The translation not being correct is probably part of the joke, because that's what happens in real life. There's always some mistakes or "creative" thinking by translator. Or boredom.

But Ted Woolsey is still okay guy.

Religious timecube.

crap like this gets especially hilarous when you actually look into so called "black magic" in history and realize alot of it is in fact christian. Alchemy for example was based off of ancient jewish philosophy (I know they aren't christian but beliefs are much the same, I'm just making a point here). I mean alot of the pegan rituals were developed to counteract christian spells

Well, Kabbalism isn't really Christianity. In fact, many Jews consider it heresy.

On the other hand, Christianity's take on magic of any sort is at best inconsistent. Magic being defined as using supernatural forces to harm, it puts up a huge red flag when St. Patrick is told as having cast curses.

It's really a huge subject for study and debate, but NPF isn't the place to do it. Try Zenhex, if anyone is still around.

I think you'll find that alchemy was actually based on Egyptian beliefs.
While we're not actually sure of the origins of the word, one explanation is that alchemy means "the egyptian science" because khemia was an old name for Egypt.

That's actually pretty odd, given the classical elements came from the Greeks. Then again, Europeans were never very picky about who they stole from. Although so far as I remember, Egyptian science involved a lot of dung of all things. >.0;

Well, actually, that's not fair. They did have some pretty nifty surgical practices. I remember watching something that said they used biting ants as stitches and even had a technique to replace a lost nose with forehead skin using honey as a disinfectant (as honey has antiseptic properties) and wadded cotton soaked in animal fat to keep things from sticking together.

Egyptians invented their own highly effective Contraceptive.

The whole "elements" thing was actually only a tiny part of alchemy. A lot of it was actually quite spiritual and the reason turning lead to gold was important was not because of the riches that you would get but because to complete the process you had to make similar transformations to your own soul from impure to pure. It was very metaphysical and very representative of the Egyptian ideas of things as fluid and able to be shaped and reborn.
As it progressed it mixed in a lot of sources, like greek, arabic and hindu ideas primarily, but it originated out of Egypt.
Also most alchemists used a 7 element system which was a mix of the Greek and Hindu elements put together- as most of alchemy was- by an Arab.

And then Chemistry was born! Yay!

my point being christianity itself practices magic. Hand signs, chanting prayers, burnt offerings, sacrifice, ect are all part of the religion.

Oh and in DnD you can be a paladin, dont get much more religious then that.
"I kick ass for the lord!"