Pip Boy
01-20-2011, 02:11 PM
Seriously last night I had the most fucked up dream of my life. Political tensions between America and Russia were high again for reasons that were simply tied into the narrative of my dream from the start, as is often the case with dreams. Just for extra security, the river between portland and vancouver had a big-ass battleship in it just in case we got attacked here which is stupid because a battleship won't do much from a river.
Anyways, my family and I went to a movie theater next to the river, but the movie got interrupted halfway through when the power went out. We went outside just in time to see that two russian subs had surfaced in the river near the battleship, and everyone was firing missiles all over the fucking place. Russian soldiers were running around shooting guns screaming in their crazy nonsense language while missiles touched down pretty much all over the place. Pretty soon, fucking aliens started beaming down from god knows where and started killing the Russians for us, but once they were all done with the Russians, they started killing the Americans too because we apparently weren't supposed to know that there were aliens. Top secret.
We all started running and screaming and stuff and the US troops were now fighting the aliens and nobody knew what was going on. Then, after the crowds had run a good distance away, I remembered that I had left something important (I think it was a cell phone?) in the theater I was in when all this shit started and I went back there, trying to avoid crossfire from the aliens and US soldiers on the way. When I got there and grabbed the phone, it was just in time to see some giant-ass alien that was crawling around wrecking shit like the cloverfield monster push over the building I had just run out of and then I was like SHITSHITSHITRUNRUNRUN. But just as I rounded the corner, there were more russians. It was okay though, the Russians had now teamed up with the Americans to defeat the aliens, who it turned out were the reason the russians were attacking us all along.(..?)
Even if they are on our team now, Im not a big fan of Russians so I stole one of their jeeps and used it to flee the city north to a smaller town with a private airstrip called Chehalis, which was now under siege by zombies that the aliens had been making. At the airstrip, I used my survival guide and kit to convince a pilot that I was a zombie survival expert, so she flew me the hell out of there and we teamed up. On the way to a safehouse she and her friends had set up in the mountains, however, we got shot down a mere 3 miles from out destination and had to parachute down into the woods.
I landed cleanly, while she got stuck up in some trees. I grabbed the shotgun from the plane and went on a half-life-esque adventure through the woods to find where she was and cut her down, whilst fighting many angry alien zombies. After she was down, we trekked the rest of the way to the safehouse, which was some rich fancy pants's house that had been abandoned by the owner on account of him being killed by aliens. Anyways, there she introduced me to all of her friends, who turned out to be the cliche'd group of around 5-6 people each with a different skill that would normally seem mundane but applies well to our situation because there is great need for it. Namely; a doctor, carpenter, gardener, HAM radio operator, and a guy who spent too much time in Vietnam and knew how to make traps like on Rambo. Even more good news, the home we had taken turned out be totally loaded with guns because it had previously belonged to a hunting club run by John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Michael Steel. Even better, when we got into the clubs meeting room, we discovered that the "Hunting Club" was just a cover for a "Nazi Hunting Club", so it was filled with automatic weapons, snipers, scopes, silencers, bullets, bla bla bla. Anyways, we set traps around the house, set up a garden, established shifts, etc.
There was even a smaller home down the hill a bit by the river with a boat that we could use as a getaway if the zombies overwhelm us at the bigger house. A few days later after things had been nice and slow zombie-wise, a giant horde of them attacked us so we sounded the alarm and everyone started shooting. They were the slow kind of zombies, so it wasn't too big a deal. Just as we thought we were winning, however, a giant alien-dog thing that ran on four and had long tentacle things with blades on the end of them busted in through a wall and started eating carpenter guy. We tried killing it, but the bullets didn't seem to affect it, so we were like "Shit, RUN!" and went to the boat we had set up in our-fallback location. Just as the boat was taking off, Vietnam Guy hit a detonator and the whole house exploded violently, killing all zombies and alien monsters that had been inside.
We boated down the river for a bit and found another house that looked like it had survivors, so we decided to go there, and were allowed to stay in exchange for a few of our many, many guns. Then we discovered who was running the place.
You motherfuckers. NPF had set up a safehouse in the mountains and everyone had gotten there somehow. And I have got to say, after meeting all of you guys in person in my dream, I am just disappointed. A while later I woke up, and everything after there is boring and blurry.
