SMB FOR PRESIDENT [Archive] - The Warring States of NPF

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 04:32 PM

So I need to run to president.
The question is what country!
And what's my platform?
I have but one unnegotiable tenet:
1) Replace all laws with a "Don't be a dickhead" law. Will save on paperwork and cancel all loopholes. Will work wonders for financial reform, stopping companies/rich people avoiding their tax requirement. Also will set up well for the technofuture of technotheft and simurape.

Mr.Bookworm

01-13-2011, 04:36 PM

Let's not and never say we did.

Krylo

01-13-2011, 04:37 PM

RaiRO... the country.

Marc v4.0

01-13-2011, 04:40 PM

RaiRO... the country.

+1

Thadius

01-13-2011, 04:41 PM

Smarty, let me put it to you simply.

Don't. Please don't. At least not to the USA. If you did, I'd have to lead a popular uprising against you. And seeing as how your tenet is kinda the base of my plan, it would make it really hard to actually succeed in said uprising.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 04:42 PM

Let's not and never say we did.

Amendment to my legal scheme:
Criminal Court: Don't be a dickhead
Civil: Don't be lame.
Cause you sir, you were just massively lame.

RaiRO... the country.

Aren't they in a permanent state of anarchy? I don't think they presidents.

Smarty, let me put it to you simply.

Don't. Please don't. At least not to the USA. If you did, I'd have to lead a popular uprising against you. And seeing as how your tenet is kinda the base of my plan, it would make it really hard to actually succeed in said uprising.

Nahone of the few good things the founders ever did for you was forsee this eventually and rule it out by basis of my birth country. That Jefferson was a wiley son of a gun.

Mr.Bookworm

01-13-2011, 04:50 PM

Amendment to my legal scheme:
Criminal Court: Don't be a dickhead
Civil: Don't be lame.
Cause you sir, you were just massively lame.

I can only plead guilty to that.

akaSM

01-13-2011, 04:51 PM

A vote for Super Mario Bros is a vote for America!

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 04:53 PM

A vote for Super Mario Bros is a vote for America!

Not only is a royalist, he's also a communist!

Geminex

01-13-2011, 05:05 PM

SMARTY IS A MEXICAN

HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATES SAY SO
I TOTALLY HAVE PROOF OF THAT
I MIGHT EVEN SHARE THAT PROOF SOME TIME

EDIT:
ALSO HE HATES AMERICA
BECAUSE HE IS MEXICAN

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 05:15 PM

ARE YOU CLAIMING MEXICO IS NOT A RIGHTFUL PART OF AMERICA?
ARE YOU SOME KIND OF SPANISH?

mauve

01-13-2011, 05:16 PM

I hesitate to cast my vote for anyone with such a blatantly wasteful username. All those sparkles and italicised letters, and he's not even a mod. How do we know he won't treat all matters with such opulent overspending?

I for one don't trust this fellow.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 05:19 PM

Token

01-13-2011, 05:50 PM

My opulence is demonstrative of my extreme wealth. My extreme wealth is clearly testament to my good sense, intelligence, go-getter attitude and clearly fitness to lead.
Some new laws:
1) People earning less than $1,000,000 are deprived of all citizenship rights, the right to due process and legal representation....
2) The above clause applies to all people of colour irrespective of income.
3) Those earning under $100,000 must provide the government with 20 hours labour a week, the object of their labour to be decided by the ten richest men in the country. This will replace any need for an income tax

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-damage.gif
That's... that's bullshit! Wait... Hang on...

2) The above clause applies to all people of colour irrespective of income.

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/bubble-aniholdit.gif
http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-smirka.gif
It seems there is a contradiction in your testimony.

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-documentb.gif
You've been insinuating that you wish to become the president of the United States, even going so far as to accuse Geminex of being Spanish. And yet...

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-objection.gif
You spelled "color" with a "u!" Riddle me this, Smarty McForeignerpants...

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-zoomb.gif

IS THERE ANYTHING MORE UNAMERICAN THAN SUPERFLUOUS VOWELS?

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 05:55 PM

A typo! I swear! My big fat sweaty american fingers can't easily distinguish keys. I must have hit the u while removing my hand from the o.

Aldurin

01-13-2011, 05:57 PM

Smarty, the problem is that every country already has a leader, the best thing you can do is make you own country and rule it's population of 1 with an iron fist.

