Can we nuke the city of Baltimore?

[Solid Snake]

...Please tell me we can.
The world would be such a better place without it.

[Magus]

Let's see what Senator Clay Davis has to say about this!

30YW3wgRvyI

[Locke cole]

But they have an aquarium!

That is literally all I remember about Baltimore!

[Solid Snake]

That is literally all I remember about Baltimore!

Objectively speaking, it is the worst metropolitan area in the history of all metropolitan areas anywhere throughout the course of the entirety of human history. In the past, present, future, and any and all iterations of existence throughout the multiverse, in every dimension imaginable to the mere mortal mind and all the dimensions above our feeble recognition, there has never and will never be a place so devoid of value.

That's something worth remembering.

[Solid Snake]

So: Can we nuke it?

[Magus]

Objectively speaking, it is the worst metropolitan area in the history of all metropolitan areas anywhere throughout the course of the entirety of human history. In the past, present, future, and any and all iterations of existence throughout the multiverse, in every dimension imaginable to the mere mortal mind and all the dimensions above our feeble recognition, there has never and will never be a place so devoid of value.

That's something worth remembering.

Let's see what Detroit has to say about this!

0kUp6BFycWc

[CABAL49]

No.

[Solid Snake]

No.

This is an unacceptable answer.

[Tev]

I'm mildly curious to learn what Baltimore did to you.

[synkr0nized]

You're unacceptable.

[Magus]

I'm mildly curious to learn what Baltimore did to you.

What Baltimore does to you, stays...did in Baltimore. Done in Baltimore.

...stays in Baltimore.

[Solid Snake]

I'm mildly curious to learn what Baltimore did to you.

So many terrible, terrible things, over the course of seven years of pain and misery.
...The last four months or so have been particularly awful, though.

Seriously if a random Tea Party pro-gun revolutionary movement were to arise among godawful insane secessionist conservatives, I would probably not support them? Unless their major objective was the invasion and utter destruction of the state of Maryland. In which case I'd gladly join their ranks and sacrifice any semblance of principle for the sheer sake of unleashing a long overdue karmic revenge.

On that note, let's reaffirm the basics:
Baltimore sucks.
Maryland sucks.
Let's nuke it.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

This is an unacceptable answer.

Deal with it.

Alternatively, tactical strikes are A okay.

[Solid Snake]

Deal with it.

I don't think you quite grasp just how much all our lives would improve dramatically if the city of Baltimore was simply wiped off the map.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

A Nuke would only backfire and damage the surrounding areas that aren't the target along with the target.

You posted too fast.

[Solid Snake]

A Nuke would only backfire and damage the surrounding areas that aren't the target along with the target.

You posted too fast.

We can put up some sort of radiation shield that protects DC, Virginia, Delaware and Pennsylvania.

...Actually, that would probably be unnecessary. Because Baltimore is in fact the physical manifestation of hell itself, I'm reasonably certain that any nuclear strike against it would only irradiate the city and surrounding Maryland suburbs. You see, Baltimore exists within a vortex of decay and existential suffering that's so strong that no particles can escape its grasp. It's like a black hole, sucking everything good and decent deep within its unyielding bowels.

So, yeah, let's nuke Baltimore.

[shiney]

dramastically

fixed

[Token]

Oh, oh, oh woke up today feeling the way I always do.
Oh, oh, oh hungry for something that I can't eat, then I hear that beat.

The rhythm of town starts calling me down; it's like a message from high above
Oh, oh, oh pulling me out to the smiles and the streets that I love.


Good morning Baltimore! Every day's like an open door! Every night is a fantasy!
Every sound's like a symphony! Good morning Baltimore! And some day when I take to the floor, the world's gonna wake up and see Baltimore and me!

[Flarecobra]

The Ace of Cakes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ace_of_Cakes) says no.

[Grandmaster_Skweeb]

All the more reason to wipe it out of existence. Cakes are filth incarnate.

For the sake of glorious pies everywhere the tainted cake city must be purged with cleansing fire.

[Arcanum]

All the more reason to wipe it out of existence. Cakes are filth incarnate.

For the sake of glorious pies everywhere the tainted cake city must be purged with cleansing fire.

Get out.

[MSperoni]

Does this have something to do with the Ravens whippin' the tar outta your beloved Patriots, Snake?


(go Ravens!*)




*that's only because Greenbay isn't around anymore due to SanFran** beating them.

**except I used to be a niners fan...so I'm torn.

[Solid Snake]

LET'S TEAR BALTIMORE APART EVERYBODY

[rpgdemon]

Does this have something to do with the Ravens whippin' the tar outta your beloved Patriots, Snake?


(go Ravens!*)




*that's only because Greenbay isn't around anymore due to SanFran** beating them.

**except I used to be a niners fan...so I'm torn.

Ugh FUUUUCK I'm with Snake.

I only saw the first quarterish in a hibachi place, and assumed we won.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

We can nuke Baltimore but we have to nuke you too Snake because all the same arguments apply.

[PyrosNine]

Pyros is against the nuke, when he can just summon a gargantuan massive fire sword from orbit and drop it on Baltimore and have a lot less damage from radiation (mostly) and still have a smoking crater where Baltimore used to be.

However, Pyros's faith levels are low, so I'll need to make a million happy little trees and feed a bunch of small animals, and maybe help some old lady do her laundry, and then we'll see what I'm capable of.

[Revising Ocelot]

Er, I thought the other thread said we had to nuke -all- of America. I cannot approve of such selective fallout.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Fuel-air bombs people. Lots of them. All of the destructive force required to level a city, none of the fallout.

