I'm coming out...

[bluestarultor]

...as having Asperger's, surprising absolutely no one. :P

Been holding off on it for years because I'd rather be judged by who I am rather than what I have, but I think we've pretty well established who I am around here over the past several years. I don't use it as a crutch or an excuse and don't consider it a barrier to making my way through life. I've never met a person in real life who would have guessed, even another guy who has it pretty bad, and I only bring it up in front of people I know and trust. So I guess that says what I need to say about you guys.

I figure it's about time because, although I've told a few select people here over the years, 42 called me out on it before I ever did. If there's one thing I wish I could have done differently with the guy, as much as we didn't get along, it would have been to have admitted it. As it was, I denied it, and it doesn't seem like that long after that he passed on.

I've had a lot of time to think about doing this and I always imagined being a lot more joking about it, but I guess my reasons would have conflicted with it no matter when I did.

This doesn't change anything about me. My over-the-top sense of humor is my own damn fault and I'm sure it'll be inducing strokes for years to come, or at least as long as it takes for you schlubs to figure out that gays in the military wearing pink camo and feather boas is intentionally ridiculous. :P My habits don't need to be "explained." That's been a big barrier to me breaking down and doing this over the years, because labels are easy to slap onto things and those things are then easy to write off. I am not "an Aspie" because I find that to be hiding behind a label instead of taking responsibility for who you are and what you say and do. I'm better than that. I just see the world differently.



I really don't know what else this thread will be good for. I don't intend to have an "Aspie party" because I don't identify myself as being separate and unique and I don't need some sort of show of support because I've known my diagnosis since grade school and it was never something I felt I needed help with. Marked with "mIrAcLeS" so it can go wherever the winds take it.

[ChaoticBrain]

As one Asperger's guy to another, I welcome you.
</sincerity>

[bluestarultor]

As one Asperger's guy to another, I welcome you.
</sincerity>

Pretty sure I just established I don't need welcoming to anything. One post in and already I'm regretting it. :J

[Melfice]

OMG! Blues has Asperger's!

If you need any help with anything, you can always ask and stuff!
Also, we'll take it easy on you from now on!

[/joking]

But seriously, that's cool, I guess?
Back to work!

[A Zarkin' Frood]

If I were to diagnose myself I'd probably have asperger's or something myself. As a kid my parents thought I might be an autist of some kind, but never bothered to have that verified. Either way. It would not change who I am, it would just give others a word to describe it.

I hope you see it the same way and get a little more confident about it. Sure, you don't have to go all "yo yo yo, I have teh asperger's!!!" on everyone on every occasion, but I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I think I know about three Apsies, excluding people who posted in this thread and I get along with them better than with most others. Except you Blues!!!!!!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Lobotomy will fix that right up.

[Satan's Onion]

Cool. Cool cool cool.

[bluestarultor]

If I were to diagnose myself I'd probably have asperger's or something myself. As a kid my parents thought I might be an autist of some kind, but never bothered to have that verified. Either way. It would not change who I am, it would just give others a word to describe it.

I hope you see it the same way and get a little more confident about it. Sure, you don't have to go all "yo yo yo, I have teh asperger's!!!" on everyone on every occasion, but I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I think I know about three Apsies, excluding people who posted in this thread and I get along with them better than with most others. Except you Blues!!!!!!

Believe me, I'm not ashamed of anything (other than not having admitted it to 42 before he died). There's nothing wrong with me. The problem is others often don't see it that way.

Basically, I've put it on the "don't need to know" list to avoid complications that simply don't come up when people don't know. I'm for most purposes just like anyone else, just with a different perspective which people often appreciate and value. It generally only comes up when it's relevant and then only with people who know me well enough that it doesn't change their view of me. It's otherwise simply not important.

I suppose that's the best word I'd use for it is "unimportant." The only reason I made this thread was because I figured it would be a good present for 42's birthday and in case people had their inklings. In effect, I'm admitting it to people who people who might have had questions, but, unlike him, never had the courage to address me about it.

[Osterbaum]

Blues; what an insufferable asshole.

[Tev]

I'm severely disappointed. I was hoping for either a thread about Diana Ross (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tJ09XhaB4E) or that Blues was gay.

[Satan's Onion]

I'm severely disappointing. ...

