Comics Characters You Just Can't Stand
 

Because I feel like hating things.

Not so much the ones you hate for, like, a particular reason, like how I hate Superboy Prime because he killed Superboy. More the ones you hate because you just find them inherently objectionable, like how I hate Superboy Prime because he was a huge douche. The guys who just for whatever reason really push your buttons.

Okay I'll start.

Deathstroke

I mean he's supposed to be DC's uber-badass Super Soldier arch-assassin... who made his rep beating up teenagers. I mean come on, this is like if I went to the local kindergarten, and started kicking five-year-olds in the gibbets, and everyone oohed and aahed over the brilliant tactical masterplanning I employed by leaning really far over right up in one of their faces and going "Boo!"

And for an assassin, honestly - who the fuck's he ever assasinated? I mean, has he even killed a Robin? Anybody who's anybody has killed a Robin.

Batman

But really only the "I'm the God-damn Batman!" Batman.

The Punisher

Like if you took all the Batman out of the "I'm the God-damn Batman!" so all you had left was the "I'm the God-damn!"

Any Comics Character Written by Mark Millar, after Mark Millar Stops Writing Them

Because everything he writes just exudes this gleaming golden sheen of "Goddamn we are magnificent bastards" and after he moves on that light just sort of goes out forever.

I'm looking at you, The Authority.

Supergirl

Pretty much every version, honestly.

Okay the animated series one, with the miniskirt. That was hot.

All the rest of 'em can go right to hell.

(Yes, Powergirl too.)



... Everybody, twist!

Fuckin' Giant Man.

Seriously, he's like every non literal term and usage of the word "Douche" multiplied by how much taller he can make himself.

And he can't even just be Giant Man, either. It's all oh this week I'm Ant Man, this week I'm the Hornet, this week I'm Captain Kung-Fu, it's like what the fuck dude, pick something and stick with it.

Ex-fucking-actly!

Oh yeah, and The Hulk.

Because, well honestly, just fuck The Hulk. I'm just really tired of the damn Hulk.

You know what I love about the Hulk? Is how he can solve every problem by, well, being the Hulk.

Like someone could be like "That villain has created a black hole that will swallow up the city! What ever shall we do!"

And the Hulk would be like, "Black Holes make Hulk Angry!" and go up and, like, punch the hell out of the black hole. And he'd just go on punching it, until he had punched the black hole into not destroying the city.

Or like some villain could shatter all the laws of reality and causality and destroy space-time itself, so that the Hulk has just completely faded out of existence. And then the Hulk would be like "Fading out of existence makes Hulk ANGRY!" And then punch his way back into existence, and then punch the laws of reality and causality and space-time back into being whole and complete and properly ordered again.

I sort of imagine that what I like about the Hulk, is exactly what people hate about the Hulk.

Not at all. That's actually the better part. I'm just REALLY REALLY tired of just about every storyline he plays into and juts how much stupid shit goes on.

"Hey! Let's make a grey hulk!" "Dude! Let's make him green again!" "OH! OH! Let's make a She-Hulk!" "LEMME TRY! Let's, like, take the gamma ray thing, and totally fuck it up so that he's ACTUALLY a failed attempt at Captain America's serum which obviously parallels how his shield's recreating made something as awesome as adamantium!" "HEY! LET'S MAKE HIM A BOUNCER FOR A BAR!" "OH! He should totally be an Avenger!" "Idea! Let's fuck up his character even more with something inexplicable!"

I love the regular, green Hulk. But christ they bastaradize the character as SIMPLE as The Goddamn Hulk so much I just feel like saying: "Fuck the Hulk!"

Ahh, you guys are talking about DC and Marvel comic strips, not webcomics.

You see, I'm one of the strange ones who actually reads (and thus knows more about) far more webcomics than "real" comic strips. The generic superhero concepts bore me; webcomics are where the originality's at.

That being said, I was going to rant about Dominic Deegan (the character, not the comic series, which actually has a surprisingly strong supporting cast.) But my comments would be rather out of place here.

No, seriously, shoot for it. Hell, I love the DD story. I'd like to see someone point out some main character flaws that'd show me a new perspective on the strip, possibly making me appreciate the supporting cast more.

Or, you know, you could totally just say, "Well, it's out of place, so I'm totally not gonna say it."

Which, come on, you're not fooling anyone here, man. =P

Hey, I mean, don't stop on my account.

I mean if anybody's got a burning need to explain why, I don't know, Torg from Sluggy Freelance is an obnoxious shitfucker, I'm not gonna be the guy to tell 'em no.

What're you, kidding me? The audience for webcomics is probably like a hundred times the audience for "real" comics. Unless it's like goddamn Manga or whatever, nobody reads comics anymore.

It's almost blasphemy to say this, but I can't stand robin. Never could. It was just to wierd, having to look at this preteen kid with no pants saying crap like "Holy rusted metal batman!"
I smile to myself every time a robin gets killed off. But then another just comes to take his freaking place.