse phase”, but is now the common situation. The mobile phase is very often not just water but a mixture of water with methanol (CH3OH) or acetonitrile (CH3CN). “Solvent programming”, a stepwise or continuous change (gradient elution) of the mobile phase composition, is used to speed up separations, like temperature programming in gas chromatography.

“Chiral”columns have been developed relatively recently to separate optical isomers. This separation is important because many pharmaceuticals are active in only one chiral form. For instance, natural Vitamin E is D-a-tocopherol, while half of synthetic Vitamin E is the less active L- isomer.

As in gas chromatography, a few microliters of the solution are measured into a “sample loop” on an “injector”. When the injector is operated, the sample loop is suddenly switched into the flow of mobile phase just before it reaches the column. The mobile phase leaving the column passes immediately into a “detector” which is used to determine the presence and concentration of a solute.

Because the pressure on the mobile phase drops rapidly as it leaves the column, bubbles may form from dissolved gases. Chromatographers “degas” the mobile phase before use by boiling it, ultrasonic treatment, bubbling helium through it to flush out other gases, or applying a vacuum.

There are no relatively inexpensive HPLC detectors as sensitive and broadly useful as the flame ionization and electron capture detectors used in gas chromatography. A refractive index (RI) detector responds to most components, but is not very sensitive. An ultraviolet (UV) detector is quite sensitive for molecules which absorb ultraviolet light, and a variable wavelength UV detector can be set to the absorption maximum for a particular molecule of interest, or to a short wavelength where most molecules absorb. A diode array detector (DAD) disperses the transmitted light into a spectrum, providing an absorption spectrum of each component that absorbs ultraviolet light. Still more sensitive, and still less general, is the fluorescence detector which measures fluorescence emitted from components which have absorbed ultraviolet light. There are various special-purpose detectors. Amperometric systems measure electron flow which oxidizes or reduces certain components (sugars, for instance), and polarimetric detectors, generally not very sensitive, detect components are optically active. Mass spectrometric detectors are now used, but were late to arrive because it was difficult to separate the mobile phase molecules so as to maintain adequate vacuum in the mass spectrometer.

Special case: Supercritical fluid chromatography (SFC). Liquids can vaporize, and gases can condense to the liquid phase. Both changes depend on the pressure and temperature. Every gas has a critical temperature above which it cannot be condensed at any pressure. The critical pressure is the pressure required at the critical temperature. If a liquid (such as a condensed gas) is warmed, under high pressure, to the critical temperature and beyond, strange things happen. The boundary between gas and liquid vanishes, and it is best not to ask physical chemists too many questions about the remaining phase, the “supercritical fluid”. Whatever their exact nature, supercritical fluids can be very useful solvents for HPLC, which runs under high pressure anyway. The most commonly used of these fluids is carbon dioxide. (Supercritical fluids are also useful for extracting things from solids, and, when the solids are clothing, for dry cleaning.)

Reports and procedures will specify the mobile phase composition, flow rate and perhaps the pressure; the column dimensions; the column packing (particle type and size; coating); the detector and its operating conditions (e. g., wavelengths for UV and fluorescence detectors), integrator settings, and, somewhere, retention times.

There are some kinds of liquid chromatography that do not fit the partition or adsorption models very well. They are often done in simple vertical columns.

Gel chromatography: The mobile phase carries sample through a gel, such as agar or polyacrylamide. Small molecules pass through quickly. The larger molecules cannot get through as quickly, and are separated by size. Various kinds of gels are used for polar (aqueous) or nonpolar mobile phases. Sometimes these gels are called “molecular sieves”, but they are not the Molecular Sieves (tradename) used in gas-solid chromatography to separate gases.

Exclusion chromatography: The packing is made of porous beads. Small molecules diffuse into the pores and so do not move as fast as the mobile phase. The largest molecules cannot fit into the pores, and move with the solvent flow. If the beads are charged, ions of the same charge are repelled while those of opposite charge are attracted in ion exclusion chromatography.

Ion-pair chromatography: In liquid chromatography, strongly ionized sample components which would not partition into the liquid phase can be combined with large ions having the opposite charge [such as an alkyl sulfonate (negative) or a tetrabutylammonium (positive)] to produce “ion pairs” that act like a compound and will partition.

