The thread where Jenny is the most attractive woman on the Internet
 

Since we don't want to derail the scintillating toothpaste thread, let's use this thread to talk about how awesome I am.

Okay, you can insult me as you like in this thread too. Since I am standing here and saying these things I probably need an ego check? Flame away, I can take it.

Because I'm that awesome.

And, as a point of fact, fireproof.

Not to mention totally enlightened, working the best job in the world and happily married to my two best friends.

You married your boobs??

Thought I would start this thread in the place it belongs.

Can I post this? Yeah. I think I can post this...

http://img227.imageshack.us/img227/2...almdisplay.jpg

I wanted to post the other facepalm picture that's a collage of various anime characters, but I was too lazy to resize it. So we have to go with this.

Good one Smarty, but no, Simon and Garfunkel and I are not that good friends. Nothing against them at all, but they're not like real people.

(The left one is Simon.)

PS. "I'm sorry captain Picard, I can't hear you over the sound of how AWESOME I am."

Good you opened this thread. The toothpaste discussion was a bit too high-brow for me.

Man, I was only allowed to marry one person, stupid polygamy laws! Although I suppose they don't really have anything against having a mistress, so whats the point of the damn laws!

If someone wants to be stupid enough to have 2 wives, or husbands. And get double the bitching then they should be allowed to damn it! Otherwise they'd just have mistresses and shit.

Being an attractive woman on the internetz with ovarian fortitude you just might open yourself for a avalanche of epeen jokes of overwhelming proportions... but then i look at your avatar and "Pedobear" comes to mind....

Facepalms are so... er... so in the past of something. I prefer suspicious looks.
http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/7826/jokert.jpg

See, silly.
 

This was the first picture there when I typed in "jenny -mccarthy" (because Jenny McCarthy kept dominated the first search) so I guess? Jenny is pretty sexy.

http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/d8aa/jenny.jpg

But Simon and Garfunkel aren't attractive....

Clever name scheme to make sure people look at her eyes?

Women have eyes?

I'm gonna continue talking about you over in the Colgate thread I hope that's cool

http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures...een--11859.jpg

Thanks Seil for the Pic!
This is hot!

EDIT: Thanks Seil for the other Pic!
This is also hot!

(NSFW) Look what I found!

I'm so bored!

I'm not gonna argue with a secret agent T-rex, you do what you want Fifth.

Pedobear will never touch Yotsuba.

It's more of a commonlaw marriage really.

Simon and Garfunkel are unremarkable at first glance, but they have a subtle harmony and earnestness and lasting power past their plain, scaled-down appearence.

Those two pictures make a good portrait I think.

And for any further questions I'd direct you to the link below.

Re.edit: It's either the musicians or my breasts. I'm being ambiguous here.

Just to be clear, Jenny, we're talking about these two?

http://rpiarchives.files.wordpress.c..._garfunkel.jpg

Now, see, this is a trap... i could totally tell what she was really talking about, buit that's like the half point to bannedom right now.

Considering what Seil's already gotten away with posting, you're probably safe.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d8...3/cleavage.jpg

I thought it was these 2!

Even if it's not, who cares!? Please, invite them in!

I'm not sure what's going on in this thread anymore. Those are definitely a pair of boobs. Let's. . .look at them I guess? They're certainly more attractive to the average person than Simon and Garfunkel.

Invisible queen is probably my favorite poster. Wait a sec, I'll check.
Yup, favorite.

Lev's stamp of approval, level 1, goes to Invisible Queen for good posting.

Tits, however, do
 

But boobs don't sing!

So it's page two and I still don't even know who Jenny is, except she's got something to do with the dudes who sang that Hello Darkness My Old Friend song and that was a pretty good song so if Jenny's got something to do with that then that's pretty cool I guess but she's got to be dead by now it's been like... since black and white times when that song was written so that's like what sixty years? I'm pretty sure people don't live to be older than like sixty three so unless she was younger than three when she was involved with the song then she's dead by now and if she was younger than three then I don't know what the fuck she was doing that had anything to do with them making the song because a baby can't write songs. Maybe she could have served as inspiration but man the song is not about a baby I don't care what you say about author intent.

There was a pair of boobs up near the top of the page I don't know if that was related to the song somehow or was like a pun calling those guys boobs which maybe they were I don't know, I just know that that one song was pretty cool. I did notice that whoever the lady/ladyboy was her shirt is way too small, that is practically a non-functional shirt and I hope she gets a refund for it unless she stole it from her kid sister/brother as some kind of cruel sibling based act of villainy which I would not put past any older sister, or as the Germans call them "Das Fucking Bitches who need to stop stealing my shirts and prancing around singing 'girl shirts girl shirts brother's wearing giiiiiiirl shirts' because they're not girl shirts they're just a little baggy up front for some reason that doesn't mean they're a girls shirt shut up and give them back" which is weirdly long for a German term.

Somebody tell me who Jenny is.

