Funny quotes/lines.
 

If you have heard or read any particularly funny quotes or one liners, please post them here. I have no idea who made this exactly. I only saw it on a forum, but it made me laugh a little.

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of 'hot XXX galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", I muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.."

I really like quotes so I tend to jot them down as I find them

Couple random ones:
“Guns don't kill people, physics kills people!” -Dick, 3rd Rock From the Sun
“Dare to be stupid!” -Weird Al Yankovic
“The less you know the happier you are. While you struggle with that computer, I’m naked, clueless and f-e-e-l-i-n-g GOOD!” –Ratbert
“People are always thinking I’m so stupid because I’m big and strong and sometimes drool a little when I get excited.” –Fezzik, The Princess Bride

Terry Pratchett one liners:
“My bum has been a bum for a very long time. But I don’t have to listen to anything it says.” –Stronginthearm, The Fifth Elephant
“Dead people walking around is unhygienic.” –Mustrum Ridcully, Reaper Man
“Bastards! You’ve got to let the Dark Lord escape. Everyone knows that.” –Cohen, The Last Hero

And Douglas Adams:
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
“Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons.”
"It is not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end."

Some simpson funnies:

"Mom's blocking the way!" - Bart
"Push her down, son." - Homer

I failed english! That's un-possible.-Ralph Wiggum

This one gets me every time.

Boy, did you ask for it. I got a million of 'em.

"In my religion people who put bumper stickers on their car go to hell."
-Zach

"HELP! My bones are being crushed by a delicious taste sensation!"
-Leo

"Oh, yes, master. Pain is really the only reliable means by which truth may be obtained. Or so I choose to believe."
-HK-47

"You can't make her cover her midriff! That's the only reason we have a female character! No one's going to read our comic now!"
-DFM

"I am the Naked King of Shoreditch, and I am not afraid."
-The Naked King of Shoreditch

"You'll end up pumping gas at McDonald's the rest of your life."
-Teacher

"Fuck Peta. If you aren't supposed to eat animals then why are they made out of food?"
-KillRoy

"I should work at EBGames and just throw crumpled paper at girls whenever they walk in and yell "Grow a penis or GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE!" Because it's not really a policy departure."
-DFM

"Hey group of people traped in the mall by the zombie horde, look over there, a Sporting Goods store. Ya sporting goods. Stuff ment to protect people that run alot and get into intense physical situations. Think about it. As hard as you FUCKING CAN."
-ElBrak

"I knew putting the checkbox for "deliver my baby" so close to "amputate all my limbs" was a bad idea."
-I don't know, I'm sorry

u suck im puttin u on ignore
-Jesus

Funny Quotes
 

"Bring on the dancing girls!"
-Professor K.

"You laugh, but is true."
-Professor A.

"Why punish the student when you can kill him?"
-Professor G.

"A lot of a little is is a lot."
-Steve Buerlein

"Here's a guy, that when he runs, he goes faster."
-John Madden

"And this is where the guy rips his groin, Boom!"
-John Madden

"If he can get his life points back up, he can get high!"
-Yu-gi-oh!

"Who is driving car, oh no, bear is driving car, how can that be?"
-Clerks Uncensored

"I used to be amazed by spectacles like this, now not so much."
-Yu-gi-oh!

"Love and Peace, and Doughnuts!"
-Vash the Stampede

"God is dead."
-Nietzche

"Nietzche is dead."
-God

"Oh Yes! A bolt of lightning into a large copper conductor. And I thought you lived in a school," ~ Magneto (X-men movie)

"If I had some Sand for every time someone said that to me... oh wait, I do!" ~ The Prince (Prince of Persia: Two Thrones)

"$200 shirt by the way" ~ John Constantine (Constantine)

"Cats are good. Half in, half out anyway" ~ Same

check my sig for a couple more.

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it” ~ Terry Pratchett

“Its not worth doing something, unless you were doing something that someone somewere, would much rather you weren't doing.” ~Terry Pratchett

"Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organised." ~ Ly Tin Wheedle (Terry Pratchett)

"ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!" ~ MP And The Holy Grail

"FATHER: Listen, Alice,
HERBERT: Herbert.
FATHER: 'Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get" ~ MP And The Holy Grail

"PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION: Has what, sir?
PILATE: Spiwit.
CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir." ~ MP's Life Of Brian

"PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
PILATE: A Woman?
BRIAN: No, no. Roman." ~ MP's Life Of Brian

Nooo!! Wait!! We can't stop here! This is bat country! ~ Raoul Duke (Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas)

"It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull." ~ Dr. Gonzo (Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas)

"Raoul Duke: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife.
Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead." ~ Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

There are heaps more, but I'm to lazy to write them down...

oh man, I love that movie! I haven't seen it in a while though so I wouldn't be able to think of any other quotes.

but this one's from Sum 41 "Still Waiting"

(The Sum 41 group is about to meet their record manager or something like that.)

Record Manager (sees the Sum 41 group come in and is talking on the phone to someone): Listen, I gotta go, I think I'm about to be mugged.

"I'm the lord and MASTER! YOU ALL are BASTARDS! don't look at me, or I'll stab your eyes till they bleed, I'm the lord and MASTER!" -Foamy, Neurtically Yours

"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." -hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

"A hooloovoo is a superintelligent shade of the color blue" -same as above.

Much more I can't think of right now.