I need some advice.
 

Well here is the story by brother is a straight A student and this month he got a few Cs this is the first time this has happened, I get C once in awhile but I don’t make it A habit, now when my brother shows the report card to my mother he said “im sorry for the bad grades I had some other things on my mind and it affected my school work.”

I thought this was very noble of him he told the truth, my mother said this “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS” now I agree the C’s were bad but then she then stopped talking to him this of course had a very adverse affect on my brother, he is used to me getting in trouble, she ignores him and talks like he is not there she says “tell your brother to pass the salt”she also says some other hurtful things that I do not think are needed.

I was hoping the good folk on nuklearpower forums could offer some advice to help my brother and my mother make amends.

It sounds to me like your mother is being immature. The way she is treating your brother is horrible, and completely uncalled for. Instead of refusing to speak to him, she should be trying to figure out what happened to cause his performance in school to slip.

My advice to you is to stand up for your brother whenever you can. If, for instance, she tries to use you as a messenger, tell her to speak to him yourself. Try to find ways to make her realize how childish she is acting.

Unfortunatly, any retaliation in the form of disobiedience, or any 'correctional' measures you take against your mother (lectures, guilt trips, etc) are probably going to be very inneffective until she understands of her own accord how cruel and potentially damaging it is to treat her children in this manner.

The entire story is, frankly, pretty foreign to me. I mean, my own parents have overreacted to things at times, but never have they given me the silent treatment, or flipped out becuase of a 'C' which is average under most grading systems.

My advice is to merely be there for your brother emotionally, which my require little more than just literally being there. If your mother isn't being completely stupid, she MIGHT listen to your opinion on her behavior, and you should probably voice it, respectfully. But don't expect anyone, esspecially an authority figure, to take your opinions seriously, even if you are right. The best way to win someone over is without arguing, becuase, obviously, logic ain't gonna work.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I, too, am very surprised that your brother's honest and open explanation that he is having some difficulties has resulted in such a response from your mother. It also sounds as if he made a disguised plea for help. He needed his mother to listen to him for a very important reason at a time when he knew he had her attention and was denied.

It is very true that you need to be there for your brother right now, and if at all possible to try and make your mother realize through discussion how important it is, but it is very important that you do not appear to be ganging up against your mother.

There are services available both through your school and extracurricular means that will allow you and/or your brother to talk to a professional about such things for free. I know that most people shy away from such suggestions immediately because they appear demeaning and embarrassing, but this is not true whatsoever. I know from personal experience. Just having someone to talk to can help out immensely, and these people truly cares and will help you sort things out.

I have training in this area through my work with the Boy Scouts of America, and I utterly sympathize with your position. Please seek some kind of help for your brother whether through a teacher or counselor before this situation worsens. If you want, I can send you useful information for some help through private messaging, but I cannot do anything else under BSA Youth Protection Guidelines.

There are people out there who can help. Find them.

And yes, we do care here at NuklearPower Forums :)

Over-acting.

Your mother needs a dose of reality. Not everyone could uphold such standards, or requirements. She should not be mad about her son dropping to C's, instead she should be confused on why he became side-tracked. He doesn't deserve such punishment just because he made a mistake, and could you blame him? If your mother is the type who doesn't lose temper swiftly, sit her down and then calmy tell her that not everybody could be like your son, and you should be damn proud to have such an obviously smart son who admits his mistakes. What could she say to argue that? Sure, maybe loads of bull, but logically? Good luck and may the best happen. (what zorbak said too)

I think you nailed it right there, she keeps saying to me that she thinks it’s her fault.

I don’t see how this could happen being that when my brother told her about the grades he said it was his fault and he was sorry for it. I am trying to make her see that this is having a negative effect on my brother rather than the effect she is looking for, although I fail to see how the silent treatment is going to help in anyway.

I'm just saying that personally, I would tell my mother to cut the shit and talk to her own kid like a goddamn human being.

I actually had similar problems between my mom and my younger sister, and well... talking to her rationally and politely did not work. Finally I just had to say, I'll show respect for my mother when she acts like a parent who is deserving of respect, when she acts like an idiotic bully I'll talk to her like an idiotic bully.

I'm not necessarily saying you should talk to her the same way, just, if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. What matters is your brother's well-being, and your mother has no right to behave the way she is behaving, parent or no.

But fifth, did speaking to her disrepectfully work either? I'm of the opinion that doing so would worsen the situation far more than it would help. The only way irrationality can be fought is with politeness, generally.

Really, think about how someone might respond to someone treating them like crap - not well. Now imagine how a person already being irrational would respond - even worse. The only hope, is that a person like that will come to their senses by observing the example of others.

I say don't defend what the irrational person is doing or saying, but don't treat them in kind or else you promote a cycle that has the potential to be far more damaging.

Pretty much, yeah. Really it was the only way to shock her into stopping and thinking about what she was doing. And it made her think twice about doing it again.


Sometimes someone will run over politeness like a squirrel on the interstate. When someone's being irrational, sometimes they need a (metaphorical) slap to the face to bring them to their senses.

I mean sure, Mom didn't like it, but it really didn't matter whether she liked it. What mattered was getting her to stop making my sister's life hell. It wasn't really an option to sit there and hope that maybe my mom would come to her senses.

I mean, I don't really know what's warranted in Zero's situation - I don't know if his mother is prone to this sort of thing, or if this is a one-time deal, or what kind of attitude she's likely to take. Hell, no matter how much Zero could try to explain the situation, when it comes to problems with family you can never really completely understand that from the outside, there's just too many years of shared experience you're just not a party to. So all I can really say is, in a similar situation, this is what I had to do.

In that vein, Zero, I guess that's the best advice I could give - whatever you do, it should be what you decide is right. Consider whatever anyone tells you, but really, as much as any situation you're ever likely to come across, this is something where nobody else is in a position to know what needs to be done.

Incidentally, where's your dad in all of this, and what does he have to say?

It sounds like the situation now is pretty damaging, and the longer it goes on, the worse it can get. Letting that go own is promoting a whole other bad cycle, and stopping the momentum of that would, to my judgment, be the priority.