Terrible things that should never see the light of day, revisited.

[walkertexasdruid]

When this thread came out I had a lot of fun coming up with truely horrible ideas to inflict on the general population. I was very disappointed when the thread died, so I am bringing it back to life with a doozy:

Star Wars, Origins: Jar Jar Binks

Top that if you dare. :dance:

[Fenris]

This thread topic.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

The Erotic Adventures of Fenris

[Token]

SMB/Adam Smith Hurt/Comfort slashfiction.

[bluestarultor]

Dissidia: Alternate Dimensions - Join your all-time favorite characters in a parallel game to the popular Dissidia franchise!

Warriors of Boko:
- Matoya
- Gordon
- Cid Haze
- Edward Chris von Muir
- Krile Mayer Baldesion
- Umaro
- Cait Sith
- Selphie Tilmett
- Quina Quen
- Wakka
- Penelo
- Snow Villiers


Warriors of Bebuzzu:
- Astos
- Count Borghen
- Gutsco
- Baigan
- Siren
- The Dream Stooges
- Palmer
- Biggs and Wedge NORG
- Brahne Raza Alexandros XVI
- Brother
- Gramis Gana Solidor
- Hope Estheim

[Kim]

Blues, any game where you get to play as Biggs and Wedge defaults to awesome.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Danny McBride as The Doctor in an American spin-off.

[bluestarultor]

Blues, any game where you get to play as Biggs and Wedge defaults to awesome.

Better? :P

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Demolition man 2: Quest for the fourth seashell

Robocop vs Magneto

Kane 2: Headlines from the grave

Bladerunner 2: How do you spell love in binary?

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Bladerunner 2: How do you spell love in binary?

01101100011011110111011001100101

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Core 2: Core in Space

[Amake]

A gamma laser, using a wavelength less than 10 picometers rather than harmless visible light.

I call it "cancer laser".

[Professor Smarmiarty]

If by bad idea you mean fantastically useful idea then yes.

And most lasers don't use visible light, they use UV or IR or Xray. I'm pretty sure the Xray lasers we already have would give you cancer hard out. BUt so would half the chemicals in any chemistry departent. I'm not sure whether we should judge inventions by propensity to cause cancer if mishandled

[Si Civa]

Theory that Bohemian Rhapsody is about soccer. Or for sake of being more specific, about how one player gets a red card from refereer and is taken out of the game and how he feels that this may mean that his team will lose.

'Killed a man' meaning why the player got red card, and even before notice how 'Caught in a landslide/No escape from reality' is clever usage of symbolism to mean that you can't break game's rules.

Now the operatic part is, naturally, about how the player starts to question referee's judgment.

The rocking part is about screaming to referee that he 'can stone me and spit in my eye', meaning the referee did wrong choice and how the player must 'Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here'.

And the final phrase? 'Anyway the wind blows.' The game will continue. But the player is worried how it will go when he's not playing it.

Now take in account that We are champions is stated to be about football victory, We will rock you is also very nice choice to sing before the game, and that nobody will ever know what Bohemian Rhapsody was about until this day, I think my theory is 100% right.

[Amake]

Obviously in my world the primary use for lasers is anti-personnel weaponry, and the only thing stopping mad scientists from enslaving the world with ray guns is the fact they're not actually efficient as anti-personnel weaponry.

But anyway I didn't know we already had invisible lasers. That's quite interesting.

[Fenris]

Theory that Bohemian Rhapsody is about soccer. Or for sake of being more specific, about how one player gets a red card from refereer and is taken out of the game and how he feels that this may mean that his team will lose.

'Killed a man' meaning why the player got red card, and even before notice how 'Caught in a landslide/No escape from reality' is clever usage of symbolism to mean that you can't break game's rules.

Now the operatic part is, naturally, about how the player starts to question referee's judgment.

The rocking part is about screaming to referee that he 'can stone me and spit in my eye', meaning the referee did wrong choice and how the player must 'Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here'.

