ned sum help pleas

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

hi! i herd that this is a grate form with nise peeple. i ned sum help. i have a frend who toks to me. his name is capten howdy. capten howdy was my frend and we plaid nise but now hes gettin meen. capten howdy makes me do bad things. can any one help me and capten howdy?

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Hi Regan,

First off: What exactly did capten howdy do that you think is so mean? Did he steal your ball? Pulled your hair? Touch you inappropriately? If so, where?

The important thing is, that all of the above are not unusual, depending on your age and/or his age in relation to yours. In some cases you may be able to sue him to pay him back.

I know it's not much but I hope I could help. Maybe we can help you more if you answer my questions.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Turn into a kobold. Win the game.

[BitVyper]

The twist is that Capten Howdy was her all along.

[phil_]

Why are so many of the results google gives me in Spanish? Is The Exorcist really big in Spain or what?

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

capten howdy is tellin me to yell and screem and say bad wurds. capten howdy is makin my mom cry. mom is takin me to the docter tomoro.

[BitVyper]

I like the cut of this capten howdy's jib. He sounds like a stand up fellow.

[CABAL49]

Tell Pazuzu to quit being a mooch and get his own house.

[phil_]

Regan? Regan, this is very important. I need to talk to Captain Howdy. Can I do that? Can I talk to Captain Howdy?

Ok, Captain Howdy, if you're listening, this is all I have to say to you. I know what you are and what you're doing, and I won't stand for it. If there are red lines under the words, that means they're misspelled. You make her right-click those words and fix them, or God help me I will track you down and do it myself!

[Magus]

Haha, what a terrible name to have! So idiotic.

Pssh. Regan. Glargh. Terrible.

Captain Howdy, though? Pretty awesome. You should look into changing yours to something better.

[BitVyper]

It's Capten.

[Fifthfiend]

Nice to meet you Regan, I think it would be a good idea for you to review this instructional videographic lesson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv0b84Gm1zE) which contains advice pertaining directly to your stituation.

[Mr.Bookworm]

Regan, can you show me where Captain Howdy touched you on this Jesus doll?

[Nikose Tyris]

...Who let my little sister on this board. C'mon, kid, we're going home. You're not allowed anywhere near these people.

[akaSM]

I'm calling it now, Nik is Capten Howdy.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

sorry ive not been hear. i hav a bad hed ake. mom ses will ask the dokter abot it tomorow.

[Osterbaum]

First off: What exactly did capten howdy do that you think is so mean? Did he steal your ball? Pulled your hair? Touch you inappropriately? If so, where?
Why do YOU want to know that!?

[Ecks]

Because he's IG.

On a different note, who are these characters, and will there be sufficient reason for me to give an attempt at a damn about them?

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Docter tested me. He put me in a big mashine and pokd me with needels. Capten Howdy told me they were bad men. They told my mom sum thin was wron with my brain. That cunt is wron.

[phil_]

That cunt is wron.And I'm back on board with this train wreck! :dance:

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Im so scarde. My bed startd shakin and my cloths and books wer movin all by them selvs. Im not sleepin tonite. It keeps gettin coldr and coldr in my room. Capten Howdy stopd to day tho.

[batgirl]

As a trained medical professional I can offer the following advice:

If you see a light, go towards it. Go towards the light and don't look back.

[Magus]

Your class in necromancy has failed you, batgirl! That's clearly good advice when dealing with poltergeists, but in this case we are clearly dealing with a demonic presence. In this case, the light is THE FLAMES OF HELL. You want to avoid those!

[Flarecobra]

Eh, Hell DOES have great Halloween parties though.

[Intern Nin]

Cap'n Howdy?

Paz? That you inside this girl? Holy shit.

Small freakin' world. Paz, you ol' so-and-so! It's me, Tom. Haven't seen you since that road trip me, you, and Belphegor took through the psychic plains. I still got the picture of you posing in front of the Void.

http://i397.photobucket.com/albums/pp51/InternNin/Pazuzu.jpg
Still a dumbass pose, by the way.

Shoot, you should friend me dude. I mean like, get your own account and do that, I don't want to be friends with a girl possessed. Oh, word of advice Regan: stay away from pea soup cuz this guy... hahaha! I can't even bring myself to say it with a straight face, it's just too messed up. You're going to have to ask him yourself.

Talk to ya later man. Oh, and if you see Nick, tell him no and to stay the hell off my Steam account. Not the Nick I'm related to, of course, the Nick who- ah, y'know who I'm talking about.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

The sow is mine!

[Premmy]

Cool. How's that dude running with Katie?

[BitVyper]

The sow is mine!

Oh for the love of...

Has anyone seen Jesus? Never around when you need him, I swear.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Do you know what she did? Your cunting poster?

[Melfice]

Probably nothing that requires such language.
Just because you're a demonic entity possessing a young girl doesn't give you the liberty to go swearing up and down the forums.