ChaoticBrain

01-13-2011, 05:57 PM

IS THERE ANYTHING MORE UNAMERICAN THAN SUPERFLUOUS VOWELS?

Because as we are all aware, American English has completely done away with superfluous letters.

Token

01-13-2011, 06:04 PM

A typo! I swear! My big fat sweaty american fingers can't easily distinguish keys. I must have hit the u while removing my hand from the o.

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-shrug.gif
A likely story.

Smarty, the problem is that every country already has a leader, the best thing you can do is make you own country and rule it's population of 1 with an iron fist.

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-confidentb.gif
Smarty already rules himself with an iron fist, if you know what I mean.

Because as we are all aware, American English has entirely done away with unnecessary vowels.

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-smirka.gif
Not entirely, but it's made impressive strides. It certainly doesn't put up with any of that "u in color or flavor" nonsense.

Archbio

01-13-2011, 06:04 PM

ll vwls r nncssr.

Just ask the Phoenicians.

ChaoticBrain

01-13-2011, 06:17 PM

http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab330/AsshatLP/edgeworth-smirka.gif
Not entirely, but it's made impressive strides. It certainly doesn't put up with any of that "u in color or flavor" nonsense.

Unfortunately, we still tolerate such unnecessary letters like "c", "q", "x", and "y", which could either be dropped entirely, or, as this sentence demonstrates, could be reassigned to be useful once more. The "c", for instance, can be used for "ch" sounds, and the "y" can be used for the long "i" vowel.

Too bad it'll never catch on.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 06:20 PM

New rule:
Spelling is optional.
True fact: Grammar was invented by communism to control your means of expressions.

Amake

01-13-2011, 06:24 PM

Here in Sweden, you can become king even if you're not born here. Actually it's encouraged. We got a royal line with inbred dyslexia and eating disorders imported wholesale from France. Ask yourself, and this goes for each and every one of you, wouldn't you make a better alternative?

Geminex

01-13-2011, 06:26 PM

ll vwls r nncssr.

Just ask the Phoenicians.

http://i947.photobucket.com/albums/ad317/geminex/legionnaires.jpg

What Phoenicians?

krogothwolf

01-13-2011, 06:28 PM

SMB - First President ever to have a sex change.

Krylo

01-13-2011, 06:30 PM

Unforcunitli, wi stil tolureit suc unesisari letrz lyk "c", "q", "x", and "y", wic kud ithir bi dropd entyrli, or, ez this sentins deminstreits, kud bi riasynd tu bi yusfol wuns mor. Th' "c", for instins, kan bi yusd for "ch" sownds, and th' "y" kan bi yusd for the lang "i" vowl.

Tu bad itl nevr ketc an.

You also reversed your usage of I and E for no apparent reason, but not in all circumstances--see 'unforcunitli,' which, by your new rules, should have been spelled 'unforcunytle'. Also e+i =/= the hard a sound. You'd need to either repurpose a different letter, create a new character, or accept the vowel consonant 'e' schematic of making vowels hard. Basically, I'm saying 'tolureit' still isn't spelled phonetically in your new system. 'Unesisari' should be 'Unesysare' etc.

Of course it will never catch on if you can't be bothered to follow your own, new, and just as convoluted, grammatical rules.

Token

01-13-2011, 06:30 PM

SMB - First President never to have sex.

.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 06:31 PM

SMB - First President ever to have a sex change.

What?

krogothwolf

01-13-2011, 06:43 PM

What?

You heard what I said!

ChaoticBrain

01-13-2011, 06:49 PM

You also reversed your usage of I and E for no apparent reason, but not in all circumstances--see 'unforcunitli,' which, by your new rules, should have been spelled 'unforcunytle'.

Unfortu-night-leh?

A long i sound is pronounced "eye".

Also e+i =/= the hard a sound. You'd need to either repurpose a different letter, create a new character, or accept the vowel consonant 'e' schematic of making vowels hard.

The long "a" is a dipthong. Short e (eh) + Short i (ee) = the long "a" sound.

Of course it will never catch on if you can't be bothered to follow your own, new, and just as convoluted, grammatical rules.

.

Krylo

01-13-2011, 07:01 PM

The long "a" is a dipthong. Short e (eh) + Short i (ee) = the long "a" sound.

L2Dipthong.

Dipthongs aren't just a combination of two distinct sounds, but the the mixing of two distinct sounds. You can't spell them with just ei. You need to anoint it properly which is a??. Assuming those symbols even work on the forum.

