St. Kenshin Anime Emergency Room: World's Greatest Fighting Losers
 

"Ha Ha I laugh at your weak power level Carrot, you could never beat me." The spikey haired short muscular man in a blue leotard said.

"Uh oh Goku is in trouble." a midget monk says to a little boy with a bowl cut.

"That's what you think Vegetable." Another spikey haired man said, he wore a flamboyantly orange gi. "I have yet to reveal my true POWAH!" The spikey hairded martial artist comped a squat and began to scream. A look of constipation on his face. Red light surrounded him and wind blew away from him.

The crowd looked on in horror and shock

"This is some kind of new technique from the World Champion." the yellow haired announcer said over the P.A.

"Wow, dad's power is awesome. Isn't is mmaster woodwind?" the bowl cut boy said.

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?" a woman in the stands said covering her nose.

"MONT...A...ZU...MAAAAA!!!! The spikey haired fighting man called Carrot shot his hands forward and fired off a Ki blast toward the other spikey haired fighter. The blast knocked him out of the ring. but he caught himself mid air and flew back at the other man. The two started to brawl like to crackheads after watching the matrix one to many times. Soon the fight was over. The orange clad spikey haired fighter stood over the other man now unconcious. The stadium holding the world championship fighting competition was in ruins and smoking from the intensity of the fight. Only a few people were still conscious.

"Goku won. Now for the final match."

The orange clad fighter was very wobbily and badly beaten. out stepped a man in a cape with a massive fro. The man pandered to the crowd.

"Yeah! Yeah! I'm the greatest!"

"Now for the final match. Goku vs. Mr. Satan"

Mr. Satan was sweating profusly after the ass whooping he had just witnessed. Goku tried to assume a fighting stance. The gong rang. Mr. Satan punched him as hard as he could. Goku hit the ground, knocked out.

"Mr. Satan is the World Champion."

"Pathetic." Master Woodwind said. The plant man in the turban looked at the bowl cut kid waved and flew off into the sky.

Mr. Satan pumped the crowd as his hand started to turn purple. Quietly he snuck into the convoy of ambulances headed for St. Kenshin's Hospital.

____________

Dr. Kitsuki was meditating in the lobby when the ambulances pulled up. He tried not to think about his rotten luck at being on call while the world martial arts championship was in town. It had to have been a plot by his nemesis Dr. Zero. The day had been slow since most people were at the contest. That was about to change. The sound of the approaching ambulance let him now patents were on the way. He stood at the ambulance loading bay as the first arrived.

"What's the status of the patient?" He said to the Paramedic as he helped offload the gurny.

A tall, busty woman exited the hospital locker room after changing into her nurse's uniform and strolled casually to an elevator that was clearly marked "out of order." She stepped inside, turned back towards the door and hit the door control button.
The woman stood in the elevator patiently until the door closed. Promptly, she pressed six buttons. Five of them were floors and the other was the door control button. All the lights on the panel blinked three times and a small area under the panel opened to reveal a bizarre keyhole. She reached up to the chain around her neck and tugged it upward, pulling the key from between her breasts, then removed the chain and inserted the key into the recepticle. Two full turns to the right, three to the left, and one more back to the right and then she removed the key, putting the chain back around her neck and sticking the key down between her breasts to hide it once again. She then heard two clicks. "Reika Katsutoshi," the woman said. Finally, a red sheet of light appeared at the ceiling and slowly lowered to the floor before disappearing. She remained completely still for the scanning process to complete.
"...Button code sequence...verified. Access key...verified. Key turn combination...verified. Voice recognition...verified. Body scan...verified. Clearance sequence complete. Descending. Do you have any questions?"
Reika thought for a moment.
"Have any of the other nurses arrived yet?"
"Nurse Yoriko Nakagawa is already waiting for the initial briefing in the briefing room. Hospital security systems have detected nurse Takumi Watanabe in the locker room and nurse Himeko Yoshino en route to this elevator."
"Thanks. That's all I wanted to know."
"Then, I have an advisory. During this scan, your bust measurement has increased by an inch from previous scans. Please make sure that you report this to the security office so that it can be entered into the computer."
"And I thought I'd stop developing at twenty-four or something," Reika mused, sighing.
After about thirty more seconds, the voice came back on.
"Now arriving at Basement 69, Secret Ward level. Please have a safe and productive day."
"Right, whatever."
Reika didn't waste any time going to the briefing room. Standing near a coffee maker was Yoriko Nakagawa. Yoriko worried Reika the most. Even though she seemed to have accepted the situation she was in as a nurse in the Secret Ward, Reika could feel the pain that Yoriko must have been feeling. Who could blame her? Yoriko had been turned over to Reika and the Secret Ward by the man she loved enough to come work in the same hospital as. Yoriko turned to look at Reika. "Good morning, Nurse Katsutoshi. My apologies but we seem to have run out of de-caffeinated coffee."
"Not your fault, Yoriko." Reika said with a shrug, deciding not to act too professional today. "I'll begin today's pre-operation briefing when Takumi and Himeko arrive."
"Yes, ma'am."

