D&D is of the devil, but marrying 13 year old girls is fine.
 

A friend of mine linked me this site.

http://www.ilmatar.net/~np/gameofsatan/#child

At first I thought this had to be a troll but after following some links, apparently this disturbed individual is also an AUTHOR!

Among the ramblings is a useful tip on how to identify witches, and this interesting tidbit...

Now I'm no expert on Finnish law, but I'm pretty sure that's damn well illegal in most civilized cultures. Then again maybe the parents gave consent for the strange witch hunter to watch their 14 year old masturbate, who knows?


Here's something else comical. The nutjob declares this
Right below this

There is a WHOLE big detailed story on how D&D DM's keep their players through sodomy and crack cocain. XD I couldn't take anymore. Thought I'd share the agony with you guys and see if it stirs up any discussion.


I mean, seriously. Even American REPUBLICANS aren't this anti-everything.

Good heavens, a veritable goldmine.

... actually I have a hunch I'm pretty sure this site might be a very elaborate trolling attempt or parody because in the list of "other things for Christians to avoid" the entry "Marvel Comics" links to DC and "Carebears" links to alt.sex.bears.

Wikipedia article.

Thank you wikipedia, you're the best.



But Finland is still pretty fucked up sometimes! But at least we aren't USA.

I think the language part of his foreigner's guide to Finland can't be fully trusted either.

e: actually I kind of want to know if he ever got any approving e-mails.

Oh thank god! I suspected it was a troll but couldn't quite put my finger on it.

That is a huge relief that there's not yet ANOTHER nutjob of this magnitude in the world. WHEW!

I really could start spamming linking youtube videos of whacky Finns, but you guys don't understand Finnish languange. Your lost really.

Instead I will link this.

As long as we're talking language barrier here. This is amazing for reasons I'm not quite sure about.

What?
No, seriously. What? Methinks I'd best go turn myself in then, right?
See you guys in... oh, three or four years? Something like that.

This reminds me that I was in Wal-mart and there were Chick Tracts in the PC games section of the electronics. Apparently, someone had been handing them out to trick or treaters at one of the town sponsored safe trick or treat places.

Come on, this is so obvious. I can't believe anyone thought this was real. ESPECIALLY SINCE THE EMPHASISA IS IN THE ORIGINALL AS WELL!Q!!

Well, maybe I just have too much faith in humankind. (Which contradicts my ocassional misanthropic thoughts.)
Or I had enough exposition to madness already to know what's real and what not, since there are several other sites such as this about Religious nutjobs. But they are in German, so I wont post any links.


Haha, man, why do people make stuff like this?

Finnish comedy take over, here we come
 

Does it actually make sense in Germany?

This is kinda relevant, like not all.

So yesterday, I was out and about with a good friend of mine. I had my laptop with me and needed to use the internet so I could send a message to my professor, so I sat outside a coffee shop with said friend. This family stopped by, the mother and daughter went inside, while another daughter and who I thought was their father (he was with them, so I didn't ask). Somehow we were drawn into their conversation, and I started telling some of my bad history jokes. I made a comment about how the Greek god Zeus was the first man to give birth.

To cut to the point, this man then started quoting Genesis of the bible and said that these ancient gods were actually Nephilim, half man, half angel (that part in Genesis talks about how some angels saw some women who were "good to marry"). And that god flooded the earth because people began to worship the Nephilim over him. I thought it was an interesting theory.

Yeah, that's what happened to Atlantis. It was totally made an example of.

I thought Atlantis was launched into space.

Atlantis was never on Earth, dumbasses. The only way to get to it is via Stargate.

No, he was right. Atlantis started on Earth, but was launched into space a very long time ago.

But now it's back, off San Fransisco under its invisibility shield so we don't know it's there.

Well okay, NOW it is. But you aren't supposed to TELL them that. Geez.

I'm gonna have to see about getting your security clearance revoked.

If you do that, the cult of Ryanderman will show up and we'll have to deal with a full blown revolt. Best to just make him disappear, its safer that way.

