Why the fuck are you calling me at 4 in the morning: The Thread: The Movie

[POS Industries]

So I'm sitting here on my throne of lies, as I do every night, eating a bowl of cereal before going to bed (or so I planned), to rest up for a full day of birfday shenanigans because I don't know if you've noticed but today is my birthday.

*awaits applause*

So suddenly the phone rings. It's for me. There is no goddamn good reason for either of these occurrences to ever happen, much less for both to happen at the same time. Usually, that's the signal that someone in my family has suddenly died. So, bracing myself for Uncle Mike's suicide or some shit, I look at the caller ID.

"Cell Phone NC"

North Carolina. An old friend? But my friends aren't rude as fuck jackasses that make calls in the dead of night. Something is amiss! So, bracing myself for my friend Amy's suicide or some shit, I answer the phone.

Suddenly I find myself spending the next couple minutes with some (I can only assume here) drunk chick forcing me to guess her identity. We graduated together? No goddamn way. I never would have figured that out, what with you calling from my home state. Oh, we're friends on facebook? Well, obviously, since a good deal of you fuckers looked me up on there and bugged the hell out of me over the reunion because I got elected to some phony baloney class office a decade ago on the slogan "Brewed by real hippies!" Who would have thought that three hundred 17 year olds don't have good collective judgment, amirite?

Anyway, turns out it was some girl I had an english class with who then told me all about how she was traveling all over the country with her trucker boyfriend and started bugging me with questions about relationships and my sex life and all sorts of other shit I don't want to be talking about with some weirdass stranger in the middle of the night. I politely thank her for her call and wish her a good night before hanging up.

The phone rings again. It's her, because two people calling me at this hour would just be odd. I am less polite this time.

"FOUR. IN. THE. MORNING." *click*

The phone rings again. I'd play some sarcastic fucking guessing game with all y'alls about who it possibly could be but let's just cut to the chase here: It's her. Fucking duhhhh.

"WHAT."

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thank you."

"That's why I called."

"Okay. Good night."

*click*

THE END. Thank you, good night, don't forget to tip your waitress. Also share some of your own stories about retards with no sense of common decency vis a vis calling you in the middle of the night.

[Hatake Kakashi]

Well holy shit! Happy Birthday, or something.

I do feel your pain to some extent. I've had addicts knocking on my door at that hour to try and offload (most likely stolen) mp3 players and such.

[shiney]

Dunno about calling but tonight is the 3rd night in a row that our upstairs neighbors have kept us awake through half the night. It got so bad that Rai went upstairs with me this time. They wouldn't even come to the door, they spoke to us through a closed door and she outright bitched them out.

Next time we're calling the cops. <3

[katiuska]

I dunno, whenever I have people calling me at 4am, it's usually because they know I'm awake. The once or twice that this sort of thing has happened to me I couldn't even bother to be angry on principle.

A couple of months ago I got a random 1am call from someone claiming to have gotten my number off a gas station. I'm chalking that one up to a misdial.

[Token]

Happy birthday.

My friends, unlike yours, aren't so considerate. They will, and have, bugged me at all hours over every problem they have, from romance, to suicide, to losing their pencil. That's not a fucking exaggeration, I was on the phone at three in the morning, with a friend who was crying because she lost a pencil. I mean, it's sort of justified, since I try to make a point to always be there, and they all know I never sleep anyway, but what the fuck. Why does this shit always happen in the middle of the night?

[Archbio]

Whenever I get a call at 4:00 (and there's no one on the line) I end up hiding in the crawl space.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Answer all phone calls past 1am as a phone-sex operator.

[Hatake Kakashi]

How much have you charged people, SMcB?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

It would be pretty hypocritical of me to charge people. Free love for all.

[Bells]

*awaits applause*

Meh... ok!:) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxAKFlpdcfc)

So, luckly i never went through that. But in a few times where i ended up sleeping really late (as in... 4am) i usually wake up close to 10 or 11am. In such cases when i get a phone call around 8-9am i'll literaly jump out of bed... somtimes it's a job offer, sometimes it's a friend going "hey how'a'doin?"

The second is more annoying than the first

[Wigmund]

I had a woman once leave a series of calls on my cell.

She was threatening to call the police on me because I wasn't picking up our son for the weekend and making him sad and wasn't paying child support.

I only got these calls on voice mail, I kinda wish I actually received them. I wanted her to explain to me how I could have kids and be divorced when a) I've never had a date and b) most definitely haven't had sex.

I ended up getting so many misplaced calls on that phone that I got a new number.

[Flarecobra]

I keep getting calls by a creditor looking for some guy with a spanish-sounding name. And the other day the phone kept ringing saying it was a collect call from some guy neither me or my roommate recongized. And seeing as we got caller ID that pops up on the TV when it rings, we've remembered the number and know when to ignore it.

[Si Civa]

Oh, it's David Bowie's birthday. Thanks for reminding.

[POS Industries]

Oh, it's David Bowie's birthday. Thanks for reminding.
My secret is out!

[Pip Boy]

Answer all phone calls past 1am as a phone-sex operator.

I can't tell you how many of my problems this has solved. It changed my life.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

My secret is out!

I think your "secret" has been out since Labyrinth to be fair.

[Sithdarth]

I usually avoid answering the phone, especially my cell phone, if I don't recognize the number. The one time I broke this rule it ended up being some girl who was quite sure I knew who she was. When it became clear I didn't know who she was she continued to pester me to see if I knew someone else she might know. All this time I'm trying to tell her she has the wrong number but she just isn't listening. When it finally becomes clear that I don't know anyone she knows she says "Oh well then you are nobody" and promptly hangs up the phone. It happened at night but not so late as to be incredibly annoying so instead it was just mildly annoying. It reinforced my decision to simply not answer my cell phone if I don't recognize the number. Also, from time to time I get texts meant for other people and sometimes they contain pictures. Nothing really bad yet but I dread the day when something nasty accidentally finds its way into my inbox.

[Si Civa]

I once answered cell phone even though I didn't know the number. Police officer called me.

But it was actually good to answer to that even though quite messed up.

[Darth SS]

My secret is out!

Fabulous.

I had a woman once leave a series of calls on my cell.

She was threatening to call the police on me because I wasn't picking up our son for the weekend and making him sad and wasn't paying child support.

A few years back a friend of mine got a new cellphone and a new cellphone number to match. So I would text him, and make calls but the number would never pick up and I'd just hear "To leave a message at this Rogers voicemail message box, please wait for the tone BEEEEP" and I'd leave messages like, "Hey Dave, we're going to the [blank] game at [blank]" and the like. This literally went on for two months. One day this guy says "How come you never call me for stuff?" I respond "What are you on about, I do that all the time."

I checked my voicemail that night and had an angry message from a woman saying she would have me arrested for harassment if I didn't leave her alone.

Dave had given me the wrong number.

Asshole.

[Grimpond]

Congratualtions POS! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDajqW561KM)

[pochercoaster]

I do what Sith does- if it's really important they can leave me a voicemail. I don't necessarily answer even if it's someone I know because I resent my privacy being imposed on.

The other day some number I didn't recognize called me and when I didn't pick up they left a voicemail. My voicemail clearly states my full name, which suffice to say is a very unusual name and kind of hard to mistake for being someone else, especially a MALE (which is how the guy referred to me.) Why would you leave a message when the voicemail doesn't even contain a name you recognize? -_-