How would YOU end the world?
 

Bob the Mercenary's "catastrphic global meltwdown caused by laser" tabloid thread got me thinking. Even if that particular machine would never actually cause something like the end of the world, the Earth exists in a very delicate balance. If it tilts a little too much, END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. If the moon weren't in that particular rotation/position/size, END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. If we were about 10% closer to or farther from the son, END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. Hell, at any given moment a quazar could just come out of nowhere and fuck our shit up.

Given, say, a few billion dollars to build whatever crazy contraption you would like, how would you herald the end of the world as we know it?

What'll it be? I'll concieved tampering with the earths bowels results in geological instability? Wheather machine accidentally cause A category fuck you hurricane? Slow down the moon's revolution just a bit so it'll come slowly crashing down on top of us? Lets hear it.

I would end the world by compulsorarily over populating it by forcing everyone over the age of 18 and before menopause (and the male equivalent age) to have continuous sex until impregnated, and then once pregnant the female could take a break, if she wishes, for a few months while she birthed and then shortly afterwards begin on the next child. The males during this time would move on to the next female to impregnate. Finally, every person over the age above listed ages of menopause (and male equivalents) would be responsible for raising and providing for all the breeding ages whilst the people between the ages of 13-18 will be our physical labor whilst the under 13 year olds will be in classes to learn about work and sex.

Finally, once the earth was so filled with humans that we literally fall off the land and into the water to drown. I find that the only survivors of this plan would be sea creatures as air born creatures would not have anywhere to land lest it be ontop of people procreating thier next child. On top of this, it would guarantee the fastest spread of STDs and AIDs as all forms of contraception and birth control would be banned.

Yes, a cruel ending to the human world that would be.

Wouldn't people... y'know.... just.. stop doin' it?

EDIT: I think I'd hijack a Space Shuttle (Who would see it coming?) And then fly it into space with a nuclear weapon onboard. Take it to the moon and then plant the bomb on the side of the moon that leads its revolution. Detonating the bomb there will hopefully slow the moon enough that it begins to accelerate towards the earth until it finally comes crashing down. The best part is that it will be a slow sing towards the ground. Could take days, weeks, or even months of watching the moon slowly grow bigger and bigger as the tital patters turn to chaos and weather goes crazy until the moment of final impact. Some Majora's Mask shit right there.

Clone Fifthfiend, make an army.

I was going to go the opposite way of B_real and create a perfect android mate for every person where they forget of real human mates until they die off.

Cancel WoW. Just straight up, cancel WoW. No reasons, no excuses.

Physics disagree with ya there.

Anyway, I'd pull some Wargames stuff, and hack into the Nuclear Launch Systems, and just fire them off, not really caring where they land. Just aim them in a random direction and let them fly. Then other countries would retalite, and MAD would occur.

The survivers would slowly meet their end as they struggle to make it though the nuclear winter.

Flood of Cheeseburgers.

root@god:~$ fdisk /dev/

I say it ends in ice. :p


Really, though, are we talking the end of the world or the end of humanity? The two aren't necessarily mutually inclusive. I say give it enough time and humanity ends both pretty effectively. All we have to do is keep doing what we are and global warming will eventually fry us, especially if we reduce particle emissions and stop blotting out the sun with global dimming. That should about unleash all the methane stored in the oceans and tundra and send us not just falling, but rocketing over the edge at breakneck speed into a fast death spiral.

Now, if we somehow manage to compensate with, I dunno, building a LOT of infrastructure really fast to save as many plants and animals as possible, humanity as a whole will probably be screwed, but a select few would survive and re-populate eventually, despite the loss of pretty much all wildlife. Highly unlikely, but I'll allow it.

In that case, the world is still pretty effectively ended. What with basically knocking the legs out from under the table.

Oh oh oh I know how to end humanity. Get a recording of all of Bluey's posts and record them to the masses. Mass suicide for all :D

Bluey ya know I am kidding right. We still cool.
:p

C:\Earth is still running. Abort without saving? Y/N

Hide 100 Nukes inside the earths core. Board cast footage of the nukes all around the world and say I plan to destroy the world in 3 minutes. Blast "Let's see how far we've come" by matchbox 20 all over the world as everyone panics/ignores it. Then detonate the nukes 1 minute into the song for the evil lols and watch the planet break apart from a dome on Mars through a satellite feed.