I actually meant that the satirical sites, that were similar in their condemning random things in a similar manner, were maintained by fake overzealous christians (in my original post: about, as in, satire "about" those). Which is not the relevent part but additional info. Sorry if that wasn't clear enough from my post.


Sort of, it's not particularly good German.
What made it funny for me were the subtitles. I don't know finnish at all, but that's 'cause.

The fact that a few actors clearly learned their lines phonetically and that the translation isn't 100% correct just makes it funnier if you ask me. (The hotel manager in the "die kühe 1 of 2" video in the related vids is particularly good by the way. I suspect he actually speaks the language.) You definitely get what's happening although of course the point is there's not very much happening.

The translation not being correct is probably part of the joke, because that's what happens in real life. There's always some mistakes or "creative" thinking by translator. Or boredom.

But Ted Woolsey is still okay guy.

Religious timecube.

crap like this gets especially hilarous when you actually look into so called "black magic" in history and realize alot of it is in fact christian. Alchemy for example was based off of ancient jewish philosophy (I know they aren't christian but beliefs are much the same, I'm just making a point here). I mean alot of the pegan rituals were developed to counteract christian spells

Well, Kabbalism isn't really Christianity. In fact, many Jews consider it heresy.

On the other hand, Christianity's take on magic of any sort is at best inconsistent. Magic being defined as using supernatural forces to harm, it puts up a huge red flag when St. Patrick is told as having cast curses.

It's really a huge subject for study and debate, but NPF isn't the place to do it. Try Zenhex, if anyone is still around.

I think you'll find that alchemy was actually based on Egyptian beliefs.
While we're not actually sure of the origins of the word, one explanation is that alchemy means "the egyptian science" because khemia was an old name for Egypt.

That's actually pretty odd, given the classical elements came from the Greeks. Then again, Europeans were never very picky about who they stole from. Although so far as I remember, Egyptian science involved a lot of dung of all things. >.0;

Well, actually, that's not fair. They did have some pretty nifty surgical practices. I remember watching something that said they used biting ants as stitches and even had a technique to replace a lost nose with forehead skin using honey as a disinfectant (as honey has antiseptic properties) and wadded cotton soaked in animal fat to keep things from sticking together.

Egyptians invented their own highly effective Contraceptive.

The whole "elements" thing was actually only a tiny part of alchemy. A lot of it was actually quite spiritual and the reason turning lead to gold was important was not because of the riches that you would get but because to complete the process you had to make similar transformations to your own soul from impure to pure. It was very metaphysical and very representative of the Egyptian ideas of things as fluid and able to be shaped and reborn.
As it progressed it mixed in a lot of sources, like greek, arabic and hindu ideas primarily, but it originated out of Egypt.
Also most alchemists used a 7 element system which was a mix of the Greek and Hindu elements put together- as most of alchemy was- by an Arab.

And then Chemistry was born! Yay!

my point being christianity itself practices magic. Hand signs, chanting prayers, burnt offerings, sacrifice, ect are all part of the religion.

Oh and in DnD you can be a paladin, dont get much more religious then that.
"I kick ass for the lord!"

But you can't be a paladin of Christ, you have to be a paladin of a false idol, or an alignment--I think paladins can do that, too, anyway--which is like being an atheist paladin.

A paladin for a heathen god however.

Also witchcraft and magic get their power from places other than the Lord. There is considerable difference between divine miracles from our Saviour and evil devil magics to harm those you don't like.

The only Class my dad will play, and I have to make a Jehovah God.

He's not in my group too often.

Does he also insist that the Jehovah God be the most powerful god in the pantheon?

Yes.

I'm trying to figure out whether that's awesome or terrible.

I'll get back to you.

In the meantime you should try to get him to play Exalted. Maybe he'll make you rename The Unconquered Sun to The Unconquered Son of God.

Well he isn't invited back after killing the Rogue because he probably stole something. (He did but the character didn't know.)

