Put things in my mouth. Vicariously.

[synkr0nized]

In a SUPER SECRET COMMUNIQUE FOR THE ELITE OF NPF thread it was recently brought to my attention that I have been gorging myself on rather large, perhaps elephantine male genitalia. As I am fairly certain this is not a beneficial path for my well-being, I come to you, the plebeians of this community, for your down-to-earth suggestions and ideas with respect to confectionery delights and simple cuisine.

I put this challenge forth to you, NPF. Provide for me the recipe of a dish in accordance with the following stipulations:
-- I must be able to procure the ingredients, if I do not have them, at a local grocery store.
-- I would prefer not to spend much for this. I can go out and get a nice meal for twenty or thirty dollars, so I expect to be able to beat that by doing it myself.
-- It must be edible.

Feel free to offer ideas for an appetizer, main dish, side dish, dessert, or beverage.

I will select what I think may be the most interesting, creative, tasty, or SOME KIND OF ARBITRARY FEELING submissions to create a meal. I will then prepare and eat this meal; there may be some kind of photo documentation involved.

I am no administrator, so rewards for your efforts may be minimal. Maybe I'll make you a signature or something. I will come down with fiery vengeance upon all who fail me.



This may be a stupid idea, but I don't cook enough and want to have fun botching your recipes I mean I am amazing in the kitchen and any comments otherwise will be met with swift justice.

[Bells]

So many things that could be said, all of them would get me banned SO FAST...

But, hey, i'll give it a try. Is this a Meal for one? Or something you would share with others?

Either way, i'll give one a easy one that has been great for me the last few times i tried.

I give to you my Hellfire Chicken. It's a Sin, it's spicy and it's awesome.

You will need

- A Full Chicken, no skin. You can use just the Breast, but i find it works best with the bones so you can stuff it properly and evenly.
- Half of an orange. No peels.
- Hot Sauce
- Pepper
- Half of an Onion, diced, rings or Paste (i like Paste better)
- 1 Full Garlic head, diced or Paste (Paste is better)
- 2 tea spoons of salt
- Olive oil
- Oregano (Optional)
- Some Tin foil

This is how you do it... take the Chicken, and with a Knife, carve small cuts across it. Make a few stabs too. Nothing too visual. Now, take any tupperware you have, and bathe it with Hot Sauce and The pepper as you like. Now, close it and live it in the fridge over night. A couple of hours should do it just fine too.

Now, you mix your Garlic, Salt and Onion with some Olive Oil. The closer to a Paste, better, because you have to Spread this across the surface of the Chicken. Put it Evenly.

Now, you take the Half Orange, and slice it into 2 Parts and put those parts inside the Chicken. If it's Boneless, put one part of the Orange on each side across from it.

Once it's nice and ready, put it over a nice sheet of Tinfoil and start to close it up. leave a opening over it and Bathe it with Olive oil and Any leaft over of the Hot suace that yoy may have left in the Tupperware.

You don't have to make a puddle, just Make sure there is juice in there with the Chicken so it won't dry.

Now, close the Tinfoil tight around the Bird, and take it to the heated Oven. Depending on your Oven and the size of the bird this could be ready in 20-30 minutes. You can slow cook it if you want in a low temperature. If you don't know if it's ready, you can open it up a bit to check out every 15 minutes.

The orange is Optional, not everyone likes it. But this is the Gist of it... it goes great, not hard to do, and with very common Ingredients.

[Si Civa]

Is it too obvious to mention cooking testicles? I would rather know it before suggesting, you know.

Also like who was the guy (http://www.cooksrecipes.com/appetizer/rocky-mountain-oysters-recipe.html) who named this stuff? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocky_Mountain_oysters)

[Azisien]

You want simple recipe?

Peppers n' Rice

- Bell peppers of any colour. Green is usually cheapest here.
- Olive Oil
- Soy Sauce
- Rice (I prefer sticky, but whatever you like)

1. Add olive oil to pan, enough to lube it up good (I'm sure you're experienced with lube), and set to medium heat.

2. Add peppers when it's warmed up, pour a bit more oil on them.

3. Cook until they've lost their rigidity. Sides on the bottom may be browning a LITTLE bit. This is probably 15 minutes of cooking or so.

4. Get a rice maker. Cook rice.

5. Put peppers on rice. Add soy sauce to taste.

Congrats, you just cooked the only seemingly vegan meal I ever cook with regularity.