Why not just do Blue's plan, but with more nukes? Blow up the moon! Let the wreckage fall to earth!

I would probably have giant rockets built into the planet (like in Shadow Raiders) and then shoot it into the sun. The alternative is cutting Earth in half with a giant space laser, but that doesn't seem as cool.

i h8s joo. Ninja'd.

Yeah but that would only kill 90% of all life on earth. Sure the other 10% will die a slow painful death, but it just wouldn't be same. My plan involves breaking the planet apart.

C:\> Y
Earth will now quit.
Running program 'apocalypse'...

Horsemen (1/4)...

Some sort of virus that makes all organic matter rapidly melt into a nutrient sludge. Of course this would leave a lifeless rock still in existence, though.

Obligatory inexorable sexual intercourse until body breakdown.

Nuklear launch detected...

I'm surprised no one goes for the simple "Kill it with fire" option.

The idea I guess is to go more into the idea of "If you are a mad scientist working to bring about the end of days, how would you do it?".

Somehow generating enough fire to burn the entire world is impractical unless you have some means of doing so. Perhaps if you were able to make the earth fall into the sun that idea would work, but otherwise it just seems like a half-answer.

Breaking apart the moon DOES sound like a good idea. I mean, the moon has to be large enough to produce several hundred meteors the size of the one that supposedly killed Mr. T-Rex and pals.

Button, button, who has the button?
 

Its been tried before. If meteors, volcanoes, and all the other crap Earth's been through before us are any indication, we can't kill it with fire. Trying to do so only makes it stronger.

Killing it with ice also didn't work. Things survived.

No, at this point, we're pretty much down to 'Kill it with acid/science.'

Then again, the last time we had a soup of acids, proteins, bases, etc., that just brought us to this day.

Shit. Yeah, we're down to 'kill it with science.'

Maybe we should ask other space-faring races/peoples if they destroyed their home planets. Maybe it's an initiation thing.

'You can't be part of the Galactic Coolness Club until you destroy your home planet. And you don't get silver status until you destroy your home star. Doing both at once gets you gold, and taking out the entire system for good measure gets you platinum. Doing it all at once will make you the new leaders.'

I would develop Seed AGI with the perogotive to "Defend Humanity".

I would then have them inhabit self-replicating shells (Bonus points: People).

Apocalypse is assured.

generate a pair of wormholes, place one at the bottom of the atlantic and the other inside the sun. the end result will be that the planet earth will get steam cooked in a matter of seconds.

Von Neumann machines. Start with one, end with a pile of grey goo. Plus it doubles as a trap for any explorers who try to figure out what the fuck happened to us!

Empty out the core of the earth in a way that doesn't destroy the earth (benefit of the doubt please)

Fill with baking soda

Pour vinegar down a hole to the core, then plug hole before it reaches core.

Commence rock out session as Earth explodes.

With a catapult that can launch things into orbit.

Throw the earth into space, one shovelful at a time.

I'd like to end the world as we know it by erasing the concept of walls.

What do you think happens when no one can keep anyone or anything out?

I'd make the principal cast of the Ghostbusters films cross the streams...for real.

Really Pinky and the Brain's giant magnet on a cable idea is the best one of all time.

"...and then everyone will fly off the face of the earth!"

Hellgate.

Nothing more fun than opening up a doorway to a realm of infinite demonic entities in another universe and allowing them to ravage the earth.

Either that or nanites. Order them to replicate, using any and all resources. Eventually the whole planet becomes Grey Goo, then the moon, then all the other planets, eventually it works its way up galactic threat level.

If not either of those then I'd find some way of breaking apart the strong nuclear force with a blast of energy, make it self sustaining so that once it's set off it continues on through space never ending, then set of a Reality Bomb ala Davros and destroy the entire universe.

Really, am I the only one to whom "crossing steams" sounds homoerotic?

