Babies

[Bobbey]

Guys, I think I have a problem.

I cannot bring myself, for the life of me, to like babies and small children, or to find them cute. I've been asked a couple times by siblings if I plan on having children later in life, and frankly, I can't give them a complete or straight answer because I'm afraid of what they might think of me. I've been told outright by some people that I'll never be a complete women if I don't fall pregnant and have a baby later, which I believe is total and utter bullshit and downright insulting.

Some people say that my maternal instinct just hasn't kicked in yet and that eventually, I'll see babies everywhere and start wanting to have one once my friends start popping them out in a couple years, but the thing is, I feel that I already have a maternal instinct, but not towards human babies, but instead, towards puppies or kittens (especially puppies). I'll almost always instantly go ''goo-goo eyes'' and start talking ''baby-talk'' when I see a small puppy, and I instinctively want to take care of a puppy in an ''It needs me!'' kind of way, but not when I see a baby or small child. If I hear a baby cry, it automatically makes me cringe and I just want to get away as fast as a can, same as when some of my friend ask me if I want to hold their new born kid. I really REALLY don't want to hold a newborn, since I'm clumsy as hell and dropping said baby is definately a possibility. The whole ''but they're small and cute and chubby!'' thing doesn't work with me. Also: small kids crying in a store because they're not getting what they want; I feel like punching them in the face.

I've actually worked with children for 6 years at a job I had back when I lived with my parents, and back then, I never really had problems with children, heck I even had fun taking care of them in the day-care. Near the end though, I started getting tired of the job and especially of the kids' attitudes towards other kids and how they treated their parents. I used to want to have children when I was younger than now, but with the passing of the years, the more I see kids, the less I want to have them.

My question to you guys is: is this normal behaviour? Is there something wrong with me to think this way? Do any of you guys want children later in life, or do some of you think like me? I'm curious to know what everyone thinks.

[Melfice]

Some people like brussel sprouts. Others don't.

So you don't feel the need to procreate. Good for you.
Don't let anybody tell you that's abnormal. The only thing normal between any human being is that we're all different.

[Lumenskir]

If pop culture has taught me anything, it's that you are going to have an unplanned pregnancy.

So, good luck with all that.

[Specterbane]

I know exactly how you feel Bobbey, I always assumed I'd be a dad one day. But living with my parents my Mom baby sits my niece and I help out. Now the kids have always seemed to love me, and I love them (they're family after all). But once my niece was starting to act like a three year old...I started to wonder if I really do want kids. And for that matter I've always been worried about holding babies for the same reasons.

For me, I'm not worrying about it too much. If I marry a woman that wants to have kids, I'll go for it and be the best damn father I can be. If not, that's cool too. For now I'd say give it time, you're 23 and unless you're in a serious relationship where kids are a make-or-break subject you've got plenty of time to think over it and decide what you want.

Also talk to people with kids now and see how they felt about it before they had kids, that's the best thing for you to do. Maybe you'll find that even among parents there are people who've been exactly where you're at. Don't stress about it, it's something a lot of people worry about I think.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Having children is irresponible and arrogant, succumbing to primitive biological urges like cavemen crawling in their wastes.
Fuck children. I don't see the point. Let's just outlaw them, trash the planet, go out in a blaze of glory.

[shiney]

You're only 23 anyways. You have plenty of time to decide what you want. Also I was like you when I was 23, and now that I actually have a kid I hear crying babies and I'm more like "aww" than "fucking shut your yap".

Anyways people, moods, attitudes change, and no matter what you think or feel toward children & babies, it's you and nobody should be telling you it's wrong. Unless it's wrong wrong, like "I love babies...for dinner" and then there's a whole new host of people who are going to be interested in your thought process.

...children...succumbing...biological urges...Fuck children...blaze of glory.

Definitive evidence of SMB's latent pedophilia...check.

[Nique]

My question to you guys is: is this normal behaviour? Is there something wrong with me to think this way? Do any of you guys want children later in life, or do some of you think like me? I'm curious to know what everyone thinks.


I think you should do what makes you happy and be prepared for everyone to give you endless trouble about it.

My wife doesn't want kids either. Is it not normal? I guess, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with her. Just... I dunno. Wait to have kids until that's what you actually want, and if it never is then all the better since you'll have more money for video games. I highly reccomend 'Saxophone Hero'.