Affinity chromatography: This uses a specific “ligand” (such as an antigen) bonded to the stationary phase to separate a specific substance such as the corresponding antibody.

There are some special procedures and terms:

Headspace analysis: The sample is held for a time in a closed container, with a gas phase. Volatile molecules move from the sample into the gas phase, depending on their volatility. When the system has reached equilibrium, a sample of the gas phase is injected into a gas chromatograph, and the concentration in the gas phase (headspace) is used to determine the concentration in the liquid phase.

Purge and trap: A relatively large volume of the liquid sample (perhaps a liter) is held in a container. A gas (e. g., helium) is bubbled through to sweep out the volatile molecules, and then passed through a short trap column containing some of the column packing (“solid phase”) which collects and concentrates the volatiles in a much smaller volume. Then the trap is heated rapidly and the volatiles are driven into the gas chromatograph.

Solid phase extraction (SPE): A relatively large volume of liquid sample is exposed to a small volume of a stationary phase that extracts and concentrates material from the sample. That material can then be redissolved and chromatographed.

Response factor: Detectors typically respond more strongly to some molecules than to others, so that peak size alone is not the best means of measuring quantities of individual components. Once the components have been identified, the analyst can chromatograph known amounts of individual materials to relate the peak size to quantity. The relationship is the “response factor”.

Area percent: The area of a specific peak divided by the total area of all the peaks. It is commonly used to report analysis results. Users should remember that response factors differ, so that area percent is not the same as weight percent, and that some components may not be detected at all by the detector used.

[Seil]

I just heard this song. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR7pL1ytId0) What do I do now?!

[Flarecobra]

Thanks, it worked.

Though now I got a dog and 3 others bodies to get rid of? Any suggestions, I'll pay extra.

[Torque]

I just heard this song. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR7pL1ytId0) What do I do now?!

I could try to suggest you... you know.... stop being http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/emoticons/seil2.png but I don't think that will work at this point. Instead I suggest generous portions of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B28e4zPx3o with a side of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0Du9b-5X_c and to top it off, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPEnSTrxp4k for dessert.

Thanks, it worked.

Though now I got a dog and 3 others bodies to get rid of? Any suggestions, I'll pay extra.

http://wolf.ok.ac.kr/~annyg/english/e5.htm

For the humans, your wood chipper should be sufficient. Just make sure you have adequate acreage to spread the remains on, as a large concentration of remains can cause inconveniences such as foul odors, pests, and the fuzz. An alternative to spreading the remnants into the environment would be to feed them to any carnivorous or omnivorous mammal including, but not limited to:

Bears


Cats


Dogs


Wolves


Pigs(A common favorite)


ferrets


skunks


coyotes


mountain lions


Please see your local Game and Wildlife warden for details as to which species are available in your area.

[BitVyper]

Since TDK is useless, I need someone to procure a large number of komodo dragon skins for me ASAP.

Here is your Buck:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v229/BitVyper/BuckRogers1-749517.jpg

Edit: God damn it, Tev beat me to Buck Rogers this time. Stupid substitution tag....

Oh well, mine's better.

[Torque]

Since TDK is useless, I need someone to procure a large number of komodo dragon skins for me ASAP.

Here is your Buck:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v229/BitVyper/BuckRogers1-749517.jpg

Unfortunately, due to the fact that Komodo Dragons are quite rare, acquiring a large number of Komodo Dragon skins is nearly impossible. However, I have turned up an alternative solution for you:
http://www.jimmyjazz.com/images/products/AM8056JJBLK/jj/AM8056JJBLK_black_dollhouse_pleather_roll_up_short s1.jpg

Pleather

[RickZarber]

Hey Phil, are you maybe thinking about THORQUE (http://www.nuklearforums.com/member.php?u=7325)? He had a brother who went by GARUD who made comics. Is that who you mean?

If THORQUE and Torque are the same person, I was unaware of this.

[Torque]

If THORQUE and Torque are the same person, I was unaware of this.

We are not.

[CelesJessa]

I am having issues in Autodesk Maya (2010 and 2011 to be specific) where I am trying to shatter glass using dynamics, but my rigid bodies keep penetrating each other (go ahead and laugh) which screws up the entire simulation. I've reduced the step size as low as I can get it but nothing seems to fix it.

