Adult ADHD - A Rant

[EVILNess]

I have a pet peeve.

Saying you have ADHD, when you clearly don't. Laughing and using it as an excuse. Downplaying its impact on life. Whether you are a boss who doesn't understand why I have to ask you to repeat something or a hipster who thinks it's fashionable to claim to have ADHD when you really are just stupid**.

Having ADHD is hard, and most people don't understand how hard.

If any one of the people who don't actually have had to focus as hard as I do everyday just to meet the minimum expectations of society we would have been to Mars, attained world peace, and cured cancer 20 years ago.

I am not talking about being just "having an ADD moment" or being a "space cadet." It's much more than that, but that is a good place to start.

I pay attention. I pay so much attention that it physically hurts sometimes. You don't know what it is like to be looking someone dead in the eye, hearing them, absorbing it, acknowledging it, and then it trails off. You desperately want to hear the rest, but you can't grasp it. It is literally above you at that time. Your ability to concentrate on that thing is gone. Something has stolen your concentration.

You have no idea how frustrating it is for your attention to be gradually stolen by outside forces, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it except to stop the conversation, remove the outside factor, and then politely ask the person you are talking to to start completely over. You then have to handle the frustration of other people having to repeat themselves, the jeers, the being looked at like you are stupid.

And then there is the opposite. Do you know how much sleep I have lost because I couldn't shut down my brain? It's like there are three voices in my skull at any one time. One going through every insignificant detail of every movie you have seen, then comics, then your day, then your last birthday. Constantly jumping from one topic and event. The second is playing songs. Constantly. Forever. While the third is you yelling SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP to try and silence your brain. At 4 AM. Every night.

Do you know what it is like to overcome crippling indecision? For simple tasks such as playing a game? To stay on on thing long enough to see it through? To know that even if you do finish that it will linger in your mind and impede your progress on new things? Hell, to even get your thoughts together long enough to start.

While not as bad as when I was a kid, I still get hyper as well. It's like I am fine, and then I HAVE YO DO SOMETHING OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SCREAM RUN GET UP AND GO GO GO OR I AM JUST GOING TO DIE RIGHT THIS INSTANT WHY CAN'T I JUST BE DOING WHAT I WAS DOING I HAVE TO DO THIS IMPORTANT THING RIGHT NOW BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I HAVE TO GOOOOOOO! All things considered, it's not so bad being that it's an every once in a while thing, but when I was a kid it was someone put a motor in me and I couldn't stop. The world was spinning and the only way to make it stop was to move.

Then there are the impulse control issues. You know those little thoughts you get in your head everyday, but never follow through on? I'm not talking about killing someone, more like touching things like a little kid, blurting out things, interrupting conversations, that sort of thing. I do that. All the time. I seriously can find myself at any time reaching up to touch something or someone or spouting out "Why?" when strangers are talking near me with only causally realizing it. I have to be constantly aware of where my hands are, and of what is coming out of my mouth.

The shitty thing? This is really only a fraction of what I deal with in a day as I fight with my own body and mind. However, people cope. I am damn proud I don't let any of this cripple my ability to function as a human being. I am proud that I make it look easy.

Easy enough for you to call me lazy and unfocused. Easy enough for you to skate by claiming to have the same problems I do.

So fuck you.

(**I want to say I am aware that I know I am not the only person in the world dealing with ADHD as an adult and I know that I wasn't the only one to go through it as a child. However, people with ADHD think differently than normal people, and have certain telltale mannerisms. We have to or we don't function. We have mechanisms that fill in the blanks for us or focus us, and other people who have ADHD can recognize that in others. Usually by holding a conversation with each other. A lot of "That thing" and "Those people" or "That place" in those conversations. The sad part? WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.)

[Krylo]

I was gonna read that, then I got all ADHD.

[Eltargrim]

Dude, to me, this isn't a pet peeve. This is entirely justifiable and honestly kind of offensive when people do that. I'm easily distracted, but I'm not ADHD or ADD. I'm just easily distracted. I've called people on this before, because people like you actually have shit to deal with other than poor discipline.

Also, people who don't think ADHD is real. Fuck you buddy.

