The Warring States of NPF - I feel a bit down today

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I feel a bit down today

Okay, I know this may be unorthadox, but quite a few of you are funny so....
I have just felt shitty the last couple of days, and it seems that the forumites funnyness (yes i made the spelling up) is one of the only things that is keeping me good. My girlfriend told me she needed some time apart, and I am having trouble dealing with this, not that anyone cares about that, but I thought we could all have a game here
So everyone submit a part of a funny story, each forumer keeps it going till we are just riddled with laughter. there is no contest rules, nothing special for the winner, cept' you get to make the space pope smile, and we all know how much Zod likes that. (plus the million in space bucks.)

so if this is out of line just close the post, but if anyone feels like taking some time to cheer me up, the efforts won,t be forgotten.

I know I have a million but I can't just come up with it out of the blue like that unless it happened very recently--so is tehre some sort of general topic we could use? Because then through association I could go, "oh yeah, speaking of that--!"

*there*there*

Things could always be worse, unless you happened to have died at some point before reading this post.. then it's pretty bad isn't it - not that you'd care, being dead and all.

Try to avoid death, that's my tip.

death is being teased though healthy abuse of alcohol, but yea i'm not really that bad
88 hugs for the advice though

and locke, how bout a story about the time that you and me got ripped and went to the waffle house, that i just made up right then and there, just some thing off the wall and funny so I can laugh. instead of the other wet faced thing.

...Read the epic battles thread! It's fun! *blatant advertising...*

Not From Episode 197... and a Discussion Thread

Raiden: I foresee much pain in your future, Pyros.

Being the Japanese God of Thunder, I'm close friends with the other Japanese gods. Don't force me to call in a favor with Suijin, the Japanese God of water. He'll get bushido all over your ass.

PyrosNine: What? That's all you got? I happen to have a friendship with Cthulu my dear thundering friend. Sure, my birthday gifts last october from him weren't exactly pleasant. Since I recieved what appears to be a "Dance with me Elmo" that has spider legs, breasts, a beating heart, and shares a liver with a twoheaded aborted rat fetus.

But it's the thought that counts.

Raiden: I've got so many connections.

I've got the Japanese gods living in my neighborhood, the Norse Gods on speed dial, the Greek/Roman gods are AIM buddies, and if they can't handle it, then I can call down the big guy up above to hand down some divine retribution.

Krylo: How many times do I have to tell you, Raiden? I do NOT do divine retribution anymore.

Raiden: Oh come on, Krylo!

You owe me for that "Turning Sodom and its inhabitants into pillars of salt" thing. You know how hard it is for a Thunder God to turn things into salt? It's damn hard!

Krylo: Yah, that would be true, if I hadn't actually just asked you to pass the salt and you decided to be a smart ass and turn an entire city into salt. Yes. I use a lot of salt, but damnit, overdo it much?

PyrosNine: Wait? That was you? I had relatives down there! Ever wonder where the ore called "Pyrite" came from? Geeze, and next you'll tell me you sunk Atlantis on a favor!? Had things gone as I planned, they'd all be ashes. But nooo, they had to sink and become Merpeople.

Hmm...Sodom salt. That would probably taste better than Soylent green, methinks.
----------------------------
"Imagine, if you can, an epic world wherein heroes dwell. And good thing too, 'cause, man, is there ever evil afoot in this land. It's not even safe to go to the sword shop! You know these heroes. They are...

The valient knight... the arcane master... the trickster rogue... the cunning cavalier... the caring healer... and the brave warrior.

They must band together and rid the world of an evil scourge! One that threatens to destroy and corrupt all that has been achieved by the kingdoms of men.

'I'm the evil scourge! I'm a dragon. Yar!'

And then...

Yeah, okay. And then the wizard guy, who was the most powerful and best looking wizard in all of creation and didn't have any kind hygeine problems, got tired of being held back by the incompetence of his stupid and very ugly compatriates.

So on their first night together, he cast a low level fire spell inside the lungs of the other adventurers instantly sufficating and cooking them frm the inside while they slept.

Then, with the help of some basic necromancy spells, he fashioned their charred remains into an undead suit of armor that would fight for him on his quest straight to the evil scourgey dragon where he would then deliver their corpses, demand control over half the world, and trick the dragon to stepping onto that half so that he could then possess the dragon's great powers as well and usher in a new era of darkness and suffering, etc., etc.

Bwegh, the only 'advice' I can offer is that girls = evil. That was pretty much my motto through high school. Thus I made no attempts and actively warded off any aggressive ones (all 2? of them). Happy I did it. No drama, no breakups, no babies, no 'gotta run to her house and get drunk', just peace and quiet.

But then, the other day, I somehow overdosed on clonazepam. I only remember taking my usual one. Maybe it was the Arby's I had for dinner that night. I have no idea how or why, but I retroevolved into a retarded pigeon for about 2 hours before I fell asleep (or knocked myself out by ramming a wall, I don't remember which).

DON'T MIX ARBY'S WITH BENZODIAZEPINES! IT DOESN'T PAY.

I don't know if this goes against the spirit of the thread or continues it, but the state of the japanese toilet is just amazing currently.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tim rogers

Yeah, and then he undid the belt, let slide the pants to the floor, and sat on the toilet. He then ran the bidet. While shitting a hurricane. And brushing his teeth. And gagging as the brush entered his throat. He was probably pissing at the same time. If he'd also taken the time to jerk off, that would be what we call "A Neopolitan." Yet he one-upped even the Neopolitan. Added a scoop of chunky mint-chocolate-chip on top -- spread his legs, rustled khaki, clinked his belt against the concrete floor, and spat into the bowl.

Heavy stuff.

Quote:

But then, the other day, I somehow overdosed on clonazepam. I only remember taking my usual one. Maybe it was the Arby's I had for dinner that night. I have no idea how or why, but I retroevolved into a retarded pigeon for about 2 hours before I fell asleep (or knocked myself out by ramming a wall, I don't remember which).

Ah, there we go. I had a similar experience, recreationally once, with a different benzo. It resulted in "holy shit I don't remember" and "holy shit I really don't remember."

Alright.

#1:

Read this and laugh, then realise you're one of the branches.

#2:

Be amazed!

#3:

Calvin and Hobbes

#4:

And finally, that time that me and The Space Pope dropped mighty powerful sunshine acid and wound up here.