Erthiz arrived in the ambulance bay shortly after Dr. Kitsuki did.

"Doctor, would you like me to help with sedating or with diagnostics today?"

Erthiz prepared to unsling his backpack in case he was asked to scan the patient for pain, in which case he would need to transform.

"That will be fine doctor." The gurney had a man who seemed to be in mid transformation and got stuck Half his body looked like a pretty man with light blue skin the other half like a horrible monster. "transformation injury let's get Dr. Tribuza on a consult for this one. I'll take the multiple blunt force trauma here." He wheeled the scarfaced man in the orange fighting suit a noseless cat seemed to hover over him. "Some one find a place for this cat." He wheeled the man into an E.R. room. and quickly started to document all the mans broken bones and damage. Dr. Kit suki takes out 10 needles and rapidly embedded them with lightning precision on several points in the mans body. "There that should tach care of his aches and pains for now, until we can set his bones. He put the diagnosis on the mans gurney and went back to claim another patient.

Doctor? Erthiz thought to himself. Dr. Kenshin must be really out of it today, and he didn't even tell me what to do. I guess I'll just get the next patient into a room and take care of the pain.

Erthiz took the next gurney and looked the man over. He seemed to be fine, but was obviously in pain, and clutching at his heart. Oh good grief, not another one. These fighters really should get better exercise than screaming at each other for five hours straight every day. How do they expect to fight with heart trouble?

"Has this man gotten aspirin, heparin, or some other antiplatelet drug yet? No? Let's take care of that first then." Erthiz laid his hand on the man's forehead and reduced the pain so that he could take the appropriate medication, and then he wheeled the gurney over to surgery.

"We have a heart attack victim here."

Ring ring.

The phone in Kaitou's office rang. "God damnit," he said under his breath. He thought he could get by without working today.

Ring ri-

"What's the problem?"
"Well...we don't know but we do know that the patient is in exam room four."
"Why is everyone in this hospital incompetent?"
"Si-"
Click. He hung up his phone and left his office.

Kaitou took the eleveator to the clinic level of the hospital, which was where the exam rooms were located. He walked through the waiting room; it was packed, and Kaitou had the feeling that he was going to get stopped by the secretary. Kaitou already had an assignment, and he didn't want clinic duty on top of that.

"Dr. Onizuka, you're scheduled for clinic duty right now."
"...Right," he said as he weeled around, "hello sick people." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a medicine container. It had antibiotics for a later patient in it, but Kaitou lied and said, "Do you know what these are? No? They're are pain killers, and I'm addicted to them. If I dont have them every hour, I go insane. I havent had one in four hours. Now, raise your hand if want me to exam you." Nobody raised their hand. "Raise your hand if you want someone else to exam you." Everybody instantly raised their hand. "Good. If anyone changes their mind, you can find me in Exam room four."

Right after, the secretary said, "Kira Thomas, please accompany Dr. Onizuka into exam room four."

Kaitou stopped the secretary, "Sorry, there's a patient in exam room four." With that, he walked into exam room four.

