View Full Version : Ladies And Gentlefops, An Epiphanous Question About Literary Refreshment Hounds Me So
So I was sitting in a coffee shop, reading my book today, when I deigned to take a sip of coffee. I suddenly was aware of the the act of having to turn away from a good book for refreshment, and thus, happening many more times, I was forced to put down my book to think of an alternate means of present-literature refreshment.
At first, I thought of a series of straws, but I quickly disregarded that as too complex for an afternoon coffee. (Barring the curious effect on the taste of the brew, mind you.)
I then resolved to begin listening to audio-books, but that was disregarded as well for I'd have a queer look about me staring into space in public, which I do enough of anyway. (But I'd rather not have even more people giving me funny looks.)
I'm of the opinion that there's nothing I can do but sate my coffee and coffee-related needs before I read, and that, gentlemen, simply will not do. I endeavour that all of you, be you either Gentlefop, Lady, or anythign in between, to help me to rid myself of this evil problem.
Flarecobra
05-18-2012, 04:14 PM
Hold drink in one hand, read book in other. Turn page with thumb.
Or horror of horrors, put down to the drink for a second to turn the page.
The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk
05-18-2012, 04:33 PM
Hmm, tis a dilemma to be sure. How does one partake of ones routine beverage whilst continuing to maintain necessary eye contact with the stimuli of ones favoured novel? One could imagine perhaps leaning over backwards with the arm clutching said book outretched whilst with the other hand taking a sip of ones beverage, but such a practice would be absurd in a public space and would induce unsavoury aches of the limbs.
I do hear tell of a marvellous new invention that allows one to put books on a remarkably light device called a "Pad" which could concievably be held one handed without undo strain on ones arm, whilst leaving the other free and able to bring forth the required beverage, but again, undue leaning would be required to maintain consistent eye contact.
If only it were possible to invent some sort of image display that could be shone directly upon the retina, and which moved with ones person at all times, to allow for uninterrupted perusal of ones desired novellas. Alas, science has failed until now to yeild unto us such a magnificent device. Perhaps in time...
Hold drink in one hand, read book in other. Turn page with thumb.
Or horror of horrors, put down to the drink for a second to turn the page.
Ye gods woman, what manner of sycophant are you?! What if ones novel is simple too large to hold for long? This is exactly the kind of plebian discomforture we are trying to prevent.
And as for putting the drink down, can you not see our time is precious? We simply cannot afford to waste time with this kind of multi-limbed multi-tasking. If one is engrossed in ones novel, yet also deigns to replenish vital fluids, one demands that we should be able to easily and immediately do both, without delay. Worse yet, if the drink in question is out of ones grip, the potential for spillage is increased tenfold! Ruffians like yourself could at any moment stumble into our person or our table and then disaster! Of course one would never expect such a thing to happen, but why should one ever take the chance? Nay, our beverage must be gripped firmly at all times, to better remain under ones own direct control.
http://www.otherlandtoys.co.uk/images/thirstred800w.jpg
Revising Ocelot
05-18-2012, 04:56 PM
dumb
Professor Smarmiarty
05-18-2012, 05:37 PM
Mainline it
mauve
05-18-2012, 07:50 PM
Coffee IV run to a vein in your arm. Problem solved.
Flarecobra
05-18-2012, 09:13 PM
Coffee IV run to a vein in your arm. Problem solved.
What if one has a fear of needles?
Aldurin
05-18-2012, 09:44 PM
What if one only accepts refined drinks that must actually be drunk in a very specific manner to experience the flavor? Your IV plan is primitive and peasant-like.
One must endeavour to conquer their fears, it is the will of the spirit that the flesh is not shocked by the pricks and stings of the necessity. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heJrK751zi8)
However, Ecks, sound your idea may be, you must think of the predicament of the cafe and its patrons, as well as the effect that straws have on the taste of such a confection.
Shyria Dracnoir
05-19-2012, 03:24 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_enema
Premmy
05-19-2012, 04:30 AM
1: Prop book Up on an angled surface as such that it can be comfortably read without holding it.
2: open book
3: Acquire beverage
4: Drink beverage while reading book
5: enjoy simultaneous bookage and drinkage
6: Pay me for your enjoyment.
Well, apparently. (http://www.anyclip.com/movies/croc-dundee-in-la/coffee-enema/)
dumb
i dont see you coming up with anything
jerk
Magus
05-21-2012, 04:52 PM
Third robot arm.