[Magic_Marker]

I have no mouth but must scream. What are your recommendations?

[Raiden]

I've found a box of old tapes my friend left in his closet before disappearing. He was making a movie for his film school project and then started acting all weird. Carrying a camera on him at all times, always taping himself. It was really weird. Now he's gone missing and some of these tapes are freaking me out.

My payment.

http://www.tobyhilden.com/images/schrute_buck.jpg

[Fifthfiend]

I am having issues in Autodesk Maya (2010 and 2011 to be specific) where I am trying to shatter glass using dynamics, but my rigid bodies keep penetrating each other (go ahead and laugh) which screws up the entire simulation. I've reduced the step size as low as I can get it but nothing seems to fix it.

Make sure are normals are set to the right direction, then check collision tolerance on the rigid solver.

[CelesJessa]

Make sure are normals are set to the right direction, then check collision tolerance on the rigid solver.

The normals are facing the right way, and I have changed the collision tolerance around but nothing seems to work. Should I try for a high tolerance or a low one? (I've tried both.)

[Torque]

I am having issues in Autodesk Maya (2010 and 2011 to be specific) where I am trying to shatter glass using dynamics, but my rigid bodies keep penetrating each other (go ahead and laugh) which screws up the entire simulation. I've reduced the step size as low as I can get it but nothing seems to fix it.

Switch to Cinema4D by Maxon. Maya is unnecessarily complex. Cinema, while not quite on the same level in terms of programming, is a much more intuitive, and user friendly program.
If you absolutely MUST use Maya, check to make sure you have both active, and passive rigid bodies, so that they react with each other instead of just clipping like a braun on steroids.
I have no mouth but must scream. What are your recommendations?

I have no mouth but must scream. What are your recommendations?

Feel the relief, my friend. (http://www.dotfart.com/)

I've found a box of old tapes my friend left in his closet before disappearing. He was making a movie for his film school project and then started acting all weird. Carrying a camera on him at all times, always taping himself. It was really weird. Now he's gone missing and some of these tapes are freaking me out.

My payment.

http://www.tobyhilden.com/images/schrute_buck.jpg

Change the locks, and start packing heat. Should the friend return, I know a guy with a woodchipper.....
Payment accepted.

[CelesJessa]

Switch to Cinema4D by Maxon. Maya is unnecessarily complex. Cinema, while not quite on the same level in terms of programming, is a much more intuitive, and user friendly program.
If you absolutely MUST use Maya, check to make sure you have both active, and passive rigid bodies, so that they react with each other instead of just clipping like a braun on steroids.

I must use Maya. And yeah, I have all of my active and passive rigid bodies where they need to be. (And Maya's not that bad, you just have to know how to use it XD)

[Torque]

Are your object particles clipping into EACHOTHER?
As in, a piece of glass clips another piece of glass instead of reacting?
Or is the glass clipping, say, the floor, instead of reacting?

[CelesJessa]

Are your object particles clipping into EACHOTHER?
As in, a piece of glass clips another piece of glass instead of reacting?
Or is the glass clipping, say, the floor, instead of reacting?

Both. I've mostly got the glass to stop clipping into each other, but some of them like going through the floor still. It mostly happens when one lands on the ground and then another one lands on top of it and it's like the one in between doesn't know where to go.

[Torque]

hmm...
Is your floor a 2D plane , or a squashed cube? Cinema tends to glitch, when trying to calculate where to begin a collision with a "zero" depth object

[CelesJessa]

hmm...
Is your floor a 2D plane , or a squashed cube? Cinema tends to glitch, when trying to calculate where to begin a collision with a "zero" depth object

A squashed cube.

Also, upon leaving it alone for awhile and coming back to it, apparently Maya just needed a restart to make it magically work better (pretty much the one thing I didn't do). :T

I took a playblast of it so you could actually see what was going on. (http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/1842/puv.mp4) There's still some weirdness going on, but it's workable now so I should be good.

[Torque]

it LOOKS as though your objects are interacting on an axial basis, rather than a surface one.
Can't remember the EXACT terminology, but in essence, Maya is calculating collisions based on the physical "center" of your objects, (wherever that happens to be) instead of the surface of the polygons, making them "collide inside" rather than "outside" Try setting your solver object to detect the polygons' geometry, rather than their axis.