[McTahr]

Fuck babies.

I have plans for at least seven consecutive vasectomies. Just chop that shit up. Not a single fuck will be given that day.

I actually have a lot of procreation rage. A lot a lot.

My extremism aside, it's fine to not want them. In fact, even beneficial in many ways. You won't be contributing to overpopulation, sacrificing your goals for the sake of another living being, shrinking your available funds in order to budget for a shrieking terror, etc.

I'm okay with adoption. Do that if you want the experience without the nine month hormonal roller coaster and crash landing.

[rpgdemon]

Fuck children.

Fuck babies.

Man, this thread is just boldly going downhill as fast as it can manage.

[Amake]

It's a tired cliche how your perception changes completely the moment you get a child of your own, but I've found it to be true. So, nothing wrong with anything you're feeling at the moment as far as I know.

[rpgdemon]

It's a tired cliche how your perception changes completely the moment you get a child of your own, but I've found it to be true. So, nothing wrong with anything you're feeling at the moment as far as I know.

Nothing wrong with how she's feeling at the moment even if her perception doesn't change, and she doesn't have kids...

[Bard The 5th LW]

If you don't want a kid then don't have a kid. Its totally up to you, and anyone who says otherwise is just dumb. Besides, you're only 23, you got some time to make a decision.

[The SSB Intern]

The whole "You hate babies, but then you like them after having one" lesson was on Scrubs, so I assume it must be true. But anyway this
I think you should do what makes you happy and be prepared for everyone to give you endless trouble about it.
will be true no matter what you say/think/do/feel, so fuck other people.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Definitive evidence of SMB's latent pedophilia...check.

Babies are too small. Humans are too small. I'm all about the elephants.


The whole "you don't want to have a baby but you will like once you have done it"- they same the same thing about murder...

[The SSB Intern]

Are you saying they're wrong, SMB?

[Nique]

Fuck children. I don't see the point. Let's just outlaw them, trash the planet, go out in a blaze of glory.


Fuck babies.

Enjoy your sexless unhappy lives then I guess?

EDIT: It just seems like there's a bit of 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater' going on here, pun absolutely intended.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Are you saying they're wrong, SMB?

No I'm not. But like I'm not allowed to murder people, why are people allowed to have babies!

Enjoy your sexless unhappy lives then I guess?

Enjoy your worship of grass spirits and futile quest for fire.
You do realise it is possible to have sex without having children right?
And if you have a child growing you can just go murder it and not get arrested! It's awesome, I get to both show my contempt for human life and my worship of modern science at the same time!

[Amake]

Nothing wrong with how she's feeling at the moment even if her perception doesn't change, and she doesn't have kids... I wasn't trying to give that impression, though now I see how it could be read that way. So yes, nothing wrong with that either.

[Nique]

You do realise it is possible to have sex without having children right?


But if you're railing against base human desire in favor of suckling on the ice cold bossom of science, why encourage or participate in human physical contact at all? Just stick a bunch of electrodes into the right parts of the brain to release endorphins at pre-determined times while intravenously enjoying human-nutritional-supplement #78.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I only participate in sex as a weapon, propogating guilt and shame and masses of drama in those cloying urchins.
Seriously sex is overrated, nothing compared to a fine whiskey, a rocking cigar and a sweet pontification. And yes I'm disappointed scientists haven't put out a direct brain stimulation device cause that would be awesome. So much better than sex. Demolition man proves this.

[Menarker]

Personally, the fact you're reflecting on not wanting children is already a good sign. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have them or should. But that you're actually examining and reflecting on the issue.

Many people have taken the idea of children as some sort of symbolic token for love with a percieved significant other, as if by having the child (or giving one if you're a guy) is only viable way to demostrate the extent of your affection, only to be saddled with a heavy mental/emotional/financial burden if the relationship ever sours, as many single parents can attest to. The child is then a poisoned reminder of a bad judgement call or possibly even abandoned by the parent who want nothing more with it, although it is no fault of the child itself.

Many others don't even THINK of babies and are shocked as hell when the topic comes up as the result of their irresponsible flings with others. Many just wanting one without the other. And I hardly need to elaborate on all the drama that comes as a result.