Edit: Only one of the two does.

Edit 2: To clarify, by simply putting ei you're signifying a hiatus, not a dipthong. This is why phonetics and spelling works the way it does currently.

Edit 3, just because:
Unfortu-night-leh?

A long i sound is pronounced "eye".

That's not (http://www.forvo.com/word/unfortunately/) how it's pronounced. (http://mw1.meriam-webster.com/dictionary/unfortunately)

Un-Fortune-it-lee

And I have no idea what the long i sound has to do with anything, because the long i sound isn't in that word.

ChaoticBrain

01-13-2011, 07:32 PM

Oh right, I forgot not everyone in the U.S. speaks the superior Chicago accent. (And by the way, our pizza is also superior.)

Okay, first things first, SMB, pass a ban on all pronunciations not in line with the standard accent. Pronouncing your wh's with a gratuitous h sound is punishable by death.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 07:37 PM

You do realise the standard accent will be my accent in which case you are all fucked.

Rumours of a sex change are greatly exaggerated

Krylo

01-13-2011, 07:39 PM

(And by the way, our pizza is also superior.)

Yeah, probably.

Seil

01-13-2011, 07:43 PM

I have a question for the candidate: is it drive-through or drive-thru, and would either spelling help me stuff my face faster?

Doc ock rokc

01-13-2011, 07:51 PM

Unfortunately, we still tolerate such unnecessary letters like "c", "q", "x", and "y", which could either be dropped entirely, or, as this sentence demonstrates, could be reassigned to be useful once more. The "c", for instance, can be used for "ch" sounds, and the "y" can be used for the long "i" vowel.

Too bad it'll never catch on.

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" � bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez � tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

we all know the gag M.J. Shields aka M.J. Yilz is brilliant

Professor Smarmiarty

01-13-2011, 07:52 PM

Cars are for primitive man-beasts. Under me you will all drive space trains, stocked with every food you could desire.

Geminex

01-13-2011, 07:53 PM

But will Smarty make the trains run on time?

akaSM

01-13-2011, 08:05 PM

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" � bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez � tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

we all know the gag M.J. Shields aka M.J. Yilz is brilliant

It's weird how your modern english has many of the same sounds spanish has :P.

Krylo

01-13-2011, 08:15 PM

It's weird how your modern english has many of the same sounds spanish has :P.

They're both latin based languages and have shared many words and sounds since diverging.

Torque

01-13-2011, 08:24 PM

A vote for Super Mario Bros is a vote for America!

Hold on a second.....
Isn't Mario an italian? Furthermore, isn't he an italian conceived by a japanese guy??? Where in all of that is there anything even remotely resembling something American?! WHERE??

Krylo

01-13-2011, 08:26 PM

He's a dirty foreigner being forced to travel through, literal and rhetorical, sewage all at the behest of a blonde, blue-eyed, white member of the higher class to protect her from the violent leader of a repressed ethnic minority.

Sounds pretty American to me.

BitVyper

01-13-2011, 08:29 PM

But will Smarty make the trains run on time?

Space trains don't run on time. Time runs on space trains.

akaSM

01-13-2011, 08:33 PM

Hold on a second.....
Isn't Mario an italian? Furthermore, isn't he an italian conceived by a japanese guy??? Where in all of that is there anything even remotely resembling something American?! WHERE??

Wasn't Smarty promoting Super Mario Bros in the title? :raise:

SMB FOR PRESIDENT

krogothwolf

01-13-2011, 08:44 PM

Space trains don't run on time. Time runs on space trains.

Space Trains use lame Russian styled jokes? Sounds SMBish enough to work.

Azisien

01-14-2011, 02:00 AM

Opening this thread was like entering a black hole and then being like "hey look over there, an even blacker hole!"

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 03:40 AM

Opening this thread was like entering a black hole and then being like "hey look over there, an even blacker hole!"

A vote for SMB is a vote for kicking physics in the balls!

Ravashak

01-14-2011, 04:00 AM

They're both latin based languages and have shared many words and sounds since diverging.Fairly sure English is a germanic language.

Kim

01-14-2011, 04:13 AM

English is a lot of languages. Like French.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 04:18 AM

I still remember reading a debateabout whether English should be classifed as more Germanic or Latin. Latin man wrote this large, many page detailed argument, German man responded with "80% of the words in your article are Germanic, I counted."