And the final phrase? 'Anyway the wind blows.' The game will continue. But the player is worried how it will go when he's not playing it.

Now take in account that We are champions is stated to be about football victory, We will rock you is also very nice choice to sing before the game, and that nobody will ever know what Bohemian Rhapsody was about until this day, I think my theory is 100% right.

I prefer my theory from 2007 that it's about me murdering Melfice.Reference. (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/369841)

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Obviously in my world the primary use for lasers is anti-personnel weaponry, and the only thing stopping mad scientists from enslaving the world with ray guns is the fact they're not actually efficient as anti-personnel weaponry.

But anyway I didn't know we already had invisible lasers. That's quite interesting.

Pretty much all the useful lasers are invisible. If you see a visible laser it's quite likely they have put a visible laser along the same path for aligning purposes/hey don't walk into my laser.

[Darth SS]

The theory that "James Bond" is a code name, rather than one man. This explains the wildly varying personalities displayed by James in the many different books and movies which feature him, and why his age flies up and down more than the panties of an indecisive hooker.


Also: Spiders. Because they're spiders, and spiders are scary.

[walkertexasdruid]

Very good stuff so far.

Romantic fan fiction: Kefka loves Ultimecia (because villains have feelings too)

[Osterbaum]

God of War IV.

e: Hell, God of War III for that matter.

[Melfice]

My Little Pony.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

My Little Pony.

*GASP!*

http://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii87/Hawk_of_Battle/Orbitalcannon.jpg

OT;

Erm, I duno, maybe some sort of romance novel set in the 40k verse? Between an Ork and an Eldar. I know that'd scare the shit out of me!

[Ravashak]

isn't an orbital friendship cannon more a carebear thing? Been too long to be sure, and managed to evade MLP as well xP

[walkertexasdruid]

The Walkertexasdruid Show (a cross between Glen Beck and John Stewart, now that is scary!). Any network that is willing to give me a show should be put down before it hurts itself or other people. ;-)

[Aldurin]

Final Fantasy XIII: Director's Extended Cut with endless commentary (that you cannot turn off).

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Final Fantasy XIII: Director's Extended Cut with endless commentary (that you cannot turn off).

And no English track.

Shadow of the Colossus directed by Michael Bay starring Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox. Agro will be replaced by a talking cow.

[Aldurin]

And no English track.

But then you can't understand the director when he says "And I had to absolutely go with this cutscene because it makes total sense." or "I was so impressed with the characterization of the villian, that I gave the guy who came up with that a hefty raise." or even worse "I still think the Eidelons are overpowered, and I swear the entire enemy development team insisted on them being even more powerful to make them 'worthwhile to use'."

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Thadius before his morning cup pot of coffee.

[mauve]

The theory that "James Bond" is a code name, rather than one man. This explains the wildly varying personalities displayed by James in the many different books and movies which feature him, and why his age flies up and down more than the panties of an indecisive hooker. Soooo.... pretty much the plot of the Peter Sellers movie "Casino Royale", then?

[TDK]

Shadow of the Colossus directed by Michael Bay starring Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox.

I HATE YOU :mad:

[walkertexasdruid]

Nuklear Power Smackdown: Trolls vs. Mods

[synkr0nized]

That's an easy one: we win every time.

[bluestarultor]

That's an easy one: we win every time.

Imposing a time limit of no more than two weeks makes it more interesting, though. :P

[Archbio]

What about trolls that also have modhood? Do they count as trolls or as mods?

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Dude have you seen our mods? They are all gigantic trolls! There IS no difference between the two.

[walkertexasdruid]

Dude have you seen our mods? They are all gigantic trolls! There IS no difference between the two.

You probably have a point there, which is why it would be a terrible idea.