SO THE MORAL TO THIS STORY IS:
Late-night forum browsing while eating Mac-N-cheese with hotdogs in it and breakfast cereal, all right before going to bed, will make you have fucked up dreams. Thank you.
Anyways, my family and I went to a movie theater next to the river, but the movie got interrupted halfway through when the power went out. We went outside just in time to see that two russian subs had surfaced in the river near the battleship, and everyone was firing missiles all over the fucking place. Russian soldiers were running around shooting guns screaming in their crazy nonsense language while missiles touched down pretty much all over the place. Pretty soon, fucking aliens started beaming down from god knows where and started killing the Russians for us, but once they were all done with the Russians, they started killing the Americans too because we apparently weren't supposed to know that there were aliens. Top secret.
We all started running and screaming and stuff and the US troops were now fighting the aliens and nobody knew what was going on. Then, after the crowds had run a good distance away, I remembered that I had left something important (I think it was a cell phone?) in the theater I was in when all this shit started and I went back there, trying to avoid crossfire from the aliens and US soldiers on the way. When I got there and grabbed the phone, it was just in time to see some giant-ass alien that was crawling around wrecking shit like the cloverfield monster push over the building I had just run out of and then I was like SHITSHITSHITRUNRUNRUN. But just as I rounded the corner, there were more russians. It was okay though, the Russians had now teamed up with the Americans to defeat the aliens, who it turned out were the reason the russians were attacking us all along.(..?)
Even if they are on our team now, Im not a big fan of Russians so I stole one of their jeeps and used it to flee the city north to a smaller town with a private airstrip called Chehalis, which was now under siege by zombies that the aliens had been making. At the airstrip, I used my survival guide and kit to convince a pilot that I was a zombie survival expert, so she flew me the hell out of there and we teamed up. On the way to a safehouse she and her friends had set up in the mountains, however, we got shot down a mere 3 miles from out destination and had to parachute down into the woods.
I landed cleanly, while she got stuck up in some trees. I grabbed the shotgun from the plane and went on a half-life-esque adventure through the woods to find where she was and cut her down, whilst fighting many angry alien zombies. After she was down, we trekked the rest of the way to the safehouse, which was some rich fancy pants's house that had been abandoned by the owner on account of him being killed by aliens. Anyways, there she introduced me to all of her friends, who turned out to be the cliche'd group of around 5-6 people each with a different skill that would normally seem mundane but applies well to our situation because there is great need for it. Namely; a doctor, carpenter, gardener, HAM radio operator, and a guy who spent too much time in Vietnam and knew how to make traps like on Rambo. Even more good news, the home we had taken turned out be totally loaded with guns because it had previously belonged to a hunting club run by John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Michael Steel. Even better, when we got into the clubs meeting room, we discovered that the "Hunting Club" was just a cover for a "Nazi Hunting Club", so it was filled with automatic weapons, snipers, scopes, silencers, bullets, bla bla bla. Anyways, we set traps around the house, set up a garden, established shifts, etc.
There was even a smaller home down the hill a bit by the river with a boat that we could use as a getaway if the zombies overwhelm us at the bigger house. A few days later after things had been nice and slow zombie-wise, a giant horde of them attacked us so we sounded the alarm and everyone started shooting. They were the slow kind of zombies, so it wasn't too big a deal. Just as we thought we were winning, however, a giant alien-dog thing that ran on four and had long tentacle things with blades on the end of them busted in through a wall and started eating carpenter guy. We tried killing it, but the bullets didn't seem to affect it, so we were like "Shit, RUN!" and went to the boat we had set up in our-fallback location. Just as the boat was taking off, Vietnam Guy hit a detonator and the whole house exploded violently, killing all zombies and alien monsters that had been inside.
We boated down the river for a bit and found another house that looked like it had survivors, so we decided to go there, and were allowed to stay in exchange for a few of our many, many guns. Then we discovered who was running the place.
You motherfuckers. NPF had set up a safehouse in the mountains and everyone had gotten there somehow. And I have got to say, after meeting all of you guys in person in my dream, I am just disappointed. A while later I woke up, and everything after there is boring and blurry.
SO THE MORAL TO THIS STORY IS:
Late-night forum browsing while eating Mac-N-cheese with hotdogs in it and breakfast cereal, all right before going to bed, will make you have fucked up dreams. Thank you.