[EVILNess]

I was gonna read that, then I got all ADHD.

Okay, that. I am going to call you out on that. That was very trollish.

[Archbio]

Whether you are a boss who doesn't understand why I have to ask you to repeat something or a hipster who thinks it's fashionable to claim to have ADHD when you really are just stupid**.

Stupid people need some slack, too.

[Bells]

Can i just say that, although it does not apply to me, i would like to extend your argument over the "I'm Bipolar" Crowd? At least i'm educated enough to a bare minimum to know that most who say they are, are not. And it's really freaking annoying.

So i feel ya man, it's hard living with the real feeling that you actually don't have full control of your being, as supposed to have to endure Annoying lazy asstards claiming that they are "powerless against the tides of destiny" or some other lazy bullshit they pull out to avoid responsability

[phil_]

Annoying lazy asstards claiming that they are "powerless against the tides of destiny"I'm just saying, you can bark and tug and struggle, or you can just follow the cart; you're going to the market, either way.

[Aerozord]

What bugged me is how ADD is shown in media to the point people think the "wow thats inter-oooh shiny" stereotype is an accurate representation.

Then of course there were school officials with zero psychological training "diagnosing" every kid that doesn't pay attention as being ADD. Wow a kid would rather play then write down the same sentence ten times, how shocking.

Of course my own peeve is how asperger's syndrome is getting this treatment now.

These people having no clue how harmful a misdiagnosis can be or making light at how hard it is to diagnose accurately.

[Viridis]

I see posters mentioning that ADHD, Asperger's, and bipolar disorder all get this treatment. I'd like to add OCD to the long list of stereotyped disorders that people apply to a wide range of behavior.

[Krylo]

Dude, to me, this isn't a pet peeve. This is entirely justifiable and honestly kind of offensive when people do that. I'm easily distracted, but I'm not ADHD or ADD. I'm just easily distracted. I've called people on this before, because people like you actually have shit to deal with other than poor discipline.

Also, people who don't think ADHD is real. Fuck you buddy.

You shouldn't do this.

One of these days you will go off on someone who ACTUALLY has ADHD/ADD/OCD/Whatever Else and then you will feel like an idiot.

@Ness: I'm poking fun because I find myself having a hard time empathizing with you. People who do this aren't trying to belittle you, they are just making light of their own failures by comparing it to having a handicap.

They know they don't really have it. It is making light of the situation. And I guess your handicap as well, but you should rather people make light of it than treat it as they do MOST mental illnesses.

Would you rather people say "Man, I am being so ADD right now" or that they treat you like they do most every mental illness? Which is to say just waiting for the moment that you snap and become a serial killer?

People make light of bad/disadvantageous things they are, more or less, comfortable with. That is how people work. It is how people have always worked.

This is pretty much the definition of a thing that is not a big deal. Really the only people who have the right to complain about this kinda thing are people with asperger's, and they only because it's not used as a "Oh ahaha, I am having an aspie day" but rather as an actual slur against socially disadvantaged folks.

[akaSM]

Then of course there were school officials with zero psychological training "diagnosing" every kid that doesn't pay attention as being ADD. Wow a kid would rather play then write down the same sentence ten times, how shocking.

I was one of those people, it was either ADD or ADHD but I don't remember. I obviously don't have either. Yeah, I get bored and even ignore shit I don't care about, also, I don't pay attention to some things but that's not ADHD dammit. That stupid "doctor" even gave me medicine...even my mom knew I was fine and had nothing >_>

Ness, your post reminded me of those idiots that go "oh, I'm so OCD because I like doing x thing, lol". I hate those people that believe they got "trendy" conditions they heard about in any kind of media.

[Eltargrim]

You shouldn't do this.

One of these days you will go off on someone who ACTUALLY has ADHD and then you will feel like an idiot.

Give me some credit, Krylo. I'm not calling out people I've known for 5 minutes.

Also, you're setting up a false dichotomy. "Either be made fun of or be treated as a potential threat." What. Those are not the only two options. How about treating them like everyone else?

Furthermore, while people with Aspergers have a raw deal, they're not the only ones. I would think that clinically retarded people have a thing or two to be offended about, if they so choose ("Oh that's so retarded").