Here is a terrible idea that actually exists: Football at Hiram College (where I went to school). They are at the bottom of Division 3. In fact I do not know if they have won a game since I graduated. Hence the reason I am an Ohio State fan. Which brings us to another terrible idea that happened: Who the heck trades memorabilia from bowl games (which they should have known that it was against the rules) for a tatoo? Then the supposedly stand-up coach covers up the idiotic incident. There was a whole bunch of stupidity to go around. :crying:

[Darth SS]

Here is a terrible idea that actually exists: Football at Hiram College (where I went to school). They are at the bottom of Division 3. In fact I do not know if they have won a game since I graduated. Hence the reason I am an Ohio State fan. Which brings us to another terrible idea that happened: Who the heck trades memorabilia from bowl games (which they should have known that it was against the rules) for a tatoo? Then the supposedly stand-up coach covers up the idiotic incident. There was a whole bunch of stupidity to go around. :crying:

DING DING DING! I think we've got a new addition to the list!

The preponderance of NCAA Div 1 football.

[Aldurin]

Dude have you seen our mods? They are all gigantic trolls! There IS no difference between the two.

That is why mods vs trolls is so perfect. All of the mods will start punching themselves and/or each other.

[Fenris]

That is why mods vs trolls is so perfect. All of the mods will start punching themselves and/or each other.

"Start"?

[Ecks]

A crossover between 4chan and NPF.

...oh wait.

[Aldurin]

I thought NPF was the crossover of 4chan and NPF . . .

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Metal Gear Solid: The Movie directed by Darren Arrenofsky starring Robert Pattinson and Christian Bale. Bale is Snake and Pattinson is Raiden. The movie is based entirely on Metal Gear Solid 2. Most of the runtime is taken up with Codec conversations.

[synkr0nized]

I thought NPF was the crossover of 4chan and NPF . . .

Before I address this statement, think about what you wrote here.

[Aldurin]

It's just one of those paradox things that you shouldn't think too hard about, synk.

[Token]

It actually makes sense. I can see certain members as certain boards.

[Ecks]

Wonder which board fifth is...

[Krylo]

Gaia Online.

[Fifthfiend]

Before I address this statement, think about what you wrote here.

No he's p. much got it.

[walkertexasdruid]

Cutesy 80's Cartoon Deathmatch, featuring:

The Carebears vs. My Little Pony

Rainbow Bright vs. Strawberry Shortcake

[synkr0nized]

The definition of something cannot be itself mixed with something else.

[Token]

He just did.

[synkr0nized]

I realize this is just a forum thread and all in good fun and I likely am being a wet blanket at this point, but definitions do not work that way. This bugs me. Please amend your logic to reflect the fact that a cannot mean a+b.


Otherwise I will just flood the facility with deadly neurotoxins.





OK I will be doing that anyway, but that's besides the point.

[Archbio]

My relevant degree in mixology tells me that a can indeed mean a+b. Derrida, something something quantum physics.

Like Gilgamesh was one third mortal, two thirds divine and a third Gilgamesh.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

What if B is zero. Or A is infinite and B is finite. Or I work in a scaling base A.
totally works.

[Ecks]

One thing I've learned to never question is the assertion that one person's logic may not gel with another's, but there is always some crazy ass math to back it up.

a can indeed equal a+b, for extremely low quantities of b.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

A+B=A but only when you are not looking at it.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

This. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPm-N9e2ZDg)

[McTahr]

Algebra:
A + B = A
Subtract A
B = 0

So basically Aldurin just called 4chan nothing, mathematically.

[Amake]

Sounds about right.

[Loyal]

And it only took us two pages to come reach that conclusion.

[walkertexasdruid]

If 4chan equals nothing then I have not missed anything, have I?

[Amake]

Nothing of any value or substance.

[Ecks]

Yeah, there's really nothing to add there. You would not believe the enormity of the nothing you are not missing out on. That particular imageboard is the deadest, emptiest, most unpopular thing on the interwebs, and not going there is totally and completely beneficial to the well being of your soul.

[synkr0nized]

These were words, not mathematical values despite my use of "a+b".