[BitVyper]

Yeah that's just rude.

[Jesus]

Oh what the fuck is this bullshit

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Hello, Regan. We're friends of your mothers, we're here to help you.

[Jesus]

Hey you. YOU.

Cut the shit, nobody's impressed.

[Jesus]

OH LOOK AT ME, I CAN POSESS A LITTLE GIRL AND MAKE HER SAY CUNT

Well yeah so can the rest of us. But we all know not to, unless it's appropriate.

[BitVyper]

Like when impregnating a married woman so she can give birth to yourself.

[Jesus]

Like when impregnating a married woman so she can give birth to yourself.

What? Dude, that's gross.

Don't be gross.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

...emit su eviG

.Eid reh tel

!tseirp eht raeF

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

!NIRREM

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Where's Regan? Who are you?

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

I'm the devil.

[Jesus]

The devil has better fashion sense.

Also - more fun at parties!

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

You who are the lamb, why not leap, and let the angels catch you?

Trust in me, for I can offer you all the kingdoms of the Earth.

[BitVyper]

You who are the lamb, why not leap, and let the angels catch you?

Trust in me, for I can offer you all the kingdoms of the Earth.

Isn't that kind of like trying to buy a guy who owns a gold mine with copper?

[BitVyper]

I have an idea! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq85G-EdFEI)

[Jesus]

all the kingdoms of the STEVE?! Steve that had better not be you in there.

You KNOW I will tell your wife about this, do you really want a repeat of last time?

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Why this girl? ...It makes no sense.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Why this girl? ...It makes no sense.

Num putasne me expellere sacerdos?

Intente.

Ego te provoco.

[BitVyper]

You guys know we have online translators now, right? I get that you've been out of the loop, but using fancy dead languages isn't that cool anymore. If you really want to get our attention, try making your case entirely via gifs.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Now, people: this girl doesn't say she's a demon, she says she's the Devil himself. If you've seen as many schizophrenics as I have, you'll realize that's the same thing as saying you're Napolean Bonaparte.

[BitVyper]

I figure she's just talking big, like how I tell girls at bars I'm Barack Obama in disguise.

[Revising Ocelot]

Can't find my post regarding self-defenestration volunteers. Oh well. This Karras guy will have to suffice.

[Intern Nin]

A little protip Padre Karras, Paz is probably gonna start doing his patented "Read you mind and then speak to you in the voice of a dead loved one to make you think that they're trapped eternally in the lake of fire and it's all your fault". Seriously, the guy's like a parrot. Perfect imitation. Totally had me convinced my meema was folding socks in hell.

[Jesus]

Come on Steve you're supposed to have gotten past this.

Remember all the therapy? Remember the crying?

You know that's not a road you want to have to go down again.

[Flarecobra]

Where's Satan's Onion when she's needed the most..

[Intern Nin]

Wow wow wow, time out Jesus! Are you saying this guy, Pazuzu Stephen Swarmlord, has been in therapy and... he cried during it?

[PyrosNine]

Of course he cried. He's a second rate possessor. I mean, he even did the whole "convince you maternal figure was doing something she did a lot, but in hell routine." which is totally amateur.

Anybody can do it!

HOLA NINNY-POO, IT IS I, YOUR MEEMA! AND I AM FOLDING SOCKS IN HELL!

...WHY HAVEN'T YOU GIVEN ME A CALL LATELY? I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY, AND I'M IN HELL FOLDING SOCKS, AND BY THE DEVIL THEY HAVE A LOT OF SOCKS, BUT I THINK YOU CAN STILL FIND THE TIME TO GIVE ME A CALL IN BETWEEN TALKING TO POSSESSED LITTLE GIRLS.

DID YOU EVER GET THAT RASH CLEARED UP, DEAR? THE ONE IN THE SENSITIVE PLACE? I JUST WORRY, THAT'S ALL, BECAUSE I'M HERE IN HELL FOLDING SOCKS.

BY THE WAY, I NOTICED I JUST SO HAPPEN TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THE FIRST GIRL YOU EVER WANTED TO MAKE LOVE TO, AND YET I STILL SOUND LIKE MY OLD SELF. STILL FOLDIN' SOCKS. SOCKS MADE OF ENTRAILS.

ANYWAY, I WILL LET YOU GET BACK TO YOUR INTERNET POSTINGS, I'VE STILL GOT PLENTY OF HELL FOLDS TO SOCK, AND GET BUGGERED BY THAT MAILMAN YOU COULD HAVE SWORN WAS GIVING YOU FUNNY LOOKS WHEN YOU PICKED UP YOUR MAIL. I FOLD HIS SOCKS TOO, IN HELL. HE SAYS HE ALSO LIKES HOW I LOOK LIKE SOME HOT GIRL YOU ONCE KNEW. ITS A RELATIONSHIP BUILT UPON LIES AND OLD VOICES YELPING, BUT IT'S THE ONLY ACTION I WILL GET WHILE FOLDING SOCKS IN HELL.