I won't dispute that, but this thread is about blues. Don't highjack it :crossarms: .

[bluestarultor]

I'm severely disappointing. I was hoping for either a thread about Diana Ross (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tJ09XhaB4E) or that Blues was gay.

Nope. You'll have to wait for NakamaCon to find out I'm bi fur-ious. :P


(Also, wow, we have furry conventions in this pit of a state? I suppose there are fewer gun-toting farmers in Madison. :raise: )

[synkr0nized]

Blues; what an insufferable asshole.

hahaha

[bluestarultor]

hahaha

To be fair, a look at my last post might be indication he's not entirely wrong. XD

[Osterbaum]

The credit for that line goes to to pocheros originally though. I'm just echoing previous words of wisdom.

[shiney]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Then blues got all Aspergy and left is right and zebras are inside out and what the fuck

[Inbred Chocobo]

I'm severely disappointed. I was hoping for either a thread about Diana Ross (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tJ09XhaB4E) or that Blues was gay.

I swear Tev you freak me out as I had the exact same thoughts. Freaking mind reader.

Blues, I don't know if I can speak for the rest of the forum, but if I had to guess its going to be the same exact opinion, but I don't think anyone here is going to judge you with the Aspie, or use it as a label. You are blues, and if you got a disease, or a disorder, or some handicap, hell if you came out and said you had ass cancer from all the gorillas you let rape you in the ass, I don't think anyone would think of you differently.

Though the gorilla ass-rape probably would be made fun of, you gorilla ass-rape taker person thing.

[russianreversal]

I refuse to believe this as if Blues was really Asperger's that would mean he has a statistically impossible amount of common sense and niceness (for someone on the internet, at any rate).

I mean, if Aspie you is beating yourself up over posts about furries (or hating your state? I'm not really sure where you were going with that to be honest), then sans Aspie you must be on par with Ned Flanders.

[rpgdemon]

I refuse to believe this as if Blues was really Asperger's that would mean he has a statistically impossible amount of common sense and niceness (for someone on the internet, at any rate).

I mean, if Aspie you is beating yourself up over posts about furries (or hating your state? I'm not really sure where you were going with that to be honest), then sans Aspie you must be on par with Ned Flanders.

I don't think that Aspergers means what you think it means.

It doesn't make you a jerk, at all... Like, that definition is so wrong that you need to be called out on being a wrong wrongy who's wrong.

[Kerensky287]

I think that either Aspergers is really common nowadays or it is really over-diagnosed. Like, I dunno, I MIGHT have it (my dad's a psychiatrist, he can't diagnose me because we're related but he says he suspects it) but it's such a grey-area condition most of the time that a lot of people use it as a crutch to explain why they have issues in their social lives.

I guess what I'm trying (and failing) to say is, why would you hide having Aspergers? It's really no big thing... most of the time. And when it is a big thing, it's usually pretty obvious to outside observers. If people here didn't notice beforehand then it's probably a sign that you shouldn't worry about revealing it.

Aspergers isn't really an illness or disease anyway. It's just a different way of thinking.

(Is there much on the forum that WOULD constitute a "coming out" party anyway? I like to think that we're an open-minded group, considering the diverse population.)

[russianreversal]

One of many symptoms of it is a not at all subtle lack of empathy, which I can safely say Blues does not demonstrate. He occasionally has trouble understanding the sides of others, but he puts a sincere amount of effort into this community.

Also it was a joke, but considering the wording I'm not surprised that it came off otherwise.

So... sorry if I stepped out of line there. :sweatdrop

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Blues, I don't know if I can speak for the rest of the forum, but if I had to guess its going to be the same exact opinion, but I don't think anyone here is going to judge you with the Aspie, or use it as a label. You are blues, and if you got a disease, or a disorder, or some handicap, hell if you came out and said you had ass cancer from all the gorillas you let rape you in the ass, I don't think anyone would think of you differently.
.

You haven't met me clearaly. However, even as a classical bigot I'm having trouble manifesting suitable derogatory slurs against Blues condition. New Bigotry could perhaps handle it but I don't like to get involved in such theoretical fripperies.
If he'd come out as part of the world Jew reptilian conspiracy which is also run by poor women then I'd be in business.