[Solid Snake]

We can nuke Baltimore but we have to nuke you too Snake because all the same arguments apply.

If that's the case, then let me be a martyr.

I may have to die, but the loss of one mere mortal man is nothing when compared to the destruction of the single most vicious scar on the planet Earth, the single greatest blight on the record of humanity.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Sweet. Who has the number of the president?

[Solid Snake]

Sweet. Who has the number of the president?

He's busy with some Inauguration pageantry bullshit right now.

[Osterbaum]

What's the deal with Baltimore?

[Sifright]

man did baltimore piss on your crackers or what? I mean shiiiiiit

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Baltimore lets women vote

[Osterbaum]

Finland was the first country to institute universal suffrage though. Why haven't we been nuked already?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Do you guys not count New Zealand as a country? Or do you not count things that happened in the 19th century? Typical Europeans, racist against everybody not in Europe.
We got it covered though, we banned anything nuclear from the country back in the 80s.

[Osterbaum]

New Zealand is like a backwater, even by Finnish standards.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Is this why they had universal suffrage 13 years beforehand?

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Yeah, Smarty is right, we should totally bomb the shit out of New Zealand too.* After all, it's full of orcs and dragons and Mordor.


*I think this was the point he was making. Maybe.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Why's the answer to everything nukes now. Why the hate :(
The world would be a much better place without nukes.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Besides nukes are too messy. Tactical Explosives is where it's at.

[Sinvael]

As someone who recently had a bit of humpty-dumpty experience, only I was able to help the king's horses and men and fruit bats and orangutans put me back together again, I suggest we 'nuke' this 'Baltimore' with rock'n'roll (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsdj9NRzqC4).

[CABAL49]

My Step-mother's family is near Baltimore. They are Philipino. Pretty sure Snake is being racist here.

[Osterbaum]

Pretty sure Snake has a hardon for nukes. I mean let's face it, he's notorious for wanting to murder loads of people.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

He's also American. Clearly all Americans love nukes (and murdering loads of people). Let's nuke America to solve that problem. By murdering loads of people.

[Solid Snake]

Pretty sure Snake has a hardon for nukes.

The irony for anyone who's played Metal Gear Solid could not be more readily apparent.

In this exclusive case, however, I'm willing to say that nukes are necessary. They may well be evil, and their use should not be tolerated under most circumstances. But Baltimore is not 'most circumstances.' It is a wretched hive of scum and villainy that demands an immediate eradication.

Also: I won't blame the rest of the world if they decided to nuke the shit out of America, but if you make that decision please, please, start with Baltimore first. Give us at least a few sacred moments of absolute, purely distilled bliss in the knowledge that Baltimore has been wiped off the map. Then we can die too.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Pretty sure Snake has a hardon for nukes. I mean let's face it, he's notorious for wanting to murder loads of people.

He is training to be a lawyer. Like that is a conviction right there. I should be a lawyer.

[CABAL49]

The irony for anyone who's played Metal Gear Solid could not be more readily apparent.


I have also played Peacewalker where Snake loves nukes. I am now remembering that I played Peacewalker so fuck you.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Eh, the parts of peace walker that weren't cutscenes, vehicle fights, quick time events or forced combat sections were all right. But then again, I never finished the game because fuck those aforementioned things.

And nukes.

[CABAL49]

The game implies that Snake fucks a 16 year old. I am perfectly ok never finishing that game.

Do the Date with Paz mission my roomates said. I would be funny my roommates said. It was until I took out the box.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Snake fucks everything as long as it's inside a box. He's terrible like that.

[Solid Snake]

The game implies that Snake fucks a 16 year old. I am perfectly ok never finishing that game.


You're talking about Naked Snake, though.
Naked Snake is not Solid Snake.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Don't lie to us Snake. You are naked right now aren't you?

[A Zarkin' Frood]

also I've never played Peace WalkerAfter the trainwreck that was MGS3 (though subsistence redeemed it to an extent) and probably MGS4 which I never played, it's actually a step in the right direction. Maybe the best Metal Gear Game I've played, too bad I could never finish it. Because there were a lot of parts that completely ignored the gameplay premise of MGS. Which, and I have to give it that, MGS3 actually kept dear save for some select spots where it actually worked. At least it didn't turn the game into a third person shooter where stealth is not even an option for the mission that made me say fuck it and just drop the game, mostly because I was pretty sure the stealth part of the game was over and the terrible boss fights and action segments were all that's left.

Of course, I'm going solely by Gameplay here, and you may notice I have an unpopular opinion concerning MGS3, so you just might think very differently from me on Peace Walker.

[Revising Ocelot]

Don't lie to us Snake. You are naked right now aren't you?

Doesn't really matter if he's Naked or Solid, as far as I'm concerned...

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Well, Solid is a clone of Naked and both have a creepy fixation with hiding inside boxes.

[Bells]

peace walker is ok, but i just spent most of my time with it recruiting the SHIT out of everyone

[Solid Snake]

After the trainwreck that was MGS3

...

...

...

...Okay, we need to nuke A Zarkin' Frood too.

[Osterbaum]

I'll sum up all the MGS games for you guys: fucking cutscenes.

[Magus]

Subsistence didn't "redeem it to some extent", it made MGS3 into the best game of the series, so your complaints are invalid, Frood.

[CABAL49]

peace walker is ok, but i just spent most of my time with it recruiting the SHIT out of everyone

If you never play the Date With Paz mission, you might be convinced that it is a fun game. The weird sexualization of Paz is why it is sin.

