Report: Commercial messages reaching new heights (lows?) of stupidity

[Magus]

I bring to your attention two pieces of evidence (amongst many, I know, but these two stagger my imagination):

1. The Gillette ProGlide Fusion Whatchamacallit Razor

I recently saw a Gillette commercial wherein it was pointed out that in case you plan on shaving underwater, the new Gillette ProGlide Fusion Whatchamacallit is definitely a better choice than the leading disposable razor. (http://www.luketipple.com/videos/item/worlds-scariest-shave) Because less cuts and nicks leads to less shark attacks. This is not the stupid part of the commericial, however!

Look closely at who makes the leading disposable razor according to this commercial: GILLETTE. That's right, Gillette presumes to sell you their new razor by picking on...the quality of Gillette razors. How this makes any sense I am unsure. You'd think they could have at least put Bic disposable razors in the commercial to compare their product to.

2. Hefty BLACKOUT Trash Bags

Hefty's new ad campaign is to...sell you black trash bags (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCrUB2xY3vI). Because "black hides the garbage better". There is mention of some sort of "OdorBlock technology" but since it is just tossed in there at the end presumably it is not the main selling point. No. The main selling point is that these trash bags are black, motherfucker, introducing new color schemes to the pantheon of trash bag colors, which heretofore only consisted of white and...that other shade of black that people have used for decades. There have never been black trash bags before now, you know it!

Please make sure to post more evidence of the current trend of idiocy in marketing. Just make sure it is a truly stupid commercial in the sense that it makes little to no sense, not just that it is dumb. It has to be dumb AND unaware of its dumbness.

[Flarecobra]

In defense of the razer commercial, it was ment to say it's the "Best yet", and it can also say that it's previous razers were crap.

[Magus]

How do I know the current one isn't crap if their previous ones were crap and they lied? But in fact they are not going to quit selling disposable razors, either. They just came out and showed their disposable razor ripping large chunks of skin off a dude's face. Why would I ever buy Gillette disposables now? I might as well take my chance with Bics. They can't be worse and might be better.

[Flarecobra]

That wasn't the point. The point was to show off the new ones.

[Loyal]

See, to me the stupidest part of that commercial was that they were shaving underwater in the first place.

What, did you not have time this morning to spend a few minutes in front of a sink and mirror? Or hell, why couldn't you just wait till after you were done scuba diving?

[ed] Get out of the water you stupid dillweeds, the disadvantages of cutting yourself shaving are self-evident enough already.

[ed2] Also, my trash bags are already black. Those trash bags offer nothing of note to me except the odor-blocking presented as a footnote.

[Magus]

"Odor-blocking technology" is code for "our bags are made of plastic and so therefore odor does not easily escape them, much like all other brands of trash bags".

It's kind of like those yogurt commercials that are like "OUR YOGURT CONTAINS PROBIOTIC BACTERIA" which is of course true of all yogurt. At best they advertise specific strains (with gimmicky names like Bifidus Regularis and L. Casei Imunitas) which might be better than other probiotics but of course have not been evaluated by the FDA as to such.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

The best thing is when cosmetics are clinically-tested. Cause all those other cosmetics companies just scrap some shit off the street and throw some butter in and call it a day.

[Krylo]

Cause all those other cosmetics companies just scrap some shit off the street and throw some butter in and call it a day.

Also: Restaurants.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Any razor company that cages up and drops actors into Shark infested waters JUST to prove of much better their brand of razor is compared to their last brand is over the top enough to earn my support.

The commercial amused me. Will be buying their new disposable ravor since I'm over due for a shave anyway.

[Overcast]

I tend to like my Merkur anyway, sure I occasionally nick my bastard of a lip but I used to look like I failed at slitting my throat and had a herpes outbreak when I used the modern kind.

[Archbio]

There's those beer ads showing a man in deadly peril (standing on a high ledge on a building or running from some unseen pursuers in the woods) while a narrator explains that it's one of the best moments of his/your life and how great a story it will make while having a beer. And the narration doesn't play it off like some kind of fantasy adventure scenario. The emphasis is on how terrifying, heart pounding, realistically life threatening situation. Because when you think good times, you think shitting your pants with fear.

---

Oh and what's with all the ads that anthropomorphize objects so that it can show them being tormented by how superior the new product is?

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Dairy Queen has been going the way of old spice lately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VtH5xdbMtU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eibkUoRdOM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92Zw_ew9goI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BokvMo8P8A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jSF4WIREdE

Eat at Dairy Queen, cause all real men eat there. Even Van Diesel and Chuck Norris. And Captain Marvelous too on weekends.

