Team Evil, collectively: Muaha! Eat death you goody two-shoes bastards!
Team Good, collectively: Hah. We laugh at your attack and kick your asses!
Team Evil is thoroughly whipped.
Yaburu: This sucks... I'm tired of losing because you people suck. In fact, fuck you all, I'm leaving and starting my own buisness.

And so, Yaburu sets out to begin his own family practice, and time passes before Red Kimono, also known as Rio, stumbles across a shack with a sign hanging outside labelled "Yaburu's Discount Hysterectomy," along with her companions.

Tsubasa (said with a snicker): You should get one of those, Rio
Rio: What? Why?
Tsubasa: Well, after that you'll be able to have all the sex you want without ever worrying about children or any other ill effects.
Rio: ...Really? Hmmm...

And so, Rio enters the shack and a few minutes pass...

Rio (from behind door): OH GOD YES! YESSSS!
Yaburu (also from behind door): PENIS SEMEHOROBOSU!
Rio (still from behind door): OH GOD NOOOOO! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! MY UTERUS!

A few minutes later Rio stumbles out the door followed by Yaburu.

Yaburu: That'll be three pence.

That made me laugh a lot more than it would be politically correct to do so.

Raikotsu's Perverted Adventures

(At a hot spring...)
Rio: "Ahhh...this feels like heaven..."
Tsubasa: "Nothing helps you relax after a good fight like soaking in a hot spring."
Chizuru: "Chiyo, make sure you tell me if it's too hot for you."
Chiyo: "Okay!"
Chikane: "Relax, I'm keeping the temperature within safe limits."
Kirie: "You know, when I slip out of my clothes and into this hot water, I don't feel like being an arrogant bitch anymore."
Kiyomi: "You said it. Hot springs, good saki, and not a peeping tom for miles."
Sila: "Yeah. There's no way the guys would know where we are."
(In the bushes near the hot spring...)
Raikotsu: "Heh heh heh...they couldn't be more wrong."
Kurama: "Demon, move aside. I can't see with your head in the way."
Raikotsu: "Quiet down, man. Look, just lay there and I'll describe it for you."
Sanjuro: "I, THE GREAT SANJURO YAMADA, ALSO WANT TO SEE!!!"
Chizuru: "What was that?"
Raikotsu: "Aw, shit..."
Tsubasa: "Raikotsu. I should have known you would somehow find us and feast your eyes."
Sila: "Kurama, I'm apalled that you would peep in on me like this!"
Sanjuro: "I, THE GREAT SANJURO YAMADA, DO NOT SEE MY BELOVED KOYUKI!!!"
Raikotsu: "Shit! Begin contingency operation alpha!"
(Raikotsu sends a strong gust and blows the water out of the hot spring, leaving the girls in full view.)
Chizuru: "Agh?! Chiyo, cover your parts!"
Chiyo: "I'm wearing a towel."
Rio: "Does anyone else feel a draft?"
Chikane: "Great. Now I have to fill the basin again."
Kurama: "Raikotsu, I must thank you. While this may very well cost my life, I have seen heaven on earth, and I am eternally grateful...Raikotsu?"
(Kurama turns to see that Raikotsu is gone...long gone...)
Kurama: "Oh, that horrible bastard!"
Kirie: "You're dead, Kurama. D-E-D. Dead."
Sanjuro: "I, THE GREAT SANJURO YAMADA, HAVE JUST REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET MY...UHHH...LIVER REMOVED!!!"
Kurama: "Sanjuro, you get back here, you bastard! Don't leave to suffer the fate I so very much deserve!"

Raikotsu = 1
Consequences of His Actions = 0

Hmm, here I go again.

Team Evil White Haired Chick Recruitment, Part Two

Tsubasa: "Well then Kirakiri, welcome to your second interview."

Kirakiri: "I'm happy to see I've gotten this far."

Raikotsu: "On to the first question then. Are you male or female?"

Kirakiri: "Yes."

The judge panel of Chikane, Raikotsu and Tsubasa pause. They hadn't expected this. Chikane tries a direct approach.