SINCERELY, YOUR MEEMA

PS. FOLDING SOCKS IN HELL


PPS. IGNORE THE FACT THAT THERE'S A WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE I USED TO LIVING IN FLORIDA. I'M TOTALLY DEAD AND NOT JUST COUNTING ON YOU TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT YOUR MEEMA IS STILL ALIVE.

[Intern Nin]

Eh, I give it a C+. You didn't call me by my full name, make me feel guilty for stealing food off my sister's plate at dinner, or bring up some of my more traumatizing experiences from the boy scouts. That would've been some classic meema. Props for mentioning the rash but, honestly, Paz's was just way better. He even knew that she spoke in banana yellow, not red.

Speaking of Paz; Jesus, dude. I knew you were possessing a little girl but I didn't realize you had become one. Does Belphegor know that you're getting your head shrunk?

[Fr. Damien Karras]

HOLA NINNY-POO, IT IS I, YOUR MEEMA! AND I AM FOLDING SOCKS IN HELL!

...WHY HAVEN'T YOU GIVEN ME A CALL LATELY? I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY, AND I'M IN HELL FOLDING SOCKS, AND BY THE DEVIL THEY HAVE A LOT OF SOCKS, BUT I THINK YOU CAN STILL FIND THE TIME TO GIVE ME A CALL IN BETWEEN TALKING TO POSSESSED LITTLE GIRLS.

DID YOU EVER GET THAT RASH CLEARED UP, DEAR? THE ONE IN THE SENSITIVE PLACE? I JUST WORRY, THAT'S ALL, BECAUSE I'M HERE IN HELL FOLDING SOCKS.

BY THE WAY, I NOTICED I JUST SO HAPPEN TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THE FIRST GIRL YOU EVER WANTED TO MAKE LOVE TO, AND YET I STILL SOUND LIKE MY OLD SELF. STILL FOLDIN' SOCKS. SOCKS MADE OF ENTRAILS.

ANYWAY, I WILL LET YOU GET BACK TO YOUR INTERNET POSTINGS, I'VE STILL GOT PLENTY OF HELL FOLDS TO SOCK, AND GET BUGGERED BY THAT MAILMAN YOU COULD HAVE SWORN WAS GIVING YOU FUNNY LOOKS WHEN YOU PICKED UP YOUR MAIL. I FOLD HIS SOCKS TOO, IN HELL. HE SAYS HE ALSO LIKES HOW I LOOK LIKE SOME HOT GIRL YOU ONCE KNEW. ITS A RELATIONSHIP BUILT UPON LIES AND OLD VOICES YELPING, BUT IT'S THE ONLY ACTION I WILL GET WHILE FOLDING SOCKS IN HELL.

SINCERELY, YOUR MEEMA

PS. FOLDING SOCKS IN HELL


PPS. IGNORE THE FACT THAT THERE'S A WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE I USED TO LIVING IN FLORIDA. I'M TOTALLY DEAD AND NOT JUST COUNTING ON YOU TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT YOUR MEEMA IS STILL ALIVE.

You're not my mother.

YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Damien!

Get out.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Everyone - it is especially important to avoid conversations with the demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, and powerful. So don't listen to him. Remember that - do not listen.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Shove it up your ass!

[PyrosNine]

Shove it up your ass!

Oh snap, son! You just got told!

You gonna take that, Father Merrin? Paz be disrespecting you up in your junk!

[BitVyper]

Merrin, you remembered to take your heart medication this morning, right?

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

I CAST YOU OUT! UNCLEAN SPIRIT!

In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ! It is he who commands you! It is he who flung you from the gates of Heaven to the depths of Hell! Be gone from this creature of God! Be gone! In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit!

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

http://i1130.photobucket.com/albums/m536/lancastermerrin1/34fasx900pb03de.jpg

[BitVyper]

You took my suggestion! I'm so proud.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

http://i1130.photobucket.com/albums/m536/lancastermerrin1/1lancastermerrin.jpg

[Intern Nin]

I warned her about pea soup. I told her, dog.

[Geminex]

youve got to FLIP the gril TURNWAYS

[Flarecobra]

Hankie?

And hey, I've been called dead before. Devil's a really nice person if you don't bring up the whole "Cast out" thing. Snappy dresser too, actually has taste in ties, which I don't think most mortal humans can pull off.

And the moral of this thread I think is... don't let NPFers rewrite classic horror movies.

[Satan's Onion]

Regan, hon, if you're feeling pukey or nauseated, just try to get some bed rest. I've found that closing your eyes and concentrating on deep breathing can really help keep the nausea in check.

