Okay, I hate to break this to you, news media...

[Magus]

Recently there have been something like a hundred news segments on this subject, all acting as if this is news, something to be concerned about, flip out about, so I'll just come out and say it:

Everything has some fecal matter and bacteria on it, in microscopic amounts. Every time you flush the toilet some it goes into the air and spread all over the place, for example. Everything in your house has some fecal matter on it. The food you eat has some fecal matter on it. Everything. EVERYTHING.

The reason we can function is we don't think about this everyday.

But you insist on making news stories about this every day.

Quit making news stories about this, please.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Please don't replace "there is fecal matter in your soda" stories with "there is semen in your burger" stories unless it is literally about some dude jacking off into the mayonnaise.

[rpgdemon]

See, you're just as bad, if not worse, than the original news reports, because I haven't seen any of them.

[shiney]

You have irradiated material in you, resulting from atomic explosions. EVERYBODY PANIC

[Magus]

See, you're just as bad, if not worse, than the original news reports, because I haven't seen any of them.

OH GOD I'VE BECOME WHAT I HATED!

RAMZA! WHAT DID YOU GET...?

[rpgdemon]

You have irradiated material in you, resulting from atomic explosions. EVERYBODY PANIC

My water's radioactive. True story.

[pochercoaster]

You have irradiated material in you, resulting from atomic explosions. EVERYBODY PANIC

Wait what


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/3897/ghoulf.jpg

Oh fuck

[Premmy]

dude you get to live forever and not suffer any serious depreciation in your attractiveness. Why wouldn't you want to be a ghoul?

[Aerozord]

dude you get to live forever and not suffer any serious depreciation in your attractiveness. Why wouldn't you want to be a ghoul?

the slow encroachment of insanity? Plus, living forever has got to suck

[Kerensky287]

Well, I wouldn't want to be THAT ghoul. He's got a bullet casing flying into the air in front of him.

News media tells me that means you're about to be shot, or may already have been.

[Doc ock rokc]

Yeah its almost as bad as my Environmental Literature class They constantly try to throw these "wake up things" at you but With only a little bit of research you can easily figure out that most of it is scare tactics. Like in class they were talking about cellphones and wi-fi. I was the only one in the class that knew that While cellphones can effect sperm count when Placed next to the genitalia (much like radios can) the chances of cancer while raised is about equal to that of going out into the sun. Wifi is a fatter frequency and it has the same chances of giving you cancer as a light bulb would.

[Aerozord]

Yeah its almost as bad as my Environmental Literature class They constantly try to throw these "wake up things" at you but With only a little bit of research you can easily figure out that most of it is scare tactics. Like in class they were talking about cellphones and wi-fi. I was the only one in the class that knew that While cellphones can effect sperm count when Placed next to the genitalia (much like radios can) the chances of cancer while raised is about equal to that of going out into the sun. Wifi is a fatter frequency and it has the same chances of giving you cancer as a light bulb would.

I did have one teacher that, while explaining it was pointing out the errors in the tests. Namely that the dangers of wi-fi were tests done on powerful microwave antennas, several magnitudes stronger then anything used for internet access.

Plus, like with germs radiation is around us constantly. Heck I'm emitting radiation right now. They forget its radiation over time and below a certain level your body can flush it out faster then it can build up.

[CABAL49]

Magus just ate 20 pounds of feces. And has semen in his beard.

[Magus]

I'll have you know it was only 16 pounds!

Also, all your apple juice has levels of arsenic higher than the levels of the water. It is allowed to have more arsenic than water. You have been drinking arsenic all your life. In fact there was probably more arsenic in it when you were a kid and actually developing.

This does not change the fact that the amount of arsenic is far far far below the amount that would ever actually do anything to you. But will Dr. Oz get a shit-load of ratings out of testing five bottles of apple juice (clearly the greatest statistical amount ever tested for any statistical analysis)? You bet your sweet ass!

Could we quit buying apple juice from China where arsenic is still used as an insecticide? Why yes we could. But then companies wouldn't make as much money and the CEO of Dole would have to be paid like, five million dollars instead of six million dollars. Do you really want such a horrible thing to happen?!

[rpgdemon]

I um... I don't think anyone buys apples from China.

It might just be that they grow natively here, but do people seriously import apples from China?

[pochercoaster]

This does not change the fact that the amount of arsenic is far far far below the amount that would ever actually do anything to you. But will Dr. Oz get a shit-load of ratings out of testing five bottles of apple juice (clearly the greatest statistical amount ever tested for any statistical analysis)? You bet your sweet ass!


