Confusion-ism
 

Alright, alright. I admit it... I'm bored out of my mind.

Anyhow, I'm looking for new stuff to add to my repertoire. You know those old "Wise man say" or "Confucius say" jokes? I wanna hear yours! Some of those are quite witty and entertaining, I don't care WHAT critics say. So, to start it off....

Confucius say:

... man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

... man who lay wife on ground get piece on earth.

... man who walk through airport turnstyle sideways, going to Bangkok.

... man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.

... man who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.


Yeah... I do have some ACTUAL quotes... but this is the comedy section of the forum, is it not? Fire away.

Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

you stole the only other one i could remeber so yeah thats the only one i could think of at the moment.

Shitty time. ROFL!

I haven't heard that one before... the thread's a success already! Keep 'em coming!

A friend of mine showed me a bunch of these. I don't remember them all, but here is what I do remember.

Confucius say:

...baseball all wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.
...man who run in front of car get tired.
...man who run behind car get exhausted.

Unfortunately, that's it. I'll have to ask him about it and see if he can find it again.

Woman who leave detergent on top shelf jump for Joy.
Woman who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge.
Man who puts cream in tart not necessarily baker.

I used to remember quite a number of these. So hard to pull them out of the dark recesses of my mind after so long of not thinking about 'em. I'm sure anyone who Googles hard enough have find a treasure trove of 'em somewhere.

I love the cream in tart one... that's pretty awesome.

Bump, bump, bump. Here's a few more.

Confucius say:

... boy who fool with girl in wrong period get caught red-handed.

... crowded elevator smells different to midget.

... foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

... good to meet girl in park. Better to park meat in girl.

... man who play with tool under car not necessarily mechanic.

... man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily a dentist.

... virginity like balloon. One prick, all gone.

... war not determine who's right, but who's left.

... man who fart in church sit in own pew.

... passionate kiss like spider web. Lead to undoing of fly.

... man who let woman on top is screwing up.

... man who gets kicked in nads, left holding the bag.

... man with athletic finger make broad jump.

... girl who ride bicycle peddles ass all over town.

... woman who keep man in dog-house, soon find him in cat-house.

... secretary not permanent until screwed on desk.

... man who fish in strange holes often catch crabs.

... nail on board is not as good as screw on bench.


Alrighty then. Your turn. Who's next?

Confucius says:

...man who scratch behind should not bite fingernails.

...man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

...man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

...man probing woman not necessarily an alien.

...man sending missionaries not necessarily a religious leader.

...man with wood not necessarily have lumber.

...man with one chopstick goes hungry.

Heh. Where you find those, Fenris? I googled up a bit for my last post, but I didn't see the probing, wood, or missionaries cracks anywhere! I'd rep ya for it, but I recently tossed you some, have to spread a bit more around first I guess. I'll get back to you on it.

I got four from an e-mail, and honestly came up with the others myself. I feel special now.

The ones from the e-mail are:

Man who scratch behind should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man with one chopstick goes hungry.

You GO, Google! http://www.humorsphere.com/confucius...says_jokes.htm

- Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
- Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
- State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
- He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
- He who plays with self, pulls boner.
- House without toilet is uncanny.
- Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
- Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
- Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
- Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
- Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
- Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
- Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
- Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
- Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
- Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
- Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.
- Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
- Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.
- Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
- Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
- Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
- Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
- Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
- Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
- Don't sweat the petty stuff ... and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
- Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
- Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
- Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

Click. Click. Boom.