Chikane: "To join Team Evil White Haired Chicks, you must be female. Are you female?"

Kirakiri indicates her figure. She's quite obviously female. Chikane and Raikotsu make extensive observations confirming this. Then again, they would.

Kirakiri: "Currently yes."

The judges give up on that tactic. Subsequent questions also fail. Kirakiri appears to be blissfully unaware of the attempts to prevent her joining TEWHC. Finally they try to be blunt.

Tsubasa: "Are you doing this in an attempt to humiliate us?"

Kirakiri: "No, if I was, I'd have auditioned as a female version of Raikotsu or something equally absurd."

Raikotsu acts quickly to try and prevent anyone thinking about that.

Raikotsu: "To upstage us then."

Kirakiri gives a pained sigh.

Kirakiri: "If I had intended to do that, I would have chosen a form more like this -"

Kirakiri changes her form slightly. Raikotsu and Chikane's jaws drop.

Tsubasa: "Uh, we get your point. Would you stop being so disturbingly attractive now?"

Kirakiri: "Very well."

The judges confer again. It seems it might be time to play their last gambit against Kirakiri.

Chikane: "Very good Kirakiri, all that remains now is the swimsuit contest."

Chikane smiles to herself. Whoever loses, she wins.

To be finished in the exciting last installment of Team Evil White Haired Chick Recruitment!

Raikotsu: I, Sailor Raikotsu, shall slay you in the name of Justice!
Kurama: ...I thought you were part of Team Evil.
Ti: He is. But anyone can tell that that outfit is a crime.
Kurama: Hey my fashion sense isn't that bad! Right guys?
Vance: Well...
Takin: Umm...
Sanjuro: I, SANJURO YAMADA, THINK YOU'RE HAWT. IN A TOTALLY STRAIGHT WAY, OF COURSE.

Scene: "The GM Cometh"

Kurama: "Alright, it's the final battle! You demons will be destroyed!"
Raikotsu: "We know, we know. We read it in the discussion thread."
Kurama: "...What?"
Chikane: "Raikotsu, please tell me you did not break character."
Raikotsu: "So what if I did? Who's going to punish me?"
*The sound of thunder echoes through the land, and lightning strikes the ground.
Akimoto: "Aw shit. Not again."
Sanjuro: "I, THE GREAT SANJURO YAMADA, am scared."
*With a bright lightshow, a large man with long white hair, many muscles, and glowing eyes appeared.*
Raiden: "Alright, who fucked with the story line?"
Tsubasa: "Ask Mr. Air Demon over there."
Raikotsu: "Bitch. Whatever happened to the 'Don't narc on the members of Team Evil' rule?"
Vance: "Someone's gonna get in trouble!"
Raiden: "Raikotsu, why did you break character? It's not that hard. Hell, Sanjuro yells ever other sentence, and he's still going."
Sanjuro: "I, THE GREAT SANJURO YAMADA, get discounts on cough drops at the corner store."
Raikotsu: "Big frickin' deal. I made one little mistake. You're not mean enough to punish me for this, are you?"
Raiden: "You don't know me very well, do you?"
*Raiden snaps his fingers, and Raikotsu is now dressed in sailor fuku.*
Raikotsu: "You changed my clothes!"
Raiden: "That's not all I changed."
Raikotsu: "What ELSE did you do?"
Yaburu: "Raikotsu, did you always have bumps on your chest?"
Raikotsu: "What do you...OH YOU ASSHOLE!"
Chikane: "What's this suitcase?"
Raiden: "A gift."
*Chikane checks it, and smiles evily.*
Chikane: "Oh Raikoooooootsuuuuuuuu..."
Raikotsu: "I'm both scared and intrigued."
Tsubasa: "I would like to break character now, please."

When the Archmage and I get together on AIM and start brainstorming, only the best fruit can spawn forth.