Oh, did you start this thread because of something Dr. Oz said? Cause fuck that guy so much of what he says is bullshit. Whenever I incidentally come across him on TV I'm infuriated by the quackery spewing from his mouth.

[Magus]

There were several news stories specifically about feces. For instance, I think it was CNN running one about how, in examining soda from five fast-food restaurants in some southern state somewhere (again, an amazing statistical analysis here), there was found to be fecal matter in the soda (some minute microscopic amount that is in literally everything, but obviously this wasn't mentioned). Which is to say, no duh. Then there were several other stories about how much fecal matter is in this, that, and the other thing, culminating in Anderson Cooper's cellphone being examined and guess what! Fecal matter all over that thing!

It's not that Anderson Cooper doesn't wipe himself properly (well, MAYBE. He cleans up well but we all know he has the heart of a slob under that smooth veneer). It's that everybody's cellphone has fecal matter all over it. YOUR CELLPHONE RIGHT NOW HAS FECAL MATTER ALL OVER IT.

This is a fact of life. Don't bother mentioning it unless it's dangerous levels of fecal matter, arsenic, etc. It just wastes my time and makes all the germaphobic "Monk" types pass out and hit their heads on the way down, raising medical costs for us all.

[CABAL49]

In the South we are obsessed with feces. Seriously. Cannot get enough of that shit.

[Hatake Kakashi]

There's shit in food now?

Please. We covered that a little while ago. (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=40284)

[Locke cole]

the slow encroachment of insanity? Plus, living forever has got to suck

Have you noticed that all the people who write about how much immortality sucks happen to be... mortal?

Sounds like sour grapes to me.

[mauve]

There's also cyanide in wild almonds, mercury in ocean fish, radioactive material in older versions of Fiestaware, cadmium and lead in little girls' costume jewelry, lead in Halloween facepaint, radon in basements, asbestos iin floor tiles, and ground-up insect wings in your strawberry yogurt (look for the ingredient "carmine" in foods, if I remember correctly. It's a red food dye derived from insect carapaces.) Edit: I'll cut out this last one since I can't remember where I heard it and I'm too lazy to go fact checking right now.

[pochercoaster]

It's a red food dye derived from insect carapaces.) Edit: I'll cut out this last one since I can't remember where I heard it and I'm too lazy to go fact checking right now.

Yes, that is in fact true. It's used in many other foods as well (imitation crab, for example) and it's totally edible.

[Oron]

Well? (http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html) Yes, you should be concerned about DHMO! Although the U.S. Government and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) do not classify Dihydrogen Monoxide as a toxic or carcinogenic substance (as it does with better known chemicals such as hydrochloric acid and benzene), DHMO is a constituent of many known toxic substances, diseases and disease-causing agents, environmental hazards and can even be lethal to humans in quantities as small as a thimbleful.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

[Aerozord]

err that site says its in explosives and poisons. I mean the actual sulfuric acid would do more harm then trace amounts inside it.

[Krylo]

Dihydrogen = h2. Monoxide = O

H2O, Aero.

[Aerozord]

Dihydrogen = h2. Monoxide = O

H2O, Aero.

oh for the love of, I cant believe I missed that. It was on my freakin chemistry test, granted years ago but it was like the free point question.

[CABAL49]

After reading this thread, everyone here is now covered head to toe in feces.

[Marc v4.0]

Dihydrogen = h2. Monoxide = O

H2O, Aero.

Aero, I want you to wear a hat made of carboard boxes, all the time.

So I can tell who you are.

[Sifright]

Aero made the best post in this thread I think its safe to say although, Oron set him up wonderfully

[Geminex]

Guys guys guys
I just heard that some of my molecules might once have been part of gay people
I might be made of gay molecules
What do i do?
Pls help

[Krylo]

Have sex with people of the same gender.

[Pip Boy]

Just don't go forming any covalence bonds without protection, if you know what I mean, there's no telling where those gay electrons have been.

[CABAL49]

Covalent bonds are for profligates and hippies. Real men form ionic bonds.

[Magus]

For added danger, form hydrogen bonds. So unstable. SO ON THE EDGE.

[Aerozord]

hmm if all your cells have sex with themselves... I guess that means we are all masturbating constantly

[Fenris]

hmm if all your cells have sex with themselves... I guess that means we are all masturbating constantly

So, nothing has changed?