Super Talkatz Ballz X-2, Yuna's reprised revenge of revolt with the might of the....
 

(On the last time, on Talkatz Balls Z! A guy a thousand times stronger than Talkatz showed up, killed Kurama 12 times, absorbed half the cast, and then was defeated by the hopes and wishes of the galaxy, powered by a bunch of old characters not seen since Talkatzball. Upon dying, he hacked out an egg that was found by the fallen angel, who is tens of thousands times stronger than talkatz, who hardboiled the egg as a part of a salad.)

Kurama: Your crimes cannot be allowed to continue, Yuna!

Yuna: Ha, we'll see about that, Genkai. Come on guys! FORM UP!
(Yuna leaps into the air and carthweels back, and pulls out her guns.)
Yuna: Y!
(Raikotsu leaps out in schoolgirl outfit wielding thief daggers)
Raikotsu: R!
(Tsusbasa pulls out a sword made from wire and lands beside the other 2)
Tsubasa:P!

Kurama: Wait, doesn't your name start with a 'T'?

Tsubasa: Yes, but we couldn't find a character with a 'P' name other than Pyros, and while he was more than wiling to wear the dress, he lacked black or white hair and that whole "pure good" thing.

Yuna: Yeah, Stupid Whitewing.

Kurama: What?

Pyros: I feeeel pretty, oh sooo Pretty, I feel pretty and witty, and Gaaaay!

Vance: I'm not going to comment on the first and second parts, but the last part of that was right on.

Kurama: Oh great, another secretly transvestite character. Though I suppose it's to be expected considering he looks like Cloud.

*****

Cloud: (in girl's clothes) Hey big boy, wanna have a good time?
Barret: What the F$%^? Cloud, why the !@34 are you in that get up?
Cloud: Hey, I've got to make ends meet! How do you think I've been feeding myself in the time gap between the end of FF7 and Advent Children?

*******

Yuna: Enough talk, now it's time to change clothes!
(Elaborate spherechange movie)
Yuna: ha! What do you think of my new outfit?

Kurama: What? That's it? I waited a good minute for a special attack, and all it did was change you from one skimpy outfit to another? What do you intend to do? Fashion me to death?

Yuna: No, for you see, after I change through all of my oufits, I'll transform into my super angel costume of Doom!

Kurama: How in the world can you expect that to work?

Yuna: Because I've got boobs and a short skirt! Of course it's going to work!

Sanjuro: I SANJURO YAMADA, THINK SHE'S GOT A POINT!

Vance: Yeah, that's usually how things work for a female character.

Yuna: Too late, for that was my only other outfit! Fear my super wingy ness!
(Longer elaborate cutscene)

Kurama: Hey Pyros, stop prancing and go get me a soda. I'm getting the feeling this is going to take a while before we get any fruit.

Pyros: Okay! Let's go spritey!

Flame Sprite Chibi: Chibi!

(Three hours later)

Vance: Hey Pyros? We're out of drinks, could you get us some more?

Kurama: Forget that, I think she's done.

Yuna: Prepare to die, Genkai! My My! You will fry! Into the sky! Oh oh so High! Come one, Guys!
(Raikotsu and 'P'subasa are gone)

Yuna: Guys?

Raikotsu: Giant... wings...crushing bones...
Psubasa:Can't, breathe...

Chi: But wait, I can turn into anything! *turns into the perfect female body*



Raikotsu: I want it....

Rio: Me two....

Chiyo: me three....


*dead silence*


Rio: HA! She takes after me!

Scene: Damn it, I lost the big scene I had.
Drak: Prepare to die! Tenken Semehorobosu!
Ti: You prepare to die! Tenken Semehorobosu!
Kurama: Hah! I keel you all! Tenken Semehorobosu!
Yaburu: Damn it, quit using my move! Besides, I know Drak can copy me, Ti...well, I don't want to know how he stole it from me, but why the hell are you using the Tenken Semehorobosu?
Kurama: Swords suck, I wanna be the seme, and I'm secretly the GM.
Yaburu: ...
Tsubasa: Say, where'd the Raigaki go?
Elsewhere...
Chiyo: Whee! *Uses Raigaki to blow up the world*

Great Minds Think Alike

There was a part before this, but I accidently closed the window. i r dum. Still, the rest is pretty funny. It's based on the interactions between Raikotsu and Kirie.