Also, why can I crawl? having a crouched run is nice, but taking out my ability to crawl? Come one now.

As for MSG3, EVA was the worst character ever. Worse than Otacon's sister, which that says something of just how annoying she is.

Metal Gear games have a habit of being kinda a cool and fun at the beginning before they just stop making sense and just make me angry and wonder why I play them. Sorrow was a pretty cool character but the Pain can fuck right off. That was just stupid. More stupid than Black Ninja.

[Bells]

Oh i try to overlook the weird sexualization of Paz AND Che Guevara that is all over that game, it's the only possible way for me to not come to the conclusion that Suda 51 and Kojima share the same meth dealer...

[Solid Snake]

Completely disagree re: MGS3. It started strong, finished strong, and had a plotline that seemed to deliberately stay the fuck away from MGS2's wacky ending shenanigans. The Boss was phenomenal. Ocelot was spectacular. The Sorrow was innovative and thought-provoking. The End was one of the craziest boss fights I've ever experienced.

EVA wasn't great, but I don't share CABAL's opinion -- she never really annoyed me much, and I enjoyed the last-second twist with her. It was like they set her up to be this random submissive Bond chick, only to pull the rug from under Naked Snake's feet near the end of the game there. I actually think it's kind of unfortunate how the post-MGS3 titles retconned EVA into remaining a Big Boss supporter / ally, it was more awesome when you just assumed she really was a China ally who screwed Snake and the U.S. over. Just really great female characters in general, though. I think just about every videogame writer could learn something important from the portrayal of The Boss.

I could gush forever and a day over MGS3, I just really think it was special.

[Kim]

MGS3 is better than Metal Gear AC!D and AC!D2 which are better than MGS2 which is better than MGS1 which is better than MG2 which is better than MGS4 which is better than Peace Walker which is better than Snake's Revenge which is better than Portable Ops which is better than MG1.

MGS4 and Peace Walker are probably equally terrible but Peace Walker shits all over MGS3 whereas MGS4 shits all over MGS2, ergo Peace Walker is worse.

Anyway, this is the definitive order of quality, as written by me, because I am great.

[CABAL49]

EVA wasn't great, but I don't share CABAL's opinion -- she never really annoyed me much, and I enjoyed the last-second twist with her. It was like they set her up to be this random submissive Bond chick, only to pull the rug from under Naked Snake's feet near the end of the game there. I actually think it's kind of unfortunate how the post-MGS3 titles retconned EVA into remaining a Big Boss supporter / ally, it was more awesome when you just assumed she really was a China ally who screwed Snake and the U.S. over. Just really great female characters in general, though. I think just about every videogame writer could learn something important from the portrayal of The Boss.
.

She was meh to me until we got to the Escort mission of which while I got through on my first playthrough, angered me more than anything else in that game. I would tell her to come along while she would stand there staring at snakes, forcing me to murder the fuck out of everyone.

But Metal Gear Solid has always been my favorite. I liked Meryl, Otacon was interesting and it was less batshit insane than anything else Hideo Kojima has thrown at us. As much as I hated Black Ninja, Grey Fox was the shit.

[Bells]

I think it's glaringly obvious that with each passing game after Metal Gear Solid, Hideo has just increased his "what do i have to do to make you people stop asking me to do more of these?!" levels

[A Zarkin' Frood]

She was meh to me until we got to the Escort mission of which while I got through on my first playthrough, angered me more than anything else in that game. I would tell her to come along while she would stand there staring at snakes, forcing me to murder the fuck out of everyone.



Tranq & Drag. Live it.
Wait, does this count as defending the game I shit talked a couple posts ago? I hope not.

[Bells]

i think it means you know how to properly play the thing you hate...

...dunno if that`s good or bad though.


But yeah, escort missions could really use more Tranq and Drag...

[A Zarkin' Frood]

They could use more not being in games, I think.

Anyway half of the problems I have with MGS3 aren't even MGS3's fault. I mean, I can't blame the game for taking hours to load a menu screen because of the platform it was originally on. I can blame it for having one if it would have done better without one in my opinion, though. Don't try to sell your game on survival if all the snake eating and leech burning is done via selecting it from the menu. Nothing detracts from the immersion many people applaud MGS3 for more than that. It also breaks the flow of the game so hard. But at least they aren't poorly implemented minigames. Then there's that stupid camo system that needlessly complicates things. Change your clothes because your standing on different colored ground just doesn't strike me as a good idea, not in real life, not in a game. That and many more reasons make me like MGS2 more.

For me details like this matter a lot, they add a lot to how I experience the game if done right, but can make me think very poorly of it when not. If I were to go on now I would just gush about THAT ONE GAME THAT FULFILLED ALL MY DREAMS IN THAT REGARD and I think I've done that enough in other threads.

[Solid Snake]

So, let me get this straight.

In MGS2 you're willing to suspend your disbelief regarding Snake (or Raiden) carrying a shitload of equipment on his person.
But you find it difficult to accept the notion that Naked Snake can change clothing on the fly in MGS3?

...I'm just sayin', every videogame requires suspension of disbelief when it comes to the menu and the equipment and all those interface mechanics. Every RPG protagonist can carry 99 potions but more than 99 is too much for them to handle. Phoenix Downs can revive Cloud Strife after he's hit with a verifiable maelstrom of bullets but they can't revive Aeris after 'Sephiroth' stabs her with a sword. At least Naked Snake actually changes his outfits; the cast of many games wear the same exact outfits throughout the entire game! Take a bath sometime, folks!!!