[pochercoaster]

I found this (http://runningwithtweezers.typepad.com/runningwithtweezers/2010/09/mustard-potato.html) recipe when I was looking for a version of potato salad that doesn't use mayonnaise. It's really easy and it's good hot or cold. It's also relatively healthy!

Mustard-Horseradish Potato Salad - serves 4 to 6 as a side dish

* 1 pound small new potatoes, skins washed and cut into even halves or quarters - you want your potato pieces to be even so they cook evenly
* 2 tsp. good quality extra virgin olive oil
* 2 tablespoons prepared horseradish
* 2 tablespoons good quality stone ground mustard
* 20 cornichons, thinly sliced
* 3 tablespoons freshly chopped chives - feel free to substitute any other herb you'd like
* salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

- In a small bowl, whisk together the olive oil, mustard and horseradish. Set aside until potatoes are cooked and cooled slightly.
- Place cut potatoes in a large stockpot and cover with cold water so that the potatoes are covered by an inch of water. Salt the water and bring the pot to a boil. Once boiling, lower the heat to a simmer and cook for about 7-8 minutes. Once they're fork tender, drain and place in a large mixing bowl. Allow them to cool slightly and toss with the mustard/horseradish mixture while still slightly warm - this will let them absorb some of the dressing. Gently fold in the cornichons, fresh herbs, and salt & pepper the potato salad to taste.

[Meister]

Got you beat on simplicity.

- pasta (spaghetti, usually, personally I like penne)
- olive oil
- garlic (fresh juicy garlic is best, don't use nasty dry garlic)

Cook your pasta. While that's going on you can peel a few cloves of garlic and cut then into thin slices (they don't need to nor should they be as thin as possible, it's okay if they still have a little bulk to them.) Let's say 2-3 cloves, more if you like of course. When your pasta is almost done heat olive oil in a pan over medium heat, throw in your garlic and fry it until it's just a light golden brown. At that stage it will be crispy and slightly sweet. At some point during the browning process you should have drained your pasta, so throw it in the pan now, toss for a few seconds to coat the pasta with oil and garlic, and plate. Salt and pepper to taste.

Half of an orange. No peels.

Citrus peels contain some of the major aromatic oils so you should definitely zest it and add some, but make absolutely sure it's free of pesticides, wax and all that stuff they tend to spray citrus with. Keep an eye open while shopping and you should find good ones.

[Azisien]

Got you beat on simplicity.

- pasta (spaghetti, usually, personally I like penne)
- olive oil
- garlic (fresh juicy garlic is best, don't use nasty dry garlic)

Cook your pasta. While that's going on you can peel a few cloves of garlic and cut then into thin slices (they don't need to nor should they be as thin as possible, it's okay if they still have a little bulk to them.) Let's say 2-3 cloves, more if you like of course. When your pasta is almost done heat olive oil in a pan over medium heat, throw in your garlic and fry it until it's just a light golden brown. At that stage it will be crispy and slightly sweet. At some point during the browning process you should have drained your pasta, so throw it in the pan now, toss for a few seconds to coat the pasta with oil and garlic, and plate. Salt and pepper to taste.

Pretty common dish for Italian families over here. I highly recommend. You can also cut chicken breast into small fillets and cook them in the garlic/oil for protein.

[Pip Boy]

Let me see if I can dig up that old sweet fried chicken recipe for you. Good stuff.

[pochercoaster]

Another one I just remembered: sweet potato and carrot ginger soup. However, you need a food processor or a blender for this. If it's not pureed it's not that amazing.

I make large batches of this soup and then freeze it. It's very filling and also healthy.

I never measure what I put into this recipe so just use what "feels" right.

Ingredients:
1. Equal amounts of sweet potatoes and carrots, peeled and chopped. (I don't peel my carrots 'cause I'm lazy)
2. Stock, whatever kind suits your fancy. If you don't have enough stock you can top it off with water. I've even made it without stock because stock is expensive and it was still flavourful.
3. 1-2 onions, diced
4. About 2 tbsp fresh minced ginger, or more if you really like ginger.
5. 2 or more cloves of garlic, minced (I love garlic so I always use a few more cloves...)
6. Cooking oil
7. Optional: green onions and sour cream

Heat oil in pot and saute garlic and onions. Add sweet potatoes, carrots, ginger and broth/water. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer and cook until the vegetables are soft. Puree in a blender or food processor or stick an immersion blender right in the pot. Top with green onions and/or sour cream.