[Kerensky287]

One of many symptoms of it is a not at all subtle lack of empathy, which I can safely say Blues does not demonstrate. He occasionally has trouble understanding the sides of others, but he puts a sincere amount of effort into this community.

Beep! Wrong. Lack of empathy? Incorrect. Straight-out incorrect. What you're thinking of is psychopaths.

People with Aspergers tend to misunderstand other peoples' expressions or patterns of thinking. There's a book I read, an autobiography about a guy who had BAD Aspie (Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison) and he states pretty clearly that he wanted to know how people felt, he wanted to make those kinds of connections, but was never all that able to do so because he'd hear something like "Some kid died after being hit by a train" and think "You'd have to be stupid to be hit by a train, I'm glad it wasn't anyone I know."

But people with Aspergers still understand things like the fact that it's bad for other people to feel pain, which is part of empathy.

[Tev]

See why I was hoping that this thread was about Diana Ross? Imagine how much more upbeat this thread would be right now.

[bluestarultor]

Beep! Wrong. Lack of empathy? Incorrect. Straight-out incorrect. What you're thinking of is psychopaths.

People with Aspergers tend to misunderstand other peoples' expressions or patterns of thinking. There's a book I read, an autobiography about a guy who had BAD Aspie (Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison) and he states pretty clearly that he wanted to know how people felt, he wanted to make those kinds of connections, but was never all that able to do so because he'd hear something like "Some kid died after being hit by a train" and think "You'd have to be stupid to be hit by a train, I'm glad it wasn't anyone I know."

But people with Aspergers still understand things like the fact that it's bad for other people to feel pain, which is part of empathy.

That's not quite right, either. It's a misunderstanding or lack of recognition of social cues for the most part. My friend, who has it badly, didn't understand sarcasm until college, when he met other friends of mine and they had to hammer it into him.

Thought processes are, indeed, different, but generally not to the point of completely missing the point like that. I'd say that guy had some other stuff going on.


EDIT: I suppose that what you said is basically what I said, but he must be about the most extreme case on the planet. Even Alex never had a thought process that radically different.



I think that either Aspergers is really common nowadays or it is really over-diagnosed. Like, I dunno, I MIGHT have it (my dad's a psychiatrist, he can't diagnose me because we're related but he says he suspects it) but it's such a grey-area condition most of the time that a lot of people use it as a crutch to explain why they have issues in their social lives.

Many people do use it as a crutch and a lot of people self-diagnose. Anyone with social awkwardness these days slaps the label on themselves, it seems. It is a real medical condition which is visible in the shape of the brain. That said, autism spectrum disorders are on the "rise" due in no small part to better recognition, whereas they used to be diagnosed as things like ADD back when ADD was first getting recognized and just plain retardation.

I guess what I'm trying (and failing) to say is, why would you hide having Aspergers? It's really no big thing... most of the time. And when it is a big thing, it's usually pretty obvious to outside observers. If people here didn't notice beforehand then it's probably a sign that you shouldn't worry about revealing it.

Stigma, mostly. Especially due in no small part to the self-diagnosers. As evidenced in this thread, many people have a poor understanding of it and I really don't need bad info bogging me down when it's just easier to operate without the label.

And again, I consider it less "hiding" anything and more "not important." In some cases I do "hide" it, I suppose, like I have here for several years with specifically deciding not to come out with it when there'd been ample opportunity, but when asked directly, like with Delusional Chik, I generally don't make a secret of it. It's just rare anyone brings it up directly. Unless having it is directly relevant, I don't consider it something that should take precedence over my abilities, personality, and actions.

[Kerensky287]

See, that's what I mean. There isn't really any accepted definition or standard to which people are diagnosed with Aspergers. It's generally "This kid is really, really introverted, but not quite Autism-introverted." It's often accepted that there's a different manner of thinking as well (outside-the-box style, or savantism in a lot of cases) but that isn't, strictly speaking, part of the definition.

I kind of want to believe that it's just a difference in peoples' "stats", so to speak - your brain isn't broken, it's just different, and in some cases it's different enough that people apparently want to classify it as a disorder. And much of the time that's totally fine.

I just worry about how often you have a kid who can't get up the courage to talk to a pretty girl and he decides WELP MUST BE ASPERGERS.

