Solid Snake
08-11-2016, 04:56 AM
Fuck migraines.
Fuck this pulsating throbbing bullshit in the center of my forehead right now in its fucking ass
I always get a few of these shitfests but for the past couple weeks now, it's been every fucking night. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT dear God almighty I hate this with the passion of a thousand suns
It started off pretty mild but it's just been getting worse, and worse, and worse, and WORSE every night
Do you know why I hate this?
1: Snake cannot sleep with migraines, which fucks up his sleeping schedule even more than usual
2: Snake cannot concentrate with migraines, which fucks up his ability to get anything of merit or consequence done
3: Snake cannot interact with anyone without even the sound of other people's voices grating like nails burrowing into his fucking skin, which leads to botched social interactions with people like his roommate, who's probably wondering why the hell Snake shut him down angrily when he was just being friendly and offering the guy a fuckin' cookie
4: Lights, sounds, everything bothers Snake in this state
It feels like some asshole decided to set up a fuckin' furnace in my skull, turn it up to ten thousand degrees Celsius and melt every fuckin' molecule in my head
But did you also know that there are friggin' types of migraines? The one I've been having lately every fuckin' night like clockwork is the type I like to call The Furnace. Here, let me set up the types for you:
1: The Furnace: This is the type of migraine that exudes constant heat, like some asshole just decided to set your skull on fire. You hold your hand to your forehead and it almost feels like a fever. The rest of your body is freezing, while your head feels like it's stranded in the goddamn Sahara Desert and the only functional relief is to chop your head off at the fuckin' neck, maybe that will stop Satan himself from incinerating your brain
2: The Earthworm: This is the kind of migraine you get where it -- and I am not kidding here, as crazy as it sounds -- it feels like there's a worm or a snake slithering through your forehead, wreaking havoc. It's bizarre to describe but there's actually some combination of a pulsating sensation and movement of the pain in your head and it's just like, "Oh, a creature has decided to live inside me and destroy everything in its path. I hope it enjoys the accommodations."
The Beating Heart: Only the heart is a concentrated portion of your forehead that is literally throbbing -- IN, out, IN, out like a goddamn ticking time bomb eternally raging through your blood vessels. This is different from the Earthworm because the pain is static and limited to a particular area of the forehead but goddamn, it's just a continual terrifying sensation akin to someone repeatedly striking your skull with a goddamn hammer
The Needle of Terror: This type of migraine feels like an immense buildup of PRESSURE in a specific point of the forehead that just builds and builds and builds and tenses up and feels like it's going to explode at any moment. Sometimes with this migraine you'll get temporary relief by pressing your finger on the point like you're about to dig into that spot of your forehead and tear apart your flesh with your fingernails.
The following is a list of things I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT TOLERATE with any of the aforementioned migraines:
Computer screens, video games, television, board games and books: There goes all my hobbies (I am only typing this now because I hate myself, apparently)
The outdoors (particularly the sun, fuck you sun, you giant bright piece of shit, with migraines I wish it was nighttime always, Earth would be a better place if the sun did not exist)
Anything with alcohol -- the beers and wines I traditionally love become poisonous
Candy, or really anything with sugar
Hot food and drink -- even coffee must be lukewarm. If I gotta cook anything, I'm waiting until it's cooled to start eating it
Any perfume or cologne -- if you spray any of that shit on you while I have a migraine, you are a terrible person
People in general -- I can't handle any source of spontaneous behavior while afflicted, get away from me please
All music -- stop playing fucking music, everyone!!!
All voices -- stop talking!!!
All sounds -- even my white noise machine and A/C, which makes summer migraines dreadful. Fuck off, random police sirens at midnight! Fuck off, random horns and alarms and anything that produces sound waves!!!
All sights -- my eyes want to see as little as possible
The very existence of color -- the universe itself would a better place if everything was only shades of grey and black
The Only Thing I Still Love with Migraines:
Dogs -- I am convinced that dogs, as God's angelic emissaries to humanity, are somehow capable of supernaturally sensing when their human buddies have migraines, and are able to recondition their behavior appropriately. My parent's Bichon is all like "You have a migraine tonight, let me sleep a bit further away from you so my body heat does not contribute to the problem and I will be less of a nuisance around you today!" Dogs are always awesome. I need to own my own dog.
I Have a Love/Hate Relationship With:
Excredin Migraine -- This is the weaker off-the-counter treatment option, and it does alleviate symptoms, but A) the caffeine keeps me up when I take it at night, B) it makes me jittery and seems to increase tension and anxiety, C) Excredin can be addictive and lead to rebound migraines if it's not taken constantly and D) the relief is truly temporary at best.
Maxalt -- Maxalt is the stronger prescription treatment option but every time I take it, it always A) knocks me out cold for between two and four hours, B) then I wake up and the migraine's gone, but I'm still exhausted and can't fall asleep, condemning me to nearly a full day of walking around in some sort of half-functioning haze, and C) when I'm suffering from chronic migraines, the migraine's bound to come back in some capacity just around when my energy level returns to normal.