Widespread use does not make something right.

[Krylo]

Give me some credit, Krylo. I'm not calling out people I've known for 5 minutes.I think RPG posted in one of these threads about how he is a diagnosed OCD and someone called him out on saying that he was OCD and then he had to explain to that person that, no, he is diagnosed, and everything was horrible forever.

Like if you call out friends to knock it off 'cause it annoys you, that's fine. But in all other situations it's probably better to just not say anything about it.

"Either be made funPeople with Aspergers are made fun of. People with ADD/ADHD/Bi-Polar/OCD are not*. Not any more than I'm making fun of Ethiopians when I say I'm starving right before I grab dinner.

Furthermore, while people with Aspergers have a raw deal, they're not the only ones. I would think that clinically retarded people have a thing or two to be offended about, if they so choose ("Oh that's so retarded").
Point!

*Within the context of the complaints leveraged in this thread. I'm sure ADD blah blah etc. are made fun of for their condition outside of the purview of what is being discussed in this thread.

[Eltargrim]

Like if you call out friends to knock it off 'cause it annoys you, that's fine. But in all other situations it's probably better to just not say anything about it.

Point!

People with Aspergers are made fun of. People with ADD/ADHD/Bi-Polar/OCD are not. Not any more than I'm making fun of Ethiopians when I say I'm starving right before I grab dinner.

A good friend of mine struggled with very noticeable OCD symptoms throughout junior high. Medication and therapy helped him such that you wouldn't be able to tell that he has OCD at this point. He was made fun of in junior high for his hand-washing compulsion.

I've worked with kids with ADHD who were on medication holidays. It was stressful, to be sure. I had coworkers who were pretty vicious in making fun of these children. Never to their faces, but well beyond standard venting. (In this job a certain amount of venting was necessary, for your own health).

Beyond these anecdotes, my rephrasing took away from your original wording. "It's making light of the situation." This may be the intent, but it also makes light of the seriousness of the condition.

Now, we can all do to take ourselves a little less seriously; laughter is in general a good thing, and can make us take a step back and cool down. However, we should avoid being blasé about mental health issues. They complicate many lives, and they deserve attention.

EDIT: I'm not really sure what your edit disclaimer is intended to accomplish. The strict purview of this thread is ADHD being hijacked by or misunderstood by people; people with Aspergers are not made fun of in this strict purview. The general purview is when a less visible mental issue is hijacked by or misunderstood by people, in which people with Aspergers are made fun of, for sure, but so are people with ADD/ADHD/Bi-Polar/OCD.

I mean, I think I can see where you're coming from, in that aspie can be considered a slur, but that doesn't diminish the difficulty posed by other mental challenges, and the stigma they can bring.

[EVILNess]

You shouldn't do this.
I agree with you on this, which is really why I don't. I can usually tell when someone has ADHD because I live through it everyday, but I personally don't exhibit all of the symptoms, such as irrational irritation, so it's not like I can readily identify people with drastically different cases. I don't say anything typically. Everyone is a unique snowflake and all that.

@Ness: I'm poking fun because I find myself having a hard time empathizing with you. ... People with ADD/ADHD/Bi-Polar/OCD are not made fun of...

I can tell you don't empathize there Krylo, but since you can't empathize you really aren't one to judge. The first thing you did was make fun of me, and then tell me it's not a big deal. I think it's a big deal.

When people give me that "You're stupid" look because I have to have them repeat what they said or write down instructions it makes me feel like shit. Like I am not as capable as the next guy.

The whole point of my rant was that people make light of ADHD.

And then here you are.

Doing just that.

The fact that it is something I have to live with in a world that views me as if I don't have a problem, and that it's my fault I have trouble paying attention and for any number of reasons.

[Krylo]

The whole point of my rant was that people make light of ADHD.

And my point was that people do this with all kinds of things.

People say they are depressed when really they are just broken up about something.

People say they are starving when really they are just hungry.

People say they are a midget when really they are just 5'4".

People say they are a giant when really they just happen to be over 6'*.

People exaggerate their own short comings to make light of them. It is a thing people do, and all the raging about how people shouldn't make fun of your totally serious condition isn't going to change that.