You might try nibbling on some dry toast, too, or a cracker--eating just a little bit at a time should keep you from heaving up the whole thing, like you apparently did with your soup there.

Poor thing. You take care of yourself, because it sounds to me like you've caught the stomach flu from Hell, lol.

[Intern Nin]

If that don't work and it looks like he's sticking around, try my take on a Maalox cocktail: A few drops of peppermint spirit into some blessed water from the river Jordon. Sprinkle that on her face, Big P hates that.

Sorry man, but you got to start getting your shit together. It's for your own good.

[Amake]

I found another priest with experience in these matters:
http://i696.photobucket.com/albums/vv324/immortalpictures/exorcist.jpg

[Ecks]

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE.

Except Exorcist shenanigans, that part was obvious.

Who are these men of cloth? Why has Jesus risen? Who are these daemons and why do they possess little girls? AND WHY THE HELL AM I ASKING YOU ALL THESE QUESTIONS WHEN I CLEARLY HAVE NOT BEEN CONVINCED TO GIVE A DAMN YET?

[Revising Ocelot]

KARRAS!

Defenhttp://i.imgur.com/F0Zlg.jpgstration. Now.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Regan, hon, if you're feeling pukey or nauseated, just try to get some bed rest. I've found that closing your eyes and concentrating on deep breathing can really help keep the nausea in check.


You might loosen these straps, then.

[BitVyper]

Well that seems reason-waaaait a minute, are you trying to trick me? Be honest.

[Satan's Onion]

Sweetie, being on the internet isn't going to get you better! You'll just tire yourself out. Now, off you go and let us send you all our best wishes for a speedy recovery!

http://dl7.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1147/1147897eyr0cg734b.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[Melfice]

Found another priest!
No way this'll go wrong now!

http://i1206.photobucket.com/albums/bb458/MelficeSilesius/leslie-nielsen-repossessed-rip-2010.jpg

[Flarecobra]

Why hasn't anyone reccomended holy fire yet?

[Saint George]

Thou onerous odious perfidious serpent! Take your leave from this poor innocent maid and come forth and fight me with honor!

[BitVyper]

What are you gonna do if he decides to fight you in some place that isn't covered in resurrection plot devices?

[Saint George]

A true knight knows not these fears. My duty is to safeguard the soul of this young girl with no worry for myself. My faith in my lord, my God and my blade will sustain me.

[BitVyper]

I'm just saying, your big claim to fame comes from killing a dragon that killed you at least twice during the fight. Like if you hadn't gotten the knockout, decision would have given it to the dragon. Maybe you should reexamine your limitations is all.

[Saint George]

Are you always such a killjoy or is it just today for some reason?

[BitVyper]

Woah, no need to get so defensive there, George. I'm only looking out for you. Your friends and I are all really worried.

[Kerensky287]

At least he killed that joy without plot devices.

[Saint George]

I prefer to think of it as God's will. In any case, I apologize if I seem brusque. As you can understand this whole situation has me on edge.

[Kerensky287]

Was that a sword pun?

[Flarecobra]

Thou onerous odious perfidious serpent! Take your leave from this poor innocent maid and come forth and fight me with honor!

...Were you talking to me?

[Intern Nin]

George is from a time when serpents were synonymous with devils, don't take it personal.

Also, I think it's getting pretty crowded in here. What say all of us (minus one guy who will stay behind to keep an eye on the girl) take a smoke break in the parlor and come up with a new strategy.

Paz, you gonna be okay if we leave you alone with Padre Merrin for a few minutes?

[Flarecobra]

I don't smoke though.

I make other things smoke.

[akaSM]

I'm the devil.

Synk poser, you forgot to use tahoma.

Everyone - it is especially important to avoid conversations with the demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, and powerful. So don't listen to him. Remember that - do not listen.

Hmm...hey Paz, what can you say about the cake?

Saint George
Dragonslayer

Shy, toast.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Shy, toast.

http://i326.photobucket.com/albums/k438/broegan_photos/jesus_toast.jpg

[Flarecobra]

Needs more bacon.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

http://i1119.photobucket.com/albums/k635/kritterbox/bacon_fuck_you.gif

[Loyal]

...Were you talking to me?
George is from a time when serpents were synonymous with devils, don't take it personal.
On the other hand, George is from a classical time, a simpler time, where pretty much everybody was racist against something and monsters existed to be slain. So.

[batgirl]

Pffttt, you all and your primitive ways. I got the cure for what ails ya right here: 360J of electricity strait to the heart followed by 2mg of ativan IV. Let me at 'em!

[Geminex]

Batgirl's a witch! She interferes with the sacred barrier between this world and the afterlife!

She communes with death himself!

Burn her!

[Flarecobra]

Gem apprentally missed something I've said in the past.

Batgirl isn't the one that communes with death. ^_^

[Geminex]

Double witches! They're multiplying!

