Customers
 

Here are some musings about customer service:

Customers! Have you thought about maybe being nicer to the people you are calling? They generally have access to a lot of your personal information. Basically all of it. Most people with steady jobs have scruples, or are highly motivated to keep themselves employed, so it's not something to be that worried about! But let's just say you call in and yell at someone who is somewhat unscrupulous... Such a person might actually stand to gain by exacting revenge on, say, your bank account, or credit score.

I am honor-bound to never reveal or take advantage of another human being like this, and boy oh boy does my company enforce customer privacy! But I am scared to abuse customer service reps because of this, and you should be too. The upside to common-courtesy is that it tends to make the people you deal with feel better about helping you, which may in turn makes them want to help you more!

Also if you are calling in for help and you refuse all the available options, your customer service person can't help you! You can keep yelling at them if you like. Or even call them mean names! But that doesn't change the fact 1) they are limited to the options available to them determined by someone so far above them that you are literally wasting your breath by complaining about those options and 2)there are literally no other possible solutions to technical problems than troubleshooting or to have a visit from a repairman. There is not a magic button/wand/secret code etc.

Also, if you disagree with your bill, maybe you should examine it a little more closely before calling in to dispute it. It's not that you won't get help, but you might be wasting your time and their's if oh, maybe you DID order that movie 13 times, or ,yes, your state does charge sales tax and there is not a company on earth that won't include that in your bill. Sorry!

Let's talk more about how you treat these folks. You may not be aware of this, but even though it's great for a customer service rep to have the attitude that the customer is always right, the minute you adopt that attitude in an effort to have them concede to demands that they are simply incapable of granting you, it turns into a meaningless platitude. You can tell them that you pay their mortgage, but in reality they probably don't have one due to their ridiculous wage, and when they ask for a raise, they most likely won't call you. You are not always right! And even if you are, you are probably barking up the wrong tree. Instead of working yourself into a stroke or heart attack by yelling at people who won't have any idea how to make you happy, try talking to a supervisor to submit an idea/ complaint!

If you have a fundamental issue with the way they conduct business, making another human being hate his life is probably a bad way to get your complaint resolved! Try writing a letter to a government organization. No! Not the FBI. Although if you do decide to threaten such a recourse, it will provide some much needed amusement. Rather, try someone like the FCC, or the FDA, or the Better Business Bureau! These organizations are in place to govern business practices, and may also be able to grant you a little bit of perspective! Like the fact that your TV provider does not control the outcome of your favorite sporting events.

TL;DR - I had a bad day at work today. I was EXTRA nice to people, asked instead of told, went the extra mile for unreasonable people and I was still regarded as, and explicitly told that I was, a piece of ... you know? Just put in any colorful expletive you feel like.

I shall never work in customer service, ever. I try to be nice to the people across the counter from me, but they really can act like entitled dicks sometimes, can't they?
Anyway, there's a site you might find depressing, might find amusing. Perhaps you know it already: http://notalwaysright.com/
Edit: Though really, I'm guessing that over 60% of the stuff on that site is either made up, or at least embellished hugely.
Also, all those in favor of declaring Kyrlo Most Evil User, say aye.

I used to mix paint for people.

Sometimes when they'd ask for multiple gallons and piss me off, I'd make one gallon just a shade or so off.

So they wouldn't notice until they put it on the wall.

No refunds for paint. At least not without a lot of arguing.

So yeah... that first paragraph of yours? Kind of a good idea.

Nope.

Seriously, if people acted to me in public like they do on the phone? I'd call the police on them and I wouldn't even think twice about it. And it's not like these roughneck short-tempered guys are calling me. I'm talking about horrible evil things coming out of the mouths of grandparents and housewives.

They do say anonymity makes normal people assholes, but goddammit. That bad? I pity you.

I don't even think it's the anonymity so much as the illusion of power. It's mostly people with low self-esteems, who aren't happy with their lives, I think. It's like school yard bullies all over again.

It's 'acceptable' to be rude to the customer service people. They are 'beneath' you, and you can order them around. You have 'power' over them. People who aren't happy with their lives clutch onto whatever power they can get and abuse it.

That's why customers can still be a prick right to your face.

Multiply that and the illusion of anonymity that being over a phone gives you, and it gets even worse, I'm sure.

I don't know what it is, but that sounds about right.

Whats funny about that is these are the lowest people on the company ladder and have no power to do anything, yet the demands to change business practice among other things is heaped on them/us.

The only way I can get through it is 'Customer =! Person'. Because I care how people treat me and what they think of me.

"By using this customer helpline, you are forfeiting your claim to humanity for the duration of your call. This call may be monitored for training purposes."

I start to check a 100$ bill for the security strip to make sure it's not counterfeit.

"Don't worry, it's good. I just made it!"

I want to stab everyone who has ever said this. Ever.

Customer service is the part of his (part-time) job my brother hates.