Sounds like trying to pee on each other.

Kinky.

You know, when you decided your plan would involve turning Earth into a planet-sized rape camp, you probably stepped out of any sphere of ethics where you'd still need to observe the age of consent.

Okay I get that someone needs to work but a little prepubescent child labour goes a long way.

I for one will just wait until Kurt Vonnegut's Galápagos comes true.

You can made it happen brainiacs.

Large Global Scaled Mecha Combat. And just for fun, arm them all with Rail gun's that fire nukes!

Hard question, I'd probably say that the best ending ever would probably be if the world suddenly got the same physics as Valhalla and every second hour (every first would be feasting) we play musical chairs, but instead of sitting down we'd have killing that feels like getting hit with 20lbs of awesome fun, and each city has one loser every hour that just doesn't get revived, everyone else pops back up, feasts, then we go back out and do it again and again until only two survive.

THEN

Everyone else raises back up and we have the most awesome tournament ever, then we have nationals and world wide, then we all fly to mars and blow up earth. Screw earth.

Hmmm. I'm not sure how I'd end the world, seeing as it would be stupid for me to get rid of it before I have a chance to rule it. However, should the world end WITHOUT my help, I have some ideas on how I'd prefer it to go. Basically, I'm up for anything that ends with me fighting off demons/zombies/whatever in an epic duel for the fate of the planet; sawed-off shotgun in one hand and a glass of Reisling in the other, with a shirtless Hugh Jackman as my sidekick and an endless supply of molotov cocktails at my disposal.

Maybe a tank, too. Nothing too fancy.

That way, even if I lose the battle and the planet is lost, I still had a hell of a good time.

An unstoppable global loudspeaker that just read the Twilight series audiobooks.

Forever!

Where's the Earth-Shattering Kaboom?
 

You are all horrible people for not mentioning the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Mod-U-Lator as a means to end the world.

You evil evil bastard...

That could backfire if the voice selected is soothing or sexy. You'd have to make sure it is the most evil and annoying voice ever heard!

I would kill myself. Seeing as the rest of the world is just a figment of my imagination it would die as well.

Twilight, as read by Dick Cheney....

Shit, just get the movie cast to do it and allow them to bring as much hatred of their roles through as they like. They're already doing as much as they can get away with in the movies. Unlock it and the fangirls will kill everyone for pointing out how much the actors hate the tripe and then just wait for them to all go crazy and kill themselves for not being able to turn the travesty to their beloved tripe off.

Honestly, I personally cannot see this backfiring regardless of the voice...BUT

In terms of world-ending effectiveness I cannot disagree with this.

I always kind of knew Dick Cheney would eventually end the world. Just didn't think it'd be like that.

Okay, this:
But all the non-spoken parts are narrated by Morgan Freeman. The quality whiplash every sentence or so will make it even worse.

Or Meyer, herself. Think about it, the stark contrast between the author's loving meting of her own work immediately dashed by the seething hatred of others for every spoken line. It's the ultimate insult.

End of the world ?

I still think the most interesting doomsday scenario would be if 70 % of humanity contracts some kind of super secret engineered space virus, and the virus made the infected suffer of Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome

Now THAT would be a fabulous end of the world!

Or we could just summon the light warriors .......

Issue Wing-Attack Plan R

DAMN YOU FOR BEATING ME TO THE DOCTOR WHO OPTION >_>

I suppose there's always;

1. Create device to make characters real.
2. Create cloning machine.
3. Create and clone off BM Evilwizardington repeatedly
4. HADOKEN!
5. ????
6. profit!
Nothing will survive except a horde of White Mages...(i assume BM would learn how the machines work, and do the same to WM as was done to him. Because there's only those 2 lefrt in the world, you can imagine what happens next.)

Create a flawed universe and impose a rule of cause and effect on it, as well as some basic laws which will cause energy to be lost in every transfer, invariably reducing the universe to entropy even if nothing else happens to this one tiny world.


There, just got back. Woah, time feels weird. I made sure it would move in the same direction for everyone so that when it all comes down, we'd be able to see it together. How are you guys liking the suspense?