[CelesJessa]

I don't see any option like that for the rigid solver, although it is set to "Runge Kutta-adaptive" rather than midpoint. I've mess with the collision tolerance, and the step size and it does the same thing every time.

The weird thing is, I've been breaking/knocking over stuff for a few weeks now and I've had zero problems with that kind of thing (at least, nothing that I couldn't fix)

But now that I got it that far actually it's not that big of a deal, because that glass I was just breaking to get it to lay on the ground realistically and set that as it's initial state, and as practice for the glass I'm actually animating breaking, although that glass will be going inside a building so you won't be able to see the penetration. (not saying that it doesn't need to be fixed, it's just workable)

[rpgdemon]

How do I make my hair shine with the lustre of a thousand pearls?

And my buck will be delivered the next time you find yourself astride a mechanical bull.

[Torque]

How do I make my hair shine with the lustre of a thousand pearls?

And my buck will be delivered the next time you find yourself astride a mechanical bull.



Refrain from brushing your hair when it's wet or damp (unless it's extremely slick with conditioner). Hair can be very fragile when wet, so brushing can induce frizz and breaking. Protect your hair while using heating tools, and try to use them only when absolutely needed. This should keep your hair from becoming damaged and drying out. Use ionic styling tools. Such as ionic hair straighteners and blowdryers. # Look for shampoo and conditioner that does not contain Sodium Lauryl Sulfate or Ammonium Laureth Sulfate. This is especially important if you have curly hair. Be careful however; mild cleansers won't likely be able to get rid of silicone or wax.
Try looking for shampoo and conditioner with natural/organic ingredients, which will restore your natural and needed oils to your hair.
Rubbing lemon juice and apple cider vinegar into your roots ensures a shiny look and prevents greasy-looking hair and frizz. Be careful if you have dark hair when using lemon juice, it can lighten your hair color if you stay in the sun with it in your hair.
Avoid non-organic chemicals as much as possible. Dyes and relaxers can be very bad for your hair. If you have to do it, make sure not to leave the chemicals on too long and don't do it often to prevent hair damage. Read the product's instructions to see how often you're supposed to wait between treatments.
Have someone trim your ends every once in a while. If you think you can do it yourself, go ahead. Split ends can make your hair look more dull, dry, and damaged.
Don't rip your brush through snarls. If you don't have detangler spray, wet the area and apply lots of conditioner to work it through evenly. Sleeping with your hair in a bun or braid can make it easier to brush in the morning, and will control some of the frizz (if you have it). Brush gently and slowly work the tangles out. Be sure not to wash hair too often as it will dry hair up and may cause greasy/oily looking hair. If you have dry hair use a hydrating shampoo.
After shampooing your hair rinse and condition it out with cool water. This will seal the cuticles and prevent frizz and dryness.
Deep condition your hair with deep treatments or hair masques. You can also use the following easy home remedies:

* Mayonnaise: Smear real mayonnaise throughout your hair (again, for the folks with oily scalp and skin, don't rub it into your scalp or too close to your hairline) and make sure to really work it into the ends. Make sure your hair is completely dry. The amount depends on the thickness and the texture of your hair. Wash your hands, then wrap your hair in a towel. A shower cap or plastic bag on your head will also help contain it. Keep it like that for about an hour. Rinse your hair, then shampoo it. Style your hair the way you normally do.
* Eggs: Crack 2-4 eggs (depending on your hair length) into a bowl. Separate the yolk from the whites then pour a cup or more (depending on hair length) into the bowl. Pour olive oil in the bowl, just enough to cover the yolk. Shampoo your hair in lukewarm water then put mixture in your hair. Let it sit for 5-6 minutes, then rinse it with cold water. Warm or hot water can scramble the egg.
* Aloe Vera & Honey: Mix equal parts conditioner, aloe vera gel, and honey together. People with dark hair should be careful while using honey as it may lighten your hair color. Massage through dry hair and leave in for 5-10 minutes. Make sure to get an aloe that does not contain harmful ingredients such as alcohol. A mix of Jojoba oil and honey also works really well.
* Coffee: Brew some regular coffee. Let it cool down but make sure its still warm. Pour it throughout dry hair then twist your hair into a bun. Let it sit for 30 minutes then rinse out and use your usual shampoo and conditioner. This will also enhance color. (warning hair darkening may occur)
* Apple Cider Vinegar: Comb or brush your hair. Shampoo your hair with your usual shampoo and rinse your hair thoroughly with warm running water to eliminate any residual shampoo or build-up that's accumulated on the hair. Measure two cups of apple cider vinegar and one cup of water and rinse hair carefully with the mix. Leave vinegar and water mixture on your hair for fifteen minutes. Rinse the vinegar off your hair with clean warm running water until the vinegar smell dissipates.Comb out hair carefully and you will find your hair is now detangled, healthy looking and manageable. Repeat process every week or less if desired. Apple cider vinegars acidity is close to that of natural hair, it's a good conditioner and cleaning agent and it's also an effective germ killer.

