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View Full Version : It's Time for Overly-Long Pointless Anecdotes that go Nowhere!


tacticslion
01-08-2015, 09:25 AM
I'm sleep-deprived and exhibiting advanced levels of avoidance behavior (either taking a nap or doing dishes), so I'm going to make TWO participation threads that I shall likely abandon!*

* No, seriously, though, I'm super sleep-deprived right now. I may well forget this exists later. Sorry.

Alright! Overly-Long Pointless Anecdotes that go Nowhere you say?! I can do that!

(THIS IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA YOU GUYS)

So the other day, it was time for me to pick my son up from school, and he was hungry, as I knew he would be.

Earlier, before leaving to pick him up from school, I'd poured a can of Chicken Enchilada soup into a bowl and put it into the microwave so we'd have warm soup when we got home.

When I talked with him, he wanted lunch, so I mentioned the soup, though hilariously, due to exhaustion and natural dyslexia, I called it "Chicken Tortilla soup" (yeah, I get those names confused all the time, but only in the soups don'tjudgeme!). He became quite obsessed with this term, even as he was adamant that we go to "CHICKA-FLE" as he calls it. After some negotiation, I agree, and we head to Chik-fil-A.

On the way there, we had a... difficult... discussion, in which I had to inform him... inform him... that... that he couldn't... that he couldn't go inside. It was simply awful. See, his baby brother was so premature, and had anemia, and such a low immune system, that we simply can't go inside public places with him (whether Publix or Chik-fil-A) because him getting sick would be... bad. Though I didn't explain the why's to my son, I did reasonably and calmly discuss the terrible situation of being entirely unable to go into the Chik-fil-A to play on their playground (they do have the best play-ground; hence the tragedy of it all), but instead only through the drive-through. I made sure that he understood we could grab something else instead, or just go home and have our Chicken Tortilla soup*.

* PFFFFFT HAH! It never gets old, I'm telling ya!

But he was an exceptionally brave little buddy, and eventually came to accept the tragic truth that "we just can't do that right now", and still wanted to eat chicken from Chik-fil-A. So we continued onward.

Thus, we found ourselves in the drive-through line at Chik-fil-A, and it was suuuuuuuuuuuuuppeeeeeeerrrrrrr crowded (as it always seems to be whenever I drive past it), and I was talking to my three-year-old, who was being very loud* (especially for him) while this was happening, asking me about soup, and what he was going to get, and all sorts of three-year-old questions meant to while the time away when we were stuck in the Drive-Through.

* But for reals? My son is the best. Like, I know you others with kids also tend toward thinking your kids are the best, and they probably are, but my son is the best. He is SO DAGGUM SWEET, loves his brother, mommy, me, and family SO MUCH, the kid is quiet, nice and kind (well, usually), and just THE BEST. And so is his baby brother. :D

So I was making my order - three sandwhiches* and a kids meal - when Ben starts asking me - a lot - about the "Chicken Tortilla Soup" at home. "Yes," I reply, "Chicken Tortilla Soup at home! A biiiiig bowl!" He doesn't want it, and I've already ordered, so we're staying with what I did order.

* One for me now-ish, one for mommy when she got home eventually, and one for the two of us to split late at night when we were taking our "up all night" shifts.

Opting for an exceptionally rare treat* I ordered an ice cream in a cup! (A small one, of course.) Hearing the words "ice cream" had a profound effect on the child. Immediately he began begging for an "ice cream cone" and that "I need it right now" which, you know, is seriously unlike him**. Eventually, I broke down and ordered just an empty cone for my son, which the order-taker informed me they could switch out an ice cream cone for a toy for saving me money. I liked the idea and went with that "instead". Since I wasn't getting ice cream, I decided to grab mommy a milk shake as well. Ben, super-excited, informed me that he loved his ice cream, like I loved my salad***. He worms the full details of my salad preference in the car while we're waiting on the order-taker to total things (and make sure they had everything - there was a danger that they'd run out of some of our order, though they didn't), and finally the order-taker informs me that I can pull forward.

* Going out-to-eat is a rare treat anyway, but this was a man-date with the three boys, so I figured we'd "go all out" on this one! Woo!

** My guess? The Grandparents have had an influence. A dark, dark influence. GRAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNND-PAAAAARREEEEEEEENNNNTTTSSSSS!!!!!!11111!!!!111oneo neone111!!!!11111!!!!! *shakes fist* (By which, of course, I mean, "I really, really do deeply appreciate you taking our son from time to time, even if your policies of food acquisition and service differ from my own. Super appreciative!")

*** You know, I really don't know how he knows this. It's... not something we've ever discussed until that moment in the car. Clever kid, picking it up from some other adult.