The best thing that can happen is that you realize that these people don't actually mean any harm when they say things like that, and realize that their making light of a situation doesn't mean that they think you don't have a problem.

ADHD gets a bum wrap (in that people don't think you actually have anything wrong with you) NOT because of people saying things like how they are being ADD today, but because of 'doctors' that misdiagnose the shit out of children to the point that a lot of people don't even realize it's an actual thing that actually exists and has symptoms beyond just being a normal kid who doesn't want to listen in class.

People, again, say the same stuff about OCD, after all. And yet pretty much everyone knows that OCD is actually an incredibly serious thing that drastically affects the lives of people that have it.

If you want to rail against someone or something for making people not take your actual condition seriously rail against the culture that creates all these false diagnoses.

*Actual giantism is a pretty serious disease that causes heart failure at ages as young as the mid twenties. It is basically a death sentence. Noting this because it's a thing not many people actually know.

[Krylo]

EDIT: I'm not really sure what your edit disclaimer is intended to accomplish. The strict purview of this thread is ADHD being hijacked by or misunderstood by people; people with Aspergers are not made fun of in this strict purview. The general purview is when a less visible mental issue is hijacked by or misunderstood by people, in which people with Aspergers are made fun of, for sure, but so are people with ADD/ADHD/Bi-Polar/OCD.

I mean, I think I can see where you're coming from, in that aspie can be considered a slur, but that doesn't diminish the difficulty posed by other mental challenges, and the stigma they can bring.

The purview of this thread is that the incorrect usage of medical terms is insulting.

It's not, in most cases. Anymore than, again, saying 'I'm starving' is insulting to people in third world countries who are actually starving.

To wit: Saying "I'm a little OCD about the TV remote" is not an insult toward people with OCD. Saying "Fuckin' aspies" or "God that's retarded" is an insult toward people with Aspergers or who suffer from mental retardation.

It is entirely possible to insult and be cruel to OCD and ADHD etc. etc. people because of their disability, but it is not generally done through the misuse of their labels.

[greed]

I think Krylo's point is he's having a hard time thinking that people with ADD/ADHD/OCD/Bipolar get made fun of enough for him to really think it's an issue.


As someone diagnosed with ADD and OCD (both by proper doctors not school councilors or something, though the OCD is pretty mild), I'm actually gonna agree with him. I've never really been annoyed by this. The whole faulty diagnosis by school councilor thing is the real issue.

What really irritates me is the people who self-diagnose themselves with Asperger's to try and explain away the fact they're just socially useless neckbeards. I've got a cousin with Asperger's and well yeah, it irritates the fuck out of me.

Ninja'd by a doublepost. WTF

[Viridis]

Saying "I'm a little OCD about the TV remote" is not an insult toward people with OCD.I don't see how this is any different than the example using the word "retarded". Both are misusing the medical labels and making light of them. What are you using to draw this seemingly arbitrary line?

And yet pretty much everyone knows that OCD is actually an incredibly serious thing that drastically affects the lives of people that have it.Except they don't. There are plenty of people who think OCD is this zany thing that means you have to clean everything. And it's partially because of the misuse of labels.

[Krylo]

I don't see how this is any different than the example using the word "retarded". Both are misusing the medical labels and making light of them. What are you using to draw this seemingly arbitrary line?

Are you seriously asking this?

I mean, do you not get the difference between suggesting that you are a little particular about the remote placement and then drawing a parallel between that and a mental condition as a way to make light of it and using a different mental condition to talk strictly about negative things?

I mean, really, the former is just, "I'm acting in a way that is slightly reminiscent of this other thing." The latter is, literally, the same thing as using 'gay' as a pejorative.

[Aerozord]

off topic abit, something I have wanted to get opinion of someone who was more knowledgable on ADD

I always thought Graham from Baccano (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTuydYuRi4I), was ADD. Not the whole violent criminal part, just that if someone with ADD verbalized what ran through their head that it would sound like that

[Eltargrim]

The purview of this thread is that the incorrect usage of medical terms is insulting.

It's not, in most cases. Anymore than, again, saying 'I'm starving' is insulting to people in third world countries who are actually starving.

