Cyber Wars 2.0 Discussion Thread 2: Revenge of Doh
 

Well, the discussion threads have been dead as of late, and we needed a new one anyway, so here it is. Mega bonus points (and possibly a cookie) to whoever can tell me where the thread's subtitle comes from.

I am going to use this first post as a heralding of a momentus occassion, kinda.

The Cyber Wars Novel Project (which has been semi-secretive) has finally hit and completed the 5th chapter. bg decided i should throw them up here for some feedback, so here they are. I had to zip them up because of NPF's file sizing limits. The "Lost Chapters" are chapters one and two, which we lost when the forum switched hosts. I recreated them pretty much from memory. Chapters 3,4, and 5 are in "Cyber Wars.zip"

anyways, enjoy.

EDIT: I just remembered I messed up on Wraith's backstory, do not worry, I will fix that.

Well, my purely no-holds-barred critiquing...


The Lost Chapters seems rushed, incomplete, and very very poorly done. Everything seems to just blur together, no one stands out, and you never really get an idea that these people have a reason to be there, even if it is a job.

The normal chapters are good, but they lack that "wow" factor that so many people look for.

However, I will admit that if you guys hadn't done this, odds are I would have.

told you so wolf.

yes, yes you did.

I've only read the first part, and I kinda have to admit that it was a little rushed... one other major thing, although it isn't really, when Monk thinks "damn". He doesn't swear at all throughout the entire RP, and although it's a weak one... it's still unsaid by Monk. That was it though really...

keep the constructive criticism-ness coming. This is good, i know stuff needs to be fixed, and the specifics are helping.

Whatever happened to that one discussion thread?

...shit. Now I feel really dumb. To be honest, I perused only the first page of the signup and discussion threads...and of course it wasn't there.

...'scuse me while I go hit myself.

*hands Wolf a beatin' stick*

(o 0) I don't get it... what does that have to do with anything?

Hey wolf, what if we were to type up a little something for out characters fromm what we remember. There's only so much one can remember from a mass, and most of it would come from their own mind. I could write up some stuff that happen with Monk and ect.