And Captain Falcon too!


EDIT: Tom Kunts loves making all of his commercials over the top. Man must be fealty sticking rich by now.

[Magus]

Any razor company that cages up and drops actors into Shark infested waters JUST to prove of much better their brand of razor is compared to their last brand is over the top enough to earn my support.

The commercial amused me. Will be buying their new disposable ravor since I'm over due for a shave anyway.

The Gillette ProGlide Fusion Whatchamacallit isn't a disposable, from what I understand. It's the kind you have to buy new blades for instead of throwing it away.

They compared it to their own brand of disposables which makes little sense, anyway, since disposables are by definition of lower quality, not to mention they are the ones making the particular disposables they compare it to...

Basically an "honest" and "less paradoxical" commercial would have compared the Gillette Fusion ProGlide Whatchamacallit to the Schick Quatro Ion Thingamajig.

EDIT:


EDIT: Tom Kunts loves making all of his commercials over the top. Man must be fealty sticking rich by now.

Well, with a name like Tom Kunts...

[Loyal]

Oh, here's one that I'm rather fond of: Stride Chewing Gum. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWgScufbHc0)

[Oron]

Speaking of gum, there's that commercial for 5 React.

Makes me feel like the message is, "This gum will make you trip balls."

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

I've always been quite bemused by those Finish Double Action tablet thingies. It seems every year they release a new advert that goes on and on about some new marvelous breakthrough in dishwasher tablet technology. First it was just that they had "Double Action", then they had an added "Powerball" blob thing, then came "Triple Action!", and I think there was some kind of green shit that got added into the mix at some point too. For about 15 years (or so it seems) they've been doing this and at some point you have to just say to yourself, "You know, I think I'm quite happy with the shininess and cleanliness of our dishwasher tablets, maybe we don't need to keep turning it into some multicolour tesseract/rubix cube of absurdity every year, because you know, it does quite a good job already."

I mean they way they go on you'd think that the first version of it would have left your dishes covered in shit and vomit after a wash and they've spent the last decade trying to make up for it.

[Krylo]

Speaking of gum, there's that commercial for 5 React.

Makes me feel like the message is, "This gum will make you trip balls."

Which is a pretty good message if they want people to buy it.

[Bobbey]

Wouldn't accidently cutting yourself with a razor while being surrounded by salt water alone hurt like hell? Nevermind the sharks!

I haven't watched any television in years, and commercials are mostly the reason why I decided to stop. I prefer downloading episodes of particular series one at a time instead, commercial free. The commercials linked in this thread so far are way over the top from my standards.

[Overcast]

I seem to be incredibly inattentive. When did the Brawny Man shave his homosexual mustache?

[Jagos]

His curly mustache? Did he get into a fight with a Pringles can and lose?

[Magus]

So I recently saw these Toyota Venza commercials (http://www.mediapost.com/?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=153689)featuring "hip" parents going bike riding and going to concerts while their boring out-of-touch children stay at home and post on the internet or...work late, apparently, according to the second one (the first at least focused on a "bad" stereotype of the younger generation. The second seemed to revel in the fact that the 20-something had to move back in with his parents and work two jobs) BUT these commercials are obviously trying to get old people to buy a car, and after all, old people ARE the ones with money to buy cars (as the second ad hammers home). Appealing to their apparent "inner hipster" is obviously the way to go.

Unfortunately, I am one of the kids whose parents aren't hip, outgoing people. My parents are stricken with arthritis. My father expresses a profound hatred of popular music, bordering on paranoia. The last rock band my mother seemed obsessed with was Deep Purple, which is a fine choice, but I don't believe they are doing any concerts. Plus either would drop dead at spending money on a concert ticket...or the gas to go to the concert.

Presumably, the only way to make my parents into hip, outgoing people is to buy them a Toyota Venza. But I think they'd have an easier time of it if they talked about the Toyota Venza's fuel economy, since my parents don't plan on bike riding or concert-going any time soon.

[Archbio]

Could Miracle Whip even tone it down if it wanted to? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n1vtZR16RY)

So, so hip.

[Magus]

Who knew that putting italian dressing into mayonnaise would launch a taste sensation of such tsunami proportions?!

[Jagos]

*WARNING MAYBE NSFW*

Damn, son... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z3KbFBf89Y&feature=player_embedded)