EDIT: Like, I'm sure what I'm saying might rub some people the wrong way but I just fucking hate it when people over-diagnose. If we didn't notice anything weird about you, blues, then there's nothing to worry about and there's no reason to "come out" as anything. It just seems like whenever people aren't sure if it's really weak Autism or just a ton of introversion they go WELP ASPERGERS. I hate hate hate hate when people do that, because if people think there's something genuinely wrong/different about themselves then they use it as a crutch.

It's like OCD. Some people do genuinely have it to the point that it stops them from functioning in everyday life. But if a girl decides to move a pencil so it's in line with the other 3 on her desk and goes "Whoops it has to be like this sorry I'm just so OCD hee hee" then that makes me want to shoot steam out of my ears cartoonishly. No, miss, you don't have OCD, you simply thought it would look better if they were symmetrical and decided to use a recognized condition that causes people pain as an excuse so no one would argue with you.

So, Blues, have you been officially diagnosed with Aspergers, or is it something you read symptoms of and decided you had (like I did a while ago before changing my mind)?

[bluestarultor]

See, that's what I mean. There isn't really any accepted definition or standard to which people are diagnosed with Aspergers. It's generally "This kid is really, really introverted, but not quite Autism-introverted." It's often accepted that there's a different manner of thinking as well (outside-the-box style, or savantism in a lot of cases) but that isn't, strictly speaking, part of the definition.

I kind of want to believe that it's just a difference in peoples' "stats", so to speak - your brain isn't broken, it's just different, and in some cases it's different enough that people apparently want to classify it as a disorder. And much of the time that's totally fine.

I just worry about how often you have a kid who can't get up the courage to talk to a pretty girl and he decides WELP MUST BE ASPERGERS.

Asperger's is a spectrum of disorders, the same as generalized autism is. "Asperger's" is basically a catch-all for high-functioning autism spectrum disorders and varies a lot in severity and specific symptoms.


As mentioned above, a lot of people do self-diagnose, but then also valid cases are being recognized better.

[phil_]

There isn't really any accepted definition or standard to which people are diagnosed with Aspergers.Actually, there is an accepted definition and standard by which people are diagnosed with Aspergers. It's called the DSM IV (DSM 5 comes out in just two years, so excited). Now, the DSM IV isn't some holy slab given to us by the Old Ones at the beginning of time, but then, neither is Webster. Anyway, here's a link to said accepted definition and standard with a pretty rainbow background. (http://www.autreat.com/dsm4-aspergers.html)

Also, while I'm here, I had no idea you hadn't already told us that you had some kind of Aspergers, bluestarultor. Your long posts about coding that go beyond what anyone who doesn't write code would understand must've given you away. Keep making those posts, though. Now I've gotta go archive digging to see what functionality of this board we owe to you.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

The DSM tends to be vague, contradictory, indicitave of multiple disorders with the same symptoms in a lot of places though. I'm not even sure how much clinical psychologists use it I can't see how it would be that helpful to be honest.
Not that I'm a clinical psychologist or anything, just that pretty much every time I hear about the DSM from psychologists they are bitching about it.

[Kerensky287]

Actually, there is an accepted definition and standard by which people are diagnosed with Aspergers. It's called the DSM IV (DSM 5 comes out in just two years, so excited). Now, the DSM IV isn't some holy slab given to us by the Old Ones at the beginning of time, but then, neither is Webster. Anyway, here's a link to said accepted definition and standard with a pretty rainbow background. (http://www.autreat.com/dsm4-aspergers.html)

I've been kind of saying exactly the wrong thing every post I made. Yes, I know about the DSM IV. I knew about it previously. What I meant is that it is so broad that it doesn't really do anything to filter selection.

By their definition, the stereotypical "geek" or "trekkie" can, without fail, be diagnosed with Aspergers.

Oh, as long as they don't have any delay in language or cognitive development, and as long as they don't have some other, better disorder.

[bluestarultor]

Also, while I'm here, I had no idea you hadn't already told us that you had some kind of Aspergers, bluestarultor. Your long posts about coding that go beyond what anyone who doesn't write code would understand must've given you away. Keep making those posts, though. Now I've gotta go archive digging to see what functionality of this board we owe to you.

I'll make it quick for you: pretty much nothing. I did the Spoiler, Spoiler2, and IMGHide tag icons for my blue name, took a look at the Spoiler code without my changes being used to my knowledge, and offered some code for glow text that never was implemented.