[akaSM]

Pffttt, you all and your primitive ways. I got the cure for what ails ya right here: 360J of electricity strait to the heart followed by 2mg of ativan IV. Let me at 'em!

Can we make some cheese sandwiches while you toast the Synk poser?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Double witches! They're multiplying!

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20091224030702/left4dead/images/e/e6/Witch_Comfort_group.png

[Fr. Damien Karras]

How long are you planning on staying in Regan?

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Until she rots and lies stinking in the earth!

[BitVyper]

How is that productive?

[Intern Nin]

Maybe Satan wants to make more bears?

[Flarecobra]

Maybe he needed more bone and blood meal for his garden?

[Geminex]

I'm thinking Satan got evicted and I now just some random squatter. Like the hobo under the bridge, only also a hellish force of evil.

Hey, satan, you want us to spare some change?

[Bard The 5th LW]

That plan really doesn't think in the long term Satan! Sure you get to terrify her family and loved ones, but at the end of the day all you've really done is scream obscenities at people and puke on a priest. Like, you also messed up a psychologist a little but that ain't world shattering.

What I'm saying is, you need to possess someone big and wreck some big shit. Armageddon is supposed to be your game. You're not being an evil monstrosity beyond our control, you're just being a dick.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Pazuzu, Gem, not Satan. Learn the difference it could save your life (or at least soul).

[Geminex]

Pfft. The only thing he wants our souls for is to distill some hooch in a rubber boot.

[PyrosNine]

He just wants to traumatize a priest, her family, and an older priest, so that they will all lose faith in both humanity and in god, or something. Trying to argue a "Devil but no God" scenario from a tykebomb, spiritual terrorism and all that.

The only problem with that is...well, Jesus posted a few pages back.

Yeah, maybe this would have worked a bit better in small town occupied by less supernatural or medium aware denizens.

Or anywhere that Batgirl is not. Seriously, I've got a car battery and I know a guy who knows a guy who is myself who knows Batgirl, and I say we show these crazy priests what years of science, medicine, and electro-shock therapy has taught us how to deal with patients with seizures!

Or give them seizures. Either one works.

Best give up Paz, you can't spin around your head and spit green soup when your host is using all 100% of her brain and jumping like she was y'know, possessed, but moreso!

[Satan's Onion]

And how's our little patient today? You still feeling under the weather? I'm beary hopeful that you'll make a full recovery!

http://dl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1501/1501811jy7svbcwrv.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[Pip Boy]

You might loosen these straps, then.

I think we're all missing the more important point that the demon is clearly Seil. Lets just get you out of those straps, then...

[Flarecobra]

Nah, we figured that out a while ago.

[Magus]

Azazel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallen_%28film%29) is more interesting than Pazuzu. For one thing, totally managed to give Denzel Washington a hard time, which is hard to do, since he's Denzel Washington.

Seriously, Pazuzu, you are not that cool. Even Adramallech and Mephistopheles are cooler than you, and those guys are LAME.

[Krylo]

Hey, fuck you, Mephistopheles is awesome.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e68/dubyasquared/golgothan.jpg

Golgothan or Go Home

[Premmy]

You guys, don't talk about Krylo's mom like that. It's mean.

[synkr0nized]

...Is this an RP?


Synk poser, you forgot to use tahoma.

I may love posting in red, but I am not so naive as to claim ownership of it.



Ha ha ha ha, yes I am.
Let's kill this thing so I can go back to making you all my sla serving dutifully on the staff for all you sweet, innocent folks.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Batgirl's a witch! She interferes with the sacred barrier between this world and the afterlife!

She communes with death himself!

Burn her!

Yeah burn the WITCH!

>_> <_< >_>

Regina did you try screaming at him in german?


...Is this an RP?




I may love posting in red, but I am not so naive as to claim ownership of it.



Ha ha ha ha, yes I am.
Let's kill this thing so I can go back to making you all my sla serving dutifully on the staff for all you sweet, innocent folks.


LIES!!

[batgirl]

[QUOTE=PyrosNine;1164164]
Or anywhere that Batgirl is not. Seriously, I've got a car battery and I know a guy who knows a guy who is myself who knows Batgirl, and I say we show these crazy priests what years of science, medicine, and electro-shock therapy has taught us how to deal with patients with seizures!

Or give them seizures. Either one works.
/QUOTE]

I don't even need a car battery, they give me a machine that can pump out many jolts of 360J at a time to play with at work. I also get to carry narcotics in my pocket. I have the best job ever.

Also, I'm thinking this plan needs less priests and more of Batgirl's Jewish rabbi friends...except we don't believe in Satan...Problem solved!

[Flarecobra]

You know, that brings up another point. Are we sure it's THE devil, or is it A devil?

[Melfice]

Pazuzu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pazuzu_%28The_Exorcist%29).