And of course, there is this issue that the notion of having children is a sort of proof of experience and thus awards prestige when it really shouldn't be the case (because unless you're a completely sexy unattached lady, being considered a virgin is lately becoming a stigmata.) Pop Culture would have you believe that guys who do not have interest in sex or fail to succeed in it are losers. And that sexy virgins are ideal but a sexy woman who refuses to have sex has something wrong with them. So there is quite a situation of society expecting two mutually exclusive roles. Society, especially in pop culture medium, is quite fond of protraying people past a certain age without children when they are capable of doing so in quite a negative fashion. A sad state of affairs.

The matter is bundled with a lot of double-standard issues and it's really shameful that others are telling you to get children when they would neither be paying for it upkeep or raising it or dealing with all the bundled issues that come with it.

So at best, I can only encourage that you're thinking hard on it and not to get swept up into it unless you sincerely and actually feel you're capable and willing to have one. It's a huge responsibilities, but has its costs and benefits either way you choose. I applaud you for trying to look through these things with a proper mindset and not being blindly optimistic or negligant about it.

[Revising Ocelot]

My general reaction to babies is to wonder what sick man sends them to fight me.

[Nique]

Demolition man proves this.

Smarty is clearly drunk.

[Seil]

Ooh! Can we have another adoption versus birthing discussion? That was neat. (http://nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=35712)

Smarty is clearly drunk.

When is this sentence not applicable?

[Menarker]

Ooh! Can we have another adoption versus birthing discussion? That was neat. (http://nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=35712)


The OP was more about whether or not she should have ANY children with conflicts between her personal thoughts and feelings and the pressures of her peers/society, NOT the different methods of obtaining them and the de/merits of each.

[Bobbey]

The OP was more about whether or not she should have ANY children with conflicts between her personal thoughts and feelings and the pressures of her peers/society, NOT the different methods of obtaining them and the de/merits of each.

Indeed.

Thanks everyone by the way for your comments/support. I know I'm still young to be thingking about these things to a worrysome extent, maybe my mind will change yet again in the years to come, but for now, my mindset is still at ''Babies = No'' and I shouldn't be afraid to give out my opinion. If people respond negatively to my train of thought, well, like someone else said before, fuck them, it's not their decision to make.

[Nique]

fuck them

Or don't, as that might confuse your message!

I'm so hilarious.

[Magus]

I'm kind of indifferent to babies and children in real life, but for some reason whenever they appear on a commercial or TV program or film I am filled with loathing and disgust. Is there a name for this phenomenon? Like "pop-baby-hatred syndrome" or something? Maybe it is more that I am loathful and disgusted with the fact that they think a child will make me buy whatever they are selling, like I am a mindless idiot. What do babies have to do with trading stocks, anyway? Absurd.

I mean, is there scientific evidence that putting a baby on the label makes women more likely to buy toilet paper? If it does, what does this say about our species that we can so easily be swayed by some unfathomable emotional imagery into spending our money? "A sucker born every minute" comes to mind...

EDIT: BTW Nique you are simply hastening the demise of the human race with your ideas. A neural pleasure wand combined with a holodeck would basically end all human interaction. Pray the future does not come to be!

[The Murderer]

Every time i see a woman holding a baby, i just want to slaughter her child in front of her. Is this bad? then again i think the same thing every time i see anybody with a child...and tend to follow through on it alot...

[POS Industries]

Smarty is clearly drunk.
Looks like someone doesn't know how to use the three seashells!

[Fifthfiend]

Anyone who thinks that what the world needs is for people who don't want kids to be pressured into having them is out of their fucking mind / an asshole, imho.

I mean, and I like kids.

...Which is actually pretty much why I think so, TBQH.

edit: what every child wants to hear

"I didn't really want-want you, I just had you cause, you know, I thought... maybe I'd want you?"

[akaSM]

If I hear a baby cry, it automatically makes me cringe and I just want to get away as fast as a can

This

The whole ''but they're small and cute and chubby!'' thing doesn't work with me.

I like babies but, not because of that. Their efforts at doing things amuse me, and seeing the little guy gain more abilities and being able to do more as he grows is quite neat.

Small kids crying in a store because they're not getting what they want; I feel like punching them in the face.

And I bet it would feel great :dance:

Now, it this "no babies" thing normal? Nope but, seriously, what's normal? And what good does it to you to be "normal"?.

Now, is that wrong? Why should it be? Because of what people say? Screw them, if they their "you must have babies" ideas are clearly more important than your opinion, and they won't listen to your wishes, why should you listen to them and their egotistic opinions?