I'm Jenny Creed, nice to meetcha. I'd thought that was clear by sentence 1 of the first post. :I

Did you name your breasts yourself, or did someone else do that for you?

It was all me. A stroke of inspiration, really. They fit so well. Simon does almost all the work, Garfunkel basically just sits there, but he's still essential to fill up the stage. From the right angle either of them could be nearly invisible while the other stands out, and in the dark you can hardly tell them apart.

I could go on all day.

I have been looking for this thank you.

Also, how appropriate to discover it in this thread!

Funny story involving IQ, Lev and me.
I mean, Invisible Queen/Jenny (whichever you prefer) was not even there, but that's the precise point of this story.

One day I was idly playing Diablo II with nothing bad in mind. But suddenly Lev signed on. Hold on, this isn't a bad thing. In fact it doesn't get bad, I still had nothing bad in mind and it would remain so till the end of that day, probably.

Apparently Lev chatted with someone whom he referred to as "Queen" via the message all friends feature.
Mmmh, could he possibly mean Invisible Jenny? A quick glance at my contact list told me she wasn't signed on. So I told Lev that and he replied with something along the lines of "That's too bad."
Later he joined my game to play for a bit and well... I could swear he was hitting on me* (it's a shame I don't have the log proving the opposite, not that there's anything that can be proven). Really. And he called me Queen. I mean, I like the band and all, but how could Lev know that? Still, it would be pretty weird to refer to someone by the name of a band he likes. Being called Rockin' Pony, pixieguts or Satan's Almighty Penis would be awesome, I admit that. But I listen to neither of those. Except some pixieguts. But that's a girly name.

Anyway, Lev called me Queen, and I thought that was pretty weird because I'm pretty sure he must've copypasted a list of our handles which clearly stated that I, InsaneGenius, am Atomschlag in D2. On top of the list. Because I wrote it and am a ego bitch. Don't you ever read what you copy and paste, Lev?

Hilarity ensued.
Actually it was already over because I said who I really am.
"What, you're not Invisible Queen?"

In retrospect, though, maybe I should've had a little fun with him first.

From that day on he called me Genius and whenever he uses that name whatever he says sounds really sarcastic in my head.

No but seriously who's this "Jenny" I keep hearing about.

A jenny is a female donkey or ass.

Heh, that's like a collection of love letters to various people called Jenny, sorted from love to hate.

Once upon a time writing a diss in Urbandictionary was the cool way to flame someone for about 15 minutes. Fun times, but I don't think any of those Jennies are me.

Yes, I read all of the definitions and took them personally until otherwise proven.

I'm surprised no one's mentioned the Pokemon one yet.

I hate how the movies always show these kind of ground-bursting explosions as a series of lines of dirt getting thrown into the air one by one, as if explosions were made of polite concentric circles detonating individually.

Also, what about Pokemons?

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b2...Jenny-DP43.png

Aw don't be sad genius, I still love you =]

Knowing this I should be able to sleep well now.
Thank you Lev.

Dee, don`t you EVER do this again. I tried to read that while still on my DSi. The seething rage and hatred I'm feeling now are indescribeable. Good thing I have a notoriously horrible short-term memory.

...That's a massive wall of text? It's hardly even enough to cover the user info/profile box!

It's clearly too much text for DFM. I mean, his posts are usually pretty short.

I guess we should just make fun of using the DSi.
 

EckScizor is using a DSi, apparently, to browse the forum. I expect anything beyond "rofl", "tl;dr", "I agree", and so forth is a massive wall.


But in reality we haven't had any walls in a while in most threads.

It's your own goddamn fault for trying to read a forum on a DSi.

Have you seen the Order of the Stick thread recently? Tacticslion et al. are practically writing a thesis in there. The thesis is about Hold Portal.

I resemble that!
 

Hey! ... I totally am too! (It's moved to Playing Games, now).

Jenny Creed is a pretty fucking awesome name.

But Simon and Garfunkle aren't very good names for tits.

...WHAT THE HELL GUYS.

I MAKE ONE SMARTASS COMMENT AND THIS HAPPENS.

SCREW IT MAUVE IS THE BEST AGAIN, LIKE SHE WAS -ORIGINALLY.-

The fact that everyone on this forum has seen her naked makes this thread awesome.

I haven't :(

And by the looks of it Simon is larger than Garfunkle. . . .

Neither have I. This state of affairs is not acceptable.

This situation must be remedied post haste!

Oh, you ALL have, trust me.

Didn't we already make a "I can't see the invisible person" joke like three weeks ago?

NO, I'm not even joking here. Fucking HILARIOUS.

Wait until Solid Snake is done with his lawbook shit then we'll be back to normal.

Its going to hppen....
 

I'm going to pay him to sue someing. I don't know who, or for what. But just wait...

Also, I don't care about the invisible joke. I saw it, I laughed at it, but I'm just going off this to see what happens.

I don't think that pic on page two is really her, despite it being her old avatar.

Page two of what?