Archmage DB: ...Why?
EmblemCrusade: Ba-gerf?
Archmage DB: WHY!?
EmblemCrusade: (shrugs helplessly)
Archmage DB: ...actually, I turned the tables, and made it look like everyone else was stupid.
Archmage DB: Chikane, Kirakiri, and...unfortunately...Tsubasa.
EmblemCrusade: Tsubasa lives in the now. She didn't know. Please don't backhand her.
Archmage DB: Nah, Raikotsu just tore off her kimono and violated her in public.
Archmage DB: ...or not.
EmblemCrusade: And this is as the Fates decreed.
(after some useless chatter, I get on the topic of Raiden saying Team Good was going to Europe and drag Dragonsbane along)
Archmage DB: we're going to Europe?
Archmage DB: ...can I get platemail?
EmblemCrusade: Raikotsu: "Can we make a pit stop?"
Tsubasa: "Demons need to make a pit stop?"
Raikotsu: "Yeah, just for a little while!"
Chikane: "Eh, it couldn't hurt, I guess. We're making great time. Where are we stopping?"
(Later, in Amsterdam...)
Rio: "Raikotsu, you're the best! This place is sooo cool!"
Chizuru: "I suppose I should get ready to be felt up by more than Raikotsu, Chikane, and Rio."
Archmage DB: Raikotsu: *grope grope grope*
Archmage DB: ((Why Amsterdam?))
EmblemCrusade: Chizuru: "...And Chiyo, but I won't go into that one. I'm trying to figure that one out myself."
EmblemCrusade: It's the sex capital of the world.
Archmage DB: I thought Singapore was?
EmblemCrusade: Then we'll just have to stop there, too.
Archmage DB: Yeeaaaah!
EmblemCrusade: In fact, that's half our time spent in Europe will be Raikotsu stopping at every major sex frenzy place on the whole damn continent.
Archmage DB: Kurama: "We haven't seen team evil in a while, I wonder what they're up to?"
Sila: "Well, I just got a postcard from Tsubasa...apparently, they're partying. In Amsterdam."
Archmage DB: Yes, Raikotsu gets blamed for everything perverted
Archmage DB: and where is Phoenix?
EmblemCrusade: Raikotsu: "And if I had my way, Sila's sexy ass would be right here with the rest of us."
EmblemCrusade: I dunno. She's probably hanging around in the tunnels.
Archmage DB: Vote Raikotsu: bringing sexy women together since the Feudal Era.
Archmage DB: You know what would be hilarious?

Chikane: "Koyuki? Is that you? Say...who's that fine-ass schoolgirl you're with?"
Inuyasha: "Fuck off."
Archmage DB: ...hey, that anime does take place in feudal japan
EmblemCrusade: Yaburu: "See, I knew this would happen if we made Raikotsu leader."
Raikotsu: "Quiet, you."
Yaburu: "Look, you suddenly had Ishumo and Kirakiri killed off, turned all the girls into your personal harem, and I'm the only one who's doing the real work."
Tsubasa: "I'd join you, but Raikotsu won't let me catch a breath...uhhh...pun intended."
Archmage DB: ...we need to put some of this in the Omake thread
Archmage DB: and by "we", I mean "you", since you made all the good parts
EmblemCrusade: Oh, boy...if Team Evil ever found the temple wine cellar.
Archmage DB: haha
EmblemCrusade: Tsubasa: "God, I am so fucking wasted!"
Chikane: (swinging naked from a chandelier.) "Wheeeeeee!"
Yaburu: "Is that safe?"
Raikotsu: "Not to mention that chandeliers do not exist in this era, but I ain't complaining. I can see everything."
EmblemCrusade: Yaburu: "Yeesh, just use your air power to blow their skirts up."
Raikotsu: "...OMFGICANTBELIEVEIDIDNTFIGURETHATOUTAAAAAAAAAGH !!!"
Archmage DB: ...I can, and I will
EmblemCrusade: Hell, Raikotsu's probably got more powers designed for perverted purposes than ones intended for combat.
Archmage DB: Air Tentacles, awaaaaay!
EmblemCrusade: Clothes Tearing Air Shears, GO!!!
EmblemCrusade: Nekkidifying Tornado!
Archmage DB: Yes!
Archmage DB: ...actually, considering being a member of Team Good virtually guarantees you have no sex life, one of the Kimono girls could tempt Takin into letting her onto the airship
Archmage DB: ...then, she could incapacitate him, and hijack the thing.,
EmblemCrusade: Raikotsu: "Is everything good?"
Tsubasa: "Yes, we're a go, Cap'n 'Kotsu."
Raikotsu: "Right! Team Good was tossed overboard and the ship is all mine! It's Love Cruiser Kotsu Time!"
Archmage DB: ...Raikotsu is going to tear the cannons off the airship.
EmblemCrusade: And drop them on Ishumo again?
EmblemCrusade: Ishumo: "Why doesn't it ever stop?! WHYYYYYYYYY?!"