"[...]Assyrian and Babylonian mythology, where Pazuzu was considered the king of the demons of the wind, and son of the god Hanbi."

[Flarecobra]

So it's not even a real devil then? Just a very strong demon?

[Loyal]

Eh. He's not that strong. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZO6EoIfYjw)

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Belmont confirmed for cheapass spammer.

[Magus]

Hey, fuck you, Mephistopheles is awesome.

Pshh, in half the versions of the story he can't even seal the deal on Faustus' soul, and that guy is a complete idiot. "Man, 20 years of awesome power for my eternal soul, totally a great deal, brah. Why ask for more than two decades?! Now watch me do jack shit with this ability to do anything and everything I could ever imagine." Even if you're going by Marlowe, that has to be easiest jackass to buy the soul off of of all time. Until I see Mephisto take on the task of buying Mother Theresa's soul, I'll consider the dude a hack.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Ne5Lb2SiFHg/SuX-fsFYQ9I/AAAAAAAAnP8/mKwDsh_-Ug0/s400/exorcist10.jpg

[BitVyper]

I'm not reading that until you write it properly, young lady. I didn't send you to school so you could print like an illiterate child.

[Melfice]

And while you're rewriting that, go grab a bacon sandwich.
You're skin and bones, and that's not healthy for a growing girl.

[Kerensky287]

Eh. He's not that strong. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZO6EoIfYjw)

Oh wow.

And these priests here are trying to reason with the bastard. Fuck that, somebody get a Belmont in here. That'd make a WAY better movie.

[Flarecobra]

Why get a Belmont when you got NPF?

Unless you got something AGENST wacky hi-jinks and stuff.

[Krylo]

Pshh, in half the versions of the story he can't even seal the deal on Faustus' soul, and that guy is a complete idiot. "Man, 20 years of awesome power for my eternal soul, totally a great deal, brah. Why ask for more than two decades?! Now watch me do jack shit with this ability to do anything and everything I could ever imagine." Even if you're going by Marlowe, that has to be easiest jackass to buy the soul off of of all time. Until I see Mephisto take on the task of buying Mother Theresa's soul, I'll consider the dude a hack.

Man, what have you been reading? Mephistopheles totally got Faust's soul and then some fucking angel assholes fucked it up by being all, "No, Faust, all you gotta do is repeeeeent."

It's not Mephistopheles's fault that angels actively go around fucking up his shit. If anything that just proves how good he is. Do you see angels following Paz around being like, "Hey, Hey Regan, just pray a little and we'll take care of this"? Nope. Because angels and God don't give no shits about Paz. Paz is small time.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Are you very tired?

[Fr. Damien Karras]

No.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

I would like you to go quickly over to the resdence Damien, and gather up a cassock for myself, two surplices, a purple stole, and some holy water, and your copy of The Roman Ritual. The large one. I believe we should begin.

[Loyal]

Why get a Belmont when you got NPF?

Unless you got something AGENST wacky hi-jinks and stuff.I don't think we have any certifiable exorcists or anti-demon forces or anything of the sort. Garud's not been seen in forever, Skyshot's out, and anyone else who might be of use against demons would have to kill a little girl in the process.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, well, they're all idiots. Well, most of them. They're convinced that this is some sort of joke.

[Bard The 5th LW]

We should call Batman. Batman could totally outdue these clowns in an exorcist.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Why get a Belmont when you got NPF?

Unless you got something AGENST wacky hi-jinks and stuff.

And we carry swords and shotguns. :)

Belmont confirmed for cheapass spammer.

Cheapass affective spammer.

[phil_]

I don't think we have any certifiable exorcists or anti-demon forces or anything of the sort. Garud's not been seen in forever, Skyshot's out, and anyone else who might be of use against demons would have to kill a little girl in the process.If we're gonna go full RP on this, I could totally summon the demon out of her, but why would I do that? You guys (except kry) are arguing that Mephi is a loser. He told a kid to study gynecology solely to get into women's bloomers. That's fantastic demon-ing in the nineteenth century.

[Bard The 5th LW]

If this shit was RP level, then I'd probably be sacrificing another poster TO the demon for superpowers or something.

[phil_]

And then comes the PvP and then drama!

[BitVyper]

I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, well, they're all idiots. Well, most of them. They're convinced that this is some sort of joke.

Who are you calling a personality! I went to MEDICAL SCHOOL, you know!

[Intern Nin]

I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, well, they're all idiots. Well, most of them. They're convinced that this is some sort of joke.

Hey, I resemble that remark!

You know what? All this cliche horror movie skepticism is wearing on me. I need to take a vacation to flavor country. I need it bad.

If you Catties decide you need the help of a 5'2" weirdo in a trench-coat, who's in possession of some exorcism tongs, to get Paz outta that girl, I'll be in the parlor stinking up the drapes.

