Peer pressure and conformity
 

Just about everyone where I live (central California) prefers not to think for themselves. They prefer to let peer pressure and the media shape their thoughts for them. I, on the other hand, prefer to form my own thoughts, and my own opinions, however, this goes against the will of the zombie conformists. Mind you, I don't mean to be derogatory, these people don't have to be conformists, but they are, and they won't stop insulting me in public. Let me give you an example.

A lot of people my age think that if you don't lose your virginity by the time you've graduated from high school, you're considered weak, pathetic, "not a real man." Well here I am, age twenty, got my diploma a couple of years ago, and I still haven't ever done the deed, but I don't feel weak. I don't feel pathetic. I still think I'm a real man. And it's not just for things like this; it's with a lot of other subjects, some of them incredibly trivial, like for example, guys are supposed to prefer blondes, whereas I favor brunettes. Here's a more serious example; you're supposed to hate anyone that's gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc, anyone who's not heterosexual, or you suspect are non-hetero, but I have no problem with a person's sex orientation. (I'm hetero by the way.) Here's a classic example; you're supposed to obsess over the lives of celebrities, even those you hate, but I could care less about famous people. But because of beliefs like these, people think I'm a 'freak.' I have been asked, "Were you dropped on your head as a child?" more often than I could count, and it's not just a loose group of close-minded assholes who shun me, it's nearly everyone I've met, like at least 60% of the people my age.

Even fellow nerds stay away from me, despite not being in the 'in' crowd. I've met several hardcore gamers in person, but many of them hated me because my favorite game consoles are from Nintendo and Microsoft, as opposed to Sony. They think you can't like Nintendo systems because, "They're pussified" and you can't like the XBOX systems because Microsoft is supposedly evil and wants to blow up the world. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy games on my PS2, but apparently, I must have some have some kind of brain defect because I don't think SCE is cool. Of course, I don't have a brain defect, but that's the assumption many people make. Just about no one of my generation accepts me for who I am; they say I'm weird, but I'm not weird. I'm not a freak, but I'm not trying to be an outsider either. I'm just being myself, and yet, I had to put up with this unwarranted bullshit on a day-to-day basis when I was in middle and high school anyways.

I'm sorry if I came off sounding more 'emo' than I usually do, but this has been eating me up for the longest time now, and I wanted to share this social dilemma of mine with someone other than my family for once. Now I ask, have any of you had to deal with zombie conformists at one time in your life, or still do?

You stinkin' nonconformists are all alike.

Wait, that came out wrong. ;)

Nah, I'm pretty noncomformist as things go. I hate "yo momma" jokes, I despise immature little brats, and am willing to beat the sense into any stinking kid who thinks it's funny to piss me off.

Which I've been trying to keep under control, but I HAVE nearly gotten thrown off swim team twice. ^_^;;

Let's see, how am I noncomformist in my places? Well, I'm sixteen, goign to college, have maybe three friends on my swim team that are my "age" group (if that)... and really stick out because:

I don't eat seafood.
I don't drink gatorade.
I piss the coach off because I state what I think/know is wrong with the team, and in a rather forceful manner. I am NOT a cute little kid, I'm sixteen, act like an adult (mostly), and expect to be treated like one. Even moreso than most kids my age, I suspect.

And I dislike Chinese food (and most red meats.) which makes me stand out in my own family. :P (my own little brother is behind me and calling me freak)

Oh, I and I love sci-fi and fantasy, not the dumb little kids stuff, but Aurthur C. Clarke, and so on, stuff that's "hard" sci-fi.

No offense, but I don't really see any point to this thread thus far except personal venting, which doesn't really belong in Discussion, and if anywhere, in Off-Topic.

I find that a lot of people who may seem "conformist" are actually quite individual-minded once you get to know them. Unless you're incredibly shallow it's hard to not be. And there are a lot of popular things that aren't necessarily stupid. I can't think of any examples at the moment (heh XD) but there is such a thing as positive peer pressure.

I actually recently read a short essay by Ellen Willis on this, except she's saying the stereotypical popular conformist actually doesn't exist that often. Can't yet find a copy on the net, though.