Namely, when customers try to take back a product that they didn't buy there, and start yelling at him when he asks to see their reciept.

Generally people like to act superior and hope sheer denial and aggression gets you to do what they want. Experienced customer service people know better and basically blow them off.

The trick is being polite and concise. Kinda reminds me of that long-dead website, Book of Gord. "Yes ma'am, I can tell that you're on welfare."

This is the exact reason why I want a woman that loves to have a damn career. I could care less how much a woman wants to be a trophy wife but the minute she starts getting frustrated, she takes it out on the first person she sees.

Granpa and granma just need more meds.

Call centres? My favourites are the people who exclaim "I'm a DOCTOR, you know" when they aren't getting their way.

With telephone customer service, I think people get frustrated because the whole thing seems (and likely is) designed to keep the customer as far away from solutions as possible. Wasn't there a quote somewhere on this board recently about how the surest way to get someone to act like a child is to treat them like a child? That's pretty much what it feels like a lot of these companies do when you're a customer.

Not that this excuses shit like telling me you will call down the literal wrath of heaven to destroy my life. Starts to explain it though.

One of the (few) things I like about my current job is that I am really under no obligation to do any kind of customer service whatsoever. I'm a pretty nice guy and will usually try to help people anyway, but it's nice not to have to.

I used to work at a customer service desk for Wal-Mart about 7 years ago...I have a deep and irrational hatred for all fuckers customers walking through the doors of wherever I work now.

Greatest day was when one of the regular drunken trailer trash that constantly tried to scam the store walked in claiming that the coke machines outside had taken his money. I called the cash office (which in the store was next to the customer service desk) and told them the guy was back. One of the cash office workers came out with a notebook. A notebook filled with slips this guy had signed claiming the machines ate his money. She told him quite literally that if he was no longer receiving refunds from the store because it was obvious that he was too stupid to operate the machines and should really learn his lesson about not trying to use them again (Coca-Cola told the store they were no longer refunding the store for problems with the machines due to people scamming and this guy was the worst offender, but the look of joy on the cash office worker's face as she got to tell the piece of shit off was priceless).

The exact reason I quit working there was also due to another drunken welfare cheat. Shithead would buy candy and whatnot on food stamps and then return it for cash. I called him out on it one day and put his money on a store gift card. He pitched a fit and a manager told me to give him cash, I refused since the drunk was scamming the store and welfare...so I got written up for it. Turned in my two week notice the next day.

On the other side of the coin:

A few months back, my internet stopped working. I called my provider to see if anything was wrong and the girl helping me insisted to connect the modem directly to the computer, because it's impossible otherwise. "What about routers?" "Sorry, I can't help with that.". I never found out why it stopped working for a week.

I used to work in a restaurant, currently in school and unemployed. OMG I wanted to murder ever single prepubescent midget who walked in. For the thirty minutes I spent cleaning up after their kids, I should have gotten a kick ass tip. Unfortunately too many people still haven't figured out that servers make their money in tips. Fucking playdough in the carpets. It gets EVERYWHERE! Broken crayons everywhere.

There were some parents who restored my faith in humanity. I remember I was opening one day. I spent and honest hour sweeping, and some kid walks by, throwing some trash one the ground. There was a trashcan in his reach, but he had to throw it on the floor. His mom caught him, and called him out. She was like, "He just spent all that time cleaning this place up! He doesn't need you making his job any harder!" She then made him pick up the trash and put it in the trashcan. I could help but tell her Go mom!

But yeah, the "I can't really help you" moments sucked. Some people don't know how to act in public. This one time this lady shouted at me, asking me for some alfredo sauce (Italian restaurant btw) I smiled and said yes, let me find your server. I was bussing that day, and bussers are not allowed to order food. But she acted like I had just accosted her child. Seriously. WTF!

I once worked in the office of a glaziery. A really small company, so we in the office attended to customers regularly.

One day that old lady comes in. She called about an hour ago that we needed to make her a new glass plate because she broke the other one we made her by accident.
She talked to my colleague who then told me to get the glass out of the workshop for her. I was on my way when she started sorta hitting me with her handbag and yelled "faster, bub, faster! The workers are waiting at home" I didn't really care for her reason to rush me so I just went "Yes ma'am (I am your personal slave)" and stepped up a bit.
I then came back with her glass and helped her store it in her car safely. Back in the office she said she refused to pay because it took so long and the boy carrying her glass was so unfriendly. Before any of the three people in the office (including me) could say anything she was already gone.
That kind old lady also complained about the invoice we sent her, but that's another story.

I'm a lifeguard at the moment, and I have a wonderful policy for people who are impolite and use foul language: eject them from the building. I can justify it on the basis that they're preventing me from doing my job, and thereby endangering the other members. Works every time. The only time I've been complained about to my boss, she came up after the event and told me what the complainant said. She then finished with "Now, to him that's a complaint, but to me that's your job description. Keep it up!"

I love my job :D