The many ways to be an asshole...
 

At Work
1)Get the loudest pencil sharpener you can and use it after every word you write.
2)Hold a lighter up to the smoke detector.
3)Download and play annoying japanese pop music as loud as you can.
4)At the end of the day, stop and block other cars in the underground parking lot and make like you are fixing something under your hood.
At Home
1)Set the volume of your t.v/speakers at full blast before turning them off.
2)Make and put "Out of Order" signs on all the bathrooms in your house.
3)Put a password on your computer's screen saver.
4)Take the batteries from all your remote control's and hide them.
At the Store
1)Pay in change and take the coins out one at a time.
2)Go to the music section and start putting Garth Brooks in Metal, Backstreet Boys in ska, etc.
3)Play the demo video game in the electronics section for as long as you can before you are kicked out.
4)Start pileing as much stuff as you can on the checkout counter then just leave it there.
In traffic
1)Honk as loud as you can then look around like you want to know who was honking.
2)On a bridge with counterflow working against you, drive really slow.
3)You need a handheld game system for this one. In a crowded intersection, pull out your GBA or your PSP or whatever, and play it for about 20 seconds after the light turns green.

What ways do you know to be an asshole?

To be an asshole to your roommate, you could try anything from this website.

Also, be krylo or KP.

Most of them would get my account banned, so I don't do them.

Try to relate everything you say in every single thread to one particular topic. It's especially annoying if that one topic is an incredibly irritating tv show or pop group.

EX- THE PRINCE OF PERSIA 3 REVIEWS THREAD
You- "Oh yeah, Prince of Persia was okay. But Pikachu could totally kick his butt with his mega-electric attack! W00t!"

"WHO WOULD WIN? A SHARK OR AN OCTOPUS" THREAD
You- Both are teh suxxors! I could use my level 40 Blastoise pokemon to totally wash them both away! Cuz his water attack blah blah blah (This is getting hard because I don't know squat about pokemon...) blah blah blah!

THE NP MEMBER COMIC THREAD
You- LOL! That reminded me of episode 235 of Pokemon where they did that one thing with that one big monster, and then, and then and then...

indirect property damage. enough said

Excrete poop.

I hail from GameFAQs, so I know all sorts of assholery.

1) The asshole who holds the new kid responsible for past mistakes he didn't make:
When someone asks for help, direct them to the help guide like so: "My god, this is getting so ****ing annoying with all these topics. READ THE DAMN FAQS!!! THEY'RE RIGHT THERE!!!" followed by pointing to some feature which isn't nearly as obvious as they'd make it seem.

2) The Face-Eating Ranter-Asshole:
Preach about some point with the most bullshit logic anyone has ever heard, and when they rebuke and argue against it, simply preach the same thing with little to no new relevant facts to defend your statement.

3) Insecure egotist assholes:
In response to even a minor crack against it, act as if it's a declaration of war and be a whiny bitch whilst defending any of the following: Your favorite gaming system, your favorite band, your favorite OS, your favorite video game, your home country, your name, and anything else you can think of that might start up a fight.

4) That kind of asshole:
See: Otaku Son.

5) The "I proclaim myself king of the univarse!" asshole:
Act as though your seniority (Or lack thereof, in some cases) is an excuse to do whatever the hell you want, including but not limited to acting like the boss, trolling, blatant flaming, rule-violations, and/or deliberate ignorance in the face of facts.

6) The "Ghetto-Gangsta of the Internet" asshole:
sp33k liek this wen u no it pises evry1 of.

7) The intolerant asshole:
Bitch and moan about slaughtering the english language when someone talks like that, adding in comments about a spellchecker.

8) The "OMFG U FUKIN CH33T0R!1!!" asshole:
If someone asks what a certain technique is that could be considered cheap, even if they only wish to know what the hell everyone is talking about, either a) Say that it's a cheap dirty trick that only skill-less n00bs would use and that they'd get owned without it, or b) If someone posts what that something is, and you didn't know, promptly use it to piss everyone off.

9) Using old fads to make oneself look cool (Or more accurately, like an asshole):
Without even looking at it, respond to a post with any or all of the following: "Phail'd", "FISSION MAILED!", "Failure/10", a direct flame of some sort, "Suicide is your only option", "OLD!!", an ASCII drawing labelling any or all of the above, or a link to a picture that details any or all of the above.

...Why the hell do I still GO there? o_O

MB, most of those are garden-variety jerkery, lacking the agressive stupidity that marks true assholishness, and Loyal2NES, Otaku_Son was plainly a douchebag.

That earns you a cookie.

Edit: To add to the topic, the asshole who never seems to add to the topic, can never stay on topic, and never heard of the edit button.

How to be an asshole on tech support

1: Be a snob Obviously the people calling you are all morons.

2: Be agitated You're bull shitting between calls is so much more entertaining and important than the losers calling you.

3: Use big words You don't need to dumb yourself down for the brain dead plebians calling you. They should strive for your intellectual plateau.