To wit: Saying "I'm a little OCD about the TV remote" is not an insult toward people with OCD. Saying "Fuckin' aspies" or "God that's retarded" is an insult toward people with Aspergers or who suffer from mental retardation.

It is entirely possible to insult and be cruel to OCD and ADHD etc. etc. people because of their disability, but it is not generally done through the misuse of their labels.

Thanks for clarifying your position; I see your point now, and in the context of labelling, I can agree with you; the names of certain mental illnesses are used in a pejorative sense, and others are not.

I also agree that misdiagnoses can dilute the perceived impact of an illness (Note: depression and clinical depression are two related yet distinct things, but people conflate them all the time). However, how people interact with people with mental illnesses won't be completely turned around by solely changing the rigour of diagnoses. There needs to be an understanding about how it can affect their lives. While part of Ness's post dealt with a hijacked label, there was definitely more to it than just that.

@Viridis; Krylo's right, they are different. His comparison to using gay as a pejorative is bang-on, and in fact I've used that comparison when educating kids about it (There's a lot of shocked looks on the faces of kids when they realize what they're saying).

That being said, Viridis is also right in that when you make light of something, you dilute its weight. The intent isn't to be demeaning or damaging, but people can lose sight of what a condition actually means.

EDIT: On yet another hand, as I said before we can't be super-serious all the time. I hope there is room for some compromise, some middle-ground where a reasonable person won't be offended or need to be unduly precise with their words.

[Krylo]

That being said, Viridis is also right in that when you make light of something, you dilute its weight. The intent isn't to be demeaning or damaging, but people can lose sight of what a condition actually means.

I would agree with that. But I would also suggest that SOME dilution is good. It's what allows us to interact with people with these conditions as normal people and not as, well, a walking condition.

ADHD gets too much dilution but this is mostly due to the diagnosis issue.

Like, honestly, before reading Ness's opening post (which I actually did read, kidding aside) I didn't really know what the symptoms of ADHD/ADD were entirely. I just knew it had something to do with being energetic and having trouble concentrating.

I know the symptoms of most of the other conditions mentioned here, bi-polar, Asperger's, autism spectrum disorders in general, depression, etc.

But because of the sloppy diagnosing and the lack of 'true' ADD or ADHD people in our modern culture (where's the ADHD detective show, USA?) I'm pretty uneducated on that particular disease. Other than knowing getting a false positive on it is basically a goldmine if you live near a college.

But that's a problem. If I don't know what actual real effects a condition has on someone it's probably a good bet that the general populace doesn't either. And if they don't know the real affects of a condition, they are going to do things like the parts of the OP not about misusing the label. Where people just assume he can control it.

When he can't.

Maybe people saying they are being ADD about something doesn't help, but it's a very very far cry from the main issue.

[EVILNess]

The purview of this thread is that the incorrect usage of medical terms is insulting.


The purview on my original post was that having ADHD sucks ass and I kinda dislike when someone makes light of the fact that I have to basically try twice as hard as someone else to function.

So I personally think it's understandable for me to be upset when my one of my supervisors tells the owner of the corporation that I don't pay attention and cannot follow simple instructions.

Or that I get a bit irritated when someone claims to totally understand because they totally space out too when people say stuff they aren't interested in.

It's like telling a smoker to "just" quit. It irritates them because it isn't that goddamn simple.

As for the term "Having an ADD Moment" I wasn't expressing dislike at someone using the term, that doesn't bother me. It's a harmless turn a phrase. I used it as a starting point to say that this particular symptom that is pretty much understood by the general public to be the only symptom of ADHD.

EDIT:
But that's a problem. If I don't know what actual real effects a condition has on someone it's probably a good bet that the general populace doesn't either.

It occurred to me that bitching about lack of knowledge is meaningless unless I spread knowledge. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_attention-deficit_disorder)

It's actually not called ADD anymore BTW.

As a child I was both an Inattentive-type and a Hyperactive-type. As an adult I am almost exclusively an Inattentive-type, but I still have those bursts of manic energy.

[Seil]

I don't think I'm smart or mature enough to handle this conversation.