Krylo

01-14-2011, 04:34 AM

Ye Olde Englishe was Germanic with no real question, but modern English evolved through French and other Latin based/romance languages integrating themselves with it, giving it both words from them, and softening the pronunciations of other words to sound more like a romance language than a Germanic language.

So it's pretty fair to call it both Germanic and Latin. Especially as that most modern languages are mixing due to globalization and more open communication between English, French, German, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Mandarin, etc. etc. and the results are most pronounced in modern English dialects.

Which is to say English continues to move further and further from a pure Germanic root.

For instance, Latin dude could have said that, well, sure, there's 80% Germanic words, but all of those have had their pronunciations and spellings affected by heavy Latin influences, and the remaining 20% were Latin words, so... where does that leave us?

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 04:40 AM

I think the French mans response was "Bambooled!"

Yeah the argument doesn't have any releance and Frenchman happened to use a particularly high number of Germanic wrords by coincidence (the percentage of Germanic words in the language as a whole is much lower) but i was pretty funny at the time.

synkr0nized

01-14-2011, 05:10 AM

Western Germanic with a very heavy influence from the romance languages

It makes sense when you consider the regions and peoples/cultures who shaped the dialects that arose from the original roots.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 05:36 AM

I don't know why we listening to you Americans, you were a penstroke away from speaking German!
New rule: Territorials claims of countries that don't extend before the 18th century are not recognised by the SMB presidency.

Ravashak

01-14-2011, 05:43 AM

What about countries that don't exist anymore?

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 05:58 AM

If they can find suitable claimaints I shall recognise them, otherwise all such territory shall be held in my august guardianship.

Hanuman

01-14-2011, 10:08 AM

If a guy riding a raptor shooting fire out of his hands was running for president, I probably wouldn't care about his race.

Aldurin

01-14-2011, 10:39 AM

A vote for SMB is a vote for kicking physics in the balls!

Okay, just make sure you're on the ballot.

krogothwolf

01-14-2011, 10:46 AM

If they can find suitable claimaints I shall recognise them, otherwise all such territory shall be held in my august guardianship.

Meaning you're going to losing them in drunk bets?

Hatake Kakashi

01-14-2011, 11:08 AM

well, sure, there's 80% Germanic words, but all of those have had their pronunciations and spellings affected by heavy Latin influences, and the remaining 20% were Latin words, so... where does that leave us?

In the welfare line. Duh.

Back on topic: Why have you not proven your good intentions for our country and taken over China yet? WHY? I want to see proof, dammit!

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 11:15 AM

Victorian Gentlemen's wagers!
Like so:
Captain Hobbnobbery: I do say my fine fellows. It is dastardly warm.
Mr Finefellow esq: Oh indeed, oh indeed. I wonder why?
Hobbnobbs: I am most beffudled. Even my fine collection of moustaches has no answer.
Professor Plumpingtots: Dear sirs, I have a way to extract you from your pernicious predicament! For the perilous plunder of souls by the devil is the reason for the increase in temperature. The outbreaks of purple plague in the common folk has lead to a considerable rise in deaths and thus a raise in Hell's temperature.
Finey: Presposterous!
Hobbnobbs: Atrocious!
SMB: The professor is right my dear chaps. And I shall prove it with an expedition unheard of, a journey unseen, an adventure without surpass! I shall dig into Hell itself and thus measure the temperature!
Finey: You're fooling!
SMB: Indeed not, friend, indeed not! And if I shall fail, I shall hand you the Republic of the Seven United Provinces. And if I succeed the Presidency of the Royal Society shall be mine!

In the welfare line. Duh.

Back on topic: Why have you not proven your good intentions for our country and taken over China yet? WHY? I want to see proof, dammit!

Why don't we go straight to the source and take on the old enemy itself? They are but a pale shadow of their former self and once London falls the empire will be ours.

Shyria Dracnoir

01-14-2011, 12:25 PM

Why don't we go straight to the source and take on the old enemy itself? They are but a pale shadow of their former self and once London falls the empire will be ours.

I can get behind this. I have vested (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._George) interests (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_irwin) in seeing this nation and its fellows fall.

Professor Smarmiarty

01-14-2011, 12:49 PM

I'm trying to figure out the connection between St George and Irwin here. I'm guessing it s do with St George as the dragon hunter and Irwin as a crocodile hunter but that doesn't hold up because Irwin was very much about trying to save animals and the environment- he set up seom crocodile rescue charities.