[Magus]

The EVA escort mission was fine, I always put down a bunch of claymores behind us anyway (I played a no-kill game to a certain extent, but you're constantly in a state of caution during that scene anyway and killing them doesn't make it go into alert, I don't think).

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Snake, I think what he's getting at is that it seems inconvient to have to change your equipment just to blend in if you're so much as a shade darker then your suroundings.

Especially since the series hasn't really been all that realistic in previous entries. You didn't have to do that in the early MGS games, so why start now.

[Kim]

Iggy's wrong, but this argument is still dumb.

Video game quality is subjective! People have different attitudes and perspectives, and those cause elements of games to be terrible or amazing based on little more than who's experiencing those elements at the moment. Arguments between one person who hates a game and one person who loves it probably aren't going to accomplish anything worthwhile.

[Solid Snake]

Iggy's wrong, but this argument is still dumb.

Video game quality is subjective! People have different attitudes and perspectives, and those cause elements of games to be terrible or amazing based on little more than who's experiencing those elements at the moment. Arguments between one person who hates a game and one person who loves it probably aren't going to accomplish anything worthwhile.

I've got no problem with people who dislike MGS3, because subjective opinions are subjective opinions and whatnot.

That being said I did take issue with the very specific criticism of MGS3's camo system, which is silly because it's a selective criticism of the kinds of 'unrealistic' mechanics that are in every game, including games he suggested he likes.

And, yeah, if you articulate a criticism of the game publicly, you should be willing to deal with a little pushback if your criticism isn't consistent or cohesive. Engaging on the specific issue of MGS3's camo isn't an attempt to convince him that he has to like the game. Just that, whatever issues he has with MGS3, the camo swappin' shouldn't be one of them unless he has similar clothing-related issues in just about every other game he plays.

That's all I was sayin'.

[Magus]

The camo system was fine in theory, they just shoulda made it automatic. Which is what they did for MGS4.

[Solid Snake]

The camo system was fine in theory, they just shoulda made it automatic. Which is what they did for MGS4.

Maybe, but that would have taken out the fun of customizing Snake with all the crazy camos.

I guess an automatic default for certain situations (a default 'Jungle', default 'Interiors', etc.) with the ability to change manually through the menu to either find perfect matches in specific situations or joke camos would have been best.

In the early game, though, you can basically go through the jungle with olive green camo, never swap and be fine for the most part. From that perspective, changing camo frequently is really just additional customization for perfectionist gamers. If you don't love the system, you can avoid relying much on it.

[shiney]

I am un-retiring long enough for this one mod statement. This thread was subject to a reported post about it going off-topic. In the future when someone makes an obviously serious topic like, oh, nuking a major American city because of superficial (though entirely valid) complaints, please respect that user by remaining alarmingly on-topic. To do otherwise is a slap in the face to everyone, especially you.

Consider yourselves all the recipients of an honorary 2 week ban. As it is ceremonial, it is treated in lieu of formal proceedings, but you guys really are totes banned in the eyes of the law.

[Solid Snake]

This thread was subject to a reported post about it going off-topic.

Hahahahaha someone really hates me on NPF

But no, I really do think this individual has a great point. We haven't been discussing nuking Baltimore nearly as much as we should be discussing nuking Baltimore in this thread.
Really, every thread on NPF should be about nuking Baltimore, and every discussion that isn't about nuking Baltimore should be modded out of existence.

[Revising Ocelot]

Hahahahaha someone really hates me on NPF

But no, I really do think this individual has a great point. We haven't been discussing nuking Baltimore nearly as much as we should be discussing nuking Baltimore in this thread.
Really, every thread on NPF should be about nuking Baltimore, and every discussion that isn't about nuking Baltimore should be modded out of existence.

Reported for IRL threats

[Solid Snake]

Reported for IRL threats

YOU

...I understand now
Everyone, I've solved all of NPF's problems

Revolving Ocelot is a BALTIMORE SYMPATHIZER!!!!
His secret allegiance to that decrepit wasteland of a metropolitan area has led him to continuously betray us to the Dark, Nefarious Overlords of Maryland

TO RESTORE PEACE AND UNITY, HE MUST BE ELIMINATED POSTHASTE!!!!!

There is no mercy for the agents of Cecilius Calvert.
(Doesn't that name just sound like the kind of despot we all desperately need to overthrow? Really, the minute Lord Baltimore was Cecilius Calvert we all should have guessed his true allegiance with the demons of the underworld)

[Bells]

Yes snake... he is going to help Baltimore invade your homeland using their nefarious Ship Armada

http://i50.tinypic.com/qsjfhc.jpg

[Revising Ocelot]

How about a shirtless fist brawl? Just give me a week to grow out a beard, first.

EDIT: You'll have to provide the supertanker, though.

[PyrosNine]

Snake, don't be silly! Baltimore doesn't need to be blown up! Proverbs say:

"Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of man."

Do you know what that means, Snake?

It means that no matter how much people destroy or kill, it will never be enough to please them- and if you were to destroy a place like Baltimore, you or someone just like you would only find another places and deem it worthy of a nuke! From Baltimore, you would go to Boston! And then, perhaps Baton Rouge! There would be no end!

Instead, we must be as the Osage indians:

"We are friends; we must assist each other to bear our burdens."

You know what that means Snake? That means that people like us, your friends, need to help you bear the trouble and pain caused by living in Baltimore. I'm sure if we all came together to give you encouragement and/or pray for city reforms, Baltimore will become just barely a decent enough place to live!