Archmage DB: Actually...he could catch it with his ranseur. It may be a bigass sword, but he IS a scion of one of the ruling families of Air Demonkind, and plenty strong.
EmblemCrusade: Whatever you like. I get the feeling Kirie and Raikotsu could do a LOT of possibly hilarious bickering between themselves the whole time.
EmblemCrusade: Raikotsu: "Shake that ass! Watch yo'self! Shake that ass! Show me what'cha workin' with!"
Kirie: "Oh, that is IT!!!"
(Kirie charges Raikotsu. Raikotsu creates a tripping hazard out of hardened air and spanks Kirie's butt with the flat side of the ranseur.)
Raikotsu: "This journey just got a whole lot more fun."
Kirie: *sigh*
Archmage DB: ...We must ensure that happens.
Archmage DB: "I have experienced your world, mortal, I am BORN from something that your world is a mere, pale reflection of. You are a child, lost in the forest, daring to speak like one knowledgeable to those who have lived their lives in it. I would pity you...if it didn't amuse me so greatly."
Archmage DB: ...think that's good enough to serve Sendo again?
EmblemCrusade: Have at it. I think Raikotsu is just going to have a field day this time.
Archmage DB: Posted...and Kirie got Miroku'd.
EmblemCrusade: That's...that's just mean.
Archmage DB: He doesn't mean it.
Archmage DB: however, she did insult him and his teammate.
EmblemCrusade: Which is more or less the nature of Kirie.
Archmage DB: they might just get along...
EmblemCrusade: Time for an out-of-place reaction from a normally cruel woman!
Archmage DB: crying?
Archmage DB: Is she going to blush?
Archmage DB: Will she moan and say, "Touch me again, you big, strong, demon?"
Archmage DB: =P
EmblemCrusade: Well, she's blushing.
EmblemCrusade: (At a dinner table)
Kirie: "Hmmm...?"
(Kirie looks under the table to see Raikotsu.)
Raikotsu: "I see London, I see France! I see someone's...!"
Kirie: "Wagh?!"
(Kirie leaps away from the table, hiding her panties.)
Kirie: "That's it, pervert! I'll kill you with this spoon!"
Archmage DB: honest with herself? What did you mean by that?
EmblemCrusade: Well, she's not as cocky as she acts, and it takes a good insult like that to make her realize it.
Archmage DB: ...he's going to go back for seconds, just because he's Raikotsu.
EmblemCrusade: She's only going to act cutely for so long.
Archmage DB: posted
Archmage DB: and if she didn't act cutely...well...he doesn't mind if a woman happens to be a firebrand. =P
EmblemCrusade: I don't think there's a whole lot of fighting women who wouldn't lash out with their weapons after two slight sexual abuses.
Archmage DB: Well, he did compliment her.
EmblemCrusade: Eh...she might as well act really awkward.
EmblemCrusade: It's weird for Raikotsu, though.
EmblemCrusade: Raikotsu: "Sendo, I'll insult you later. I think Kirie's inviting me for a breast grab."
Archmage DB: Think about it...he just royally served multiple people in quick succession. Huge ego boost.
EmblemCrusade: Somewhere out there, I'm betting Chikane still wishes she dwelled on this plane.
Archmage DB: He's done with Sendo. Roasted him, cut him up, and urinated on his remains. So, Kirie happens to be nearby...and what starts out as putting her in her place turns into a full-on grope.
Archmage DB: oh, and edited the post...he gives Kirie a small compliment, one that might deteriorate her badassness
Archmage DB: ey, AB, wake up
EmblemCrusade: I'm up. I'm just thinking what Kirie'll do. She's not acting violently just yet.
EmblemCrusade: I think you hit her where her shields were down.
Archmage DB: yup
Archmage DB: ...I'm guessing she isn't one of the Kimono Klub that Rio usually goes after?
EmblemCrusade: Well, Rio and Kiyomi are currently lovers, and while Rio often talks about each girl in naughty ways, she's really only gone after Chizuru.
EmblemCrusade: And, to fill in for Chikane, she'll go after Chiyo as well.
EmblemCrusade: Just because we need that level of wrongness in this RPS.
Archmage DB: Kiyomi?
EmblemCrusade: Blue Kimono. The chick with the spear and the mech piloting soldiers.
Archmage DB: Which one is that, and does she mind that her woman is off chasing other women...or is Kiyomi just submissive, and doesn't chase others?