[CelesJessa]

I suppose I should pay you for your help with animation things (you went above and beyond what I was expecting). I have nothing witty to use as a buck, so instead I will offer you a dollars worth of a drawing displaying my satisfaction with your services.

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/9772/buck.png (http://img706.imageshack.us/i/buck.png/)

It's only a dollar so I couldn't bother to keep my eyes open while drawing it though.

[Torque]

Payment accepted. I have a soft spot for all things with 2 or more D's, and I felt obligated to do my best with that one.

[Aldurin]

My peers keep pressuring me to go see a plastic psychologist and get a sanejob, but I don't want to. They keep insisting and I've noticed several beginning to research what is legal to do "against the subject's will". How would I preemptively deal with this problem?

Payment to be delivered straight from the wallet of the first victim of your solution.

[Kim]

There aren't any guys in my city worth seducing. Fix it.

If you want my buck you'll have to come over to my house and get it yourself, big boy.

[Torque]

My peers keep pressuring me to go see a plastic psychologist and get a sanejob, but I don't want to. They keep insisting and I've noticed several beginning to research what is legal to do "against the subject's will". How would I preemptively deal with this problem?

Payment to be delivered straight from the wallet of the first victim of your solution.

There are two solutions to this problem, my friend.
Option 1: Take them up on their offer, and make them pay. While you're at it, you can go in for some neural implants, and increase your thinking capacity 60-124% in order to crush your enemies mentally.

Option 2: I know a guy with a wood chipper.....

There aren't any guys in my city worth seducing. Fix it.

If you want my buck you'll have to come over to my house and get it yourself, big boy.

Well, that's an easy one, see, were I to travel to your house to collect my buck there would then be at least one guy in your city worth seducing.

[Aldurin]

There are two solutions to this problem, my friend.
Option 1: Take them up on their offer, and make them pay. While you're at it, you can go in for some neural implants, and increase your thinking capacity 60-124% in order to crush your enemies mentally.

I already know how to kill enemies with my mind. (http://www.thepocalypse.com/comics/music)

EDIT: Wood chippers are too messy, do you have an alternative that involves combustion or detonation?

[Torque]

I already know how to kill enemies with my mind. (http://www.thepocalypse.com/comics/music)

EDIT: Wood chippers are too messy, do you have an alternative that involves combustion or detonation?

ANFO
http://f.imagehost.org/0572/minor-scale-image1.jpg

[Aldurin]

I followed your procedure and everything went as planned, except now the FBI is after me and even if I get pardoned by the president I'll probably be subjected to borderline rape at the airports.

What country/planet/safehouse-stocked-with-videogames should I go to?

[Loyal]

I need a surefire way to solve my procrastination problems.

Payment:
http://i53.tinypic.com/21onbsm.jpg

[KeienSlayer]

Doesn't paying in advance imply that you don't have a procrastination problem...?

[Torque]

I followed your procedure and everything went as planned, except now the FBI is after me and even if I get pardoned by the president I'll probably be subjected to borderline rape at the airports.

What country/planet/safehouse-stocked-with-videogames should I go to?

Don't worry, everything is going to be just fine. You're ok here. No one wants to hurt you. Do not be alarmed by anything I do. Just sit back and relax
http://baileyus.com/For_Candidates/Interview_Prep/panic_button_animation.gif

I need a surefire way to solve my procrastination problems.

Payment:
http://i53.tinypic.com/21onbsm.jpg

Every time you complete a task on time give yourself an hour of (insert favorite hobby here) time, to be taken immediately preceding the completed event.