I will just link this thread in the "hate" thread.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Words are symbolic representation of things, however. Things that we can model with maths by assigning numeric values. Same as Peanuts+Nothing=Peanuts

[synkr0nized]

most unpopular thing on the interwebs

If this was true, you folks here [and nearly anywhere on the Internet, I guess] wouldn't bring it up all the time.

[BitVyper]

Orange juice is made out of sugar, water, other additives, and orange juice. Provided you aren't squeezing your own (and not adding even water to it).

Now I want to label this forum "NPF: From Concentrate."

[walkertexasdruid]

I have nothing against 4chan. Of course I have not seen it yet. Can we think of other terrible things now? I got another one:

Harry Potter and the Forgotten Victim: Cedric Diggery (who is now Edward from the Twilight series) seeks revenge on Harry by biting Ginny (making her a vampire).

[Darth SS]

Orange juice is made out of sugar, water, other additives, and orange juice. Provided you aren't squeezing your own (and not adding even water to it).

Now I want to label this forum "NPF: From Concentrate."

It makes you wonder, what if the water and sugar had not been added? What must pure concentrated NPF be like? I would suggest that there be monsters there.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I reckon it'd be boring as shit

[Aldurin]

I never actually expected an explanation for that logic, I just completely abandon rationality when doing so seems the most logical action at the given moment.

Also an explanation: Infinity+(amount)=Infinity. I'll come up with an explanation of the explanation later.

[Amake]

Orange juice is made out of sugar, water, other additives, and orange juice. Provided you aren't squeezing your own (and not adding even water to it). Just cause they're allowed to market that concoction as orange juice under whatever passes for consumer rights legislation over at your place doesn't turn it back to orange juice you know.

(Over here you need a minimum of 96% fruit juice content to use the word "juice" in your drink's brand name or advertising.)

(I like my country.)

[BitVyper]

Over here you need a minimum of 96% fruit juice content to use the word "juice" in your drink's brand name or advertising.

Which would mean orange juice + something else = orange juice.

[Amake]

Well, there's no orange juice actually called "orange juice" that I know of*. They'll say things like "Good Morning 98% orange juice" on the box. The point is that juice + additives =/= plain juice.

[Fenris]

Which would mean orange juice + something else = orange juice.

It's more like orange juice + something else = orange juice' (o.j. prime).

As the juice that is added to the something else is not the exact same as the juice that is produced.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

But we still give it the same name which is pretty much the point. It's the same as lots of other food ingredients. you buy a chocolate bar- it's not all chocolate. You go buy some milk, it's not all milk.
But it's an acceptable use of the term, and indeed standard practice, to call "orange juice+sugar+additivies" juist "orange juice".

[BitVyper]

As the juice that is added to the something else is not the exact same as the juice that is produced.

I never suggested it was.

I mean, if we actually wanted to take this as more than a one-shot bit of absurdist humour, you can strip away all the components of NPF out and still have an NPF as long as the server still exists. That would be a forum in its basest form. Everyone brings their toys and games, and all the places they've been into the mix and the community evolves or breaks down, but it's still NPF. If there's a point at which you've add enough other things that it stops being NPF, it's when the community realises they've become a different place and decides to change the name. Which makes it rather arbitrary, since you could pick any spot in a forum's existence and reasonably do this, but language IS arbitrary. The name becomes what we mean and we become what the name means. Hell, the only reason Nuklear Power Forum is particularly definitive of this place is because we keep using it as a title. What percentage of threads made in the last year are even about Nuklear Power?

I think the fact that language has become so central to humanity has given us the odd little delusion that words equal objective truths. That's particularly troubling when it comes to the names of things.

[ChaoticBrain]

This argument over what constitutes orange juice.

[BitVyper]

This argument over what constitutes orange juice.

This thread topic.

Oh look.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I think the fact that language has become so central to humanity has given us the odd little delusion that words equal objective truths. That's particularly troubling when it comes to the names of things.