[PyrosNine]

I could totally summon the demon out of miss possessed pants, but that would require me to possess her and shove him out, and then you'd have to find a way to get me out of her.

And then someone'd turn that into innuendo, and it'd just feel bad all around.

I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, well, they're all idiots. Well, most of them. They're convinced that this is some sort of joke.

I"m not an idiot! I'm just another, slightly more friendly malevolent spirit that's watching how things go down for shits and giggles.

Can't vouch for anybody else though. Especially Pazuzu, since he's mostly just shut up ever since we sort of drowned him out with pop culture references.

...Does this mean it's possible to exorcise with family guy episodes?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

We should call Batman. Batman could totally outdue these clowns in an exorcist.

Dude, why call Batman when we have BatGIRL right here on the forums? Not only is she a trained medical professional, she's also a superhero. I think we can manage.

[Intern Nin]

...Does this mean it's possible to exorcise with family guy episodes?
Sort of. They're not really driven out, the demon just gets really annoyed and walks out of the room. They return the minute you switch the channel to the Lifetime movie of the week. I speak from experience.

And yes, this is Paz I'm talking about.

Edit: Back to smoking!

[Seil]

D1PH_Y8Xn4g

[Flarecobra]

You want holy stuff? I got that.

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/331/4/f/burn_heretic_by_blazbaros-d33qrc2.png

[BitVyper]

Everyone knows you use The Lord's Prayer in German to exorcise a demon. APPARENTLY Pazuzu doesn't click youtube links though.

Vater unser im Himmel,
geheiligt werde dein Name;
dein Reich komme;
dein Wille geschehe,
wie im Himmel so auf Erden.
Unser tägliches Brot gib uns heute.
Und vergib uns unsere Schuld,
wie auch wir vergeben unsern Schuldigern;
und führe uns nicht in Versuchung,
sondern erlöse uns von dem Bösen.
Denn dein ist das Reich und die Kraft
und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit.

Amen.

Alternately, you call up the Winchester brothers and get this:

Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica... Ergo, draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica, adjuramus te ... cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque æternæ perditionìs venenum propinare... Vade, satana, inventor et magister omnis fallaciæ, hostis humanæ salutis... Humiliare sub potenti manu Dei; contremisce et effuge, invocato a nobis sancto et terribili nomine... quem inferi tremunt... Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, Domine. Ut Ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

And if that doesn't work.

A whip, a cross, some holy water, and a shotgun with dragon breath rounds will do just fine.

Just make sure to lore it out of your house before kicking his spectral ass all over the place.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

NIRREM!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

That's it I'm calling the Belmonts.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

NIRREM!

Be silent!

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Aughghahh

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Blessed be the Holy Jesus.

...Give us this day, our daily bread, forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who tresspass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

"But deliver us from the evil one."

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Save me, O God, by thy name. By Thy might, defend my cause. Proud men have risen up against me, and men of violence seek my life... but God is my helper, and the Lord sustains my life. In every need he has delivered me, glory be to the father, to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

"As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen."

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Save your servant, who places her trust in Thee, my God. Be unto her, O Lord, a fortified tower. In the face of the enemy, let the enemy have no power over her.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

"And the son of iniquity be powerless to harm her."

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

your mother sucks cocks in hell karras you faithless slime

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

The Lord be with you.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

"And also with you."

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Let us pray. Holy Lord, almighty Father, everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who once and for all consigned that fallen tyrant to the flames of hell. Who sent your only begotten son into the world to crush that roaring lion.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

rah hah luh luh husanflkn sfklsndgklrs

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Hasten to our call for help and snatch from ruination and from the clutches of the noonday devil, this human being made in your image and likeness. Strike terror Lord, into the beast, now laying waste your vineyard, let your mighty hand cast him out of your servant, Regan Teresa MacNeil, so he may no longer hold captive this person, whom it pleased you to make in your image.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

"And let my cry come unto thee."

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

http://involuntaryfury.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/dantes-inferno.jpg

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

See the cross of the Lord. Be gone, you hostile power. O Lord, hear my prayer. The Lord be with you.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

"And also with you."

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

coh hooungh con con houjgnh!

I CAST YOU OUT, UNCLEAN SPIRIT! IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST!

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Shove it up your ass, you faggot!

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Be gone!! In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit!! By this sign of the holy cross, of our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with the father and the Holy Spirit...

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Amen.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

YOU KILLED YOUR MOTHER! YOU LEFT HER ALONE TO DIE!

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

http://visualcultureblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/exorcist-photo.jpg

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

It's the power.

The power of Christ compels you!

[Fr. Damien Karras]

The power of Christ compels you!

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

The power of Christ compels you!

[Fr. Damien Karras]

The power of Christ compels you!!

