"Now before I begin, I would like you all to know that even though all the doors have been welded shut, and the water from the sprinkler system has been replaced with various flammable liquids, and the projector is showing a video of me explaining why you all need to die, I actually totally forgot my lighter -funny story that- and we should all just calmly carry on as normal and accept that mistakes were made."

Hey, the hooker in the podium's dead.

"Yeah sorry but I have to take a piss really bad right now I'll be right back."

Let's get to the point: the winner is... *Looks at envelope* Oh hell no. *Throws it down in disgust and walks away.*

Hahah nice. I'll throw in a new scene to try "Lines you don't want to hear from the bathroom stall next to you."

"Don't Scream."

"Oh yeah... mmmm... keep going..."

Later, when you're washing up, the bathroom stall that was next to yours opens and only one guy comes out.

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/...bing-fail1.jpg

If I heard something like that especially from someone who claimed to be a janitor, I would be one of the first ones out.

Got a new topic for you guys if you are willing.

"Lines that you'd use to reject an unwanted admirer/date."

"I meant to say this earlier but . . . um . . . I have Dire Herpes."

It works 99% of the time
 

"I post regularly on an internet forum dedicated to a webcomic that ended years ago."