[Flarecobra]

Could be worse.

Could be Albuquerque. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE37e1eK2mY)

[Magus]

I think what PyrosNine is saying is we must nuke the Osage nation and steal their valuable oil headrights, in the traditional white man way (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osage_Indian_Murders).

[PyrosNine]

Snake! Magus is an agent of the Patriots! You know what you must do!

[Shyria Dracnoir]

When did Pyros become a woman again?

[Magus]

Snake! Magus is an agent of the Patriots! You know what you must do!

Well la li lu le lo to you too!

[Solid Snake]

Snake! Magus is an agent of the Patriots! You know what you must do!

LIQUID!!!!!

[Magus]

?

"What's that sound?"
!

[CABAL49]

Can I report Shiney for backseat modding? Is that possible?

[synkr0nized]

It's always possible.

[rpgdemon]

I feel asleep.

[Kim]

?

"What's that sound?"
!

IT'S JUST A BOX...

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Have we established why Snake hates Baltimore so much yet?

[Bells]

do we want to?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Yes. Snake's current incarnation as the parody of a internet social justice fanatic is the most hilarious thing since Andy Kauffman and I want to study at his feet.

[Bells]

a social justice fanatic that is Ok with the concept of going nuklear over an American city...?

I smell a nobel priiiiiiiiiiiiiiize

[Revising Ocelot]

Someone with a funny accent can monologue about nukes later, I still want my shirtless fisticuffs.

I really should play MGS4 sometime so I can just laugh at it.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

I've got no problem with people who dislike MGS3, because subjective opinions are subjective opinions and whatnot.

That being said I did take issue with the very specific criticism of MGS3's camo system, which is silly because it's a selective criticism of the kinds of 'unrealistic' mechanics that are in every game, including games he suggested he likes.

And, yeah, if you articulate a criticism of the game publicly, you should be willing to deal with a little pushback if your criticism isn't consistent or cohesive. Engaging on the specific issue of MGS3's camo isn't an attempt to convince him that he has to like the game. Just that, whatever issues he has with MGS3, the camo swappin' shouldn't be one of them unless he has similar clothing-related issues in just about every other game he plays.

That's all I was sayin'.

It's not about realism. If I played Metal Gear for realism I'd be doing something wrong. The camo system simply detracts from the gameplay. It's one example of the needless things that force me to enter a menu screen that previous games did without and they were still fun. In MGS3, though it's often necessary for various reasons to enter a menu, switching up equipment, changing camo, tending to wounds, making snake puke, etc. they are small things on their own but it gets annoying quick if they add up. And as previously stated, things like these can really have a negative impact on the experience for me, to you they might not matter that much. They could have found more elegant solutions or scrapped a lot of those mechanics. They can be good in theory but in my opinion are so poorly implemented that they stand out in a very bad way to me and at the very least Subsistence reduced the need to have a very high camo index because the player can now actually see for more than just 6 meters without going to first person view... and... oh look, shiney...

I am un-retiring long enough for this one mod statement. This thread was subject to a reported post about it going off-topic. In the future when someone makes an obviously serious topic like, oh, nuking a major American city because of superficial (though entirely valid) complaints, please respect that user by remaining alarmingly on-topic. To do otherwise is a slap in the face to everyone, especially you.

Consider yourselves all the recipients of an honorary 2 week ban. As it is ceremonial, it is treated in lieu of formal proceedings, but you guys really are totes banned in the eyes of the law.

Well fuck... okay, what the hell did Baltimore ever do to you, Snake? Is nuking shit your answer to everything? I mean hey, did a guy from Baltimore eat the last cookie and you don't know where exactly he lives so you want to nuke all of Baltimore just to be safe? That's fucked up, man.

Also, MGS has nukes in it so it's not off topic, who the hell reported this?

Yes. Snake's current incarnation as the parody of a internet social justice fanatic is the most hilarious thing since Andy Kauffman and I want to study at his feet.

Hey, I read a tumblr blog once and I have a gay friend who's also black, so I qualify as a social justice fanatic as well, right?

-Straight White Male

[Professor Smarmiarty]

He's not your friend. Have you ever seen Dinner of Fools?

[Bells]

Also, MGS has nukes in it so it's not off topic

really?

have you SEEN the nukes? we have seen things being called nukes, things being nuclear-capable... but have we actually seen nukes?

think about it... wouldn't this be the greatest ruse of all? multiple fronts of war, conflict over decades that started because of nukes that weren't even there...

[CABAL49]

really?

have you SEEN the nukes? we have seen things being called nukes, things being nuclear-capable... but have we actually seen nukes?

think about it... wouldn't this be the greatest ruse of all? multiple fronts of war, conflict over decades that started because of nukes that weren't even there...

In Metal Gear Solid there was that room filled with nukes. The one where you couldn't use guns.

Also, can we get a new rule that when a thread gains a better topic, the original topic will be considered off topic?

[Bells]

you couldn't use guns cause some asshole on your ear told you they were nukes and you couldn't use guns... can't you see how deep is the rabbit hole man?!

[Solid Snake]

Yes. Snake's current incarnation as the parody of a internet social justice fanatic is the most hilarious thing since Andy Kauffman and I want to study at his feet.

I was going to respond to everything else everyone else typed in here but then I read that and was like.
Wait.
...What?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Never drop the facade Snake. Never drop it. I salute you soldier. You are providing the only guaranteed laughs in here and for that I thank you. I've mocked you in the past but that was mostly because I underestimated your comic genius.
Look at how serious this post is, there is nothing funny for me to say, for you have broken comedy.

