That's exactly what I was thinking.

1: Horrible horribleness. Also, horrible.
1.1: Particularly his puns
1.2: And his abuse of poor Joey. What'd the guy ever do to you?

2: Self-depreciating
2.1: I mean seriously, Asshat?
2.2: Despite this just more unlikeable

3: Sucks own dick
3.1: Quite well, actually. Kid's got talent.

See? Fifthfiend.

Offended. Also: Very very concerned.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with concerned.

1. I have a PHD in horribleness.
1.1 My puns are amazing I don't know what you're talking about
1.2 I'd like to point out that I have left out a good chunk of the times he's called me. It's never anything interesting, either. It's always: "I STILL CAN'T WIN ON THE SECOND ROUTE LAWLZ"

2. I'm far too awesome to be self-depreciating.
2.1 Asshat is the best name.
2.2 I know you are but what am I?

3. ...I have no counter to that one.
3.1 I've had a long time to practice.

Besides, I couldn't be Fifth. I'm British.

This is NPF in its purest, most filthy form.

There's a delightful irony to this statement that I'm not going to let you all in on.

It's funnier this way. For me.

So, not funny at all?

Well, nobody cares if you laugh.

Your reply was posted at the speed of sad.

I totally care! I want to see the multicolored abomination laugh!

We all know that the only one who spends (or spent) nearly as much time here as Fifth was POS.