Where'd that guy go, you know, the one with the face
 

That Fifthfiend guy.

Was I busy the weekend he went crazy and murdered a buncha people?

Or is his disappearance and DFM's reappearance a little too convenient?

Oh shit.

DFM ate him.

Now everyone can stop asking.

I TOTALLY called it!

http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpo...2&postcount=17

And Fifth has been on here today too.

Attention NPF:
Get off Fifth's Dick, let the man breathe, Jeez.

I'm getting mixed metaphors there, Premonitions.

Should I go get the shovel and the truck?

Or so I vaguely recall.
 

I miss Fifth.

It used to be when I entered discussions, I'd be met with Fifth's contempt laced with biting humor and poignant insights. Now I just get Archbio's contempt. Not quite the same.

But how then will I spread my hobo diseases?

Also, none of you are funny.
 

I'm contemptable and Insightful, but not humorous..... If you dorks would'nt be so easy to hate, I might be.
Hobos=Homeless People on Trains: Homeless people=Zombies

So bite people on trains.

Stockholm syndrome in full effect.

(I almost said Münchausen syndrome, which would have entailed all manner of hilarious connotations, yet been completely inapplicable.)

Edit: Yes, yes you are contemptible Prems, although I do not think that word means what you think it does.

Wasn't trying to be funny. I know better.
 

I don't generally get involved in arguments with you in discussions though. Not sure why that is. I'm sure the time will come.

Also a cannibal.
 

It means exactly what I think it means, I'm a hateful fucker and none of you should try to befriend me.

The definition is actually more akin to "deserving of disdain."

It doesn't denote your penchant for vitriol, it simply labels you as one fitting for contempt.

http://blogsap.files.wordpress.com/2...e_you_know.jpg

Hence the "Cannibal" bit.

Atleast you're truly hated. Something I can only dream of.

It's more spiteful this way.
 

Osterbaum.......
I don't hate you at all, in fact I find you a rather charming fellow.

Too late for me, but maybe the others can be spared.

I actually talked with Fifth. He said he's done posting and only comes back if someone IMs him about something big around here or to use the posting function to convert links and such into usable formats for elsewhere. Or by accident, since NPF still is near the top of his links list.


On one hand, I feel like I'm disrespecting his privacy by saying that, but on the other, it might be worthwhile to toe my own morals a bit if it gives everyone else peace of mind.

You all suck AIDs infested monkey balls.

I believe this to be relevent to the topic at hand.

Incredibly busy with my new long-term career as a magical fairy princess.

None of you are invited.

That's not what you said last night!

There, now everyone can stop asking.

For five seconds?

"new"

Also boooooooo
 

Go away.

Hey fuck you I totally earned that promotion from secular fairy princess.

Blowjobs = earning now?

What I find revolting is that you ever considered blowjobs not earning.

So are there different types of magical fairy princesses? You know, to cover different types of magic. Like you have nature magic fairies, arcane magic fairies, Orlando magic fairies, etc.

Though I guess a necromantic magical fairy princess would just be this little ball of Hot Topic.

Not unless you swallow.

Ugh, you magical fairy racist.

Sir, I'll have you know that my treatment of the issue was far more progressive than that of the very comic these forums were initially based around! At least I'm not calling it "black magic" or "red magic" or "ching ching nip nong ding dong yerrow magic" like that racist bastard Clevinger.

Oh please. That's the easy way.

Taking it in the face is kind of a bitch to clean up and you risk getting it in your eye or hair or something, which is just annoying.

After practicing my blowjobs every day for five years, I can safely say that swallowing is much less fun than a facial. Neither is particularly awesome, mind you, but yeah.

That came out wrong.
To elaborate, I can blow myself.

I try. http://i47.tinypic.com/35d3p53.jpg

I always said that first thing that comes to mind when someone says "Fifthfiend," is how Token can fellate himself.

It sure as hell is now.

It's a shame that the possibility of everyone stopping before everyone starts will never come around again. Damn the linear nature of time.

Just seeing your name makes me think of that now. :(

I always assumed that you were away plotting the downfall of all that is good and holy. Guess I was wrong though, now that you're a damn magical fairy!

Whatever this thread used to be about, it sure as hell isn't about that now.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS? GOD THE PAIN!