Just do what you want, what you think it's best for you. If other people love babies, let them have all the babies they want...on a second thought no, seriously we're overpopulated already.

I'm kind of indifferent to babies and children in real life, but for some reason whenever they appear on a commercial or TV program or film I am filled with loathing and disgust. Is there a name for this phenomenon

There's a ringtone around, where a baby laughs and it seems someone's tickling him. I.HATE.THAT.THING

I don't know what I hate more about it, people playing it over and over because it just sounds plain annoying or the people's "ogawdsocute" reaction.

Also, relevant (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=annmz8HpnKU)

[Viridis]

Some people say that my maternal instinct just hasn't kicked in yet and that eventually, I'll see babies everywhere and start wanting to have one once my friends start popping them out in a couple years
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/2383368/tumblr_llusguNfm61qgy0fio1_500.jpg (http://fyeahpdp.tumblr.com/post/5910730638/picture-background-6-piece-pie-style-color)

Some women want to have children, some don't. Some are freaked out by the idea of giving birth and want to adopt instead. Some just want nothing to do with children. All these are completely normal. Tell those that keep meddling that it's none of their business.

[Specterbane]

... but for now, my mindset is still at ''Babies = No'' and I shouldn't be afraid to give out my opinion. If people respond negatively to my train of thought, well, like someone else said before, fuck them, it's not their decision to make.

Or heck, just ask them if they really think it's a great idea to have a kid raised in a home like that. I think Fifth spelled out what the kids point of view would be best.
edit: what every child wants to hear

"I didn't really want-want you, I just had you cause, you know, I thought... maybe I'd want you?"

[Archbio]

I'm kind of indifferent to babies and children in real life, but for some reason whenever they appear on a commercial or TV program or film I am filled with loathing and disgust. Is there a name for this phenomenon

Often it seems like the people who are responsible for diaper ads really don't find anything endearing about babies themselves.

There was one recent ad (I don't recall the product) that had a tightly wound montage of several babies shrilly squealing and hopping in the morning to get taken out of bed.

Of course, that's what people like about babies: the inconvenience, sleep deprivation and hearing loss!

[pochercoaster]

Bobbey, I can relate. I have never desired children in my entire life (I'm only 21, though, but still), never had a "maternal instinct," and never wanted to hold a baby or enjoyed interacting with children. That's not even getting into the logical reasons for not wanting a child- this is my gut reaction to children.

Pardon my language, but it is pretty fucking insulting when people tell me I'll "change my mind," or I'll have kids "someday." No one's ever told me I'm less of a woman for it, but if they did I would probably punch them in the face with my woman fist. By the way, does that make infertile women less womanly? Ugh. e_e

It can be pretty hard even as an adult to avoid all these horrible messages and expectations that society has for your gender. I say, as long as you're not harming anyone, fuck it. Do whatever they fuck you want. Women are not baby making machines. A woman does whatever she decides to do- whether it's having a child, getting married, staying single, or looking after a pet puppy... Because women are individual human beings that are not beholden to their genes. Expecting women to have kids to fulfill their role as women is just as messed up as pressuring women to feel bad about their bodies because they don't have F cup tits or blaming them when they get raped because they happened to be drunk or wearing a miniskirt. It's not EXACTLY the same but it's one piece in the whole fucking mosaic of sexism.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. If how you feel changes in the future, that's fine- why have kids when you don't want them? And if how you feel doesn't change, that's fine too. It's not like the need to populate the earth is an urgent one.

[batgirl]

If it helps at all, I am totally with you. As someone who has seen births happen first hand, and been hit with female birthing blood in the chest (that's a fun story), my desire to squeeze a football sized human being out of my body is seriously declined. I'm a bit older than you (26), and I've definitely gotten the "you're not a real woman until you horribly rip your vagina up" speech from my family and some friends. Do I want children? Yes, but that doesn't mean I have to get knocked up to do so. I would like to, some day, adopt a child and give someone less fortunate than I a good life.

Does that make me "not normal?" Some people think so, but what the hell do I care what some people think? It's my life, I live it how I wish, and you should to. People should support you no matter what you choose, and if not, in your eloquent words, fuck them.

[synkr0nized]

Every time i see a woman holding a baby, i just want to slaughter her child in front of her. Is this bad? then again i think the same thing every time i see anybody with a child...and tend to follow through on it alot...