Man, there are so many bad jokes I could make right now, but they'd all be against the no religious discussion rules.

Do it! Fifth and Kurosen are both away! The moderating staff is weakened! Now is the time to crush them!

That sounds like a good excuse reason to revoke his paladinhood.

The rogue was going to steal something from somebody, it was only a matter of time.

I blame the whole "Hate the Sin, Hate the Sinner" mentallity a lot of religious people have developed. It's really disheartening to the more open and understanding followers.

I have no problem with this. I've killed many rogues over my career because they suspicious little fucks. Totally asking for it.

Better yet, get a Psionic of some sort to confirm it first, THEN kill them. After all, Psionic classes don't need to serve anyone to have their power, and, in fact, Psions are essentially monastic atheists. A Psion with the Telepathy discipline of 5th casting level can use Mind Probe to get any information they want, one question per round.

"I thought he would steal something" is not adequate justification for keeping your paladinhood unless you serve a really screwed up god. Hell, even the six hundred and whatever mitzvot don't advocate that one, and they're about the most extreme Judeo-Christian rules you'll find, including things like "burn down the cities of non-believers and never build anything there again ever."

Why is the psion still alive? I would have killed him at the first opportunity. Worse than rogues.

Well clearly I'm playing some kind of evil velociraptor bard not some ridiulous paladin.
But I agree that paladins shoudn't. But I don't even let my paladins kill anyone except in extreme, extreme situations so I'm not typical.

Yeah, since he's a paladin of Jehovah, killing someone on suspicion with no proof should make him fall so hard that Satan hears the thump.

The Psion is still alive because if you attack him, he can use Empathic Transfer, Hostile to transfer up to 50 points of typeless, un-reducible damage from himself to you on touch, plus another 10 per additional power point spent to a maximum of 90 points of hurt from him to you with love. :p

Confessions of a Justified Sinner, yo.
Calvinists are badasses.

Did you miss the part where I was a velociraptor bard?

I just assumed it was a joke? Well, at any rate, by Telepathy 5, he already has Brain Lock (which shuts down every thought in your brain, paralyzing you in a stupor), Dominate, Psionic, and a nifty little level 3 power called Crisis of Breath, which is cast in a standard action and forces the target to, get this, actually have to think to breathe for 1 round per caster level. Unless the target spends a standard action to gasp for air, it needs to roll a fort save at the end of the round or pass out with 0 HP, and every round taken without breathing adds 1 to the check. Granted, it takes an additional 2 power points to affect an animal or magical beast, and/or 4 to affect a dragon or outsider, but every 2 additional power points spent adds 1 to the base fort check while they're at it, so a smart Psion would dump in 6 just to cover all bases and stick you with a fort +3 for 5 rounds.

Oh, and if you pass out under its effects, you drop to -1 the next round and start dying.

Does he have a personality, or is he just a lump of stats? You took a long time to explain why he's "super duper" but haven't actually said anything of his personality.

He might just be describing a particular setup, and not an actual player character

which ironically according to the new testiment is a very anti-christian mindset

I don't understand the point of this. If you want to be ridiculously broken you defineatly shouldn't be playing a psionic as there are far far far worse things around. And if you want to play a cool, not boring character you should play a raptor bard.
Also raptors have brutal fort saves.

Point to Mark. I haven't actually played in ages, but my biggest regret for years was not buying Psionics 3.5 before the book store and card shop near my house closed. An old friend lives some miles away from me, though, and wanted to buy the Mouse Guard manual from the shop nearest him, so when I saw it there, I bought it in a heartbeat.

So, yeah, been years since I've RPed in any manner, but I have the book and love it. :whee:



Edit: @ Barrel:
Never said anything about broken. Psionics, from what I've come to understand, are pretty low on the twinking scale. You can multiclass them, of course, but Psionic feats tend not to be abusable in any way I can think of. I mean, they do get some useful feats and abilities, but the feats are all enhancements and item crafts, and the abilities are less than almighty. Really, they're like a Blue/White deck in Magic. Lots of little annoyances and useful functions, but not much in the line of ridiculously overpowered nukes.