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

He brought you low by his bloodstained cross! Do not despise my command because you know me to be a sinner. It's God himself who commands you! The majestic Christ who commands you! God the Father commands you! God the son commands you! The mystery of the cross commands you! The blood of the martyrs commands you!

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u59/Poetisch/126225_image_large.jpg

[BitVyper]

YOU GOT TO DO IT IN GERMAN OR LATIN!

Jesus Christ, you guys. I posted a tutorial and everything.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Give way to Christ, you prince of murderers. You're guilty, before Almighty God, guilty before his son, guilty before the whole human race. It's the Lord who expels you. He who is coming to judge both the living and the dead and the world by fire.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Are you very tired?

[BitVyper]

You're not even listening, are you. I might as well be reciting my grocery list.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

No.

[BitVyper]

Eggs
Milk
Bread
Shreddies

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Let's rest before we start again.

[PyrosNine]

I've always wondered if yelling "the power of christ compels you" at little girls would make them fly, and if this could somehow be harness into some sort of hovercraft. Probably because I always walk in right at this part of the action!

Oh well, seems to be rest time. Now's the time to get popcorn and buncha crunch at your local concession stand, kids!

[Intern Nin]

Okay, the downstairs fire alarm is probably going to go off in about a minute, so I just wanted to tell you all in advance that a small portion of the carpeting caught on fire and was promptly put out. It's under control, the house is not going to burn down so don't worry about that.

So what are you d-Oh man... hahaha! "Light as balloon, limp as a ragdoll"? You're doing that again? Seriously? C'mon Paz, stop fucking with these guys. I think they might actually believe that Jesus is the one doing this.

[synkr0nized]

Shove it up your ass, you faggot!

When registering for these boards, Regan had to read and accept the forum rules (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=38037). When you allegedly took possession of her body, you also took possession of her acknowledgement of the rules. Consider yourself officially warned, while I decide if this requires more severe action.

[Satan's Onion]

What...on...earth is going on here?

your mother sucks cocks in hell karras you faithless slime

Regan, I know you're not feeling well but these people just want you to get better. There's no call for you to swear at them and say rude things about their families. That's just mean.

Shove it up your ass, you faggot!

Especially this, young lady. Maybe you just heard it around the playground without finding out what it meant, but you should know that that is an extremely hurtful term used to demean people who just happen to love people of the same sex as they are. You're very lucky your parents haven't washed your mouth out with soap, missy.

NIRREM!

What is this? Is this one of those meem things that are around on the internet? ...Is this like those funny cat pictures with the captions? Because I enjoy those cat photos, but I'm afraid that's not going to get you off the hook for using that very hurtful term you used (which I will not repeat here). You are in deep trouble, Regan Theresa, and the other moderators and I need to talk to decide on an appropriate punishment.

Now you just sit right there, young lady, and think about what you've done. For shame.

[Intern Nin]

http://i397.photobucket.com/albums/pp51/InternNin/PartyPooper.png
Party Poopers. No cake for you.

[Kerensky287]

Demons these days have no idea what the fuck they're doing.

The trick is to pretend the girl has been possessed by Jesus. Then you can make those fuckers do whatever you want them to.

[Loyal]

Considering they burnt people at the stake just for hearing the voice of God I'm not sure what they think to accomplish by pretending to be possessed by Jesus.

[Intern Nin]

Well, Paz does seem to want this girl dead (For whatever reason. Sometimes I just don't get this guy.). That would definitely speed up the process.

[Fr. Lancaster Merrin]

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name...

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

[Fr. Damien Karras]

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u59/Poetisch/draft_lens18360125module152558408photo_1313874405e xorcist_priest_dies.jpg

[Fr. Damien Karras]

You son of a bitch!

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Take me! Come into me! God damn you, TAKE ME!

[BitVyper]

Woah! Slow down there cowboy! She's only like, twelve.

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

mother! mother!

waa huhn eughn

[Fr. Damien Karras]

Au-u9RWe0Jo

[Fr. Damien Karras]

I'm sorry for offending God, with all the sins of my past life...

[Regan Theresa MacNeil]

thank you.

[Fr. Damien Karras]

In nomine patris, et filli, et spiritus sancti. Amen.

[Seil]

And that's all she wrote.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll180/broadwaybutt/riddler.jpg

"Oooh, nice form, but a little rough on the landing! He may have to settle for the bronze!"

[Seil]

I didn't have much that I could type, here.

[rpgdemon]

I'm just satisfied that they don't have a crapton of rep.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I'm just satisfied that they don't have a crapton of rep.

Well~... I wouldn't say that.

[Bells]

NPF: Making LARP really fucking weird. On the internet.

[Intern Nin]

If it's over the internet, it isn't LARP. It's just ARP.

[Satan's Onion]

If it's over the internet, it isn't LARP. It's just ARP.

How much "A" is there in typing stuff and posting it on the interbutts, really?

[Intern Nin]

You'd be surprised.