Scotch flavored toothpaste? I thought you were trying to make your breath smell unnaturally fresh when you brush your teeth, not make your breath smell like you just got home from the bar.

Wait, I got it! "I haven't been drinking; it's just my toothpaste!" But, secretly, I have been drinking! How useful!

What did you think the point was?

I happened.

I just brush my teeth with whatever and use Crest whitening strips.

Seriously those things are goddamn amazing my teeth are white motherfucker!

I brush my teeth with silt.