"Good morning, Nurse Katsutoshi and Nurse Nakagawa. Nurse Takumi Watanabe, reporting."
"Good morning, Nurse Katsutoshi and Nurse Nakagawa. Nurse Himeko Yoshino, reporting."
"Good morning, Nurse Watanabe and Nurse Yoshino. Thank you for coming in on your day off."
After the official greetings, the three nurses took their seats while Reika remained standing with a clipboard.
"Okay, we have two patients scheduled today. The first is Shinichi Suzasaki, your average everyday unlucky peer pressured pervert who tried his best to impress the ladies, didn't do it the right way, and got knocked the hell out. Apparently, more and more girls these days are black belts in judo or karate or whatever." Reika glanced at Yoriko with a slight smirk. "Even you should know how we proceed with the operation of bringing him back around."
Himeko looked thoughtful. "Who's doing it?"
Reika looked up towards the ceiling, her expression focused. "Yoriko and myself. Normally, I would suggest Yoriko and Himeko but since it is supposed to be Himeko's day off..." Reika left the sentence hanging.
"Who is the other patient?" Takumi asked.
"This thing," Reika spat lightly, gesturing to a diagram which Yoriko noticed wasn't there yesterday.
"I've never seen a creature like that before."
Reika nodded. "It's my first time encountering this species as well. Luckily, unlike some other cases involving aliens, demons, or whatever else they have us deal with that isn't human, we have instructions on treatment. Unfortunately, it will be difficult to produce these necessary...ingredients." Reika coughed. "Which is why I called you two girls in regardless of the fact that we don't need you for patient services just yet."
Reika walked over to Takumi, gesturing Himeko over to them. "Yoriko, go tell our people upstairs to bring Suzasaki down."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Himeko and Takumi, let me explain what you'll be doing in the privacy room together for the next six hours."

"nnn?"

"Didn't you hear what I said, Chiyame? It's time to get up! You're late for work!"

"nn... Late night... Those werewolves are too silly to transform right..."

The alarm clock wriggled and heaved a sigh. It paused, then leapt off the bedstand in an obnoxious ringing.

In fact the words that it seemed to yell at this moment was...

Passerbys looked up in shock and disgust when somebody in the apartment next to the Kenshin Hospital started yelling, "SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Chiyame sproinged high up out of the bed - at least three feet - in customary surprised fashion, landing with a comical *fwump* in a tangle of blankets and limbs.

"Uuuuugh..."

~~~

"Sorry I'm late!" Chiyame skidded to a stop in the TrAW. Humming a wordless little tune, she set to work immediatly.

"Who are our little darlings today?" she said brightly as she floated around the ward, checking that her current patients were happy, or being fixed.

The siren howled as a large ambulance pulled up to the stadium, and paramedics with body armor poured out of the back.

Not that this really rates a P.E.T. action.Akimoto thought to himself as he stayed inside the cab of the ambulance.

Of course, this proved to be wrong. After all, it's always the easy jobs that turn out ot be trouble.

One of the participants in the tournament had apparently regained consciousness, and was not taking the news that he had lost well. In a rage, the large sumo wrestler began to swat people out of his way. Great, all we need is more people to take in.

Akimoto pulled his ambulance over to the man’s rampage, and flipped on the loudspeaker. "Sir, I must ask you to stop hurting the patients.” Akimoto demanded over the speaker.

The sumo suggested that Akimoto do something that was physically impossible, and proceeded to a poor soul who was on the ground into the next time zone.

Akimoto sighed. "Sir, I must insist you stop. If you don’t, I will have to stop you by force."

The sumo suggested something that was physically possible, but not really genetically feasible. Akimoto was not impressed by the fact the sumo only knew one verb.

With a flip of a switch, the ambulance transformed. Soon, standing over the sumo was a large, humanoid robot, will all sorts of weapons aimed at him.

"I'm serious, sir." Akimoto stated in a bored voice.

The sumo’s last statement was just one word…his favorite one. Rather loudly, too.

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The door to the ER slid open, and in came the whole of P.E.T. Force 1…it took all of them to move the gurney of the sumo.

"I have a pretty bad case over here, doctors. Multiple gunshot wounds, shrapnel damage, a few broken bones, and a concussion.”


Akimoto really hoped the doctors wouldn’t remember that firearms were banned at the tournament.

Kaitou walked into Exam Room four, and he was just about to start examining the man who had extremely torn up clothes and several slash wounds to the face and the rest of his body. However, a nurse popped her head in the door and said "Dr. Onizuka, we have just received word that a large sumo wrestler has suffered from terrible wounds. We need you to give him the proper treatment."

"Great," said Kaitou. "I'll come back for you never," he told the scratched up man.

He slipped out of the exam room, and the patient had a look of excruciating pain on his face. Kaitou walked into the elevator, and closed it before anyone else could get in. He descended to the ER. The doors of the elevator opened and he swiftly walked out of them. Before him, was the entire crew of the P.E.T. Force 1. He shoved through and approached Akimoto.

"What have we got here?" he asked.