Magus
11-14-2011, 12:15 AM
Between Eat 'N Park, Perkins, and now Longhorn Steakhouse I've seen multiple ads advertising half a sandwich with soup and salad for 6.99.
For pretty much the last 20 years if you were going to spend 7 dollars at a regular old sit-down restaurant complete with waiting staff and non-flourescent lighting, you could at least be assured of getting a whole damn sandwich with your soup and salad.
I can only assume this is either a money-making/money-saving scheme on the part of the restaurant industry (like there is some kind of subliminal hypnosis within the commercial that makes the average human being long to eat half a sandwich for the same price they used to eat a whole one) or a new aspect of the "pretending to eat healthy by eating half a Philly cheese steak sandwich as opposed to a whole one" has struck our fat-ass culture, a culture which as yet still yearns for the time when they did not have to wear a XXL t-shirt AT MINIMUM. They cannot accept the new status quo that is Fatmerica so they pretend that they want to eat half a sandwich at full price.
You know you'll just sneak out to the kitchen later at your apartment to pig out on a hastily gobbled down bologna sandwich while your friends spend forever deciding what alternative hipster prog rock dubstep experimental jazz band CD to play while settling down for an ironic game of Sexopoly, the parodical Monopoly game you got at Spencer's Gifts last year, before finally deciding on the new Nickelback album you swore you weren't going to buy because they're total sell-outs to the RIAA, America. Just like you knew you would when you decided half a panini for twice the money was exactly what you wanted. You can't just buy a whole panini someplace else and take half of it home to eat later, for you are incapable of even that level of self-control, America. That's why you bought the new Pink album, too, goddammit what is wrong with you? "This used to be a Fun House/But now it's filled with Evil Clowns"? What kind of lyrical talent is that? Why would you ever buy anything from her again? Why?
The only thing worse than this farce in the world of retail sandwiches is the outright idiocy of the new Subway ads purporting the new low price of $2.49 for a six-inch sub. This is, of course, totally different from their long-running $5.00 foot-long ad. Different by two cents, that is.
I foresee a sandwich-based backlash, ladies and gentlemen, of epic proportions. This madness must stop. I propose an immediate end to this price-gouging upon our restaurant-quality sandwiches! Let these fractional sandwich philanderers peddle their goods elsewhere, someplace where people will accept such nonsensical healthy options as half-sandwiches, like Canada.
For pretty much the last 20 years if you were going to spend 7 dollars at a regular old sit-down restaurant complete with waiting staff and non-flourescent lighting, you could at least be assured of getting a whole damn sandwich with your soup and salad.
I can only assume this is either a money-making/money-saving scheme on the part of the restaurant industry (like there is some kind of subliminal hypnosis within the commercial that makes the average human being long to eat half a sandwich for the same price they used to eat a whole one) or a new aspect of the "pretending to eat healthy by eating half a Philly cheese steak sandwich as opposed to a whole one" has struck our fat-ass culture, a culture which as yet still yearns for the time when they did not have to wear a XXL t-shirt AT MINIMUM. They cannot accept the new status quo that is Fatmerica so they pretend that they want to eat half a sandwich at full price.
You know you'll just sneak out to the kitchen later at your apartment to pig out on a hastily gobbled down bologna sandwich while your friends spend forever deciding what alternative hipster prog rock dubstep experimental jazz band CD to play while settling down for an ironic game of Sexopoly, the parodical Monopoly game you got at Spencer's Gifts last year, before finally deciding on the new Nickelback album you swore you weren't going to buy because they're total sell-outs to the RIAA, America. Just like you knew you would when you decided half a panini for twice the money was exactly what you wanted. You can't just buy a whole panini someplace else and take half of it home to eat later, for you are incapable of even that level of self-control, America. That's why you bought the new Pink album, too, goddammit what is wrong with you? "This used to be a Fun House/But now it's filled with Evil Clowns"? What kind of lyrical talent is that? Why would you ever buy anything from her again? Why?
The only thing worse than this farce in the world of retail sandwiches is the outright idiocy of the new Subway ads purporting the new low price of $2.49 for a six-inch sub. This is, of course, totally different from their long-running $5.00 foot-long ad. Different by two cents, that is.
I foresee a sandwich-based backlash, ladies and gentlemen, of epic proportions. This madness must stop. I propose an immediate end to this price-gouging upon our restaurant-quality sandwiches! Let these fractional sandwich philanderers peddle their goods elsewhere, someplace where people will accept such nonsensical healthy options as half-sandwiches, like Canada.