I might be missing something, but overall I don't think anything I've ever offered has been implemented except the icons.

[Magus]

What a disappointment. I thought Blues was going to reveal his secret shame: that he does indeed write fan fiction and shitloads of it. Can't get enough of that shit, and his outspoken hatred of it is simply his attempts at getting others to overlook his deep obsession with shipping his favorite video game and anime characters.

Instead we just get this rather obvious non-interesting reveal of a "secret" Asperger's disorder. I would be much more surprised to have it revealed that 90% of this board's members do not have Asperger's!

[phil_]

The DSM tends to be vague, contradictory, indicitave of multiple disorders with the same symptoms in a lot of places though. I'm not even sure how much clinical psychologists use it I can't see how it would be that helpful to be honest.
Not that I'm a clinical psychologist or anything, just that pretty much every time I hear about the DSM from psychologists they are bitching about it.This is entirely true. Just, you know, saying that something is undefined because the definition is vague kinda strikes me the same way, say, "It still gets cold in the winter, therefore global wanging is a myth," strikes me. It hurts to be struck.

But, yeah, take depression for instance. Out of the checklist, we've got "Either sleeps too much or can't sleep" and "Has increased appetite or no appetite." And the eating thing doesn't correlate with depression anymore than the average population to begin with! But, you need something with inter-rater reliability to satisfy insurance companies, and the DSM is what we have.

[Kerensky287]

But, yeah, take depression for instance. Out of the checklist, we've got "Either sleeps too much or can't sleep" and "Has increased appetite or no appetite." And the eating thing doesn't correlate with depression anymore than the average population to begin with! But, you need something with inter-rater reliability to satisfy insurance companies, and the DSM is what we have.

Man, depression is also way over-diagnosed. You can basically go in and tell someone you're feeling sad and they'll hand you some uppers so you can be on your way... in Canada, at least. Hurray for free healthcare.

People occasionally do that so they can qualify for financial aid too.

...

Anyway, sorry if I came off a little rough (or a lot rough). It's been a bit of a day.

[synkr0nized]

So since this is an Internet forum I've kind of assumed a lot of you have Asperger's. That seems to be the trend anymore.

[Solid Snake]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that while depression may be over-diagnosed, it is also very real, as I've experienced it firsthand on occasional intervals throughout my life.

That being said, lately I've privately suspected I might be type II bipolar. My life experiences and mood fluctuations seem comparable with the symptoms.

[Kerensky287]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that while depression may be over-diagnosed, it is also very real, as I've experienced it firsthand on occasional intervals throughout my life.

That being said, lately I've privately suspected I might be type II bipolar. My life experiences and mood fluctuations seem comparable with the symptoms.

I never said it wasn't real. I've hit that roadblock a bunch over the last few months.

But yeah, I've heard that people with Aspergers (genuine or otherwise) tend to hit online forums pretty often. It helps break the barrier a little because you don't have to worry about body language, or tone of voice, or meeting anybody's eyes. It's a great way to form social links that you wouldn't otherwise be able to accomplish.

(Fuck eye contact, seriously. I don't know or care how neurotypical I am, I just hate looking into peoples' eyes. Some people are creepy-dedicated too, you know? They just stare. Like a painting.)

[Azisien]

Welcome to NPF!

http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/i388/sarvanattar/GIFs/BertStare.gif

[rpgdemon]

One of many symptoms of it is a not at all subtle lack of empathy, which I can safely say Blues does not demonstrate.

Wrong again, as people have said.

He occasionally has trouble understanding the sides of others, but he puts a sincere amount of effort into this community.

Whereas that is pretty spot on.


As for OCD, as someone who is possibly probably a fringe case for it (Like, there are a lot of ticks that I do in day to day life to keep everything feeling "right", some of which are compulsions bad enough that I literally can't not do them. Never been diagnosed though, nor really saw a reason, unless they start controlling my life), I don't really take all too much offense at the "Oh, OCD" things, so much as I do at the people who go, "YOU CAN'T SAY OCD." Since those other people are trigger happy with it, to jump to the defense of this group of other people who should totally be offended.