I hand the young lady (different from the fellow who took my order) my card, while explaining to my older son that hitting my younger son in the face with Thomas is a bad idea (he wasn't hitting him yet, but he was trying to get him to look at it) and that he needed to put his toy away for now, and she politely allowed me to parent. I received my receipt and card back promptly, and received: a cup of ice cream (oh, huh, okay, I guess we didn't switch out after all), a cup of kid's lemonade, a large cup of coke with no ice (Hah! That guy recognized me almost a year later, and gave me that for free! So nice of him!), and three sandwhiches... and a large tortilla soup, and a salad with berry balsamic vinaigrette, and a fruit cup (casually mentioned with my son about what mommy likes).

Stunned, I checked my bill - for $33-dollars, more or less - and going over what was said, confirmed that, yeah, they'd probably taken those things as me ordering. WELP.

Another lady then shows me an upside-down kids cone with ice cream in it, all placed neatly in a cup so it couldn't get everywhere, and asks if that's what I'd wanted. She was quite pleased with herself, and I was shocked that it existed! In a state of fugue (combined sleep-deprivation with "oh, snap, I got a lot more food than I thought!") I informed her that it wasn't - I'd just meant an empty cone - but that I thought it was really great, although by the time I'd gotten the last part out, in order to facilitate a swift moving line (which was, I mention again, reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllyyyyyy long), she'd already tossed it and pulled an empty cone, which was promptly handed to me, seeming disappointed she'd been so wrong.

In order to avoid wasting more time or anything else, I thanked her profusely and headed out.

Eventually we got home, and I started my son eating his chicken nuggets, stored the sandwiches in the fridge, and promptly called the store to inform them that there people are pretty awesome and that, despite the fact that there was a crazy-long line and I didn't explain myself well at the time (being distracted and in the heat of the moment of line pressure), the lady that prepped the ice-cream-cone-in-a-cup for me and my son was awesome, and was entirely right to do so. She did good and should feel good.

After that, I ate fresh Chicken Tortilla soup - that really was Chicken Tortilla soup - and shared it with my three-year-old, fed my newborn his milk and put him down for a nap, and then ate my glorious, glorious over-priced-but-I-don't-care salad.

I put my son to his nap time (after doling out a tiny bit of ice cream into his cone for him to eat and wrestling for about half and hour so the sugar rush turned into a sugar crash - perfect for nap time enforcement) and grabbed the soup that I'd put in the microwave to put away... and discovered that 1) I'd meant "Chicken Enchilada" (sigh, I do that all the time) and 2) I'd grabbed the can to the left of the Chicken Enchilada soup and half-prepped the Chickarina soup instead.

HILARIOUS, AMIRITE?!

Anyway, it, too, went into the fridge for later, and we enjoyed way too much Chik-fil-A food for a while to come.

THE END!

Now to go feed my infant who just started crying, thereby still avoiding doing dishes and naps! I'm a genius! :D

So what are your Overly-Long Pointless Anecdotes that go Nowhere? Share and discuss!

pochercoaster
01-08-2015, 01:49 PM
You're the best dad, tactics. I would be ripping my hair out in your position, but you just seem to always find you kids adorable and it's really sweet.

At this moment I can't think of any anecdotes that aren't NSFW or gross :/

tacticslion
01-09-2015, 05:38 AM
You're the best dad, tactics. I would be ripping my hair out in your position, but you just seem to always find you kids adorable and it's really sweet.

Well, uh, gosh. Thanks!

I, uh, I'm not the best dad, though. My kids are adorable, but, uh, there are definitely times I lose my temper! And it's usually at the littlest things... sigh.

But I think I come off as better because my kids are pretty great. Even when they're whiny or frustrated, they're pretty sweet over-all. It's exceedingly rare for them to do something all that bad.

(Partially, it may be due to the fact that my oldest son - who definitely inherited my stubbornness - learned the hard way over his first year of life that I've had three decades of perfecting that stubbornness to a degree he can't hope to out-compete. We butted heads a lot that year, and mine was older, larger, and far, far harder. He, being a very intelligent lad, learned. Hm... nope, not the best dad.)

But I mean seriously. The things that drive him to absolute fury? When he can't take it anymore and everything is the worst? He holds his blankey (if available), slumps down, and lets me hold him for a while until it's better.

That is his temper tantrums. (I mean, when he's sick, or, like, twice a year, maybe he'll actually get mad, but otherwise...)

So, yeah.

At this moment I can't think of any anecdotes that aren't NSFW or gross :/

Hahahahahah! My face is NSFW or gross!