Migraines are the fuckin' worst and proof that the universe hates us and is actively conspiring against us
Also, migraines seem to actively refute evolution, because how in the hell could we have evolved over millions upon millions of years which such a basic ludicrous defect
Fuck this pulsating throbbing bullshit in the center of my forehead right now in its fucking ass
I always get a few of these shitfests but for the past couple weeks now, it's been every fucking night. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT dear God almighty I hate this with the passion of a thousand suns
It started off pretty mild but it's just been getting worse, and worse, and worse, and WORSE every night
Do you know why I hate this?
1: Snake cannot sleep with migraines, which fucks up his sleeping schedule even more than usual
2: Snake cannot concentrate with migraines, which fucks up his ability to get anything of merit or consequence done
3: Snake cannot interact with anyone without even the sound of other people's voices grating like nails burrowing into his fucking skin, which leads to botched social interactions with people like his roommate, who's probably wondering why the hell Snake shut him down angrily when he was just being friendly and offering the guy a fuckin' cookie
4: Lights, sounds, everything bothers Snake in this state
It feels like some asshole decided to set up a fuckin' furnace in my skull, turn it up to ten thousand degrees Celsius and melt every fuckin' molecule in my head
But did you also know that there are friggin' types of migraines? The one I've been having lately every fuckin' night like clockwork is the type I like to call The Furnace. Here, let me set up the types for you:
1: The Furnace: This is the type of migraine that exudes constant heat, like some asshole just decided to set your skull on fire. You hold your hand to your forehead and it almost feels like a fever. The rest of your body is freezing, while your head feels like it's stranded in the goddamn Sahara Desert and the only functional relief is to chop your head off at the fuckin' neck, maybe that will stop Satan himself from incinerating your brain
2: The Earthworm: This is the kind of migraine you get where it -- and I am not kidding here, as crazy as it sounds -- it feels like there's a worm or a snake slithering through your forehead, wreaking havoc. It's bizarre to describe but there's actually some combination of a pulsating sensation and movement of the pain in your head and it's just like, "Oh, a creature has decided to live inside me and destroy everything in its path. I hope it enjoys the accommodations."
The Beating Heart: Only the heart is a concentrated portion of your forehead that is literally throbbing -- IN, out, IN, out like a goddamn ticking time bomb eternally raging through your blood vessels. This is different from the Earthworm because the pain is static and limited to a particular area of the forehead but goddamn, it's just a continual terrifying sensation akin to someone repeatedly striking your skull with a goddamn hammer
The Needle of Terror: This type of migraine feels like an immense buildup of PRESSURE in a specific point of the forehead that just builds and builds and builds and tenses up and feels like it's going to explode at any moment. Sometimes with this migraine you'll get temporary relief by pressing your finger on the point like you're about to dig into that spot of your forehead and tear apart your flesh with your fingernails.
The following is a list of things I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT TOLERATE with any of the aforementioned migraines:
Computer screens, video games, television, board games and books: There goes all my hobbies (I am only typing this now because I hate myself, apparently)
The outdoors (particularly the sun, fuck you sun, you giant bright piece of shit, with migraines I wish it was nighttime always, Earth would be a better place if the sun did not exist)
Anything with alcohol -- the beers and wines I traditionally love become poisonous
Candy, or really anything with sugar
Hot food and drink -- even coffee must be lukewarm. If I gotta cook anything, I'm waiting until it's cooled to start eating it
Any perfume or cologne -- if you spray any of that shit on you while I have a migraine, you are a terrible person
People in general -- I can't handle any source of spontaneous behavior while afflicted, get away from me please
All music -- stop playing fucking music, everyone!!!
All voices -- stop talking!!!
All sounds -- even my white noise machine and A/C, which makes summer migraines dreadful. Fuck off, random police sirens at midnight! Fuck off, random horns and alarms and anything that produces sound waves!!!
All sights -- my eyes want to see as little as possible
The very existence of color -- the universe itself would a better place if everything was only shades of grey and black
The Only Thing I Still Love with Migraines:
Dogs -- I am convinced that dogs, as God's angelic emissaries to humanity, are somehow capable of supernaturally sensing when their human buddies have migraines, and are able to recondition their behavior appropriately. My parent's Bichon is all like "You have a migraine tonight, let me sleep a bit further away from you so my body heat does not contribute to the problem and I will be less of a nuisance around you today!" Dogs are always awesome. I need to own my own dog.
I Have a Love/Hate Relationship With:
Excredin Migraine -- This is the weaker off-the-counter treatment option, and it does alleviate symptoms, but A) the caffeine keeps me up when I take it at night, B) it makes me jittery and seems to increase tension and anxiety, C) Excredin can be addictive and lead to rebound migraines if it's not taken constantly and D) the relief is truly temporary at best.
Maxalt -- Maxalt is the stronger prescription treatment option but every time I take it, it always A) knocks me out cold for between two and four hours, B) then I wake up and the migraine's gone, but I'm still exhausted and can't fall asleep, condemning me to nearly a full day of walking around in some sort of half-functioning haze, and C) when I'm suffering from chronic migraines, the migraine's bound to come back in some capacity just around when my energy level returns to normal.
Migraines are the fuckin' worst and proof that the universe hates us and is actively conspiring against us
Also, migraines seem to actively refute evolution, because how in the hell could we have evolved over millions upon millions of years which such a basic ludicrous defect