Do you know anyone like this?
 

Do you know the kind of person who you hang out with, and talk to, but deep down you just loath with an unbridled passion? The kind of person who represents everything you hate in the world, all rolled up into one man-sized black whole of suck? You come home everyday from work or school, always going over all their redeeming qualities in your mind to try and explain how you could possibly be friends with them, but you never quite figure it out. Then the next day, you go and hang out with them, talk with them, act like you’re both great friends, and when you get home, the same thing happens in your head again, and you never find an answer.

For me, that person is, let's call him "X".

(Bold and italicized lines are to be annunciated faster and deeper)

He’s a prick and intellectual,
Obsessed with D&D.
His logic’s ineffectual,
It doesn’t even work on me (Ho Hee!)

He wishes he was Japanese
Or a member of the Queen’s navy!

He’ll be blown away by slightest breeze,
And he loves anime to a strange degree

His gender confusion's simply absurd,
He has issues, I tell you, he’s not of this world.
He wants to be female but he’s just a turd.
If he’d just tone it down then he wouldn’t get swirled.

I know a few people sorta like that at work. Like Richard. Jesus Christ do I hate Richard. All he talks about is either porn or religion, and the man will NOT shut up. Ever. I hate everything about him, except that he occassionally makes a funny comment about porn.

But, I've heard him babble on for like a half hour why one of our coworkers is going to hell when he dies.

I know why I still hang out with him, though. It's easier than making him not like me, when I can get his help with so much stuff at work. Really, it's much easier to have a friend than an enemy, so why alienate someone when you'd have to deal with them anyway?

Yeah there's a coworker of mine who I have a really hard time dealing with - I tend to not tolerate disrespect for very long though, so it kind of came to a head when I yelled at her.

However, this person seems to trust me to such an extent, that she is sharing some very personal issues with me.

Maybe I just don't understand women.

It seems to be a co-worker thing.

Bless her heart, she's a nice girl...but stop talking and stop being so gall-darn perky!

Yeah...perk is something I loathe in a real life situation. I'll be happy when I want to be, dang it! You trying to make me happy is just pissing me off, so stop it!

That would be my friend Garth. He comes over unannounced, he smokes, I heard he was a drug dealer, he's the reason we can't bring bottled beverages to school (he brought vodka to school in water bottles, and was caught selling it during lunch), he screwed up Half-Life on my computer and ruined all my saves by installing a half dozen mods that change the Marine's bodies, and he ridicules me for owning any RPGs, Japanese video games, or anime. He's also a flaming homophobe, even though he has, on several occasions, gotten into lengthy discussions about his penis with me, or tried to get me to look at porn with him.

However, he does have hundreds of mods for Half-Life that DON"T screw my computer up burned on to disks or loaded into jump drives, which he gladly brings over, he throws around cash like confetti, he has a car AND a gun collection, whcih will be useful in case the world ends, and I know if I ever need anyone beaten with a baseball bat, he can arrange it. So I guess he's cool.

Guy I used to know named Victor, He was a drug dealer, always tried to getm me in
on his hustles and was still always begging for money, but he would occasionally
make a really good dirty joke.

For me, that person is Krylo. I mean, DAMN! I can't stand that guy! He's always rude, inconsiderate, sexy, antagonistic, sexy, and occasionally he's even just downright mean (and sexy). He acts like he's better than me, and he's just so sexy it hurts! Deep down, I want to just punch him in the face, but then the two of us have a heated, lustful, sexy argument and we both just lie in bed afterwards, satisfied. Dammit, Krylo! Why must you be so sexy?

I know more of them than I'd care to admit. One of them however, Evan, stands out over all the rest.

First off, he's majorly into tabletop RPGs. He's the kind of guy who nitpicks over rules, twinks characters to retarded levels of unstoppableness (thus ruining the campaign) and whines when he doesn't get his way. Now, usually I can tolerate this kind of thing, but his other character flaws seal the deal. He has this grating, maniacal laugh that's really creepy. He makes a habit of stealing things, be it from stores, hobbyshops, or the people he hangs out with.
The worst part is his behavior around women. Much like Otaku Son puts off "douche" vibes, it could be said that Evan puts off "creepy rapist" vibes. He hits on every woman who happens to be in our company (very seldom do women actually show up with him), and offers back massages, claiming that he is training to be a massuse (sp?). The worst part of the worst part is that he has absolutely no shame. I'm told that while he was a senior in high school, he dated a 6th grader. When I last saw him, he was dating something that I can only describe as an ogre shaped vaguely like a human (with breasts). My friends and I finally had enough when he held a searing-hot car lighter two inches from my buddy's face while we were driving on the expressway.

Life without Evan has been pleasant thusfar.

Ahh Nick. The man could cook. When working he was better than any two of us. But his attitude. There is no excuse for acting the way he did. In the end the boss had to get a court order to keep him away.

Ken. I cannot stand this person. Someone invited him to a roleplaying session and he just never went away. He's always bouncing around, making noise, stupid comments, and faces, and attributing it to his ADD. I think it's a total act for attention. Everyone else at work with ADD cannot stand him.

He used to work in another section until he got kicked out and sent to mine. He was here for three days before we got a dozen stupid rules to compensate for his lack of common sense.

Whenever someone proves him wrong about something (about every other day), he goes around scowling for hours and talking about how he's going to stab people. Then he'll sit in the corner and practice his crazy-eyed stare while playing with knives until someone yells at him to get back to work.

He swears that every girl in the place is secretly lusting after him and is always offering some skank massage or herbal concoction. He's constantly snooping around my desk and bags. I told him that I don't want anything he's got. Ever since then, he's been threatening to hack into my computers, send me viruses, and steal my identity. I said, "Yeah, you could, but you won't. But in case you do, it's not like I won't know who did it and where to find you."

My other friends are kind of wimpy, so they have not managed to shake him. They leave him out of their games and stuff, but they're still stuck with him as a roommate. I feel bad for them, but they won't change until they've had enough. I just hope he gets kicked out before he hurts someone with his stupidity.