Magus
05-21-2012, 04:53 PM
Bodyslave to read the book to you.
Magus
05-21-2012, 04:54 PM
Bodyslave to put the coffee up to your mouth.
Bodyslave to drink the coffee and read the book and tell you about the experience later.
Flarecobra
05-21-2012, 05:21 PM
Telekinesis.
Shyria Dracnoir
05-21-2012, 07:11 PM
Tentacle growing out of your lower back.
Flarecobra
05-21-2012, 07:21 PM
Tentacle growing out of your lower back.
Why stop with one?
Ryong
05-21-2012, 09:47 PM
I am suddenly reminded of a show that had a few "experts" on studying evolution that analyzed a series of common problems and tried coming up with how humans would be like in the far future.
Along with a more effective brain, that involved flipping the knee joint to avoid knee injuries, a stronger, more flexible spine, a tail to avoid falling over because of said new knee joint, a second heart because heart diseases, lungs with better filters and some shit about eyes that worked better on low light because SMOG WILL BE EVERYWHERE or some shit.
Fifthfiend
05-21-2012, 10:12 PM
Put down the internet and get back to reading your book, Seil.
Magus
05-21-2012, 10:16 PM
I would put forth the hope that this is the absolute nadir of "Seil thread" topics, but you know he's got something even more abysmal than this up his sleeve for next week.
I blame sobriety.
Fucking coffee.
Osterbaum
05-22-2012, 05:06 AM
Coffee tastes really bad. Like absolutely awful. I dont know why you chumps like it so much.
The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk
05-22-2012, 05:39 AM
Third robot arm.
Tentacle growing out of your lower back.
Why stop with one?
I am suddenly reminded of a show that had a few "experts" on studying evolution that analyzed a series of common problems and tried coming up with how humans would be like in the far future.
Along with a more effective brain, that involved flipping the knee joint to avoid knee injuries, a stronger, more flexible spine, a tail to avoid falling over because of said new knee joint, a second heart because heart diseases, lungs with better filters and some shit about eyes that worked better on low light because SMOG WILL BE EVERYWHERE or some shit.
Mechadendrites!
http://images.wikia.com/warhammer40k/images/3/34/Techpriest2.jpg
You can of course, replace the servo arm drill with a clamp, plasma cutter, or any other industrial grade tool you want. You can even stick guns on yourself!
Amake
05-22-2012, 10:49 AM
That's both the scariest and most believable depiction of the future I have seen.
Why can't we just put the book on the table and have one or more arm free for nummies?
Mr.Bookworm
05-22-2012, 10:54 AM
Keep your eyes firmly on the page while turning your head to one side and slightly tilting it. Put the corner of the beverage egress at the corner of your mouth. Tilt smoothly and slowly (doing it quick is a great way to get shit all over you) until you encounter the beverage at your pie hole. Start drinking.
With practice, you can do this without even thinking about it.
Ryong
05-22-2012, 03:55 PM
Keep your eyes firmly on the page while turning your head to one side and slightly tilting it. Put the corner of the beverage egress at the corner of your mouth. Tilt smoothly and slowly (doing it quick is a great way to get shit all over you) until you encounter the beverage at your pie hole. Start drinking.
With practice, you can do this without even thinking about it.
But we're still so far from November to think of things like that. (http://xkcd.com/972/)
synkr0nized
05-22-2012, 05:54 PM
Keep your eyes firmly on the page while turning your head to one side and slightly tilting it. Put the corner of the beverage egress at the corner of your mouth. Tilt smoothly and slowly (doing it quick is a great way to get shit all over you) until you encounter the beverage at your pie hole. Start drinking.
With practice, you can do this without even thinking about it.
This man has "book" in his name. You can trust him!
Magus
05-25-2012, 12:36 AM
Coffee tastes really bad. Like absolutely awful. I dont know why you chumps like it so much.
Well if the popularity of Starbucks is any indicator it's that people like putting a shit-ton of crap in the coffee to make up for the taste, so maybe that's why.
Also what really puts this thread on a whole 'nother level of Seil-ness is that it reveals that Seil is one of those guys who goes to coffee shops to read novels in public like, as a thing. Combine this with his thread on fashion, namely an obsession with fingerless gloves, and you have an intense case of
HIPSTER MADNESS
brewing (PUN INTENDED EVERY WHICH WAY IT IS POSSIBLE FOR IT TO BE INTENDED)
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