"Telemarketers" or "The not quite silent killer"

[Amake]

As you may know, telemarketers is a powerful bad scourge of humanity. Just to show what an incurable pest they are, here in Sweden a public service company puts a lot of tax money into maintaining a register where one may sign up to not receive calls from telemarketers. Two out of five households are on that list, though you have to renew it every three years. That's close to two million phone numbers every telemarketing company has to go through to make sure they don't call.

Of course it doesn't stop companies from calling you if you are already doing business from them. So the phone company called me today, Sunday, and spent twenty minutes telling me I should get their digital TV service.

I explained that I have no need for it as I don't even watch TV; that I don't want more stuff cluttering my space; that I consider additional TV channels a distraction from my work; that I have strong beliefs about paying monthly fees and will not do it if I can avoid it.

He explained that I could watch any movies I wanted (as long as they were new and popular) any time I wanted, and even pause and rewind them; that I wouldn't have to pay anything for six months; that he was sure I was disciplined enough to not spend all day in front of the TV even if I had access to fifteen new movies a week.

This went on for twenty minutes while I smiled at the thought of all the people he wasn't calling while I was able to hold him on the line.

'This package is absolutely worth a try, right?' he said, seeming to have run out of banter at last.

'Absolutely not', I said.

And then he hung up.

Soo any funny stories about people trying to sell you things you can't see? What's the longest you've talked to them? The shortest? (Points will be deducted for impoliteness.)

[Azisien]

Longest: Did a 10-minute survey on my newspaper usage/delivery/readership in which I answered each question with "Sure."

Shortest: The minimum neural time required to comprehend I am on the line with a telemarketer, and then hanging up.

[Aerozord]

Only telemarketers I cant stand are the automated ones. If you are going to spam people with phone calls atleast pay someone to do it.

That being said I understand these are human beings trying to make a living, so I am often polite as long as they are. I dont get why people as so scared of them that they dont even pick up the phone because it might be one. Answer the phone, if not interested tell them, probably have them take you off the list too, and then hang up (even if they are still talking because if they are that pushy screw 'em)

Sometimes I do mess with them though, its oddly satisfying. It went like this.
"Hello is there anyone over the age of 65 living in your home"
"hmm I dont think so"
"what do you mean you dont know?"
"Well they could be like hiding or something"
"...sir is there anyone over the age of 65 living there or not"
"look I dont have like security cameras everywhere. So maybe there is someone I just dont know of, like under the bed or something."

"hello? ...hello? She hung up :("

[Loyal]

The nice thing about telemarketers is that they permit stories like this (http://goblinnews.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-won-trip-to-cancun-not-really.html) to happen.

I personally, though, have been thankfully unmolested by their persistent barbs.

[Aldurin]

It's a family practice to hang up when the caller ID indicates a telemarketer/surveyor, and to hang up within five seconds of finding out that the non-obvious ID means one of these people.

It works great.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

We mostly just get automated ones, which are just irritating. For some reason though for a while I kept getting calls from Eon Energy asking if I was interested in changing my energy supplier. It took about 5 attempts of me calmly explaining that I do not own a house before I got pissed off, demanded they take me off their damn register (this was about the 3rd time I had asked this already), informed them that they had now completely put me off ever using them as my energy supplier when I ever do own my own place and threatened to sue for harassment if they ever rang again.

Strangely, they never did ring back.

[BitVyper]

Best call I ever had:

Cable company called me and asked if I was interested in digital cable.

"You bet!"

So we spent about fifteen minutes talking about their various packages and deals, and finally the call ended as such:

"So are you interested in signing up?"
"Oh, I don't have a TV.
"...you mean you don't even have a set?"
"Nope."
"Oh.... bye"

Seriously, I didn't even get the standard customer service "thank you for blah blah blah" goodbye, just that.

[akaSM]

Now I wish I had telemarketers bug me so I could put some shenanigans on the phone :<

[pochercoaster]

I just hang up on telemarketers without a word. I'm not going to bother declining them politely and then trying to explain to them why I don't want X over and over.

Messing with them is funny but also kind of dickish since they are just trying to do their incredibly crappy job, so I don't bother.

[Fifthfiend]

I like to just leave the phone off the hook and walk away.

Especially with the robocallers cause then some actual person usually ends up coming on and I'm justifying some poor shmuck's paycheck.

[Doc ock rokc]

Funniest time i got one off is when i started doing a telemarket back. Basically only 2 companies called my house so after a while i basically memorized both of them. when one calls I would do the bit about the other till the telemarketer hung up. it actually got us off their list.

[Thadius]

See, we've got this thing called a 'Do not call' list. It's actually better for telemarketers to get me than most people. Me, I kindly tell them I'm not interested.

If they get, say, mum? She gets mad. She threatens to sue them. She tells them they are in violation of the list and yells at them over the phone.

I can actually feel the person on the other end of the line wincing as she yells at them.

Of course, with Robocallers, I just push as many buttons that aren't input as possible and then I yell at the person who picks up.

I've been told by my neighbors down the street to be quiet sometimes. I was unaware my voice carried to Arizona...

[Aerozord]

the ultimate telemarketing solution (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLaQnrJSp9g)

[Melfice]

the ultimate telemarketing solution (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLaQnrJSp9g)

It's apparently so ultimate, it's not available in my country. =/