You asked.
 

Well, first I sit on the edge of my bed, then I bend over...

I always figured you'd just kind of roll into a ball on the floor.

http://i49.tinypic.com/wtx26p.jpg

If you have this powerful talent, why would you ever leave home?

To get some Kleenex.

Surely you shouldn't need it, except maybe to catch that stray dribble...

PROTIP: Just because you can multitask while polishing your pole doesn't mean you should. Especially if you aren't really paying attention.

Two things:

One. This is the greatest thread ever. I died laughing for over five minutes.

Two. Token, you are instantly and forever my favorite person on NPF. I can't remember the last time I saw anyone make e-retorts with the ebb and flow of humor that seems to come so naturally to you. But uh... that autofelatio thing? Keep it to yourself... kinda too late now that its out in the open but... yeah.

Also. Fifth, fuck you and the horse you left NPF on. Shit's been dying down since your particular brand of asshaberdashery vanished from the boards.

Wow this is like the ninth thread about genitalia in two weeks! Not only has Fifthfiend appeared to answer my sincere question (kind of?), but it's making perfect sense why he got the hell out of here!

Cool!

Posers.

You're obviously just jealous.

To be fair, there's an entire kid's series dedicated to chronicling all the kinds of magical fairies.

I think Fifth was the St. Patrick's day version.

The Bottle Fairy?

You're not supposed to show up until either people drift apart and move on, they hold a funeral for you, or they descend into squabbling factions in need of leadership. Or some combination of the three.

Other dramatically appropriate moments are possible, but "hey, where's Fifth? Also Token is a sin against nature" is not one of them. That means you're either a clone/imposter or you managed to bungle your own entrance. Given your track record, I'm guess it's the latter.

Words can hurt like a fist.

Really?


.....Do they leave evidence? Like, if I keep telling you what a revolting person you are, will you have bruises or some kind of word-print to show the police, or is this a metaphorical thing?

How big of a fist?

Once the Cult of Fifthfeind is created I'm gettin' the fuck outta here. All I'm sayin'.

If I remember right you already "got the fuck outta here" once before.

Besides, if this thread is any indication it may be too late for creating such a Cult.

Well, my friend, I am afraid it is faaar too late for that...

THROW HIM INTO THE SACRIFICAL RAPTOR PIT! HIS BLOOD WILL URGE THE TROLL OF TROLLS TO RETURN!

This intrigues me also. How much can they hurt? And more importantly, what effects does this pain have? If we tell you how little we like you, would the shock of our hatred actually kill you? Can we do that? Kill you with words? Please?

That was more 'quietly meandered away to other lands'. It had none of the... urgency that this emergent situation may potentially demand. I thought I was considered the trolliest around here.

You could try, but I'm relatively certain that I can live purely out of spite.

Looks like we've found Fifth's alt account.

I'm not sure if I should feel honored or offended.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

1: Horrible horribleness. Also, horrible.
1.1: Particularly his puns
1.2: And his abuse of poor Joey. What'd the guy ever do to you?

2: Self-depreciating
2.1: I mean seriously, Asshat?
2.2: Despite this just more unlikeable

3: Sucks own dick
3.1: Quite well, actually. Kid's got talent.

See? Fifthfiend.

Offended. Also: Very very concerned.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with concerned.

1. I have a PHD in horribleness.
1.1 My puns are amazing I don't know what you're talking about
1.2 I'd like to point out that I have left out a good chunk of the times he's called me. It's never anything interesting, either. It's always: "I STILL CAN'T WIN ON THE SECOND ROUTE LAWLZ"

2. I'm far too awesome to be self-depreciating.
2.1 Asshat is the best name.
2.2 I know you are but what am I?

3. ...I have no counter to that one.
3.1 I've had a long time to practice.

Besides, I couldn't be Fifth. I'm British.

This is NPF in its purest, most filthy form.

There's a delightful irony to this statement that I'm not going to let you all in on.

It's funnier this way. For me.

So, not funny at all?

Well, nobody cares if you laugh.

Your reply was posted at the speed of sad.

I totally care! I want to see the multicolored abomination laugh!

We all know that the only one who spends (or spent) nearly as much time here as Fifth was POS.