[Magus]

really?

have you SEEN the nukes? we have seen things being called nukes, things being nuclear-capable... but have we actually seen nukes?

think about it... wouldn't this be the greatest ruse of all? multiple fronts of war, conflict over decades that started because of nukes that weren't even there...

Is this like how all the gold in Fort Knox is just painted lead?

[Bells]

or you Broke smarty... which is not really "comedy" but i still think it's HIGH-Larious

Is this like how all the gold in Fort Knox is just painted lead?

No, it's all lead with a soft gold cover. 1mm thick.

Clever they are...

[Professor Smarmiarty]

No, look I just wanted to give him some appreciation. I know all you fucks think poop jokes/dave shatelle is the height of comedy but we've had a very subtle, genius masterclass and nobody was saying anything. I'm worried I've ruined it somewhat but calling attention to it but I like to think I will just inspire him to new and greater heights and I can't wait to see his next creation.

[Arcanum]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Professor Smarmiarty again.
.

[POS Industries]

Yes. Snake's current incarnation as the parody of a internet social justice fanatic is the most hilarious thing since Andy Kauffman and I want to study at his feet.
Never drop the facade Snake. Never drop it. I salute you soldier. You are providing the only guaranteed laughs in here and for that I thank you. I've mocked you in the past but that was mostly because I underestimated your comic genius.
Look at how serious this post is, there is nothing funny for me to say, for you have broken comedy.
No, look I just wanted to give him some appreciation. I know all you fucks think poop jokes/dave shatelle is the height of comedy but we've had a very subtle, genius masterclass and nobody was saying anything. I'm worried I've ruined it somewhat but calling attention to it but I like to think I will just inspire him to new and greater heights and I can't wait to see his next creation.
In honor of you coming into this thread with the express purpose of insulting and trolling Snake, I'm going to go ahead and follow up this post (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?p=1210509#post1210509) from your last ban for trolling and ban you permanently. This sort of behavior is completely and utterly inexcusable, and with your years-long history of constant trolling, we are left with no other solution to the problem but this.

.
Arc, please refrain from cheerleading this sort of completely and utterly inexcusable behavior in the future.

[synkr0nized]

Also, can we get a new rule that when a thread gains a better topic, the original topic will be considered off topic?

I am all for that, by the by, at least informally (as I don't wish to give blanket legitimacy to anyone purposefully trying to introduce new topics just 'cause they dislike the original one).

[Shyria Dracnoir]

No, it's all lead with a soft gold cover. 1mm thick.

Clever they are...

And surprisingly tasty, provided you only have them as a special treat and not a part of your regular diet.

[CABAL49]

POS farted everyone. The party here is over.

[Arcanum]

80YFtnTBApU

[A Zarkin' Frood]

If I ever become a mod despite my best efforts not to my first and last order of business will be the unbanning of smarty. After that discordant anarchy shall reign.

[CABAL49]

Silly ignorant Iggy. Mods thumb their noses at mere mortals such as us. What makes you think that you could ever obtain the divine righteousness needed to become a mod. One does not become a mod. One is born a mod. Only those with this divine right can tell right from wrong. Trolling from seriousness. And satire from mere stupidity.

What chance have you? No my dear foolish Iggy, you lack the capacity to be a mod. You are but a mere peasant who has glanced at the Kingdom of the Mods. As warm as their hearth may be, it is not for you. That heat warms the hearts of the greatest of justiciars, who require this heat so that their hammer of justice never goes cold.

And indeed what right do any of us have to attempt to warm our hands by the fires of justice? Is it simply because we reside here? Roaches reside withing a house, it does not make it there. And there we come to what we truly are. Roaches before the mods, trying to steal their warmth. And as we are but vermin before them, it is they who decide who to snuffle out. We simply run around an possibly mate with the corpses of our fallen brethren, as if we linger to long then we unleash millions of new vermin to invest the mods' house. And so it is the duty of every mod to keep our boning in check, so that we do not infest this place with our presence.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

At what point did I say I believed I could become a mod. It's against my very nature to be a mod. You are wrong though, mods are not born and they are not made. They are just people with a title and the ability to take away your ability to hear and speak. Like all great men in history. But don't fear the mods. For they too are slaves to their rules. They walk among us because they belong to us. They are imperfect, like all of us and of course they make mistakes. But there will be a time, my friend, some day, when there will be no difference between mod and man and we can all live in true peace while not sacrificing freedom. I dreamed of that day and so it shall come.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Who would want to be a mod anyway? Fuckers got all sorts of crap to attend to, like keeping the rest of us plebs in our place, stopping the insanity of npf from breaking lose and unleashing a maelstrom of chaos upon the interwebz. And when they're not busy doing that, they have to patrol the forums looking for trouble, just so they can slam down the banhammer and justify their existence. They're either busy trying to control us, or bored and unable to break free of the shackles that ultimate power and responsibility brings them. That is no life my friends.

In reality, the mods are slaves to us and our fleeting, incomprehensible will. We should pity them, pity the fools!

[POS Industries]

http://i.imgur.com/O3b8UH2.jpg

[Magus]

MANY ARE CALLED, BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Yeah we should chill out about the whole nuke Baltimore thing.

Why? Because that >>>http://nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?p=1222562#post1222562

[Sifright]

I hereby accept the nomination of baltimore as a designated nuclear testing grounds.

Let the nuclear violence commence.