Archmage DB: Yeah, Raikotsu is going to start protecting Chiyo...she was important to a former groupmate, and he would feel responsible for their posessions.
EmblemCrusade: He'd only do it to get close to Chizuru, anyways.
Archmage DB: Yup
Archmage DB: ...make Kirie-chan jealous.
Archmage DB: =P
Archmage DB: Or Sila, seeing as this IS a hentai dating game, he could go after any of them.
Archmage DB: Ooh, maybe I can unlock the harem ending!
EmblemCrusade: (One night after Raikotsu claimed victory and got Kirie into a bedchamber)
Raikotsu: "Okay, let's see...got Sila, got Takano, got Rio...although I'll never get Rio again. That whip of hers really hurts! And now I got Kirie. Time to try and get Chizuru and Tsubasa at the same time!"
EmblemCrusade: Heh...the harem ending.
Archmage DB: Kirie: "Is that a...checklist."
Raikotsu: "No. You're seeing things, go back to bed."
EmblemCrusade: Tsubasa: "...Raikotsu, come here."
Chizuru: "Master Raikotsu, I want more."
Kirie: "I want your big, warm hands all over me again."
Raikotsu: "Ladies, geez. Lemme take a break."
Takano: "You're still young."
Mika: "Yep! As young as me!"
Raikotsu: "I don't think I'm quite THAT young."
Shizuka: "C'mon, Raikotsu. Put some air into your muscles and come at us again."
Yuna: "Ravage me! Violate me! Make me all yours!"
Rio: "There's still about thirty minutes left of this night."
Kiyomi: "Please, Raikotsu. Just give us more."
Sila: "You're a real man, Raikotsu. Not like that dweeb, Kurama."
Raikotsu: "Hang on. Just lemme go invent that idea I had about Viagra."
EmblemCrusade: Actually, mo' like Raiagra.
Archmage DB: Kiyomi: "Rio...we need to talk."
Rio: "'Bout what?"
Kiyomi: "Well, I found a pair of Raikotsu's underwear on the floor this morning..."
Rio: *gulp*
Kiyomi: "I'm worried that I'm getting forgetful...I could have SWORN I gave it back to him after last night!"
Archmage DB: Raikotsu needs no viagra, his demonic vigor gives him the power to rule all women! *evil laugh*
EmblemCrusade: And now he's spreading that demonic stamina! New, from Kimono Pharmaceuticals! It's Raiagra!
Archmage DB: ...this must be posted in the Omake thread.
Archmage DB: oh, and I posted
EmblemCrusade: Rio: "Even after 27 loads shot into me, he just kept coming at me, and you can keep going at your woman as well, with Raiagra!" (bright smile and cheesy sparkle special effect on the teeth.)
Archmage DB: ...which one is the Kimono leader, again?
EmblemCrusade: Well, Shizuka would normally lead, but she's faking her death to do stuff behind the scenes, so it's kinda like a consensus between Yuna and Tsubasa.
Archmage DB: which one is Takano?
EmblemCrusade: Takano is the brown kimono who uses a bow and arrows and sings to create an illusory nightmare effect within a range of her own voice.
Archmage DB: ...and are you posting? I posted, though it's short, since Raikotsu wouldn't run away.
EmblemCrusade: There we go. I had to get rid of the ninjas at the temple.
Archmage DB: yes!
Archmage DB: Finally...Vance Island is revealed.
EmblemCrusade: I think Raiden should've asked Mintaro what the island was really called...unless it's actually named Vance Island.
Archmage DB: I'm going to call it that.
Archmage DB: and conquer it, and rule it.
Archmage DB: For the Harem!!!
EmblemCrusade: And have the Kimonos + Sila in the royal chambers.
Archmage DB: Yeah!
Archmage DB: You sure you posted?
EmblemCrusade: Girl: "Oooo...and what room is that?"
Butler Demon: "That's the Master's Mistresses Room...Master Raikotsu is a bit of a hornball."
Archmage DB: haha!
EmblemCrusade: Yeah, I'm sure.
Archmage DB: oh, yeah...didn't hit refresh, my bad
Archmage DB: ...which feeling was she giving up on, righteous anger?
EmblemCrusade: Pretty much.
EmblemCrusade: Kirie: "I should carve a crater into his back...but nevermind. Might as well find out what the fuck is going on."
Archmage DB: The score is Bishounen Air-Demon: 1, and Kimono Klub: 0
EmblemCrusade: Raikotsu already had a point, I think.
Archmage DB: haha
EmblemCrusade: You broke Kirie. Congratulations.