[Meister]

Here's another one that's quickly become one of my staple foods, spinach lentils.

You need:

- lentils
- spinach, finely chopped (frozen is totally okay)
- an onion
- turmeric
- ground cumin
- ground coriander seeds
- chili powder
- mustard seeds
- ghee or clarified butter - in a pinch a neutral-tasting oil will probably do but I'd advise you to get the butter

Optional: garlic and/or fresh ginger, high-fat yogurt.

Bring enough water for the lentils to a boil; if you're using frozen spinach, put it in directly so it can thaw. Add the lentils together with a teaspoon of turmeric and salt (I often hear about how lentils won't cook properly with salt added, but using red lentils it's never been a problem for me - your mileage may vary, and you can add the salt afterwards if you want to play it safe) and reduce the heat.

Finely dice your onion in the meantime and heat some ghee in a pan, don't be stingy with the stuff. When your lentils are just about done, fry the diced onion in the ghee, taking care to stir only occasionally - you don't want to move it too much, the onion needs to brown and caramelize a bit. When it's lightly browned throughout, it's time to add the cumin, coriander, chili powder and mustard seeds, about 1 teaspoon of each. Stir in the spices and fry them for a minute or so, until the mustard seeds start to jump around (which they will, all over the stovetop, kitchen and you, so keep a lid or something handy), then pour everything in with the lentils.

If you're using garlic and/or ginger, mince them and add them at the same time as the onion. Take care not to let the garlic get too dark, though.

Serve as is with some Indian bread, adding a few dollops of yogurt if you like, or you can stir in some yogurt after you add the onion/spice mix and serve it over rice.

[bluestarultor]

Here's one for if you're feeling fancy:


Shrimp Scampi with Rice

1 large bag of frozen peeled shrimp
1/2 stick of butter
garlic powder
sage
1/2 bag of frozen peas
rice (you'll want a good deal)


Start by steaming your rice on the stove in a large pot. Microwave the peas until thawed. When the rice starts getting done, microwave the shrimp until hot, ignoring anything on the bag saying not to heat them (they'll shrink, but it'll be fine). Drain excess water off the rice (when it's done), shrimp, and peas. Microwave the butter in a small container along with a dash of garlic and sage, mix it up, and combine all ingredients. Voila!

[batgirl]

Here's one I always enjoy, a different take on grilled cheese that I love to recommend (note you can replace the mango with a peach is mangoes are not in season or too expensive):

Ingredients:

1 mango, diced (you'll want small-medium chunks) or 1 peach diced
1/2 yellow or orange bell pepper, diced (you want the sweet pepper)
1/2 vidalia onion, diced (also sweet)
lime juice to taste

Italian bread, sliced (decent store bought sliced bread)
Provolone cheese
Honey mustard

Butter, softened
Curry Powder

In a mixing bowl, combine pepper, mango and onion. Spritz some lime juice over the mixture and mix (you can vary the amount of lime juice to your taste).

Take the butter and heat to soften, not melt. Combine the curry powder (again to your tastes) with the butter and coat the outsides of the italian bread with the curry butter. Spread the inside of the bread with honey mustard and then layer on some cheese. Spoon some of the mango mixture on the bread. Use the remainder of the curry butter on your grill/frying pan and apply the sandwich. Grill the sandwich and enjoy.

Also: The mango "salsa" makes a nice side dish.

[Eltargrim]

Chicken Chili
1 1/4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth (10 fluid ounces)
1 (14- to 15-ounce) can stewed tomatoes
4 dried New Mexican or guajillo chiles, stems and seeds discarded and chiles torn into pieces
1 (3/4-inch-thick) crosswise slice of a medium white onion
2 garlic cloves, peeled
1/2 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 cup dry-roasted peanuts
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 rotisserie-cooked chicken (2 pounds)
1 (15-ounce) can pink beans in sauce (preferably Goya)

Garnish: chopped fresh cilantro; sour cream

Purée broth, tomatoes with their juice, chiles, onion, garlic, cilantro, peanuts, cumin, and salt in a blender until smooth, about 2 minutes.

Heat oil in a wide 3- to 4-quart heavy saucepan over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking, then pour in sauce and boil, uncovered, stirring occasionally, 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, coarsely shred chicken, discarding skin and bones.

Stir chicken and beans with their sauce into chili, then reduce heat to moderately low and simmer, covered, 10 minutes. Serve over your choice of rice, mash, etc. Whatever strikes your fancy.