Yes but you'll be walking in the market one day and catch something, a glimpse, a flash of green, and a strange cadence of hisses.
You'll forget it, carry home for the night, humming to yourself a tune you've never heard before and tossing money to the beggars, oddly out in force.
You'll take your shower and clean your teeth and lie down for your sleep. You've been having trouble sleeping lately, your latent powers tend to awake at night. But not this night. This night a strange lull washes over you and cradles you to sleep, an experience not encountered since you lay in your mother's arms listening to her gentle lullaby.
In the morning there is no body, only a mystery pile of ion stones left on top of a bed of blood.

That actually sounds like a pretty good way to go. Hold on, let me write that down.


Yeah, wait until Jerry gets a load of this! Man, this beats choking on a wine cork at 80!

Best way to go I've read so far. And I thought pissing of death and taking his scythe would be a pretty good way to go.

Hold on for a second. What's so great about it? You get eaten by a velociraptor. Admittedly, it sings you to sleep first, but it still eats you whole. Or not even whole! Because I very much doubt that a velociraptor could stomache an entire human. I mean sure, they're ravenous, but wouldn't at least the skeleton remain? Or does the velociraptor drag that off and burn it somewhere? Because that would be even less glamorous.

I mean, of course death-by-velociraptor-Bard is, if nothing else, an honorable death. But there's better.

...

Like...

...

Death-by-velociraptor-assassin!

Edit: That's wearing a silly hat!

And maybe a moustache...

My bard did work as an assassin for a while....
Didn't last. Left too many ioun stones everywhere.

Well, you missed your calling. Though a velociraptor Psion would be even more awesome, now that I come to think of it.
You should persuade your DM to set up a jurassic park-esque campaign, with you as a psion velociraptor. Overland flight and Breath of the Black Dragon FTW. Maybe Phase door to surprise the poor human fools. And create sound.

You forgot the part where psionics are inherently stupid.

You forgot the part where I've never actually played a DnD game and was using D20srd.org to create the illusion of knowing what I'm talking about. (I do that a lot.) Still, a Raptor that breathes acid, walks through walls and flies would definetly have improved the third Jurassic Park, you have to agree.

And why would you leave ioun stones everywhere? From what I've read they orbit your head and only the ones that use spells can get used up?

This is what happens when you just use the SRD.
Dinosaurs shit ioun stones. Find a pile of dinosaur poop, stick your hand in= free treasure.

At least it's +2 to Cha.

Just don't greet anyone by shaking hands.

And excuuuuse me princess, but what am I supposed to do? Abduct nerds, keep them in my basement and torture them until they reveal the secrets of the ioun stones to me? That never works.

And I'm not even going to ask why Dinosaur feces=Magical space rocks.

It's D&D. This is just the way things work.

When you got a free source of loot, it pays not to question it.

What I've garnered from this thread is a powerful urge to roll up a DnD Paladin of Christ.

That just sounds badass. I'm not really sure how it would play out or how you'd horsehoe in The Jesus with the other gods, but damn it I'm willing to find out!

(oh and the last time I played DnD I was a Psion Nomad back in 3rd edition, and I totally wiped out the Tarasque on the second turn of combat by abusing that time travel spell thing. I'm not sure if it was legal but the rules were vague enough that I could pretty much do whatever the fuck I wanted.)

I remember in our one-session epic level campaign my old man fighter who had 1 level of every base case and any prestige classes I managed to shoehorn in, killed a tarrasque once but there was no wizard around to miracle it to death because all my allies had run away and no one thought I could beat it with my ridiculous mess.

Human Sorcerer level 6 / human paragon level 3.

Charisma 17. Intelligence 14. Wisdom 6. Dexterity 16.

We're trying to teach a friend how to play the role of a character and not just stats + combat = no fun.