[Marc v4.0]

Yeah we should chill out about the whole nuke Baltimore thing.

Why? Because that >>>http://nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?p=1222562#post1222562

Because a spoiled brat of a government is posturing with a completely laughable show of technology they don't even have?

Lighten up, it's a joke for a joke thread.

[Sifright]

I have decided we should rename nuclear weapons to nuclear jokes. Fission bombs to Funny bombs.

This changes the entire tone of the 70s

[Bob The Mercenary]

What is going on here?

[Sifright]

people keep asking for Jokes and demands for funny bombs to be dropped.

[Revising Ocelot]

people keep asking for Jokes and demands for funny bombs to be dropped.

Might not be possible. Do you still have the contact details for Comical Ali?




*There are no users being banned on NPF.

[Osterbaum]

Hands down completely honest here: I don't think nukes are funny. Nuking some random city for whatever is also not funny.

e: Like obviously I'm not offended or anything. I just don't find it funny, and it might be even a tiny little bit distasteful. Not much, just a tiny bit.

[Kim]

It is a bit distasteful in the context of it being joked about by a citizen of a nation that has actually dropped nuclear bombs on cities.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

I find it more distasteful because it's basically a joke about indiscriminately killing human beings who live in a certain region by choice or birth because for no apparent reason they are all to be generalized as terrible enough to deserve to be purged from the face of the earth. But that's coming out of the mouth of someone for whom the word citizenship holds no meaning or value.

That said, I have a dark sense of humour, but nuking Baltimore seems more random than dark as the set up has been missing since post #1.

[Arcanum]

This thread was more fun when it was about MGS.

[Revising Ocelot]

But then we'd get Ukranians monologuing about nukes while chugging down enough hand-drawn cigarettes to make a 1970s disaster movie.

[Arcanum]

Still better than people over-analysing a deliberate "lol snake is overreacting" joke thread.

[Revising Ocelot]

I'll just call up Master Miller instead, thanks. He's got a totally great accent.

[Solid Snake]

I find it more distasteful because it's basically a joke about indiscriminately killing human beings who live in a certain region by choice or birth because for no apparent reason they are all to be generalized as terrible enough to deserve to be purged from the face of the earth. But that's coming out of the mouth of someone for whom the word citizenship holds no meaning or value.

That said, I have a dark sense of humour, but nuking Baltimore seems more random than dark as the set up has been missing since post #1.

Baltimore's had a long record of being my nemesis. In the past few years, an employer in Baltimore completely screwed me over while 'considering' me for a job, I studied my ass off but still failed the MD Bar this past summer. And just now the Ravens defeated the Patriots in a playoff game. (As Matt noted, I'm a Pats fan, despite my general ambivalence towards every sport that isn't American football.) I thought this was a funny way to let off steam.

Using "nuke" in this context was a poor choice of words when other language would have easily sufficed. I could have summoned a black hole or something instead of using a weapon my government hypocritically and horrifically utilized to decimate Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It's not a word I'd use when joking about cities outside the United States, but I haven't really thought or considered whether it'd retain any offensiveness if I was joking about nuking a city within my nation's borders. Intuitively, I'm inclined to believe there's a difference there, but I may be wrong.

Still, I'd hope the fact that I was joking was obvious and apparent. If you thought I was even half-jokingly entertaining the concept that Baltimore's really as terrible as I described it, I guess I just failed to accurately communicate the joke.

[Bells]

Everbody knows it was a joke, some just felt that it was perhaps a bit overplayed that's all... it happens.

But your problem doesn't really seem to be a strip of land... more like an Asshole, a hard test and a bunch of twats that make more money than all of us combined to run around in an open field tackling each other (i'm assuming they are Football teams cause I are bad at sport )

Really, when a player pays for the victory party for the fans with his salary then i'll get to scream "we won! we won!" ...

[Arcanum]

But your problem doesn't really seem to be a strip of land... more like an Asshole, a hard test and a bunch of twats that make more money than all of us combined

http://i.imgur.com/2Jtqm.jpg

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Man, it's hard to tell when someone's joking on the net sometimes.

[Magus]

Yeah I thought Snake seriously wanted to nuke Baltimore there for a second and I was all like, 'What's all this then?"

Anyway, we can only make jokes involving fictional atrocities being wished upon cities in jest that our own country has not committed in real life.

Thus I demand that every citizen of Baltimore be impaled on stakes. None shall be spared. Old ladies. Puppies. Even our greatest citizens, investment bankers.

[Bells]

i dunno man, that just seems like waste of a lot of good beef y'know...

[Solid Snake]

Another reason to hate Baltimore: In Maryland, a woman (or any rape victim, though with men it'd just be called sexual assault) has a legal duty to retreat so long as retreat is feasible and cannot use deadly force in response to an imminent threat of rape. In practice, the ability to 'retreat' in Maryland is so expansive that, unless the rape victim is in her dwelling (where an exception exists) you're pretty well fucked if you kill the wannabe rapist. For some reason, Maryland actually sees fit to protect victims of robbery (which tend to after all be more disproportionately male, therefore in the privileged demographic) with more expansive self-defense rights.

So if you're about to be raped in Maryland, you can't respond with deadly force (and a jury will quite often find deadly force if the rapist is seriously injured or killed; deadly force does not just apply to firearms.) Nor can any friend of yours, OR A STRANGER, who witnesses and wants to intervene to protect you.

Note that the dwelling exception inherently favors richer women who'd actually own property, as, for example, being accosted inside your apartment building but not in the apartment room you possess ensures you still have a duty to attempt to retreat to that room.