In case you're wondering, the compulsions are minor things, ranging from hitting capslock in multiples of four while I'm thinking (Like, while typing up this post, between words, I've hit capslock probably around 100-200 times. Thinking about it isn't helping, as that sentence had me hitting it like 20 times. XD), to always making sure to make set of four bracket points, shaped like a bracket, if I brush my hand against something (IE: Right hand brushes something, then I have to brush my left hand twice, then right hand, then left right right left, left right right left, right left left right) and stuff like that.

But honestly, the "YOU CAN'T SAY OCD" things can be worse than the people saying OCD all the time, since I've been yelled at by someone going, "DON'T SAY OCD YADDA YADDA" when I was saying in response to someone else that I probably did have it. Then when I explained, a hasty apology was given, but it still felt crappy, and you shouldn't have to argue and prove your point. I honestly don't really notice the random ticks/compulsions that much, since it's something that I do by habit now, but I sometimes get some weird looks. It was worse when I had a weird one where occasionally I'd just decide, "Yeah, need to stretch my face", or something, and just randomly move like every muscle on my face. And if I didn't, I was fixated on how much I wanted to, and how much better I'd feel if I just did already, instead of anything else. And then I'd just do it anyways. :P

And I really don't think that, if I do have OCD for reals as opposed to just a handful of compulsions that aren't enough to be called OCD, I have it anything more than mildly to moderately. It's not life shattering, just occasionally gets me some odd looks when I can, and some discomfort when I -can't- do my ticks. People definitely have it worse than I, where it takes over their life.

And I'm honestly surprised that my capslock key is functional still. I seriously hit it like 200ish times during this post, at bare minimum. And that's par for the course. XD

[Aldurin]

This changes nothing.

But seriously, that's how it is for me. I never would have guessed you have it, it doesn't really explain anything in your forum behavior and honestly the fact that you're not asking for absolute pity and/or the forum equivalent of the handicapped parking space shows that you don't make that much of a big deal either.

It's like the whole thing about how it changed nothing when I found out Token was black. I just honestly don't give a shit unless people start demanding some kind of stupid entitlement.

Now back to foruming.

[Solid Snake]

But yeah, I've heard that people with Aspergers (genuine or otherwise) tend to hit online forums pretty often. It helps break the barrier a little because you don't have to worry about body language, or tone of voice, or meeting anybody's eyes. It's a great way to form social links that you wouldn't otherwise be able to accomplish.


Weirdly, I essentially averted a traditional Asperger's diagnosis in part because eye contact wasn't a huge problem for me. Like most "introverted deep thinkers" personality types it's not my default modus operandi, but it's not something I struggle with either.

Yeah my childhood diagnoses were all kinds of weird. A variety of doctors, psychiatrists, therapists and the like disagreed vehemently as to whether to characterize me as Asperger's, just generically "ASD," generically "PDD," or what have you. Whatever the case, I was one of the lucky 20% or so that didn't meet the criteria anymore by the time I graduated high school. Which is not, of course, to say that I'm "normal" -- heavens no.

But yeah I'm all kinds of weird, even in the context of traditional Asperger's diagnoses. By some measures of traditional characteristics I'm completely normal, and by others I'm still classic Asperger's or worse. I'm good with eye contact but terrible with hand gestures; I'm good with emotional intimacy but terrible initiating and responding appropriately to physical contact; I'm well-regarded for my ability to converse one-on-one but suffer in large groups, and my ability to pick up social cues actually degrades the more people I have to follow. I do engage in repetitive motor behavior when stressed, but never in public.

Different people have different beliefs as to why: A doctor I saw throughout childhood is convinced that I was Asperger's when young but a successful track record with therapy helped "socialize" me enough so that I could obscure it to others (but the therapy conditioning is "less successful" the more visual stimuli or spontaneity I'm confronted with; hence why I excel in smaller outings.) Practically wrote a damn thesis about it.
My father is convinced I was never Asperger's at all, and simply have a deeply introverted personality type and was misdiagnosed. My mother believes I was Asperger's but "gifted" with a narrowly focused interest or "specialization" in writing, which (in her view) ended up skewing my disability's characteristics because I was "gifted" in a field that required base knowledge in human interaction. (To write well, you have to understand dialogue, catch subtle nuances in other people's behavior, understand more sociable personality types, etc.)

Take your pick as to which of those three is accurate.