If I hear someone making a generelization ("cheerleaders are stupid!") it's usually just a passing comment that no one takes seriously. If anything, the people who are sticklers about confomity are disliked by most around here.

You know, Red_Mage, I feel quite the same. I just don't like the community this world has fallen into. I'm a rather antisocial person, partially because I can never react properly in the heat of it all for some reason, and partially because it pressures me, manipulates me, and weakens me. I hate how the general public is, especially when it tries to get me involved.

I love Nintendo with all my heart. It's what stuck to me for so long.
Celebrities? How are they important?
Hair color doesn't matter. Blonde barely represents anything either.
Emos have their own issues. Don't push them about it, Vargus forbid.
Gays and lesbians have their own lives, so why hate them?
Don't even dare to get me started on these annoying trends people keep starting up.
So what if someone misunderstands a word? No doubt everyone one is just as stupid in some form of intelligence.
Don't call them stupid, call them lacking in information in that certain topic. They're experts on something else.
Look, there are the shadows of society, and there are the stars. Stars give light, and that light lets you see the shadows, but do you pay attention?
Crowds, clubs...they're not really all the same, no matter how you look at them.

That's how my mind works half of the time.

I hate you, you stereotypical geek! > <

Oh, no, girls are stupid, and guys are just obsessed with sex, unless you're a geek, and then, you're just obsessed with MMORPGs, and Star Trek. Pff. N00b.

Okay... okay, I won't use a joke for this quote, because my reaction to it was jokey enough. I seriously read that and immediately said "WHAT?!?!" so loud, the neighbour knocked on the wall and yelled shut up at me through it (granted I'm pretty loud the rest of the time, though.. :sweatdrop ).
Thinking about it, I realised "yeah, sure.. sports. Academic ability if the school is smart. Making friends..". Though, you have to admit, most peer pressure is followed through as negative. Someone wants you get into sports, they say "Pick up the slack, skin-and-bones!" (I've had someone say that to me despite being about 173 lbs), someone wants you to improve your academic ability, they say "Geez, you think school is about fun? This class isn't just about fun, you have to pass. You have to try. Do you want to fail? Because you're going to." (had that said about me, in a very snob-ish manner), someone wants you to make more friends, they call you a loser.

The rest of the post honestly didn't have anything to talk about. Now... if people make the generalization that this thread won't be anything besides people complaining (and/or jokes, as you've witnessed), then... well, that's not true. There can be a very potent conversation in here.

[Edit]
Okay, reading that over, it really sounds like I'm attacking you, but I'm not, I just couldn't find anything else to bring up. > >''

I never thought of peer pressure being a positive thing. I guess it's possible, in theory, but I can't think of any examples offhand myself.

Look, I'm not saying social conformity is bad, per se. For example, most anyone here would agree that 8-bit Theater kicks ass. I think so too. Suppose I meet someone and say, "Man, 8-bit Theater has gotta be the best online comic in existence!" And the someone says, "What? You're kidding, right? I never liked it myself." I would then respond, "Oh really? Well, I suppose you have your reasons." But if I was like the zombie conformists, I would've reacted, "OMGWTF IS RONG WIT YOU!!????" My point is, you can agree with the majority opinion, just don't be a dick about it.

And not everyone my age is like this. I've met a few really wonderful and intelligent people throughout the years, but only a few. I don't want to be an outcast, I really would like to belong somewhere, but I can't because of the zombie conformist mentality. Getting back into rant mode for a second, one thing I don't like is people who go along with the majority opinion, not because they agree with it, but because they don't want to be thought of as someone who doesn't agree. One last thing I forgot to mention in my intial rant; people have stopped being my friends for really dumb reasons, like because I'm agnostic, or because I don't like anime, (Yes. That has happened. More than once.) or because I don't look at pornography, and a few other things, but I gotta stop and ask, were they just being immature, or did they not want to associate themselves with an outsider like me, a 'freak of nature' in their eyes?

