What have you learned?
 

After quoting one of Dave Barry's "25 things I have learned in 50 years" in another thread,25 things I have learned in 50 years by Dave Barry

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:

* The universe is even bigger than they thought!
* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:

* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

it got me thinking, "what have I learned (for myself), really?"

It's a bit of a tough question. Sure, you can treat it cynically (and spout things like "no good deed goes unpunished") or jokingly ("they will always be after your lucky charms") but trying to single out any truths you may have discovered in your own life is actually kind of difficult. So I wanted to post it to you guys to see what you'd come up with.

Here's a light-hearted one from me to get things started.

"If by a certain age (let's say, 15 for girls and 18 for boys) you have not yet seen Star Wars, odds are you won't like it once you do."

Individual similarities vastly outweigh our differences.

On that note, we are all unified by our need to poop. Ethnicity, religion, gender, particular hole we like to fuck, either way we all gotta take a shit roughly the same way.


That if there is something you like and think is good. Someone else just completely fucking hates it and thinks it's the most horrible thing ever.

The greatest pleasure in life is telling someone senior to you to politely fuck off, but only if they really deserve it.

If you are good with computers, keep that fact secret and safe like it was the One Goddamn Ring.

Guilty pleasures are okay - the sooner you let everyone know you actually enjoyed Dude Where's My Car or Rocky IV or Commando, the better.

Um Commando is one of the best cinematic achievements of mankind...

See, exactly what I mean right there.

- What I learned is that no matter how dumb you or anyone is or how bad one fucks up, the sad truth is that it's very very likely it's still the average or even above.

- Most people are idiots until you get to know them better.

Pessimism isn't good for anybody. It makes everything seem worse than things really are and yet you think that that's how it's.

It's not easy to talk about things that would make people understand you whole lotta better.

Edit:// And George really was the best beatle.

I have learned Dave Barry is not as clever as he thinks
 

1. No matter how many helicopters are in a movie, it'll never be as good as Apocalypse Now.

2. The purpse of daylight savings time is to make the daylight last until later in the evening. But I have yet to find a compelling argument for not using daylight savings time all year long.

3. If you don't think someone or something is funny, it's your sense of humor that's dull. A keen sense of humor will let you laugh at anything.

4. The most valuable service a government can offer is education.

5. Not all women are sensitive about their weight.

6. Pennies saved mount up.

7. If you complain about trouble in the middle east without any understanding of the people living there and without offering any solutions, you're a douche.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gravity. I was going to be funny and say gossip is the fastest, but that's also gravity.

9. There are actually people who don't drive.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to listen to you going on about asinine crap like how to celebrate birthdays. That time is age 5.

11. Every form of psychological activity can be considered mental illness.

12. If people are preaching their religion at you, it's your choice if you want to listen.

13. Watching television is a big fucking waste of time.

14. People may appear normal from a distance, but it's a trick of perspective.

15. There are scientists. They discover new things. Try to not let that frighten you.

16. Dilbert is occasionally funny and insightful.

17. Organized protesting has reduced the average workday from 16 to 8 hours, and will likely reduce it further. The increased quality of life this has afforded the workers of the industrialized world can hardly be measured.

18. The value of advertisement is entertainment, and to challenge your psychological fortitude. And occasionally information.

19. I already said not to watch TV. That especially includes televangelists.

20. You are not your job. Well said, Tyler Durden.

21. People can be judged by how they treat their pets, and a nation can be judged by how it treats its prisoners. Gandhi said that.

22. Life is not a joke, but if you take it too seriously you'll get in trouble. Neil Gaiman said that I think.

23. Insanity is a rational response to an irrational world.

24. Your friends are the most important thing in the world.

25. Dance like no one is watching. If you've made it this far and still care what people think about you, you'll just have to dance when no one is watching.

Also gravity is the weakest force, the strong nuclear force is the strongest
 

^22. No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it way too seriously.

- Friends are people who know you and like you anyway.

- A true friend is worth more than all the riches in the world.

Hot showers and loud music fix everything. (Please, no perverted takes on this ¬_¬)

Don't eat the god damn yellow snow.
 

Age really comes from experience rather than how long you've lived.

Someone in the word will always have it better/worse than you do, so be thankful/suck it up.

See humour in all things.