For a long while I was borderline obsessed with trying to figure out exactly what I had suffered from -- I wanted answers and resolution and some sticker that said "You vanquished the foul mental disorder, you are normal now!" And then I realized that it didn't really matter. The moment I realized it didn't really matter was one of the most liberating in my entire life. Having lived throughout puberty in the shadow of some terrifying beast of an unidentified "disorder" that justified my unpopularity and my weaknesses, reaching a moment where I just said "Fuck it, I am who I am, who gives a crap" was empowering.

Which is kind of why I bothered breaking my vow of silence to type all this up, because that's basically my message to Blues. The more you act like your Asperger's diagnosis is some big deal requiring an "epic reveal" and meriting your embarrassment, the more you're letting some nonexistent, made-up demon vanquish you. Yeah, you have a disorder. But I'm pretty convinced that every human being alive has one, too. That douchebag who's really "successful" socially insofar as he knows how to date women and attract followers, but who is paralyzed with fear of commitment, treats others like objects and is intellectually hollow has a disorder too -- there's just no name to it because there's more of them out there, or their negative behaviors and personality flaws are considered more "par for the course" by members of society.

The only one who's defeating you is you, man. The rest of us seriously don't give a shit. We care about you, of course -- to the maximum extent we can care about some dude we haven't met in person -- but no one's judging you as an inferior specimen because of all your baggage. You judge yourself and impose that judgment on others because you know and struggle to come to terms with all the stupid shit you've done in the past. But to us, your mistakes, your "sins" or your issues really aren't that memorable. No one's thinking nasty thoughts about Blues because OMG, a year ago he totally didn't maintain eye contact when I said hi or anything. They might hate you if you actually did something objectively wrong, utterly unrelated to your disorder, but they're not disgusted by any social miscue you've made; you're probably the only one who remembers it at all.

I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound like pretentious babbling, but what's concerning isn't that you have Asperger's; it's that you feel such a revelation is so "embarrassing" that you'd make a huge deal out of the reveal and then allude to feeling regret over revealing it to us, or to anyone else. That suggests the label of the disorder still wields power over you.

Ya just gotta be like, "Fuck, yeah, I'm Asperger's. But I'm also Blues and there's twenty thousand other unique characteristics about me that comprise who I am, and I'm not a bad person and I don't need anyone's pity." And then when you can be flippant and nonchalant about it, you'll reach the closest you may ever get to a victory.

...And then instead of sulking about having Asperger's or any other disorder, you can instead join the rest of humanity in sulking over missed opportunities with potential sexual partners, missed vocational and academic opportunities, family members who drive you batshit insane, how everyone else is stupid for not ascribing to your political and religious beliefs, and why none of your IRL friends appreciate how awesome My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is.

[rpgdemon]

Pretty much everything that Snake said.

I didn't really realize how much I was rambling in my thing about me, but what I was trying to get at is, well, actually, screw you people and your "DEFEND YOUR OCD" stuff. But ASIDE from that, I gave you guys a list of my various weird ticks, and didn't really think much of it, because as long as they're not seriously inhibiting my life, who cares? I honestly didn't even think twice about it, except for calling them weird ticks because that just sounds awkward, and there ought to be a better way of phrasing such a thing. Just be who you are, regardless of what you have, since it's really not a huge deal. You can still do everything that anyone else can do, it's just that some things can be harder.

The one case where this doesn't hold true for me is that I think my voice sounds absolutely terribly dumb, and it's one thing that I haven't really gotten over. I had a speech impediment (Maybe? I dunno, they had me taking speech lessons in like second grade, missing things that I actually enjoyed) early on, and I continue to still hear it in my voice, and hate how it sounds. People say that my voice sounds not-idiotic, but I still don't believe it. :P

Granted, it's not something that's going to keep me from talking, but it's the one disorderey-type thing about me that I am a total hypocrite on.

[katiuska]

Wrong again, as people have said.

The problem here is that "lack of empathy" is used to mean different things, because empathy is a complicated (and not totally well-defined) process. Technically, you can say people with Asperger's often have trouble with empathy, but what you'd mean is "trouble recognizing other people's feelings," not "troubling sharing in other people's feelings when they recognize them" (the issue in psychopathy/sociopathy/antisocial personality disorder).

It's not quite as clean-cut as that, but that's an easy way of understanding it.