The return of Yaburu...

Team good is travelling through a non-descript forest talking about various ants. Well, in reality, Pyros is talking about ants and everyone else is trying to ignore him...

Pyros: I just don't understand why everyone thinks it's ok to squash ants! They're living creatures too! Why can't anyon...

When suddenly, an explosion rocks the forest, and throws all the members of team good to the ground around a large smoking crater.

Kurama: Ouch! An exlosion has rocked the forest and we've all just barely been thrown clear of that smoking crater!

When they look up, they see Yaburu floating above them. He's wearing an orange karate gi, and his hair is now over a foot long and sticking straight up, as well as glowing gold.

Yaburu: FINALLY KAKKAROT... er... DRAK! I have obtained the power to destroy you!

Another energy blast fires from his hand, and Drak just barely manages to roll out of the way, before looking up at the floating Yaburu with interest.

Drak: Huh. That's interesting...

Yaburu: You find your death interesting, Kaka... Drak?

Drak: No no... just that technique, it's neat.

Drak puts his elbows against his ribs and clenches his fist as he begins to scream like a constipated sport fan who just ate five chili dogs. Soon the ground under him shatters, and waves of energy ripple out, blowing back trees. Hundreds of miles away the lightbulb is prematurely invented, only to be overloaded by his immense power level and destroyed.

Thirty minutes later he's finally hovering directly in front of Yaburu, with his own golden hair.

Yaburu: ...Fuck. Back to training.

Inner workings of Chi
 

(Chi is sitting alone in a hut he holds up both hands. One hand turns into a puppet like version of himself, and the other turns into a puppet like version of a woman.)

Woman: oh no, don't harm me.

Chi: mwa ha ha I'll do as I please.

Woman: no you mustn't.

Chi: Oh but I can, and I shall!

(puppet Chi moves close the the puppet woman. A third arm comes out of Chi and turns into Kurama holding a sword.)

Kurama: Hold Chi, you shall not harm the innocent.

Chi: Bwa ha ha ha, You can do nothing to stop me.

(Puppet Chi kills the puppet woman who seeps back into the real Chi)

Kurama: I shall slay you Chi, blood of Talkatz.

Chi: Never fool.

(A puppet Raikotsu pops up)

In a whiney mimicry of Raikotsu's voice: I shall be the one to slay Kurama, I care nothing for Talkatz blah blah blah.

Chi: Rah, Die!

(Puppet Chi pulls out a sword and kills Puppet Raikotsu.)

Kurama: You have slain my enemy, let us eat deliciouse pastry deserts!

Chi: Hurray for pastries.

(Puppet Chi and Puppet Kurama move close to each other then puppet Chi slays puppet Kurama)

Kurama: Blarg I am vanquished

Chi: Ha ha ha, pathetic human! Now nothing shall stop me from resurecting Talkatz.

(Puppet Chi turns into a puppet Talkatz then a dozen other arms pop up shaped like variouse humans)

Humans in chorus: Spare us Talktaz.

Talkatz: NO! (Talkatz slays them all.)



Chi looks over to his left and see's Ishi and Sendo watching him.

Regular Chi: And thats how I figure the next few days will go.

Ishi: This is the man we signed up with?

Sendo: I don't know, that part about killing the Humans made sense.

Dare I say it, That thing about the ants is actually true. Have any of the characters step on an insect malevolently in Pyros's sight, and he'll react as a champion of ant's rights. In some of my stories, Pyros even has a tiny stretcher and surgery kit he'll pull out when one of his little "friends" is stepped on.

One of my favorite scenes in Spaceballs modified for Soldiers of Light

Raikotsu: "I am the great badass freakin' Raikotsu! Irresistable to woman! Lethal to my enemies! The most badass freakin' demon that any should ever behold!"
Kurama: "Hi. I am stupid Kurama and I will save the day. For Sila!"
Raikotsu: "Hardly, stupid Kurama! You're a pathetic excuse for a human being!"
Kurama: "How dare you insult me like that!"
Raikotsu: "I didn't originally insult you like that. Sila did."
Sila: "That is correct, stupid Kurama. You can't give me the awesome mind-blowing sex that badass freakin' Raikotsu can!"
Kurama: "Ah! You have taken Sila under your awesome sex spell! You will pay for this, badass freakin' Raikotsu!"
Raikotsu: "We shall see about that!"
(Raikotsu crashes into Kurama and kills him.)
Kurama: "Ah! I, stupid Kurama, am dead!"
Tsubasa: "That was awesome, badass freakin' Raikotsu!"
Rio: "Yes! You are so wonderful, badass freakin' Raikotsu!"
Chizuru: "Oh, I want all your babies, badass freakin' Raikotsu!"
Raikotsu: "My thanks, ladies! Now give me some sugar!"
Vance: "Hey! What did you do to my friend, stupid Kurama?"
Raikotsu: "Aw, hell. It's stupid Kurama's friend, idiotic Vance."
Vance: "No! You killed my friend, stupid Kurama! You will pay for this!"
Raikotsu: "Pfft."
(Raikotsu crashes into Vance, killing him.)
Vance: "How can I lose so easily to badass freakin' Raikotsu?"
Raikotsu: "Simply because I'm so badass...and freakin'."
Kiyomi: "Wow! You beat both stupid Kurama and idiotic Vance! You are so badass, freakin' Raikotsu!"
Raikotsu: "Yes, I am. Now all you ladies give this badass freakin' Raikotsu the sweet lovin' we deserves and..."
Yuna: "Not so fast, badass freakin' Raikotsu! It is I, evil bitchy Yuna, and I shall destroy you to make you an example of my greatness! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (cough!)"
Raikotsu: "You might think you can defeat me, but I am badass freakin' Raikotsu! Behold my power over women!"
(Raikotsu knocks Yuna down and mounts her.)
Yuna: "Ah! No! No! ...Yes! Yes, it's so good!"
Kirie: "What the fuck're you doing, Raikotsu?"
Raikotsu: "Wagh?!"