Your life is short; for reals. Probably better off living to your own expectations rather than other peoples.

Your actions have consequences, deal with them.

There's no such thing as life being fair or unfair, life is just life.

Take up a hobby (Or many), it will keep you sane.

Do something and fail rather than never try at all. Screw that poem about love, it applies to other things too!

Also, save all important documents in at least 2 places
 

I keep forgetting that you're a girl. >.>

The first step to success is giving a damn.

It's not always so important to get things done right the first time.

(This one isn't original, but I like it. :3 ) To the world you may be no one, but to someone you are the world.

It never hurts to come too prepared.

Have lower expectations, and everything is that much nicer.

Laugh and the world laughs with you.

Cry, and you cry alone.

That's okay, everyone does. XD

Someone who says they're only doing something for the sake of doing it and they're "not here to make friends" is generally an asshole.

Generally generalizations are only useful as such and should not be applied to the individual. >>

On that topic,

There are assholes in the world. There will always be one on the bus, there will always be one at the restaurant, and there will always be one at work, be they customer, co-worker, or one of each. You need to learn how to deal with them, because you will be dealing with them for the rest of your life.

Defibrilators can't do jack crap for a stopped heart. You don't use them on someone who is flatlining.

Alternate title: Inspirational quotes
 

On that topic, very few people are actively trying to be the bad guy or an asshole, some people just don't know the right way to act, are too caught up in their own problems, or are just personality types that rub you the wrong way. The designation of "asshole" is just how you choose to define them. It's a matter of perspective.


Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the person with the wrong mental attitude.
Believing in yourself is pretty nifty and will help you overcome issues that you could already do, but didn't think you could because you didn't believe in yourself. But it's not a magical cure-all that will make you magically capable of doing anything and everything you'd ever want to do. In the mean time, not believing in yourself will hinder you a lot but probably won't stop you from doing things that you are simply awesome at doing.

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.


Even bad things have a purpose, even if that purpose is just to make you stronger.

I really do have a problem with that whole "The Secret" philosophy of just willing with positiveness and you'll achieve whatever you want. It is total bull for most people. Yes, a positive attitude will definitely get you farther in most cases, but to say you can achieve anything is self-delusion.

Things I have Actually Learned Myself, Not Read In A List of Pithy Statements
 

Arrays are evil. Dynamically allocated arrays doubly so.

Everything They told you about off-by-one array indices is true.

Learn to use the debugger. Meaningful stack traces are worth at least an hour each.

If the error says "memory," run it in valgrind.

Never trust a GUI that doesn't save its configuration in a readable, editable text file.

GUIs that save their configuration properly are really nice to have.

Just because you got away with putting the first homework off to the last minute doesn't mean any subsequent homework will go just as well.

Dwarf fortress is a gigantic black pit that will steal your time and your soul and give nothing in return. Plus you can never stop playing.

Yeah, but a positive attitude can get you a lot farther than people seem to think. There's a difference between /thinking/ you can't and actually physically being incapable. Too often people confuse the two.

I mean, obviously it's not, like, magic. No amount of positive thinking will make a blind person suddenly be able to see. Taking it that way is completely missing the point.

In my experience, people use it as a crutch all too often and rely on wanting, seemingly expecting things to fall into their laps.

Besides that, everyone has different abilities. Physics just about killed me. I busted my butt and got weekly tutoring and I had the CONCEPTS down, but I just couldn't hack the math and only pulled a C. I am never going to be the next Stephen Hawking, regardless of what I do. On the other hand, I'm great with language and logic, so programming suits me just fine. Stephen Hawking might take a look at the stuff I do and have his head explode from seeming pages upon pages of gibberish.

To put it this way, a positive outlook might make it easier to bust your butt and work on something, but if your brain just doesn't work that way, you're going to have trouble, while other people will be able to take it up as second nature. You still have to do the butt-busting, which is what people seem to forget.

I wasn't even thinking physical limitations, more social ones. Often the biggest believers of the philosophy are those that are highly socially mobile anyway, which is great for them sure, but they're a minority.

argh nevermind.
 

Alright, you're right, I concede.

I'll correct it: Believing in yourself is pretty nifty and will help you overcome issues that you could already do, but didn't think you could because you didn't believe in yourself. But it's not a magical cure-all that will make you magically capable of doing anything and everything you'd ever want to do. In the mean time, not believing in yourself will hinder you a lot but probably won't stop you from doing things that you are simply awesome at doing..