[bluestarultor]

Snake and rpgdemon: If y'all had been paying attention, the only person I felt guilty about was 42, and only because I outright lied to him about it shortly before he died. I figured his birthday was just an opportune day to admit it to anyone else who might have had questions and I don't consider having it all that important. I just held off on doing so for so long because while I personally don't consider it a key indicator of myself as a person, people tend to latch onto labels and apply those first, and I really don't like the idea of being bogged down by the stigma and poor understanding of it.

As I said, I am not "an Aspie" because that's not what's on my name tag in life. Too many people make it theirs. I wear my own name. This thread was probably not the greatest idea, but leftover guilt can make you do odd things, I guess. It was only intended to be "FYI."

[Eltargrim]

Ok, so I just want to know one thing:

what the fuck is with all of these ponies

like seriously

what up

im not 12 years old and what is this

On a more serious note, glad you feel comfortable enough to be public with this blues, but this changes nothing to me.

Meant in the best possible way.

Token was black

What the fu I'm just shitting with you.

[phil_]

Ok, so I just want to know one thing:

what the fuck is with all of these ponies

like seriously

what up

im not 12 years old and what is thisPonies are pretty rad. You should give ponies a try. The herd will grow. Shemhamforash!

[Thadius]

Hmm. I used to work with fellow students who had Aspergers when I attended high school. But frankly, there wasn't THAT much a difference between how I saw them and how I saw other people.

I've always treated people on a 'What you've done to me' basis rather than a 'You've been diagnosed with this so you get special treatment' or 'You're physically different, special treatment for you' basis.

And while occasionally (re: every time someone gets something wrong that you care about) you get on people's nerves, I like to think of you as a friend, Blues.

But trust me on this one, Blues.

I'm just a little bit worse off than you are mentally.

You at least know you have a functioning mind.

The last time I saw mine, it slipped between the cracks of Reality and Sanity and was hitchhiking to God Knows Where.

[Amake]

I'm right handed, I have Aperger's, I consider myself a bit of a writer. It's just basic personal knowledge to me. And I do make a living from it, so that's one reason for me to be upfront about it. If I denied it for one moment to the wrong person, bye bye disability checks.

As to the question of empathy, I can only speak for myself, but it took me a long time to figure out that other people have feelings. And I have to consciously make an effort to remember it, and to try to understand them. Most of my own feelings I don't even understand. But it's a big difference from not having empathy.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Mom says my psychologist thought I had Asperger's. She thought it was a load of bull.

Me, I blame good old fashioned infant drain bamage. Just read my story in the scars thread.

[akaSM]

I'm kinda introverted and prefer to stay away from crowded places (being alone FTW!) but, AFAIK I'm just a plain regular weird person/human/thing.

I had a CT thing taken when I was a child though, my mom said the doc saw something in my brain but, we have no idea of what was it :raise:.

But yeah Blues, you won't get any special treatment from me :P

Brain damage...maybe that explains your fixation with damaging other persons' brains Shy :P

[Osterbaum]

what the fuck is with all of these ponies
I refer you to this (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=39813) thread.

[Aldurin]

My problem with psychologists is that I figure that if I'm ever sent to one it would be one of those that would try to find some diagnosis in order to prove my friends/family right, and not objectively try to see if the case is I'm just not the exact boring average poster child for normal.

But that's me and my prejudices against psychologists, especially with the fact that they could declare me insane if I notice any kind of fraud or malpractice.

[Token]

It's like the whole thing about how it changed nothing when I found out Token was black. I just honestly don't give a shit unless people start demanding some kind of stupid entitlement.

I want DEMAND a black username.

[rpgdemon]

Hey, I just thought of something funny. You're the Token black person.

I bet you've never heard that one before, right?

[Token]

http://i54.tinypic.com/23w5ezp.gif

[Krylo]

But I'm pretty convinced that every human being alive has one, too.

Sorry, but, Theory Disproven.

http://i34.tinypic.com/2hzpy7d.jpg

[Professor Smarmiarty]

My disorder is extreme ratitude. I keep trying to get it into the DSM but I need more than a single case study.

[Premmy]

Hey, I just thought of something funny. You're the Token black person.

I bet you've never heard that one before, right?

Token dumb-ass maybe.

[Token]

Words can hurt like a fist. :c