My character was doing cartwheels through 90% of the dungeon, skipping through deadly traps accidentally (or worse, TRIGGERING them!) and just acting like a fool a great portion of the game. Had a lot of fun sticking to the character's theme ("I have the blood of dragons in me, isn't that craaaaaaazy?") and the guy managed to learn nothing from the experience. Bragged about how his character reached the bottom of the tomb of horrors thanks to a psionic exploit involving a dimension door to his psicrystal.

planning to kill him.

You know what sucks? They don't have a copy of the 4th edition player's manual at the Barnes and Noble Bookseller near my house. Like they have a bunch of other DnD crap but not the main books.

Isn't that a good thing? ;) *grumble grumble, 4th ed, grumble grumble*

I had a joke about how we've seen enough DnD references in this thread and how we should move on to 13 year old girls, but I decided that it was tasteless.

The flying, acid breathing, walking through walls Mind Raptor scares me a hell of a lot more then the Raptor that learned how to sing and then eats me in my sleep, regardless of how much better the class is over the other.

Not for those who want to play a better version of the game. :cool:

But conflicting game structure ideologies aside, I think we can all agree that psionic powers are dumb and really have no place in a world setting largely defined by its abundance of divine and arcane sources of power.

And incarnum, truenaming, shadow magic that bypasses standing arcane/divine standings, binding...

My games have room for everything. I don't like limiting players, I just ask them to adhere to specific rules at a time. My biggest problem has always been players who want to use the rules to break the game, and people who treat it more as an RPG then as a story written together. If you can't contribute with a personality, expect to be written out.

For instance: I have 8 players in my Dragonsong Campaign. 3 of them are going to be gone by the next game. I already know which 3. Not because I'll be doing anything, but because they will get themselves killed in awkward situations. [Magic Marker will likely survive because I wanted a Dwarf in this game and he built a fun dwarf character.]


Edit: also, you point out the 13 year old girls when I would be vastly more aroused interested with the whole polygamy aspect he had going on with that website.

Man... every time you people talk about DnD I think it's soooo cool.
But then I always decide not to get into it.

Nope. There are more than enough options available to players through the martial, arcane, or divine paths. Adding in something that's "sorta like magic but not," "sorta like divine power but not," or sorta like this one thing I saw in this other game but not" has always seemed silly to me. Maybe it’s just that I’m a traditionalist gamer. Maybe it’s that I’m the kind of gamer that thrives in structured settings. I dont' know.

Agreed.

I'll allow pretty much anything except psionics. Man psionics are shit.
I agree about the latter but I play only with my friends and we play campaigns that are all political and very little combat so we totally roleplaying anyway. Playing with friends is good because you all have same kinds of interests so you won't have conflicting ideologies about games.

It's not.

You know, that death sounds a lot less nice now that I know where the pretty rocks came from. :(

I just figured, you know, you were assuming the Psion was a Maenad or something and his powers went out of control and fully crystallized him somehow.

At any rate, the situation could be alleviated or avoided if the Psion has a Psicrystal, which never sleeps and is immune to mind-altering effects, has a +6 to Listen and Spot checks, and shares the Alertness feat with its owner when within arm's reach, aside from a telepathic link with a 1-mile range.

I'm not saying maybe your raptor bard couldn't take out a Psion, just that it's not as easy as you might think.


Edit: @ psionics sucking: I think calling it out as not being part of the world completely ignores that some "magic" was initially put in there to compensate not having actual psionics rules in the core. Case in point, Mind Flayers. Even under the core Monster Manual, their abilities are defined as psionics. Same goes for the Githzerai and Githyanki. Adding psionics as an expansion really only serves to open up and expand on something that's already there and better define the rules for what exists. The core game already acknowledges it. I personally think it adds some useful and interesting items.

My huge problem with psionics is it just tacked on. If it had been intergrated at the start it could have worked but it really just felt like "magic but different!". Things like psionic combat were totally clunky and didn't fit in with the rest of the system. It could be intergrated but I haven't seen it done nice.