...post sixteen.

Lousy fancypants >10 page-per-post hooligans.

Who else do you stalk Seil?

http://www.facebook.com/profile/pic....JKPF-Ok7gI4eSl

I don't know if I want the first google hit for Jenny Creed to be accurate or not.

*tear*

When did I ever say that? >_>
Not that I wouldn't.

Re. the naked picture, that is done in photoshop. I'll leave it to your imagination how accurate it is.

Now that this thread's over I'll have to find another thread to use my shitty pun.
It's just so hard to find an opening. But I'm sure I'll get the perfect opportunity to disappoint you all at some point.

That is fucking creepy

That is fucking Seil. Welcome to the forums! :B But seriously, Seil's ability to pull up info has stemmed past creepy, wrapping around to eccentric.

Now let's get back to talking about boobs.

As a representative of the punsman's guild, I hereby demand that you reveal any and all puns hidden within your mind for the betterment of society!

Maybe Seil could search some info on boobs for us.

That's a neat trick. I tried that and found out I have a .org!

Look! It's the pun police! Sorry, but I have trouble respecting authorities that have no authority over ANYTHING (and some others too). You can't seriously demand me to... reveal all my puns. A good punmancer never gives away his puns before their time has come. He waits for that perfect moment. That one second in time that gives their sly pun the power it needs to blow minds. Only the most cunning linguists manage to hit just that spot in the timeline that gives their twisting of words, language and understanding of such the effect that impresses even the most stubborn anti-pun activist to come out of his shell.
Although I am not among the elite, I knew the time wasn't right.

I'm gonna admit it was pretty close, even posted it, but then I retreated my pun. The moment wasn't perfect. I hope no one saw it, because in this context it was more than just lame.

I like boobs.

I second that motion. Can't have too many puns.

And by motion I don't mean repetitive motions like breasts unrestrained, heaving and rippling in the act of physical motion, the human body a wondrous machine, lithe and arching and slippery from its own juices and quivering at the very edge of endurance when pushed past its limits in the pursuit of some kind of happiness. Yeah, definitely none of that and I'm not writing this under the influence of a muchness of sugar and caffeine or anything.

So are we gonna talk about breasts or what?

The woman's asking if we're gonna talk about breasts, and you guys are going on about puns? Please turn in your man cards. Meanwhile, I'll be over here motorboating. :D

Mmm, chicken breasts. I love chicken. I never understood people who say different kinds of meats taste like chicken*, they don't really taste the chicken I think. It has its own taste, its own texture and fabric and juicyness (dependent as it may be on the skill of the cook and the age and breeding of the animal).

*There's a guy in The Matrix who has a speech about how the Machines couldn't figure out what chicken tasted like which is why it tastes like everything. I think his name is Apoc. It's either Switch, Mouse and Apoc and Switch is the girl. Apoc always confused me. What the Hell is an Apoc? Short for Apocalyspe? It should be some computer hardware but I'm not geeky enough to know what it is.

So about those boobs. I'm a shameless bisexual I think I've covered in other threads, and as such I feel entitled to give my opinions on boobs. They should be attached to girls, not boys. They should be small, pert, and firm. I think my mind is by nature contrarian. Contradictuous. Whatever. Because the popular consciousness insists that huge boobs are attractive, I prefer the opposite. Or maybe I'm just narcissistic. (Oh really?)

Interesting tidbit: While the culturally dominant Untied States of America insists that huge boobs is what makes a woman attractive, a test sponsored by porn mags once showed that this is a national phenomenon. For contrast, here in Sweden it was determined that the sexiest state of womankind is that of a woman "rising from a pool of water". Throughout the sixties, seventies and eighties and maybe some of the nineties you could see a definitive trend of pin-ups of naked women stepping out of swimming pools and rivers and lakes and seas. Drops of water accenturating their skin. Their eyes, in some cases, shining with the particular insight that bathing naked in the sea is fucking sensuous as holy burning Hell. It revs my engine almost as much as the image of Johnny Depp naked and covered in oil.

And then we got fully enculturated with the United States I guess. Who needs a cultural or psychosexual identity when you've got a big, shiny country calling the shots? I imagine this paradigm shift occurred when Soviet fell and America emerged as the world's only superpower. I like collectivism and all but gimme a break.

This has been a drug-fueled rant because I wanted to make, once in my life, something resembling a durnk post, like the cool kids. And we know I can't get drunk.

Whomps....you really need to head over to Japan and see what they put in vending machines...

Like really...http://plasticized.typepad.com/.a/6a...ef1728a4-800wi

I am utterly confused when I read this thread.
I mean... confused.

Yeah, I get the general gist of the thread (talk about boobs which is generally awesome, and wondering who's surprised Seil stalks people. Also, somebody mentioned motorboating which I'm all for), but still I'm left with a lingering "What.".

Yeah, I guess what I'm saying here is... "Posting in an epic thread", as they say on GameFAQs, though thoroughly confused about it.