Yes, I am sure you have.
Cut it out.


edit: Let's make that a three-day ban for now for being a lovely human being

[Japan]

I think it's perfectly ok to not be overly fond of a creature that will stare you in the face while it shits itself.

[Ecks]

I'm not overly fond of children screaming in stores either. Mind you, I'm an inventory guy, so I get that AND morons who can't tell by the difference in uniform/logo that I don't work for the store, so I'm actually not fond of people in general. I like certain persons who have proven they aren't more stupid than dirt.

That said... I still want to sic small creatures sharing half of my chromosomes on the planet someday. May they find SMB's secret hideaway and pester him forever for being an antihuman monstrosity.

[Hatake Kakashi]

Wow. Synk typed in white. WTF?

Never seen that before...

On topic, I've never been fond of other people's children, honestly. The screaming, the whining, the fits, the messes... it never really told me that I must have one now. I'm 33 now, and still hesitant about the whole gig. Now, am I completely against having children ever? No. But before I ever consider it, I need to find someone levelheaded and intelligent to have them with. Afraid that hasn't happened yet. For the majority of my encounters, it appears the possible selection came out of the shallow end of the gene pool.

Kinda sad to say that when the majority of people I meet are in college.

Basically, it comes down to this: If I find that one person who is not only intelligent and loving, but is also able to put up with my crap, and I can put up with hers.... and she happens to want to have kids? Eh, I'll discuss it then. Up to that point, there's nothing that really makes me want to have any at all.

[akaSM]

Wow. Synk typed in white. WTF?

Never seen that before...

That's just Synk's mod color, you know, like Fenris' yellow.

Also, my GF really wants to have a baby (both of us are at college so, that's not really an option right now...not that I would want one right now D:) but, seeing the way she's with her nephew...ugh, the kid does whatever he wants at all times...oh god, I'm sure having a baby will be an...interesting experience in the same way playing New Super Mario Bros Wii with other 3 people is (IYKWIM)

[Aerozord]

I think the wrong thing is having children out of a sense of obligation. Bringing about the existence of another is something that ideally is done out of understanding the consequences and still deciding to do so.

If you feel you could not handle the massive financial and psychological strain of parenthood, its a smart choice to not have them. Also not like you cant change your mind later on.

Me personally, I definitely want to have a child. To pass on my knowledge, genes, and any monetary gains I may have accumulated. However even if I had a willing and able woman to do this I wouldn't. Nowhere near financially stable enough for that. Wanting and not wanting come first, but immediately after you have to ask "should you".

[CABAL49]

I don't think you are wrong to want to have kids. But ever since my sister had my nephew I have greatly reconsidered my position on not having kids. Maybe I am spoiled with him, because he only cries when he is hungry, hurt or someone is leaving. For the most part he is pretty fun. Even when I am sleep deprived while taking care of him, I never snap at him. And believe me, I can ruin your day when I am pissed. That kid has made me a better person. I am not sure how else to explain wiping his ass while acting stupid because it makes him laugh.

But there is nothing pretty about being pregnant. Nothing at all.

[Marc v4.0]

I think it's perfectly ok to not be overly fond of a creature that will stare you in the face while it shits itself.

Dogs look away in shame and Cats will glare at you hatefully.

[Lady Fire Dove]

Alright, I figured that, as one who is currently 8 mos. pregnant, I should weigh in on the whole to-have-babies-or-not debate. :)

Pregnancy is tough and achy and daunting. It's also exciting and thrilling to feel my little son rolling around inside me.

I like kids in general, and having been a teacher of various age levels for 9 years has, I think and hope, helped prepare me for parenting. (I'm 30 now.)

I'm very happily married to an awesome man who will be a very loving father (tacticslion, who does actually talk that much in real life, too!), so that level of support is very helpful.

Overall, I believe having children is both a huge blessing and a huge responsibility. I don't believe everyone is called to be a parent.

So, if you're not, don't worry, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Don't let others pressure you into making such a huge commitment unless you are quite sure it's a commitment you're willing to make.

Follow your interests, use your own talents well, and let your light shine in your own way. :dance:

[Ecks]

My fiance and I are now living with some married friends of ours, and we're definitely getting practice with their little monsters. The toddlers are an absolute pain in the ass! The seven month old is adorable. If there could just be a fast forward button from 12 months to around eight years...