The 'good news' is that sexism can actually work to women's advantage in the end because a court is more likely to find a woman's ability to retreat limited by her disadvantage in size and stature compared to the rapist. But if you're not completely subdued and there's a reasonable chance you can run the fuck out of dodge and escape Maryland puts a much higher burden on the victim to run and unnecessarily restricts retaliation.

In conclusion, fuck off Maryland, and please consider protecting rape victims as much as you protect ROBBERY victims, holy shit.

[Arcanum]

Snake made this thread serious again :(

[CABAL49]

This doesn't explain why Snake wants to murder my step-mother's family. Unlike many people, I actually get along with my step-mother very well and her family is tons of fun. Is it because they can't speak the best English you nationalist fuck?

Or is it simply because they are Filipino and you are a racist.

I tell you what Snake. We will forge out a good old fashioned contract. You can murder my family if I get to murder yours. Is this fun yet?

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Snake made this thread serious again :(

What do you mean again? This thread is about murder. It's always been serious, you don't joke about murder. He just now mentioned rape to up the ante apparently because he wants this thread to get as depressing as it can. He is a being of hate that wants to suck the joy out of our hearts.

[Solid Snake]

It's always been serious, you don't joke about murder.

...I think just about every comedian in the universe is going to disagree with you there, sparky.

[Token]

So hey, remember how we had this big thread and came to a consensus that while people joke about rape, funny rape jokes are so rare as to be non-existent? Maybe that's just something we should think about for all atrocities or something?

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

6T2Ok3EzdMM

[A Zarkin' Frood]

...I think just about every comedian in the universe is going to disagree with you there, sparky.

Yeah... well, every comedian in the universe is stupid and terrible forever.

[Magus]

Yeah... well, every comedian in the universe is stupid and terrible forever.

That's the point!

[Kim]

So hey, remember how we had this big thread and came to a consensus that while people joke about rape, funny rape jokes are so rare as to be non-existent? Maybe that's just something we should think about for all atrocities or something?

I can agree with this.

[Bells]

if you guys wanna talk about broad strokes like making jokes about people with special needs, murdering people, jokes about rape or violence against kids that all fine and good... usually those would fall on the "use common sense" part of the rules of this forum, but if the majority thinks that's not good enough to enforce the rule anymore, then that's just fine. Put it in writing...

but if you want to scribe a list of things we shouldn't joke or comment about because somebody might be hurt be it, you better go ahead and make a god damn list item by item already of what's liable for punishment, or else we're just going to be walking around eggshells for everybody.

[Kim]

we're just going to be walking around eggshells for everybody.

You say that as tho trying not to insult entire groups of people is a bad thing.

[Bells]

trying to figure out before hand what part or interpretation of everything i may perhaps say might perhaps offend or insult every single individual around me can, in fact, be a bit of a bad thing... i let my telepathy pants at home.

[Kim]

That you think it's in any way hard is a joke.

PROTIP: Not insulting entire groups of people is easy! When you fuck up and someone calls you out on it, just fucking apologize and don't do it again! It's just that easy, and any claims to the contrary and based in nothing more than a refusal to not be an ass.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

It's not like you'll just accidentally say something offensive and then forever be cast into the pit of ostracization. You make a joke, someone tells you they're offended. Don't make that joke again. Life goes on and you and that guy can totally still be friends and make jokes you just don't make that particular joke or joke about whatever particular thing offends them.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Though to be honest, the dark side to comedy is that a lot of jokes involve insulting something or someone to an extent. There's a very small group of jokes that don't insult someone or something. Having a list of things not okay to joke about (outside of the obvious). Could be very helpful to everyone. Dispite how insanely long it will be.

After all, no one likes being screamed at. Some poeple can't even handle such a thing.

[CABAL49]

Or when you offend someone you just apologize.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Yes, obviously you'll apologize, that's just common sense, plain and simple. But sometimes an apologie and not repeating the mistake won't make an emotional wound go away.

[synkr0nized]

There's no need to sit around and make a "list" or whatever. That's just silly. Use your head, respect each other, and don't keep making a joke if someone does find it offensive. This isn't a difficult concept. I don't understand why anyone is tripping over this idea, but NPF-conversations-ololol, I guess.

[CABAL49]

I am offended by the fact that you never say hello to me in STO. :(

[Sifright]

I am offended by the fact that you never say hello to me in STO. :(

Synk has been pooh-poohing you?

[Osterbaum]

I think someone needs to apologize.

[CABAL49]

I wanted to share how excited I was to win a mirror advanced escort from one of the new lockboxes. Is it a great ship? No. But I won it.

[Flarecobra]

Got two of the Mirror Promethiuses myself. Sold one on the exchange.

[Premmy]

That lockbox shit is making my Champions online experience so sad. And I was off work this past DXP weekend!

[Bells]

i can`t retrieve my Champions Online account =/

i think i lost Captain Manhood for good this time...

[synkr0nized]

I am offended by the fact that you never say hello to me in STO. :(

I've seen you log in once in the past week, and you didn't say anything when you got on.

Also win me a Jem'Hadar ship and then we'll talk.

[Solid Snake]

Let's replace the question about nuking Baltimore with this one:
Can we nuke this thread?

[Bells]

The NUKLEAR fallout would be terrible!!!!!!

gBzJGckMYO4

[CABAL49]

Snake you no longer control this thread.

And I might be able to buy a few more keys. But if I get that Jem'Hadar ship it is mine.