(Raikotsu turns away from the table and looks at Kirie standing in the doorway to the room. He's so dumbstruck that Kirie easily sees what he's doing.)

Kirie: "Oh, for Talkatz's sake, would you put the action figures of all of us away? God, it's like you forget that we're fighting a war or something."
Raikotsu: "Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there."

The Happy Cabin Presents: The Feudal Era, Prologue!
 

"Gatha round, ma chillin, Ima gonna teacha abou da Foodal airea!"

"But Uncle Tom, we can't understand a word you're saying, much less learn about a bygone moment in time!"

"Aktuly ma chillin, I can speak perfect english with correct punctuation, pronunciation, and with majestic flair that makes the very utterances from my mouth pour out like cool pristine spring mountain water as it trickles through the bosom of a mountain majesty, continuing with lack of ceasing, a calm serenity that pacifies the mind and bestills the body, allowing an openess for all thoughts and ideas to flourish."

"That was pretty uncle tom."

"Yes, yes it was. But despite my Masters Degree in Theatre, I'm currently in a bad job streak and must perform this pitiable and stereotypical role for the pleasure of little children who have equal enjoyment of my show to that of holding their foot in their mouths and licking. And they may as well lick, because without this job their feet are far more edible than the discount canine food I found in a garbage bin when I foraged for food outside of my cardboard box home...Bu dun't warry! We's agonna haf a feeeine ol tym out hurr tiday!"

"Sweet mother of Barney! Uncle Tom's Crazy!"

"Loco mi amigos, Tom es Muy Loco!"

"O, I supos you's her ta steel ma scenes gain, EH PACO?"

"El hombre pobre loco del negro del asshole! ARRGGHH!"

"Uncle Tom! You killed Francisco Felipe!"

"Nah, chillin, hi's jus takin a NAP! An sso ARE ju!"

"EEek!"

"No Chillin, dunt run, ju cant scape! We's not finshed da lesson! THE LESSON! PAY ATTENTION TO DA 1q@#41234 lESSON!

******SuperJoyous Theater Presents:The Feudal Era********
(To be continued...And yes, it will feature our RP characters in the next installment. It's a documentary, of sorts.) Poor Poor Paco. He got stabbed by Tom's fearsome Rainbow flute of magical wonder.

Anyone ever think of what would happen if the characters went on idol?
Judges=red

Raikotsu: *singing* I'm too sexy for my air...Yeah!
*crowd claps*
Ti: Raikotsu, I just have to say, that performance was almost a touchdown!
Raikotsu: Thanks Ti
Ti: No, I meant I was about to turn your micerophone, a touch down. You didn't get me baby. You didn't roro-my-fofo, leggo-my-eggo or roffle-my-waffle today. You didn't get me all warm and fuzzy inside from this performance.
Tsubusa: I thought your performance was very moving. I wont forget you Donald.
Raikotsu: It's Raikotsu. Not Donald.
Tsubusa: Whatever you say Fred.
Garud: Yeah, I thought your performance moved me too. In my bowels. Youv'e taken me to a place I haven't been in a while. The Loo. You may not have many No 1's in your career, but you will certainly have alot of No 2's. Do you have the X factor? I dont think you have the X chromosome. Look, you need to get yourself a nickname so that you dont become a wandering has-been that nobody likes, no offence Ti.
Raikotsu: You mean something like Raiky?
Ti: No...like J-FO!
Anouncer: J-FO everybody! Well he should BLOW off some STEAM backstage. I bet he's taken a few BLOWS today, and probably has been BLOWN away like the WINDBAG he is. He is just a bag of HOT AIR!
Raikotsu: Why do you keep insulting me?
Tsubusa: It's a bit hard to take you seriously when you are wearing a sailor fuku.
Raikotsu: But I'm not wearing a sailor fuku!
Anouncer: Oh, so your naked now, huh?
Raikotsu: I'm not!...yes