(No, really, I'm unshaven, and my eyes are kind of bloodshot. That's not good for a working environment, and it's pretty gross. On the upside, for some reason my forehead broke out in pimples with an upside-down tri-force! It... it's weird, I know. Washing doesn't make it go awaaaaaaayyyyyy~!)

pochercoaster
01-12-2015, 02:31 PM
No, see, you're the best dad because you're aware of your parental shortcomings. It's when parents think they're flawless that they start messing up. :P

Um, I have a small anecdote: Yesterday a mob of about 15 animal rights protestors marched into our store and started shouting things right in front of our meat counter. (You can protest outside, on the sidewalk, but not inside the store.) This is hilarious to me because our grocery store has very specific standards about the kind of meat we can sell (no cages, no crates, no crowding are the bare minimum standards for meat to be sold where I work) but they were apparently protesting any consumption of meat at all. They refused to leave after the store manager kindly asked them to so then we had to call the police, after which they left in a hurry.

Just, lulz? I think these people need a hobby. Also they need to pick targets that make more sense. Like we have huge posters throughout our store about our animal welfare standards.

tacticslion
01-14-2015, 07:36 AM
No, see, you're the best dad because you're aware of your parental shortcomings. It's when parents think they're flawless that they start messing up. :P

Thanks! Seems like you've all the hallmarks of a great parent, too, then! :D

<animal rights activists>

Look. I just want to go on record and state that anyone who abuses animals is terrible and really kind of sick. I was one of those kids who could never get behind using a magnifying glass on ants because... seriously, that just sounds like an awful thing to do.

BUT WHY DO ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS (almost) ALWAYS (seem to) DO IT WRONG?!

I mean, really. Come on, people. The rhetoric used, the demonstrations made, the actions taken; these do nothing for your cause. They actively turn would-be allies into folk who purposefully distance themselves from anything to do with said causes.

It's just... it's baffling. I want to like and agree with organizations like PETA. But I can't. This makes me sad.

Change your rhetoric. Change your targets. Change the way you do things. It'll help. A lot.

...

...

...

... so, uh, anecdotes. Um...

... well, we were having a normal day, last October, when my wife called me and told me she was driving herself to the hospital, and did I mind meeting her there? Fast forward four days later, and BAM! Baby!

... that wasn't a very long anecdote at all... I think I may be doing it wrong...

Nique
01-14-2015, 09:07 AM
Can this be small-to-medium sized anecdotes?

My front door was open when I came home the other day! I called the police to come check it out before I went inside. They pulled out guns and everything, it was very exciting!

Turns out my wife left it open after leaving for work after I did. Uh oh!

tacticslion
01-14-2015, 02:06 PM
Can this be small-to-medium sized anecdotes?

*Looks at my last post.*

... apparently! :D

My front door was open when I came home the other day! I called the police to come check it out before I went inside. They pulled out guns and everything, it was very exciting!

Turns out my wife left it open after leaving for work after I did. Uh oh!

Hahah! That's great!

And by "great" I mean, hey, at least you didn't have any family members home in a state of dishabille as almost (but not quite) happened to me! (I'd left the garage door open all night on accident, a minor wind thing had messed some stuff up, and a neighbor of ours, seeing that our car was gone from the garage, almost called the police... but accidentally called me first, thankfully, as I'd finished my shower earlier, but, with our (much younger at the time) child's needs, I'd not been able to... be very dressed, and what little I'd managed to acquire happened to have milk-based iron-vitamin-additive vomit that I'd be changing out soon. We'd have had quite a few very surprised police officers, myself, and my child! Fortunately, we did not.

AND NO ONE EVER KNEW MY DREADFUL SECRET... um... er... until now. oops.

EDIT: Dang it! Different forums and your different codes!

Of course, that doesn't compare to my work-friend's story (way back when I lived in Miami.

See, his apartment was broken into... while he was sleeping in it.

He heard some noises outside, and, curious what was going on (his family usually wasn't that loud, and usually were gone by that point in the day, but, he guessed one of 'em'd had the day off or come home early or something), and he was quite shocked to see his door opened by an unknown man who was holding several valuable items under his arms.

My friend, shouting loudly with surprise, immediately (like a boss... also kind of an idiot) ran at the guy, freaking the robber the heck out, and causing him to attempt to book it. The two ran out of the apartment, and down the street a ways, my friend in his boxers, the robber with an armful of jewelry and electronics, until the robbers baggy jeans fell down around his knees, causing him to face-plant at full speed on the concrete, and pulling a knife, whereupon my friend fell upon him like the wrath of an angry boxer-clad godlet. Robber got pummeled and disarmed, was dumb enough to not have worn gloves (leaving his prints on everything), and my friend didn't come into work that day, what with talking to the police, after calling them on the cellphone the robber'd stolen.

Also, they'd been relatively well filmed.

Good times, good times.

EDIT: i'M INTELLIGENT!