[Grimpond]

Tremble, all ye who doth readeth yon article, for it bears the powerful blessing of Cracked! (http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-real-diseases-that-have-somehow-become-trendy/)

[Fifthfiend]

I've been diagnosed with ADD a bunch of times so I don't really feel bad saying LOL I'M ALL ADD because according to at least two licensed professionals I am.

[Premmy]

I think the point was more "ADD/ADHD is kinda more of a big deal than people realize and making jokes about it is not as harmless because It's kind of like making fun of a physically handicapped person right as they are suffering in a way very specific to their handicap(In this case, you talking to them/me, yes, that's a fucking problem, yes all the god-damned time)" That's not something everyone can do. MAYBE if me and you were really cool but that should NOT be a generally accepted, everyone can and should do that,type of thing.
edit:
As an example "Lol I'm so ADD" should be of the Shitty Comedian "I'm going to say something outlandishly racist/sexist homophobic to get yucks" or the Somewhat Better comedian "I'm going to say something poignant and top it off with a direct reference to the hardship in a way that syncs up with good comedic timing" and less the off-handed "minor" joke it is.

If you're going to make light of a serious issue... be funny about it.

[Eltargrim]

I would agree with that. But I would also suggest that SOME dilution is good. It's what allows us to interact with people with these conditions as normal people and not as, well, a walking condition.

ADHD gets too much dilution but this is mostly due to the diagnosis issue.

Like, honestly, before reading Ness's opening post (which I actually did read, kidding aside) I didn't really know what the symptoms of ADHD/ADD were entirely. I just knew it had something to do with being energetic and having trouble concentrating.

I know the symptoms of most of the other conditions mentioned here, bi-polar, Asperger's, autism spectrum disorders in general, depression, etc.

But because of the sloppy diagnosing and the lack of 'true' ADD or ADHD people in our modern culture (where's the ADHD detective show, USA?) I'm pretty uneducated on that particular disease. Other than knowing getting a false positive on it is basically a goldmine if you live near a college.

But that's a problem. If I don't know what actual real effects a condition has on someone it's probably a good bet that the general populace doesn't either. And if they don't know the real affects of a condition, they are going to do things like the parts of the OP not about misusing the label. Where people just assume he can control it.

When he can't.

Maybe people saying they are being ADD about something doesn't help, but it's a very very far cry from the main issue.

I think we're dancing around the same point at this... point. I think that we can both agree that: education regarding mental illnesses is a good thing; over-diagnoses of mental illnesses is a bad thing; using the names of mental illnesses as stereotypes or as a pejorative is a bad thing.

I do agree with you that we need to interact with people as people, and that we can't be super-serious all the time. I think Premmy sums up my feelings pretty well, actually.

[Grandmaster_Skweeb]

I got your back, nessbro.
Though I am completely lacking in the hyperactivity part.

Been fightin with muh ADD since I was a wee sproggish lil beard. Ness ain't kiddin' when he said it is an uphill battle to focus on something.

Bit of an outrageous comparison, but I liken it to trying to 500 mailmen trying to deliver a single letter at roughly the same time. Each with a different set of directions, drop off locations, and schedules. Some move faster than others so they snag the letter from others.

'Cause that's pretty much what is going on in the brain. Don'tcha just love chemical imbalances of the brainmeats? Fuckin' dopamine receptors.

Personally, I've given up on correcting dumbfucks about the condition. To put it into more perspective (hopefully): I don't feel like I'm me when I'm off my medication. I'm irritable, unsociable, hyper-focused on things that do retain my attention, moody, tend to snack more, and generally go about doing things I tell myself not to do. But the mind don't listen to itself. I ain't happy.

Much like Ness, I have a peev about it though. When out of my meds, and sometimes on, I hate being interrupted from my tasks. I make this very clear to my coworkers, classmates, teachers, etc. Because once I'm derailed it takes a monumental effort of willpower to resume what I was doing instead of just picking up another task and getting back to the other task...eventually. Or not at all. Because of that a simple half-hour task can become upwards of an hour, or significantly longer, because of having to slow down to focus on it..or the meandering process.

Long story short: It sucks. It really really sucks. One generally finds ways to cope with it, but it is often a lifetime struggle. Sometimes incredibly depressingly so.