Huzzah.

The physical limitation she cited was something that we, in the business, call an example. She could have cited a social limitation as well.

Really, if you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything has more to do with self esteem and positive self image than anything. Having a high self-esteem lends itself to you trying harder and working further to achieve your goals. You don't get much done if you are a depressed sadsack who can barely get out of bed. You need to have a positive self image. You need to believe in yourself.

Faith, positive thinking, or whatever you're calling it has a lot of power. It can drive you far beyond your limitations and help you overcome your inhibitions. Of course, it doesn't always turn out great, but there's that whole "try try again," deal, and it helps you with that too. And in the end, I'd rather die living than live dead.

But I've found there's not too much point in extolling the virtues of personal honesty, faith, positive thinking, and all that. It tends to sound like bullshit to anyone who hasn't experienced the power of it.

You're missing all the people for whom life isn't about social class and wealth. There's a tendency to measure how successful people are in their lives based on how much money they have and where they sit the social ladder, but the most powerful and inspiring people I've met do not really care too much about that business beyond what is absolutely necessary. Having faith in yourself helps you gain perspective on what you really want as opposed to what you're supposed to want. Of course, they can be one and the same, but then it's the difference between doing something because you're supposed to and doing something because it's what you want.

I mean, of course there are extreme examples of social limitations, like caste systems and non-persons, but no one ever broke out of those by moping and accepting their lot in life.

-Cars are people too. Most people aren't cutting you off just to be an asshole. We've all seen the situations where you have to cut over and you feel like a dick for it, but its not as if you can turn around and apologize. Cut them some slack.

As said, perspective.

Business? Anyway, I don't see why this requires defending, I was stating what I was thinking about when I wrote my first reply. I know it was an example.

I don't see how anything anyone has said has disagreed with this.

That's actually a great point regarding how to evaluate "success," and I'm a bit guilty of it. It's just a hard thing to evaluate. However, I wasn't insinuating you have to be super rich/powerful/famous.

There aren't just extremes though. Yeah I'm sure there's puppy-dog-sad stories we could cite, in the same way we could cite Oprah-Hollywood-inspiring stories. There are, sadly, marginalized groups beyond these extremes that fall more within the middle that, yes, would be better off with positive outlooks, but still in or near the gutter thanks to limitations (be they physical, social, emotional, genetic). It's not that uncommon, it's just not talked about.

I like it! Especially the sarcasm! I brought up my concerns to the original posting, in honesty, because I'm concerned when people display the original philosophy as something that's not a dangerous, sweeping assumption. As dangerous and sweeping as assuming the philosophy is also total bull and your mental attitude is meaningless. It does also ignore genetic/early developmental outlooks. Some people literally do not change, and to them I think the philosophy is useless and even a little condescending. I prefer a more moderate position, and I'd support those of us with more mobility helping those that do not.



Seriously though, I really should get out of bed...I just...you know...I'm so depressed and stuff.

- It is better to seek permission then ask forgiveness, because in the time you are seeking permission, the delays will eventually make your goal pointless and you can pat yourself on the back for avoiding a potential mistake.

- Despite having redundant organs it's better to have each one.

- Your religious friends are the most likely to help you hide a body and keep quiet about it.

One negative can ruin millions of positives.

Tao

Lev, what the heck happened to your nametag?

He's made honest-to-God swordchucks. I can only assume his name is related somehow.

What have I learned? Well...

Know what you're apologizing for.

Don't get hung up when you do apologize. You know what you've done wrong, you've probably tried to make up for it, and you've admitted that you're at fault. After that, it's up to them if they want to get over whatever it is. You've done your part, move along.

If you can be better, then don't ask "Why should I do better?" You should be asking "Why shouldn't I do better?"

Fear is a useless emotion most of the time.

It's okay for your friends to be flawed. They're people too.

Try to avoid doing things when angry. What good has ever come of anger?

Everyone is worthy of your time, and everyone is worthy of your respect until they prove otherwise.

Screencap and send it to me through PM?
I donno, we've been fiddling around with it so I have no idea how it looks on other screens.

No matter what I do, no matter where, when, or how I do it, someone will show up and tell me I'm doing it wrong.