So this one time* I was reading this weird old thread where we found out that Tev was a total perv, and there was something about Twilight soap and women's ice toys or sommat - I have no idea how I ended up there, now** - but I was totally reading this old thread, and I finally, finally discovered how to make words glitter! I did so by quoting someone in that thread who made their words glitter! I'm so smart you guys! Woo! glitter ALL the words!

* Like, ten minutes ago, I guess?

** NIGH-INSTA-EDIT: ACTUALLY I DO! I TOTALLY DO! Tev has a link in his sig to something someone said about him. I followed it. It went there. Morbid curiosity compelled me to stay. Weeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrd convos here on these boards. Well played, NPF. Well played.

pochercoaster
01-14-2015, 06:34 PM
Look. I just want to go on record and state that anyone who abuses animals is terrible and really kind of sick. I was one of those kids who could never get behind using a magnifying glass on ants because... seriously, that just sounds like an awful thing to do.

BUT WHY DO ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS (almost) ALWAYS (seem to) DO IT WRONG?!

I mean, really. Come on, people. The rhetoric used, the demonstrations made, the actions taken; these do nothing for your cause. They actively turn would-be allies into folk who purposefully distance themselves from anything to do with said causes.

It's just... it's baffling. I want to like and agree with organizations like PETA. But I can't. This makes me sad.

Change your rhetoric. Change your targets. Change the way you do things. It'll help. A lot.

There was a memo at work yesterday talking about this group who is apparently Direct Action International. I found this video of them holding a mock funeral for a chicken, complete with coffin, inside of a grocery store. (The employees start chanting "bacon" towards the end of the video.) This is seriously embarassing to watch:

mKGG-B-M1bY

tacticslion
01-15-2015, 12:38 AM
video

...

...

...

... sigh.

I- ... I-...

:(

EDIT: HAHAHAHAH! "Gentlest beings on earth!" PFFFFFFFT~!

Clearly, someone never spent time around chickens!

EDIT 2: or cows (they can be pretty feisty), or pigs (they're horrible!), or goats (ornery little critters), or fertilized eggs (the chicks are only freed by violent action on their own part), or really any animal. At all. Cats are hecka-violent and murderous. Dogs too. Dolphins. Fish. Whales. I'd suggest they look at krill, but I'm pretty sure that krill feast on bacteria, you know, living organisms. UURRRRRRGGGGGHHHH~! EDIT 4: or ladybugs, ants, and aphids! Or ticks! Or any sort of living organism at all! Even plants!

EDIT 3: AAAAAARRRRRRGGGG!!!! The longer it goes on, the more I want to get deep fried chicken, and, peeling off the skin, smear it across that kid's jacket and shirt as they continue their walk! That's terrible! I hate feeling that way! AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!

THIS... KIND... OF... IDIOCY... AAAARRRRRGGGG!!!

EDIT 4: BLARG! BLARG! Even though I'm done watching the whole thing (twice), waaaaaaahhhhhhh~! The arrogance, the sheer ignorance, and the sanctimonious self-righteous holier-than-thou foolishness of the whole thing! THERE CAN BE NO WORSE WAY TO MAKE YOUR POINT. NO WORSE WAY. I... I didn't hate your organization before seeing this. :/

EDIT 5: HOW DID THEY GET SO MANY PEOPLE TO SIGN ON FOR THIS?! AARRRRGGGG~!

EDIT 6: BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! That "We have a dream" speech! See, it's hilarious because it's a terrible and a wicked thing.

EDIT 7: I... really want to go eat barbecue now. Sonny's. Yes. Sonny's will happen this weekend. Thank you for informing my next choice of eateries, Direct Action International. I was thinking of having a nice salad. OH WAIT (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk-12s7tB_Y). OH WAIT, AGAIN (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2GWd2j3qJ8). AND AGAIN (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZvTD9APDaM). Maybe we could just stop eating food (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNEt8Wg1v2s)? blarg.

pochercoaster
01-15-2015, 01:16 AM
Okay, you know what I noticed? I think they walked out with a free chicken inside that coffin. That's totally theft!

tacticslion
01-15-2015, 02:04 AM
Okay, you know what I noticed? I think they walked out with a free chicken inside that coffin. That's totally theft!

:(

phil_
01-15-2015, 12:50 PM
Okay, you know what I noticed? I think they walked out with a free chicken inside that coffin. That's totally theft!At about 6:40, he takes the chicken out again, and at 7:00 it looks like he puts something down before walking out with his arms at his sides, so I think he might have left it on the floor.

So thanks for making me watch like two minutes of that to fact check before snarking "It's not shoplifting if you're wearing a suit." Now I have to write, "It's not waste if you're wearing a suit," which is just less obviously tied to the video and really not worth writing at all. Plus I had to watch the video, which is a loss in itself.