Everyone at some point has been ridiculed for not agreeing with someone or something. The reason I started this is because I wanted to know; is there anyone besides me who's had to tolerate this sort of nonsense, day after day, year after year, simply because your mindset is different from what is considered the norm, and the pressure was out of your control? That's what I'd like to know.

One thing I'd like to ask: How do you know that this was the reason they stopped being friends with you? Did they come up and tell you? If so, how do you know they didn't just find you annoying, but didn't want to say that? If not, well, guess I shouldn't really have to say anything about that.

And, if you share none of their interests, it'd seems like it'd be kind of hard to be friends anyways. That's one of the reasons I don't have many friends right now: Everyone in my school is into sports, cars, or other such things, and I'm really just not. We have nothing to talk about. They'll go off on some tangent about how fast their new car's gonna be, and I'll almost go into a coma.

Do your own thing
 

Sure peer pressure can be kind of hard, but do not let it get you down so much. If others do not like that you do not think the way that they do, oh well, that is their problem. Be proud that you are your own person, and continue to do your own thing.

Don't worry, I don't allow petty insults to get me down. And believe me, I'm proud to be my own person, it's just that, the only thing completely missing in my life at the moment is a healthy social life. I can't maintain a healthy social life because most people I know won't get along with me, and it's not because I'm a bad person or anything like that. It's really like what MasterOfMagic said; my beliefs and interests are so radically different from most everyone else that it seems to drive most people away after a while. When I look at it now, this whole thing between me and the zombie conformists looks to only be a temporary problem. One that will correct itself. In due time. Hopefully. Even though it's been affecting me for most of my life. And made my social life damn-near unbearable at times.

One last thing before I sign off, earlier when I said social conformity isn't necessarily bad, I forgot about the old cliche; the one where your friends jump off a cliff because they think it's cool and they want you to do the same. You definetely wouldn't wanna follow popular opinion in a situation like that, but I think that's just using common sense.

And yes, MasterOfMagic, many 'friends' became former friends of mine by telling me they think I'm a 'sinner' for not really having a religious belief, or because I don't objectify women, therefore I couldn't be a 'real man,' or I'm apparently lame just because I dislike Japanese cartoons shows and movies. Those were the only three though. *phew* This discussion is becoming more long-winded than I imagined. I've said all I've could, so I'm taking a breather now, unless someone brings up another interesting point.

Sadly, I despise the people who continuously rant aginst the"confromists" first nothing anyone does is original becasue just about everything "confromists" and "nonconformists" base themselves off of are things done by groups of people.

Secondly, the more you hate them(conformists) the more you struggle to be not like them. Not only conforming to a sterotype of "outsider" but also conforming to whatever group you think makes you like that.

Why are things popular? because people like them. Why do people like certain things? because something about it appeals to them. They are'nt doing soemthing for the hatred of something else.And they are'nt doing it because everybodyelse is doing it.

If you want to pierce every other inch of your body, cool, don't forget to get at least one that glows. But do it because you enjoy it(what the hell's wrong with you?:)) not because you want to be "different" If you are'nt a "confromist" then why the hell do you care what they do? do you and they will do them.

As an example, Nearly everyone in my school lies "dirty south" style rap, me I mostly listen to reggae and some alternative Hip-Hop, not only that but I hate most of the previously mentioned southern rap. I think it is ignorant and ruins the original message of a great pro-black, empowering movement of music and culture(hip-hop) I understand why everybody else like it tough, They think like that. The msuic is from their people. All of this comes from their personal experiences and since savannah georgia is about 75 percent black, and most of them are poor to lower middle class, they all share simlar experiences and thus simlar atttiudes. On the opposite spectrum, a lot of my "friends" (if your a human beig, you're probably not my friend, nothign personal, I can still like you and hate you at the same time) are, varying degrees of emo-goth-metal-J-pop types. with spriklings of hi-hop and punk thrown in. E few of them are constantly griping about"Preps" WE ARE IN A 95% BLACK SCHOOL! AND WE KNOW FIVE WHITE KIDS! WHAT "PREPS"?" unfortuantely in addition to not being able to accurately explain to me what a prep is, they refuse to accept the obvious. * exhales* that's all for now