Also pretty contrary to most current linguistic theories which generally treat words as abstractions/symbols/pointers.

A far more relevant question is, however: If I colour orange juice blue is it still orange juice
I'm thinking no. It is clearly blue juice.

[rpgdemon]

I question where you're getting your orange juice, if you seriously can't get anything that's not from concentrate/added with sugar and water.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

From the cheap supermarkets. They don't have any la-de-da real orange juice where I shop. Well they do but if you buy it they push a secret button on the cash register which doubles the price on all your groceries.

[BitVyper]

Also pretty contrary to most current linguistic theories which generally treat words as abstractions/symbols/pointers.

THEY'RE JUST THEORIES!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

THEY'RE JUST THEORIES!

YOU WANT SOME PROOF??????

Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.
Corininthians 3:6

For it is written in the law of Moses, Thou shalt not muzzle the mouth of the ox that treadeth out the corn. Doth God take care for oxen?
Or saith he [it] altogether for our sakes? For our sakes, no doubt, [this] is written: that he that ploweth should plow in hope; and that he that thresheth in hope should be partaker of his hope.
If we have sown unto you spiritual things, [is it] a great thing if we shall reap your carnal things?
If others be partakers of [this] power over you, [are] not we rather? Nevertheless we have not used this power; but suffer all things, lest we should hinder the gospel of Christ. Corinthians 9:9-12

For it is written, that Abraham had two sons, the one by a bondmaid, the other by a freewoman.
But he [who was] of the bondwoman was born after the flesh; but he of the freewoman [was] by promise.
Which things are an allegory: for these are the two covenants; the one from the mount Sinai, which gendereth to bondage, which is Agar. Galatians 4:22-24

[walkertexasdruid]

Oranges are actually green unless they are hit with cold tempurature. If the oranges are never refrigerated would it be green juice?

[The Sevenshot Kid]

BLAH BLAH BLAH I KNOW SCIENCE(!) BLAH BLAH BLAH

This is a thread about things that shouldn't happen. How do you guys always find a way to derail these fairly straightforward threads?!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

This is a thread about things that shouldn't happen. How do you guys always find a way to derail these fairly straightforward threads?!

Are you oppressing my religious dialogue?

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Are you oppressing my religious dialogue?

Yes(?).

[walkertexasdruid]

Sevenshot has a point, can we get away from 4chan and orange juice? Lets get back to the actual purpose of this thread. Terrible things that should never see the light of day:

The Many loves of Smurfette.

[Fenris]

Please stop backseat moderating, walker.

[walkertexasdruid]

Should I not be able to give guidance to a thread that I started? Of course, me as a mod would be yet another terrible idea. ;-)

[Fenris]

Should I not be able to give guidance to a thread that I started? Of course, me as a mod would be yet another terrible idea. ;-)

Backseat Moderating: even if you mean well, please avoid making calls as to what is or isn't a rules offense. That's the moderators' job. We don't particularly want people here to accuse each other of spamming or flaming or trolling, no matter - and this is important - whether we'd agree. If you're absolutely sure something is against the rules, report that post, and we'll take a look at it (remember that this isn't a guarantee we'll actually do anything about it, since we might still disagree with your assessment). This especially applies to the "I started the thread, therefore it is mine" mentality. Threads on this forum belong to the community, not the person who begins the discussion.

Emphasis mine.

[walkertexasdruid]

Alright guys do whatever you want, this thread is pretty much dead anyways. Though in my defense I have not accused anyone of spamming, flaming, or trolling, and it was not my intention to tell other people what to do. I was just giving gentle reminders about the original intention of this thread. I will refrain from that from now on, because I do not think of myself as a troublemaker. I am just a guy who really loved 8-Bit theater, who likes to occasionally writes posts on various threads, and who starts somewhat off-the-wall threads. Again my appologies to anyone I may have angered, because I love my fellow NPF members.