(And slightly after more pointless chatter)
EmblemCrusade: Battle of the Unwanted.
Archmage DB: and then, gang-stab the survivors
EmblemCrusade: (Tsubasa walks out in a very revealing thong bikini, holding a "Round 2" sign up.)
Archmage DB: (Raikotsu applauds and Chikane whistles)
EmblemCrusade: Yaburu: "Okay, that's pointless. They're all dead. There's no round 2 to fight."
Raikotsu: "Your point being?"
EmblemCrusade: (Chizuru comes out about a minute later in a sexy black bunny suit with a Round 3 sign.)
Raikotsu: "Yeah! I can't wait until Round 4! Vance wheels out a cake into the battlefield and Rio comes out of it wearing nothing but...cake!"
Chikane: "I am now officially waiting for Round 4."
Yaburu: "Note to Self: I will no longer be surprised by the blatant fan service."

((Ugh. time for a topic change. We all know Japanese -> English is a hard translation, right? I give you, Zero Light! Names mistranslated too, for hilarity.))

*Team good is trapped in the temple dining room when the alarm goes off. Later, Koyuki opens the door and pokes her head in to taunt them.*

Large, Strong Hero: "What happen!?"
Three-quarter Human Bodyguard: "Somebody trap us in the base!"
Loud, Annoying Teenager: "WE GET VISITOR!"
Large, Strong Hero: "What?!"
Loud, Annoying Teenager: "There... SHE IS!" *Points at Koyuki*
Large, Strong Hero: "It's you!"

Dogs: "How are you gentlemen? All this temple are belong to us."
Dogs: "You are on your way to a very boring time." *Holds up last shield talisman*
Large, Strong Hero: "What you say?!"
Dogs: "You have no chance to escape, make yourselves at home."
Dogs: "Muah ha ha." *Disappears*

Loud, Annoying Teenager: "DUDE?!"
Large, Strong Hero: "After her, every monk!" *Points*
Large, Strong Hero: "You know what you doing..."
Large, Strong Hero: "Move, Monk!"
Large, Strong Hero: "For great justice!"

Vance, (OOC): "Can I break character now? I mean, what the heck?"
Sanjuro, (OOC): *Whisper* "I THINK WE WERE BADLY TRANSLATED."
Raiden, Pointing at Vance: "Oh no you di-ant!"
Team Good: *Chanting: "Sailor Fuku! Sailor Fuku!"*
Vance hangs his head in shame.

That's awesome. I figured it be kinda like this.

Team Good finally makes it to some chamber where the legs and pelvis of Demon Lord Talkatz were stored. Unfortunately, they aren't there.

Gerud: "What happen?"
Drak: "Somebody set us up the bomb."
Gerud: "What!"
(Kurama takes out his Raigaki. The sword glows to the aura of demons.)
Kurama: "We get signal."
Drak: "Main screen turn on."
Suzume: (normal) "Main screen? What the fuck?"
(Tsubasa, Raikotsu, Ayama, Yaburu, Akimoto, and Chikane come out of hiding.)
Vance: "It's you!!"
Tsubasa: "How are you gentlemen? All your Demon Lord phallic body part are belong to us."
Chikane: "You are on the way to destruction."
Kurama: "What you say!!"
Raikotsu: "You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha..."
Suzume: "Okay, what the hell is wrong with all of you?"
Yaburu: "I ask myself that every waking moment of every day."

Oh God Someone Kill Me!